Having seen the previews and having read the show's title ("I Just Stabbed Myself"), I had slightly higher hopes for The Cut last week. I knew it was going to be a really wild show with crazy rock and rollers, drunkenness, and with a bit of luck, Crazy Jeff stabbing himself to death. Ok, "to death" is a bit harsh - but it sure reads better than "stabbing himself to critical but stable condition." Before we got to the fun stuff, though, we had to review the devastation James' dismissal caused after last Style Forum. Everyone liked James. Hell, I even liked James! The Cutters couldn't believe HALfiger-9000 had a 404 Error and sent the wrong person home. Everyone would be on their toes from this point forward, that's for sure.
The producers unveiled a new HALfiger action figure this week, resplendent in leather jacket, jeans, and tough-guy construction boots (none of which looked the slightest bit worn). This new "Rock 'N Roll HAL-figure" addressed the gang from the world famous stage of CBGB's in Manhattan's Lower East Side. This legendary club is currently going through some major financial trouble and its' future is up in the air. I'm guessing the only reason they let a tool like Rock 'N Roll HAL-figure use its space is because CBS ponied up a hundred grand or so. Rock 'N Roll HAL-figure reminisced about his exciting days of yore. Once again, it was actually a potentially very interesting story, but HALfiger still does not have emotion programmed into his circuits so it - as always - sucked.
HALfiger recounted the 70's punk rock days, dredging up references to the New York Dolls and the Sex Pistols. I particularly liked how he told the Cutters to "think about" those bands - if only we could actually see what they were thinking about at that moment: Jeff was dreaming of pubescent blond teens dressed up like dolls in New York, Princess was dreaming of a vulgar poem about sex and pistols, and Rob was thinking about painting some shirts. Honestly, did any of the Cutters have any clue about the punk scene of the late 70's? Only a few of them were even old enough at that time to have been aware, and something tells me they weren't exactly hip to it.
The challenge this week was for the teams to design a look for an unknown NYC rock band. Tommy explained that these bands had their own ideas on fashion, but they needed direction to develop a unique "branded" style. Because, you know, talent doesn't mean shit these days. Furthermore, each team would have to live with their band for a day and immerse themselves in their lives to get a clearer picture of what they needed. With that in mind, Wes and Liz picked their teams. Wes chose Deanna, Felix, Shauna, and Rob. Liz took Chris, Jeff, Jess, and Princess. Just as I finished writing that sentence it hit me again - there's still a woman named "Princess" on TV show. And it's not a cartoon. The teams had 24 hours to complete their mission at which time each band would perform at CBGB's and they'd be judged. Not for their musical chops but by their outfits alone. (Hey, Ryan Starr, this is the show you should have been on! Your tattered rags would have been all the rage!) It must be noted that 24 hours hence would be 10 o'clock. In the AM. At CBGB's. On a weekday. Man, whatta gig!
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Comments (7)
404 error. Too funny.
Scrub away the bad hair dye and get rid of the “heroin junkie chic’ clothes and the Vietnamese singer was quite the cutie.
And that “we’re sooo cool were not gonna acknowledge you” bit was the best. Its as if they are aware how uncool they are so they try to think what a cool person might do in that situation, and mimic it. Kinda like how I try to act like brad pitt to get laid (but all it got me was meningitis). And they just end up coming across as morons. “Hey guys, now that the CBS production crew is all set up and everything is lighted correctly and we had are makeup done to get ready for our 15 minutes schticking for a shitty reality show, when the contestants show up, lets act all cool and aloof and pretend as if we don’t care about this. Cuz we’re REAL man. We’re from the STREETS. And people at home will be like 'dude Unisex Salon are so badass!'." Please. You could act however you like, you signed a contract to be on a reality show. And a bad one at that. Starring Tommy Hilfiger. The rock singer from Real World Season 1 has more integrity. Reigndance baby!
And the badass image suffered even more when they went to play and the hottie asains instrument was… a Casio keyboard. I believe it was set to “ramba beat”.
I’d ALWAYS pick Princess, cuz she is “on and poppin”
Shauna’s gray teeth continue to creep me out.
Ill miss Jeff. Its refreshing to return to the classic genuinely crazy reality contestant instead of the “fake crazy for screen time” one.
1 of 7 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on July 26, 2005 6:29 AM
Aren't the Hives Swedish? This show sucks without Allie Hilfiger and her giant, knaw your johnson off horse teeth.
2 of 7 | Posted by tre | Posted on July 26, 2005 6:38 AM
"Aren't the Hives Swedish?"
Damnit. Yes, they are. God or Julie, though, are still Crap. I'm sure of that.
3 of 7 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on July 26, 2005 6:53 AM
It's dee-lightful the way Tommy says "dee-sign." That's my fave part of the show. That and Shauna's pretty teeth.
4 of 7 | Posted by camrock | Posted on July 26, 2005 8:18 AM
What about the size of Tommys upper lip? He looks like one of those wierd puppets from the Genesis video.
5 of 7 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on July 26, 2005 10:32 AM
Well, I wasn't thinking Andrew Cunanan, but great reference (Tommy only DREAMS of being Versace). I hope they had increased the security at the "style forum" and the "loft" because if I ever saw a poster-child for "going postal", it was Jeff. Seen a lot of creepy/scary/insane reality show people, but he could be at the top (anyone remember Matthew from Survivor with his knife?). And as for Rob, not meaning to be cruel, but he seems like an autistic child, who never says anything, but just paints his shirts, over and over and over.
6 of 7 | Posted by museglet | Posted on July 26, 2005 1:22 PM
Hi this is Jon from Unisex Salon. It's awesome you think my band sucks cause we agreed to get paid a shit load of money to do nothing for a day. I agree the show was completely lame, but then again, you just wrote a giant article about one of the worst reality shows of all time. www.unisexsalonband.com
7 of 7 | Posted by Jon | Posted on August 5, 2005 2:52 PM