TVgasm Recaps: Your Source for The Hills

The Hills: Something Barfy Something Blughhhh

This week on MTV, two forces of evil narcissism joined in unholy, legal matrimony, and it was LC's final (finally!) episode on this wretched show. But you know, for the season finale of The Hills, you'd think MTV could have conjured a little more drama over the course of a seemingly unending hourlong episode than Stephanie whining like a 5-year-old and two shocking guest appearances at the wedding... shocking only to anyone who doesn't read US Weekly. And if you don't read US Weekly, what the hell are you doing watching this show? Luckily, we here at TVGasm have come up with a way to spice up this week's proceedings: you are now reading O. Snapp's final recap.

Weird that this is what comes up when one Google Image Searches "NOOOOOOO!"

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Posted by O. Snapp at 3:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Hills: Feudal Blue Balls

Howdy Ho my little 'Gasmic lovebirds! This week was the second-to-last episode of the season (and second-to-last for the remaining sane character on the show, LC) and it was filled with petty tiffs between frenemies and a 30-minute will she?/won't she? concerned-look fiesta by Lauren over whether she'll attend the wedding of the century. It's okay, babies. IT'S ALMOST OVER. Welcome to "The Hills!"

"It's all about MEEEEEEE!!!!!"

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Posted by O. Snapp at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

The Hills: The Good, The Bad and The Fired

On tonight's episode of The Hills, Heidi and Spencer GET ENGAGED!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!

HOLY SHIT! Again?

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Posted by O. Snapp at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

The Hills: Kisses! Loathe Ya Laterz!!

Buenos dìas, 'Gasminos! I'm back from my vacay with a collection of odd tan lines and a regret that I missed last week's Crazy Eyes-off between Jayde and Blahdrina. But never fear - this week's episode is full of exciting drama like... really bad hair accessories and psychotically mean smiles exchanged between idiots. Join me, won't you?

STOP. IT.

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Posted by O. Snapp at 12:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

The Hills: Sharks versus Jets, Blondes versus Brunettes!

O.Snapp is on vacation this week, so please welcome your sub Hills recapper, Monamonzano!

Picture 1-278
Back to something important- ME!

This week, the ramifications of the "Boys" Hawaiian vacation erupts in monumental, melodramatic, man-coholic and often melancholic douchebaggery, Heidi and Spence keep seeing the therapist after another run-in with Stace-face, and Blahdrina gets torn a couple more assholes by some very manly playmates. See how it unfolds on another episode of....The Hills!

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Posted by Monamonzano at 5:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

The Hills: Battle of the Sexless

It was a level-4 week on The Hills, as the girls crash the Brocation, Blahdrina hypnotizes Broday by swinging her tits in front of him, and Spencer and Heidi (thankfully) spend less time talking about therapy and more time talking about something you never thought they would: virginity.

"You're getting verrrrry horny..."

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Posted by O. Snapp at 1:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

The Hills: Psycho Therapy

This week on The Hills, a lot of important groundwork was laid for later plot developments (because of tonight, we know that Lauren's gonna have to fire her dipshit new intern and Blahdrina is TOTES gonna hook up with Broday), plus Spencer and Heidi hone their old-married-couple shtick by going even further than fighting all the time and never having sex anymore: they go to couples therapy.

"Yeah, sorry, no hope."

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Posted by O. Snapp at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

The Hills: Nice 'N' Easy Girls Duke It Out

On tonight's episode of The Hills, Stephanie gives the worst interview of all time (and yes, that's counting Heidi's interview at Fit'Em), LC proves she actually DOES have the capacity to forgive (or the devilish capacity to set someone up for utter failure), and Heidi does something we never thought she'd do.

Unfortunately, it doesn't involve a makeunder.

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Posted by O. Snapp at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

The Hills: Tequila: The Magic Personality Revealer

Happy spring, my young chickies! Did you spend a long, bitterly cold winter missing the vicarious sunshine of Los Angeles, Lauren Conrad and her comrades? Neither did I. More importantly, did you miss me? Luckily, this week's double-episode season premiere featured partial makeups, partial breakups, and an inexplicable overabundance of blow-up doll impressions by our fair heroines, so there's plenty of ground to cover. Welcome to "The Hills"!

"Girl you be straight trippin!"

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Posted by O. Snapp at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (23)

The Hills: Non-Wedding Of The Century

Oh my sweet 'Gasmini, I apologize for my extreme tardiness in recapping, but Jesus was totally on my ass to go to his birthday party this year and I had to oblige. By the time I write this, two "Hills" alumni have already launched their spinoff careers and Heidi's probably looking about as fresh as three-day-old focaccia bread. So let's jump into it. On last week's season finale, Heidi and Lauren share an awkward moment, Pigpen emulates Spencer, and just about every character manages to surprise me. Except Blahdrina. Which is how she got her nickname in the first place.

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Posted by O. Snapp at 6:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)

June 4, 2009:The Hills: Something Barfy Something Blughhhh

May 27, 2009:The Hills: Feudal Blue Balls

May 20, 2009:The Hills: The Good, The Bad and The Fired

May 13, 2009:The Hills: Kisses! Loathe Ya Laterz!!

May 8, 2009:The Hills: Sharks versus Jets, Blondes versus Brunettes!

April 29, 2009:The Hills: Battle of the Sexless

April 23, 2009:The Hills: Psycho Therapy

April 15, 2009:The Hills: Nice 'N' Easy Girls Duke It Out

April 8, 2009:The Hills: Tequila: The Magic Personality Revealer

December 31, 2008:The Hills: Non-Wedding Of The Century