With The Cut now in its 4th different timeslot on CBS, it's becoming almost fun to see it appear in my TiVo cue. The latest move, to Friday nights, appears to be its last stop on its collision course with Reality Oblivion. I guess they could shift it to UPN Saturday nights or something... Time will tell. This week's episode did benefit from the Tiffany Network's bold move to air Veronica Mars as a lead-in. And judging from recent TVgasm posts regarding that show, perhaps more than the usual 6 of you actually watched The Cut. And if you did, you saw the hands-down best episode of the year...
The Cut has been a tragedy from the get-go; horrible host, blatantly derivative format, boring cast, confusing challenges, arbitrary judgments, etc. Normally, I'd have given up on the show long ago... But unlike the show's Felix, I'm not a quitter. Felix, you see, was responsible for the title of this week's episode: "I'm a grown-ass man and I quit." I would have pegged him for a breast man, but I'm getting ahead of myself. So before we get to the cause of our intrepid Latino skateboarder's declaration, let's explore what brought him to the brink.
As usual, the show opened with the post-eviction reaction - and this time Rob Walker from Brooklyn was decidedly not happy. He was pissed at Chris for pointing out the obvious to HALfiger - Rob sucks and has only one talent, and even that is debatable. Chris attempted to defend himself (Quite frankly, I don't remember the chain of events last week so I'm not sure who was more correct) but Rob wasn't being receptive. In fact, he issued the Reality TV fatwa, "It's on." This, despite Chris "Swear[ing] to God on [his] mother!" Where does that fall in relation to swearing on the Bible? And more importantly, why is "swearing" to anything given such respect on reality TV? If I were to ever be on one of these shows, I'd just swear upon every living and supernatural creature I can think of if it keeps me in the hunt. Do adults actually give credence to such empty oaths? Why?
After some perfunctory footage of someone arguing with Liz (this time it was Chris), we were whisked to the whimsical environs of... Cranbury, New Jersey. Candy Cane smokestacks, maple syrup thick rivers, lemony yellow skies, giant chocolate box stores... Except without the candy canes, maple, lemony, and chocolate parts. They were met there by HALfiger-9000 in his "Casual Tommy" outfit. His ginormous hair part, however, was still anything buy "casual." In a new twist, HALfiger not only told the required painfully boring story - he retold one from an earlier episode! Yes, it was the one about how a young COBOL HALfiger sold reconstructed bell-bottoms on the streets of New York. Yawwwwwn. The present day Supercomputer HALfiger giddily showed off his huge distribution center, which moves some 5 to 10 million units per month. Pretty impressive, especially when you realize his clothes suck.
The challenge would be for each team to "reconstruct" as many pieces of clothing as possible and then sell them on the streets of New York, a la young HALfiger. They could cut, paint, stress, dye, etc the shirts and pants - anything to make them unique. I immediately noted the flaw in this challenge: What constitutes a "reconstruction?" A drop of bleach on a white shirt? Cutting the tags? Removing the sleeve buttons? I then remembered that The Cut is so chock full of flaws that if I were to actually worry about them, I'd drive myself insane. And if I were to drive myself insane over The Cut, I'd be insane. And if I were insane, I'd watch The Cut every week. Um... Wait...
Anyway, teams weren't picking themselves so Felix chose Elizabeth, Shauna, and Wes for Team Yellow. Rob Walker from Brooklyn picked Princess, Chris, and Deanna to fill out Team Blue. Just to give you some insight into the inanity of these people, Wes and Deanna both own clothing shops and make reconstructed clothes for a living - exactly what this challenge entailed. And they were picked last. Meanwhile, everyone hates Elizabeth and Princess is an unstable goofball. And they were picked first. Sigh... No time to harp on this stuff, as the clock was ticking and each team had to load up trucks with all the free garments they could grab and get cracking on their reconstructing. How exciting.
« Tom Baldwin Wants Some Answers | Main | Newsgasm: Law & Order Edition »
Comments (20)
You'd think Jesus Christ himself appeared before the contestants when Russel Simmons showed up. "It is SUCH an honor sir". Yeah right, cuz Def Poetry Jam was such a defining seminal moment in the history of civilization.
Hearing Liz get dissed by all those people reminded me of when it happened to Kevan in Amish Brat Camp, or whatever that show was.
1 of 20 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on August 11, 2005 6:19 AM
Come on now destroying the brand name. Russell needs to check on ebay and see all of the Phat Pharm being sold at cut rate prices. Granted most of those are knock-offs but its still his brand name that is being sold for 90% less than store prices. And lets not forget that these clothes are made in places like India and China and cost about 87 cents to make. So at $5 they are still making a profit.
2 of 20 | Posted by tilak0219 | Posted on August 11, 2005 7:35 AM
Who caes man. I wear nothing But Sean John anyway.
3 of 20 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on August 11, 2005 7:53 AM
The two inch step on the scary pit, get in, get out, get back in, that was probably the only time I laughed at this show. Well maybe the first time he said "You are out of style, take the runway"
Glad there is a Hilton recap coming soon. I missed the episode.
4 of 20 | Posted by runswithscissors | Posted on August 11, 2005 7:55 AM
runswithscissors -
Totally. I too laughed out loud when HALfiger made Princess step in, then out, then in, then out. And her pouty face... shoulda capped that. Oh well.
5 of 20 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on August 11, 2005 8:08 AM
Family Circus! YES! HA!
6 of 20 | Posted by Jess | Posted on August 11, 2005 9:32 AM
Does anyone know when the hell this show is on again? I couldn't find it this week and it's pissing me off even though this show mostly sucks it.
7 of 20 | Posted by Tootie | Posted on August 11, 2005 9:36 AM
Anyone else see the stupid cartoon hilfiger from the plane has now become a framed artwork on the wall? That made me laugh.
I still miss Jeff.
8 of 20 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on August 11, 2005 9:45 AM
Great recap, except I absolutely love the casting. Wes is such a cutey with his hoots and hollers and facial expressions, though I think he would be too queeny for me in real life. And I love that bad boy Felix.
As for the pit, I would've made it so that each week, they added a level to the pedastal. This way, the remaining contestants continue to rise, week after week, until the fall into the pit would literally kill you.
9 of 20 | Posted by downtownlala | Posted on August 11, 2005 11:38 AM
I love this show! Love it! Of course, I am legally insane and have abysmal taste, so my endorsement may not carry much weight.
Tootie, the show next airs on Friday night at 9pm. According to Yahoo, the episode is entitled "Nothing Says New York Like Baseball and Weenies". You just know that adorable puff-lippy Wes will be featured prominently.
Speaking of Wes and Weenies, I went to the official Cut site at CBS to read his contestant profile:
"An active athlete, Wes loves adventure sports. 'Put it in front of me and I will do it,' he says."
I don't doubt it.
10 of 20 | Posted by qh | Posted on August 11, 2005 11:47 AM
I suspect Wes is into watersports. Thanks for the heads-up qh, my dvr says it ain't on tomorrow night due to preseason football...
11 of 20 | Posted by Tootie | Posted on August 11, 2005 12:04 PM
Thanks for the hilarious re-cap. I was a story producer for this episode, and I'm a reality tv whore, and I think it turned out to be quite entertaining.
12 of 20 | Posted by bgillan | Posted on August 11, 2005 12:10 PM
Rob was incredibly untalented, but at least he was a "positive" reality show stereotype (unlike Princess, who has no talent except sewing and is rude, crude, and an idiot). As for Wes...he was/is such a positive role model--imagine a gay reality show contestant who is not bitchy, queeny, conspiratorial, and who does not cry or yell--but the $5 pricing was really stupid (why not at least $10 or $20?), and I believe HALfiger 2005 will not let this insult to his magnificent "creations" go unpunished.
13 of 20 | Posted by museglet | Posted on August 11, 2005 12:28 PM
I T R I E D to watch this weeks show but couldn't find it.I guess I'll tune in next friday and see if it's (still)on (the air) then.Thank goodness for BB 6.
14 of 20 | Posted by Brian | Posted on August 11, 2005 1:11 PM
Okay, I died laughing when I saw the Brooklyn truck under the JMZ at the Marcy avenue stop. That is easily a dumber location than the lower east side.
I admit I don't know about the selling bellbottoms story, but I kind of felt like the whole selling out of the back of a truck was Tommy once again stealing an idea from someone else. To me ( and maybe I am just a loser fashionista)that is really Kenneth Cole's claim to fame.
Tommy seems to avoid telling the story of what is probably his only business plan - copying Ralph Lauren. He even started going to the same hairdresser as Ralph Lauren and one time pretended to have accidentally wandered into his design studios. THerefore, I am proposing for an upcoming episode, Tommy instructs the contestants to pick a famous 7th avenue designer, stalk them, style themselves after him/her, make up a logo and a collection copying their style and color palette. Bonus "social test" points for the contestant who manages to break into a famous designer's studio and not get arrested. The question is which contestants would pick which designers?
15 of 20 | Posted by jayneatomic | Posted on August 11, 2005 6:06 PM
i was so confused when my DVR didn't pick up this show two weeks running my only guess was that the ratings were SOOOO bad they canceled it mid season.
reading this recap was so much better than actually watching it though and took 1/4 the time. YAY!
16 of 20 | Posted by Amelia | Posted on August 11, 2005 9:26 PM
Bitches didn't air The Cut in NYC this past Friday (12 August). It was scheduled for 3am and it never aired, so a recap would be nice...I feel a little retarded asking for a recap of this show, but well, maybe I am retarded and that's ok.
17 of 20 | Posted by Tootie | Posted on August 15, 2005 2:23 PM
Hey Tootie, it was aired in NYC this past Friday, but it was on after a Jets game or some football team at about 10 pm. Sad that I know this. But then again, I wasn't waiting around til 3 am for it to air. Am I to take your post to mean that you were?
18 of 20 | Posted by jayneatomic | Posted on August 15, 2005 8:04 PM
anybody know if The Cut will air on WCBS-TV in NYC this week? The NY Jets are scheduled on Ch. 2 from 8-11 p.m.
e-mail me at aymonyfreei@yahoo.com
P.S.: My TiVo got burned too becausr iy recorded nada at 3 a.m.
19 of 20 | Posted by aymo | Posted on August 17, 2005 6:06 AM
I love how you guys are into this show! It somehow vindicates my efforts... The last two episodes (this one we're commenting on and the most recent) were actually both very entertaining.
aymo - wouldn't be surprised if CBS in NY just totally pre-empts it. Where I live they sometimes throw the regular CBS programming on UPN late-night, so you might want to check there.
All this for the freaking Cut. Cracks me up.
20 of 20 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on August 17, 2005 1:49 PM