This week on The Cougar, Stacey says she will be separating the boys from the men. Clearly Stacey has not evaluated the group of guys she's assembled here. There's a 9:3 men to boys ratio in this group. The only way she can determine these guys' manliness is through a talent show. You can so tell this show is being run by a PTA mom. I bet the next challenge will be a square dance in the gym. Or maybe the guys will have to set up a hotline so they can give advice to teenagers. Perhaps they'll form a choir just to win a trip to Hawaii. Oh sorry, that was the third season of Saved by the Bell. This show is much more scripted.
Vivica announces that there will be two challenges this week; the aforementioned talent show and another yet to be announced. The guys who win will have a chance to go out on a date with Stacey. The guys look completely baffled as to what they are going to do for their talent.
Austin decides to make a mustache out of charcoal and I can't help but be a little weirded out by this. I hope we're not headed into Hitler or blackface impressions. He seems like the type to do something really stupid like that. The talent show starts about 20 seconds later. Austin opens the show with something even worse than I suspected. Borat.
Adam "raps." He's reppin' Wisconsin and brags that he has a one way ticket to Arizona and some of these guys just got high school diplomas. It was unbelievably stiff and corny but everything rhymed so I'll give him credit. Trevor juggles, Kai hula hoops and some other dude walks on his hands. Ryan, the wack job marine, does the obligatory Michael Jackson impression while wearing the Tom Cruise outfit from Risky Business and then he shows us what he's working with.
Johnny does a mime/magician act and then we get to David. He's decided against the dong reveal and instead has opted to go full minstrel. He makes a black and white sock that represents him and Stacey.
Officer Nick handcuffs Stacey because that's what Officer Nick does. He never misses an opportunity to let you know that he is an officer. Officer Nick. He cuffs Stacey's hand together and then says that she won't be able to get away. Evidently Officer Nick did not graduate at the top of his class as Stacey's hands are in front of her and she has full use of her legs. Then Nick performs the un-sexiest lap dance ever.
Further evidence that Stacey is the wrong chick for this show: she keeps calling Nick's butt his rear end. What is this, the 1920s? Jimmy recites Shakespeare but that only works on women when it has the words beauty and/or love in it. Jimmy's has neither. Stacey picks Austin, David, Johnny and Adam as the winners.
Stacey takes the winners to a salsa club. She clearly hasn't gotten the memo that the Latin Explosion fizzled out the year that Jennifer Lopez got engaged to Ben Affleck. Stacey takes David aside to talk and she asks what she should know about him.
Stacey is really on the defensive with this perfectly nice, handsome guy. There's an underlying tension that seems to stem from Stacey wanting to bone David but not bring him home or be seen with him in public. When Stacey talks to Austin one on one he says that family is really important as does Stacey and that's all it takes for her to kiss him. As soon as they kiss, Austin yells back to the other guys that he's got the "green light." He literally yelled this. Even a 20 year old knows that you whisper things like that or send a sneaky text. In Austin's defense, maybe he thought Stacey's old ass couldn't hear him.
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Comments (7)
"Stacey is baffled as to why the guys are great individually but act differently when around other men. This is just pitiful. Every woman learns by the 4th grade that this is what guys do."
LOL! That was my fave line of the recap. Thanks for writing about this show. I only started watching it online when I saw that you were recapping it.
1 of 7 | Posted by natpatben | Posted on May 5, 2009 11:39 AM
Thanks, it's my pleasure to suffer for your entertainment :-). I'm kinda hooked on the show but only for the purpose of observing the next ridiculous thing that Stacey's says, does or thinks.
2 of 7 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on May 5, 2009 12:09 PM
L Boogie,Great Re-cap.I am sure your Mom already knows you have friends.A chick as funny as you are must be a blast to hang out with.
I also watch to see how badly she presents herself.I disliked her the moment in the first episode when the poor guy was quitting (the one with a twin Brother)and she said "I was going to give you the cheek anyway".
Not how any decent person would act.She could have cut him some slack and at least lied to the guy.Beside's it wouldn't have really been a lie.She could have just shut her botoxed mouth allowing the guy to leave with dignity.
Then again,her dignity is already gone.I just hope she sinks lower and I am there to witness it.
Robinez
3 of 7 | Posted by Robinez | Posted on May 5, 2009 2:07 PM
Well done. (The recap, not the show).
Hi, Mom!
4 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 5, 2009 8:43 PM
Fantastic Recap! Loved it! and the line below had me laugh out loud - which was when i was covering the reception desk at work - ooops!
thank you for taking time out to make me laugh - lord knows i need it! :)
"Austin yells back to the other guys that he's got the "green light." He literally yelled this. Even a 20 year old knows that you whisper things like that or send a sneaky text. In Austin's defense, maybe he thought Stacey's old ass couldn't hear him."
5 of 7 | Posted by Rebecca1968 | Posted on May 6, 2009 10:28 AM
best recap ever! I love the comments under all the pics of the conversation with david hahaha
6 of 7 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on May 7, 2009 6:06 PM
HAHA! "Separate but equal!" That made me do a spit-take. Thanks for recapping her racism so eloquently :) heeee
7 of 7 | Posted by dearcrabby | Posted on May 8, 2009 1:33 PM