[Doing guest coverage of The Cut is sg-dub. You can read his blog at http://weakisht.blogspot.com/.]
Let me first say that yes, I know that almost every new reality show is merely derivative of past reality shows. I’m cool with that, as long as they are well done. Even before seeing one second of Tommy Hilfiger’s new summer show on CBS, I thought it was a blatant rip-off of one of the best shows to premiere in a while – last year’s “Project Runway” on Bravo. I loved Runway; the originality of the show AND of those involved and I never knew why NBC (which owns Bravo) never gave it a shot. What I didn’t expect was how Apprenticey The Cut would be. Not only were many of the sweeping Midtown Manhattan camera shots exactly the same as we’ve seen before, but he mentioned his industry was worth “billions,” the dubbing was equally atrocious, and he feigned the same phony over-the-top disgust with the show’s hopefuls. Finally, not wanting to be outdone by The Donald’s infamous hairdo, The Tommy is rocking a hair part that has only been previously equaled by God at the Red Sea back in the day.
The show opened with Hilfiger explaining to us just how famous he is. “If you’ve ever opened any newspaper, watched TV, or looked at a magazine, you know who I am.” I sort of doubted that, so I called my dad who has certainly done all three every day of his adult life and asked him. “Hey Dad, how ‘bout that Tommy Hilfiger?”
“Who’s that, did the Eagles draft him or something?”
“No, but thanks, I’ve gotta go get back to the TV.”
“Ok son, your mom and I love – *CLICK*”
Sorry pops, it was time to meet TV’s newest batch of reality whores, and you never loved me like my TV loves me anyway. (Wow, that sounds awful upon edit.) After Tommy blabbered about his rags to riches story (unlike his daughter Allie’s own reality show, “Rich Girls,” on which she blabbered about her riches to richer riches story) we began meeting the contestants. Flamboyant gay dude, check. Neck bobbing, finger pointing black woman with attitude, check. Snobby uptown bitch, check. Latino, check. Wacky artsy woman, check. Old white guy who takes his shit waaaaaay too seriously, check. Driven career woman, check. Scruffy tough guy, check. A bunch of milquetoast average to above average looking white people, check. Former beauty queen, check. Romber, hey CBS – you forgot someone! For shame.
Tommy critiqued a few of the outfits the gang chose to wear and reminded them all about first impressions. At this point, it would be fruitless to run through all 16 fashionistas, so I’ll spare you. Tommy chose St Louis housewife and mother Julie as one of the most stylish, as well as Brooklyn artist and baby’s daddy five times over, Rob. Rob paints “art” on his clothes just like that freaky girl who loved Morrissey back in 9th grade French class did, but Tommy thinks that’s cool now, apparently.
Julie and Rob were tasked with choosing their teams based on nothing more than how each was dressed. The most notable person Julie chose was midlife crisis poster child Jeff. Yet another in the fabled history of old guys on reality shows who seem to be crack addicts. His contrived ego and absurd excitability immediately drew my ire. “God spent all day Friday and a better part of Saturday creating me and when he was done, he loved what he’d created.” Who says that crap? Picked last was Felix, who stood defiantly with his skateboard at his side. Just as I was noting how corny he is, they showed some footage of him busting a backside railslide and a switch ollie over a car hood. “Yeah,” I thought,"but does he know fashion?!”
Over on the other side, Rob first picked Chris who was fully decked out in Hilfiger gear, head to toe. Chris mentioned that he was from “the ghetto” three times in one minute. In case you were wondering how someone from Connecticut could possibly be from “the ghetto,” I can confirm that his hometown (Bridgeport) is absolutely ghetto. Trust me. Rob had the pleasure of getting the last pick overall which is always a fun reality moment. The last person picked for any team anywhere feels like crap. The last person picked on a network primetime reality show premiere? Not sure, but I’d guess uncontrollable diarrhea… with hemorrhoids. The loser this time was DeAnna from Hollywood, who looked more like a homeless transvestite in her gold lame Marilyn Monroe get up. The Cut was showing promise.
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Comments (27)
Not only did Hilfiger have a bad catch phrase; he had two! The show actually has promise compared to the apprentice but is absolute shit compared to Hell's Kitchen.
Disclamer: massive amounts of booze may have caused spelling errors in the above post.
1 of 27 | Posted by GNARKILL | Posted on June 10, 2005 12:56 AM
I think it was fun. I agree it's not as good at Hell's Kitchen but if we can't watch the apprentice, we might as well watch a good knock off.
He should have just said, "You're cut," and let that be that. I agree, dumb catch phrase.
2 of 27 | Posted by TonyB! | Posted on June 10, 2005 1:25 AM
Bridgeport in the muthafunckin hizzouse. You don't mess with the Port baby. I spent an entire afternoon at the Bridgeport Bus terminal one day. IT makes you feel good in a "watching COPS and thanking god you're not a worthless peice of white trash living in a filthy trailer park wearing a ripped t-shirt" kinda way.
3 of 27 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on June 10, 2005 6:16 AM
Oh this show was an absolute train wreck. I was amazed at how many concepts were ripped off of other shows. And the cast members are text book straight out of the "So you want to be a reality TV star" handbook. And don't even get me started on Mr. Hilfiger and his lame ass sayings. *sigh* What a shame, I actually own quite a few of his garments.
Stick to designing Tommy.. Stick with what you know.
And yes, I WILL continue watching until this show self-destructs and is cancelled. I give it a month.
4 of 27 | Posted by Nixah | Posted on June 10, 2005 6:18 AM
I'm sure my neighbors could hear me cackling away as I heard the two-pronged catchphrase. UGH! So stupid! And yet, will I keep watching the show? Oh yes, yes, I will.
5 of 27 | Posted by Jess | Posted on June 10, 2005 6:37 AM
OK it was a cheesy line, but c'mon, nothing can top Faye dunaway's "Don't call us....(pregnant pause).....we'll call you" from the Starlet.
Whatever man. It's all filler until Big Brother 6.
And wheres the Real Gilligans island recap?
6 of 27 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on June 10, 2005 8:17 AM
and the Food Network reality show, too! C'maaaaan, there are a million and one ways to make fun of Bobbie Flay and oodles of Mark Summers Double Dare jokes!
And, the show is good!
7 of 27 | Posted by Jess | Posted on June 10, 2005 8:24 AM
Exactly Jess! Mark Summers and his creepy OCD are always a delight to watch. And that Bobby Flay. Man he is just a jackass.
8 of 27 | Posted by Eddiebosox | Posted on June 10, 2005 9:10 AM
I fell off of my chair when I read that description of "The Tommy's" hairdo, or hair don't. Too funny!!!
9 of 27 | Posted by Breandan | Posted on June 10, 2005 9:18 AM
white people make me laugh. they don't know how to relate to anyone but their own kind.. i hate these shows that 'try' to 'include' the 'ethnics'.. but will i keep watching? 'you damn skippy!!'
10 of 27 | Posted by mariana | Posted on June 10, 2005 9:53 AM
I think folks should cut DeAnna a little slack (despite the mostly heinous wardrobe) because unlike several of her team members whose job seemed to be: hold the sidewalk in place with your ass, she was actually working and working a lot (or so it seemed to me - could have been editing I know). So if you've pulled a long night of rather intense, hard work and you're tired and stressed out and you come off the billboard to find that the people who sat around the whole night commenting and congratulating each other on how great they were couldn't even be bothered to pick your coat up...well I'd be pissed too. I might not totally flip out but then again... And for that one lady to say "It's too bad she had to taint all her hard work with this outburst" when I hadn't see that lady (whichever one she was) do anything of substance in the whole challenge...well it aggravated me to no end.
11 of 27 | Posted by Allie | Posted on June 10, 2005 10:02 AM
Gee, Mariana, over-generalize and stereotype much?
12 of 27 | Posted by cally | Posted on June 10, 2005 10:07 AM
I thought the show was great. I don't have cable, so I can't compare it to Project Runway *sob*, but it was still good.
13 of 27 | Posted by Lyndsay | Posted on June 10, 2005 10:28 AM
He should have said "You're unravelled" or "you have frayed my nerves! Sew Long!"
14 of 27 | Posted by Sher | Posted on June 10, 2005 10:32 AM
Sher--
*snort* that was a good one! HA!
15 of 27 | Posted by Jess | Posted on June 10, 2005 10:43 AM
The lame ass billboard that Tommy did back in the 80's compared himself to Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren and everyone was like "Tommy who??" so he became famous because he had balls.
I worked at Tommy Hilfiger for 2 years as a designer and he is not very impressive in person. He's kind of a tool who hops on every trend that flies by. He has absolutely NO TV presence.
I thought the show was lame and the contestants were so uninteresting and suprisingly untalented. The thing that made Project Runway so amazing was the real innovative talent of the contestants.
Your out of style so you have to take the runway....oh please!
16 of 27 | Posted by jackmax2 | Posted on June 10, 2005 10:51 AM
Moses parted the Red Sea, "allegedly."
17 of 27 | Posted by TACU2 | Posted on June 10, 2005 11:17 AM
Didn't Hilfiger tell the two up for elimination to get into the pit? And the pit was what, a little step down? Great recap by the way.
18 of 27 | Posted by runswithscissors | Posted on June 10, 2005 12:20 PM
TACU2 - Nah, Moses was just a 900 year old dude who could talk to flaming bushes. It was Egyptian Playa Hater God himself who parted the Sea... and then killed the entire Egyption Army regiment. And their horses too. Amen.
Exodus:
14:21 And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the Lord caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.
14:22 And the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon the dry ground: and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
14:23 And the Egyptians pursued, and went in after them to the midst of the sea, even all Pharaoh's horses, his chariots, and his horsemen.
14:24 And it came to pass, that in the morning watch the LORD looked unto the host of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of the Egyptians,
14:25 And took off their chariot wheels, that they drave them heavily: so that the Egyptians said, Let us flee from the face of Israel; for the Lord fighteth for them against the Egyptians. ...
14:28 And the waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them.
14:29 But the children of Israel walked upon dry land in the midst of the sea; and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
14:30 Thus the LORD saved Israel that day out of the hand of the Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore.
19 of 27 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on June 10, 2005 1:19 PM
I absolutely love this show. The catchphrase is definitely terrible, though. My favorites: SK8R BOI, BEAUTY QUEEN, AND BOSTON ROB(I MEAN BROOKLYN ROB). I LOVE THIS SHOW!
20 of 27 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 10, 2005 3:00 PM
I absolutely love this show. The catchphrase is definitely terrible, though. My favorites: SK8R BOI, BEAUTY QUEEN, AND BOSTON ROB(I MEAN BROOKLYN ROB). I LOVE THIS SHOW!
21 of 27 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 10, 2005 3:01 PM
By the way, Eddiebosox, I completly agree. Where are the darn Gilligan recaps?
22 of 27 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 10, 2005 3:09 PM
We burst out laughing at the "You're out of style" thing. It's just cheesy enough to catch on.
In truth, we liked the show just fine although it physically looks too much like The Apprentice. Hilfiger's segment at the end with the group was well done and the casting is almost a parody of reality-show casting.
The main joy of The Apprentice is to watch a bunch of Type A business people try and work together. I suspect that watching a bunch of Type A artist types with a *vision* try and do the same thing will approach reality show nirvana. Not a bad way to pass an hour on Thursday nights.
23 of 27 | Posted by Moanique | Posted on June 10, 2005 3:58 PM
This show, sadly, sucks.
Also, maybe jackmax2 will agree with me here, the last thing the fashion world needs is another creative director/designer making 250,000 a year who has little experience and absolutely NO IDEA what they are doing. Project Runway had tests that actually required the contestants to DESIGN CLOTHING. Why can't these reality shows start with people who are actually capable of doing the job and not just marketing themselves?
24 of 27 | Posted by jayneatomic | Posted on June 10, 2005 7:35 PM
I cant watch the show for several reasons: Tommy Hilfiger is ape-like, proof that we are direct descendants of monkeys, and hard on the eyes. Anyone responsible for creating that whining little bitch Allie deserves imprisonment. And lastly, I liked this show better the first time, when it was called The Apprentice.
But I'll read the recaps for a few good laughs!
25 of 27 | Posted by Apprentice Rejects | Posted on June 11, 2005 7:03 AM
Who are your favorites?
26 of 27 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 11, 2005 8:10 AM
"Tommy Hilfiger is ape-like"
- Oh my God. I was wondering which animal he resembled. You hit the nail on the head with that one.
27 of 27 | Posted by Nixah | Posted on June 13, 2005 9:32 AM