Felix strangles a mannequin. Artistic interpretation...
As has happened to many The Cut fans in the last few weeks, local affiliates pre-empted the show in favor of horribly bad NFL preseason games. This week, the LA office was hit by a Raiders game and the East Coast office had already deleted the show from their TiVos. As a result, we have a recap, but no screen captures. Worse, cbs.com hasn't even updated their "photo galleries" for several weeks - Even they don't care about the show anymore. So we've cobbled together some homemade drawings courtesy of B-Side in an effort to appease those of you who are illiterate and just come here for the pictures.
My last two "Cut" recaps were both ridiculously long - but that could be attributed to the fact that the last two episodes were rather compelling. Hell, dare I say that the last couple shows were even more interesting than a Beau or April HOH reign on Big Brother? Would The Cut sustain such lofty heights for 3 shows in a row? In a word - no. In four words - not even frickin close. Once again, the show succumbed to its own screwed up sense of what constitutes a good challenge - thoroughly over-thinking and unnecessarily confusing what could have been pretty interesting. Such is life with HALfiger and his gang. And such is my excuse for a (slightly) shorter recap.
As you'll recall, the dumb factor isn't the lone province of HALfiger or the producers. Last week, contestant Felix, who has perfected the "intense pouty look," suggested that he himself was the most "out of style," because he misunderstood the challenge. HALfiger, in the first instance of not copying Donald Trump, did not send Felix packing a la Bradford on the Apprentice. So we were left to watch the show's opening scenes wherein Felix intensely defended his stupidity by essentially stating that he was, well, stupid and deserved to go home. I think he's just going for the brooding artist archetype... Who happens to be a reality whore. Go Felix!
After that vignette (which ended with Wes, Princess, and Chris agreeing that Felix should - finally - go home next), I enjoyed the 11th installment of "HALfiger's Numbingly Boring Story Time." I've saved all these shows and I will be burning a DVD of his weekly recitations of each episode. Why? I plan on selling them to moms who can't find a way to put their babies to sleep. This week, we learned that a younger version of HALfiger went to Europe and, get this, supposedly begged and bought clothes off of people's backs (and presumably legs) in order to bring the fashion back to New York where he "studied" them and tried to create a new look for the States. (Because, I guess, taking a goddamn picture was out of the question?) See, once again that story (if true) is actually fascinating. Yet, once again, HALfiger's emotionless circuitry completely ruined it and made it as exciting as a farm report. For the moon.
This week, the "Artsy Tommy" HALfiger model (with jeans ripped just so) explained the convoluted challenge: Self-chosen teams of two would have to physically carry/drag/push/pull two heavy mannequins to each of the five NYC boroughs and beg/buy/barter articles of clothing from passersby with which to dress the mannequins (one male, one female) as stylishly as possible. Each team would get $200 and a seamstress and would ostensibly have to create a "look" with their mannequins - and all of this in 24 hours. I can assure you, it all played out as absurdly stupid as you'd think it would.
There was no drama in the team selection as Wes and Deanna immediately gravitated towards each other, as did Chris and Princess. That conveniently left Felix to pair up with Liz, which is fortunate because he's the only person left on earth who gets along with the mercurial biatch. The teams were given their stark white mannequins and a set of specific street corners that taxis were to take them to in each borough. Upon lifting their inhuman companions, each Cutter noted just how heavy the damn things were. "This assignment is off the chain," lamented Princess. I thought that phrase denoted a positive situation, but now Princess definitely used it as a negative. Then again, when I call a woman "Princess," it's usually with a sneer, so she just confuses me altogehter.
An old lady gives a belt away. Quite happily too, I might add.
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Comments (6)
when cbs 2 preempts prime time for crappy football, a friend turned me on to the fact that they air those shows during prime time on channel 9....you just have to think to check it and set it to record! It's cause of stupid football that i've missed the last two saturday big brother episeodes!
1 of 6 | Posted by anon | Posted on September 1, 2005 11:11 PM
Ha ha ha. This episode was indeed complete nonsense. I was watching it at my parents house and my mom says, "Why don't they just tell the taxi to take them over the Brooklyn Bridge, why do they have to walk it?" to which I answered, because this show has to NOT make any sense. Meanwhile my dad was desperately wondering why we were watching this nonsense instead of Pre-season football.
I too was pretty shocked at Deanna and Wes getting kicked off. They did seem to have more talent then the others. I sort of thought that he already knows he wants to hire Liz, so he couldn't get rid of her team and then he can't get rid of "minority" team and end up with only whities competing, but then again he blasted Liz this time. Who the hell knows - is he taking the same drug as Tom Cruise? He definitely "jumped the couch" this episode.
I LOVE the pictures. You guys should consider doing it again sometime. Next time maybe on some bar napkins or something.
Don't despair sg-dub, you have prison break now.
2 of 6 | Posted by jayneatomic | Posted on September 1, 2005 11:32 PM
LOL--please send me a copy of HALfiger's best of "Baby Put to Sleep" video. My newborn is 5 weeks old and I could use some rest!
3 of 6 | Posted by Helenann | Posted on September 2, 2005 2:20 AM
Man its too bad you couldnt get any screencaps because the image of Liz shoving her hands through piles of the most vile garbage the bronx has to offer was really nice.
If I was on that show I would just quit. that task was so freaking stupid. I wouldve called out halfinger on it too. shmuck. The space between his nose and his upper lip is so huge it makes him look like a chimp.
4 of 6 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on September 2, 2005 9:04 AM
Oh how I love the drawings in this recap...they are absolutely perfect!Although (like you) I don't even know why I am still watching this crappy show..perpaps I feel compelled to see who actually wins...But oh how I love the recaps!
5 of 6 | Posted by Jen | Posted on September 2, 2005 9:44 AM
Huh? This show is still on?
6 of 6 | Posted by hannahthehun | Posted on September 2, 2005 11:18 AM