I am Sofa King not Donald Trump
Remember when Vanilla Ice came out and publicly stated that “Ice Ice Baby” didn’t lift any samples from Queen’s “Under Pressure?” His insane insistence that his song’s hook wasn’t lifted from the operatic rockers was just so ridiculous it became kind of a joke. Well, I imagine Tommy Hilfiger pulled off the same stunt to CBS when he pitched “The Cut.” After he described “The ApprentiCut,” I can only assume the network brass said, “Great, an Apprentice clone starring Tommy Hilfiger. What will you do – mix it up by emulating other reality shows week to week and pretend that you’re doing something original?” Unfortunately for us viewers, the network brass didn’t lay on the sarcasm enough and this show actually got made. And I actually watch it.
It’s almost fun to see what show (or shows) “The Cut” will mimic week to week. It’s getting so bad (after only 3 episodes!) that I half expect the aspiring designers to be marooned on a South Pacific island where they have to sing Paul Anka songs for a salty English judge. But I digress – and I also just came up with a pretty cool episode of “AmeriCut Immunity Idol.” You read it here first, folks.
Last week Hilfiger invited a young rapper named Fabolous on to help with the “Pimp My Ride” competition. It was refreshing to hear Hilfiger finally pronounce his name correctly during the opening montage this week. It was not so refreshing to remember that this was Fabolous’ second reality show appearance. The first? Yup, he helped out Kendra at her final task on last season’s Apprentice. I almost think Trump and Hilfiger met at some polo match in Westchester County and – bored out of their minds and drunk on power, money, and Alize, made a bet that resulted in The Cut. But enough about the obvious unoriginality of the show, as there was plenty of other nonsense going on in this week’s episode.
We are finally getting to know each of the contestants and their claws have begun to come out. The show opened with some of the wonderful behind-the-back bitchiness inherent to all reality shows. The gang gathered in Harlem and were made to stand in the falling snow and suffer through another of Hilfiger’s incredibly boring stories - “Be fore I choose a theme I do a lot of re search. Stop. My re search helps me cre ate fa shion. Stop.” Laryngeal cancer victims with electronic voice boxes have more passion behind their words. Maybe I should start calling him Tommy HALfiger-9000, in homage to "2001"'s disembodied computer voice.
They were in Harlem to stand in front of the historically famous Cotton Club – legendary joint where all the jazz and swing greats played back in the day. Why? Because one team would be extremely making over the club to recapture the look of its heyday back in the 1930’s. The other team would be tasked with doing the same for the equally legendary Studio 54 downtown. Sort of interesting... if I hadn’t seen it before a hundred times on every other network!
Sideshow James and angry skater Felix picked their teams which broke down thusly: Team Studio 54 consisted of James, Chris C from the ghetto, Rob the Brooklyn brotha who never speaks, Christopher the Jared Leto clone, Julie the housewife, and Jessica the former beauty pageant winner. Team Cotton Club was Felix, Wes the effete pretty boy, Elizabeth the designer no one likes, Shauna the gray toothed snob, Deanna the alternachick, Princess the embarrassment, and picked last: Jeff the mentally unbalanced old guy.
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Comments (15)
Nice Recap. Julie and Tommy were both jerks. Julie couldn't even control herself in the cab back from the clothing store with Tommy or even in front of Halfiger. Homophobic!
LOL at the comparison of Jeff and Homer Simpson
1 of 15 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 26, 2005 6:39 PM
I was explaining this show to another designer friend over watermelon margaritas the other night and I guess somehow I made a great pitch for it because he got all excited and goes, "oh cool, i have to start watching that." Next week, I think I will bring a date to this place, order up some margaritas, and tell him that I am an insanely gorgeous supermodel with loads of money and big tits. If anyone in NYC wants to know where I found these miracle water(melon) margaritas, just let me know.
2 of 15 | Posted by jayneatomic | Posted on June 26, 2005 8:49 PM
"the great space coaster"? LOVED that show but could never remember the name of it after i reached legal drinking age. (damned dead brain cells.) it sounded so familiar when i read it, i googled and spent 5 minutes reveling in the stupidity of childhood. thanks sg-dub!
oh, and this episode of apprenticut was riddled with jaw-droppingly idiotic behavior. i can't wait for next week's.
3 of 15 | Posted by hoark | Posted on June 27, 2005 3:57 AM
Watermelon Margaritas. Thats good stuff.
4 of 15 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on June 27, 2005 6:14 AM
great space coaster with Gary Gnu!!!! loved it.. the homophobe should have been cut.. and Princess.. wow.. my jaw was literally on the floor... that was the most excruciating moment in tv history. ever.
5 of 15 | Posted by mariana | Posted on June 27, 2005 9:07 AM
I'm done with show, I just can't take anymore.
6 of 15 | Posted by GNARKILL | Posted on June 27, 2005 11:08 AM
"this is gary g-nu, with the g-news" lol...loved that. thx!
PS. apprenticut blows....
7 of 15 | Posted by shelley | Posted on June 27, 2005 11:43 AM
A friend asked me who was cut this week, and I was like, "Some guy with hair. One of the ones who looks like everyone else." Seriously, he was unremarkable. That little pretty boy is the other one who could be cut and I'd have to say "Another guy with hair was cut." I loved how Liz tried to take tons of credit AGAIN and her team bitchslapped her. She's a mess.
8 of 15 | Posted by Jess | Posted on June 27, 2005 11:55 AM
Did anyone else notice when Tommy H was talking with someone at 54, right behind tem was some fat chick dancing in a big pink dress? I couldnt stop laughing. Yeah, im sure thats what Studio 54 was all about.
they shouldve given Tommy some great coke and had Mick Jagger suck his dick. It wouldve been just like studio 54!
And we all know No gnus is good gnus, with Garry Gnu.
9 of 15 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on June 27, 2005 12:27 PM
I agree with everything you just posted mariana.
Wouldn't it be funny if they got Hillfiger drunk? Then, at the style forum, he would just remember having a good time. That team would then win.
10 of 15 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 27, 2005 12:52 PM
I think Tommy Hilfiger looks really scary, like an evil insect. The homo-Tommy is totally annoying and has no real value. Homer look a like Jeff is an complete tragedy and he has crazy serial killer eyes. Princess is a disgrace. I can't wait for her to start yammering on about 'respect'...its coming...be sure of it...
11 of 15 | Posted by KatiesHole | Posted on June 27, 2005 4:06 PM
princess is a variation on antm's yaya. an ass who thinks she's above it all. she says she's "street" and "real". but she's just ass, all the more delusional for thinking she's whatever "street" means.
can't wait to see her go down in flames. and you know there will be flames. c'mon. princess? much flamage.
12 of 15 | Posted by hoark | Posted on June 27, 2005 4:35 PM
This show is such a trainwreck!
13 of 15 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on June 28, 2005 6:53 AM
No more Hilfiger! Give us back Rich Girls! I loved that show!
14 of 15 | Posted by ali | Posted on June 29, 2005 9:41 AM
It makes me happy that so many others remember the Great Space Coaster with Gary Gnu.
That was my life.
15 of 15 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on June 29, 2005 10:28 AM