It is Week 2 of The Cougar! Let me just take a moment to add that to the "List of Phrases I Never Thought I'd Say." Stacey managed to live through the what she calls "the wildest night" of her life. Wow. The only thing that was wild about it was her repeated exposure to about 15 strains of the mono virus. I can't wait to see Stacey's botox-ed face react to the combination of antibiotics and champagne.
The illustrious Vivica A. Fox traipses into the foyer and starts yelling for the boys to come out and play. She sounds like my mother on saturday morning when I was a kid. Very annoying, Viv! Vivica has gone into mom mode and she doesn't even have kids. This seems to be some sort of natural progression or better yet regression.
Vivica explains that the guys will have a chance to win a group or solo date if they win a challenge. The first challenge is to act as Stacey's personal trainer for 5 minutes. The guys who make the best impression, will be a part of the group date. Vivica says that the challenge starts now and no one moves. On most reality shows,the contestants scramble as soon as the challenge is mentioned. Not these dorks. They're just standing there as if they're going to simultaneously start barking orders at Stacey as she descends the stairs. Luckily, Vivica is there to move things along.
Vivica's always been great with kids. Stacey comes downstairs in her workout gear while narrating that you don't look like she does at 40 without spending some serious time at the gym. I'm assuming she's speaking her native tongue of Lying Heifer-nese and gym translates to plastic surgeon. Actually, that may be too much of a compliment. Am i wrong for not thinking Stacey looks that great? I mean she fits the petite, blond image but she's not mind blowing. Since she talked about how it's not easy to look as good as she does, it opens her up to this type of scrutiny so whatever...Sidenote: I think Vivica is a better candidate for the how. She's 44, has no kids and makes good money. She's experienced with younger guys and will cut a ho that tries to take her man. I'm setting up a petition. One of these days. I'm sleepy now.
The day's challenge starts 3 minutes into the show. They're not wasting any time this week. Colt, the musician from last week, makes Stacey do sit ups and kiss him when she reaches the top. Didn't I just see that somewhere?
Kai does whatever it is he's doing.
Stacey is so excited by all of the guys and says she feels like Eve in a garden of forbidden fruit. I know she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer but you know what Eve did right? That bitch got us all down here having periods and kids and whatnot cuz she couldn't keep her mouth shut. I could've been living in a garden, eatin fruit and ribs with a bevy of naked men around me. So basically, Stacey is the worst thing to ever happen to the world. I'm glad she said it....
"Crazy Marine" Ryan gives her a massage. That's so not a workout but he should win just for doing that. "I like girls" Travis gives her a thighmaster and says his mom used to have one. Good one Travis. Point out more similarities between the woman you're trying to date and your MOM. Every woman loves that! "Shakespeare" JD bench presses her. I've gotta admit; it's kinda sexy when a dude can lift you like that. It's also a self-esteem killer for those of us he can't lift. "Cougar Virgin" Tom keeps talking about how he's never dated an older woman. Tom, stop saying that or she'll send you home.
The twin brother that's left, Adam, says he's glad his brother Grant is gone. Stacey says she felt bad that she sent Grant home but if I'm not mistaken, Grant offered to go home first. Just because Stacey tried to folow it up with an "I was gonna send you home anyway" it doesn't make it any better. Stacey picks 5 challenge winners: Travis, Adam, Colt, Ryan, and Tom. It's only 8 minutes into the show. Is this episode half an hour? A girl can dream.
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Comments (8)
I absolutely love to hate this show.
Your recap makes it even better.
From the first episode when she told the twin "I was going to give you the cheek anyway" I had a feeling that unlike the other shows in this genre it looks like the "prize" might be edited to look like a booby prize and the folks that signed up for this may just come out looking better.
Hoping so.
TC,R
1 of 8 | Posted by Robinez | Posted on April 24, 2009 10:16 PM
i am annoyed by stacey's immobile forehead as well. i think she should just pick jon from jersey and be done with it. none of the other dudes seem anywhere near mature enough to handle her and her 4 kids. please keep recapping b/c i can't stop watching this mess now!
2 of 8 | Posted by popeyelou | Posted on April 25, 2009 2:08 PM
It's LBoogie ya'll (wiki wiki wik) - Sorry, I really miss Lauryn Hill.
You actually forced me to re-register so I could post, that's how much I'm enjoying the recaps.
Coincidentally, whilst I was reading the recap last night, a rerun of the show came on TVLand. I kept the show on mute but I left it on so I would know who u were talking about.
My favourite part was how u captured her reaction to Kai's gift presentation: "Did u steal this? Please don't kill me!" I laughed for 5 minutes straight.
Keep up the great work.
3 of 8 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on April 25, 2009 3:31 PM
I'm so glad you're enjoying them. Glad I'm not the only one who caught her facial expression on Kai's gift!
4 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:08 PM
popeyelou:
Jon is the only one (that they've featured so far) who seems mature but he did get a little nervous with that 4 kid thing. I think it might be a deal breaker. And don't worry, I'm gonna follow this sucker through to the end.
5 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:11 PM
Robinez:
Thanks for reading! Isn't this THE best waste of time on a Wednesday night? You might be onto something with your theory. I guess we'll find out soon enough....
6 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:22 PM
L Boogie, I love ur recaps. I've been a reader since first season of Laguna Beach and have been here ever since. I've read many recappers but since B-Side few have made me laugh like u and Cherrie. Yenta's Housewifes recapps are pretty awesome too. But LOL are u and Cherrie.
C'mon...the screen cap "so you could've had one less kid" That's effin awful but funny as hell!!!!!
I don't even watch this shit show but I'll continue reading.
7 of 8 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on April 26, 2009 9:42 AM
Wow, such a low budget show. It's obvious that the guys have absolutely NO interest in Stacy and are there just to get drunk and hang out. As I said before, the only winner is the twin that took himself out of the and didn't have to kiss that bo-toxic old hag!
8 of 8 | Posted by steph | Posted on April 27, 2009 6:52 PM