TVgasm Recaps: Your Source for The Hills

The Hills: New Bitch In Town

You know how on every show, the episode after a big shitstorm episode nothing really happens? Sort of a breather, a catch-up episode? I wanted to say that tonight's show was one of those... only not enough happened last week to classify it as such. Just the same level-5 drama we've come to expect. I don't know how it happened, but I actually missed Kelly Cutrone. But it's okay, still plenty of shit to make fun of. Join us, won't you, for another half hour of our heroines bobbling around in flowy dresses that don't show off their well-earned (or bought) bodies and makeup-addled faces? Welcome to The Hills, y'all!

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Posted by O. Snapp at 11:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

The Hills: Ex Marks The Spot

"OH GOD I'm already sick of being on this show."

Welcome once again to the Fake Friendship Fest! Last time on The Hills, Audrina reunited with her scruffy ne'er-do-well, Lo showed her first buds of veiled bitchiness, and Heidi continued to be her usual "focus on ME, here, people" self. Tonight, it all (sorta) comes together into one big house party of non-confrontation. Oh well. Like LC herself, it's all kinda boring, but still pretty to look at.

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Posted by O. Snapp at 11:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

The Hills: Here Comes Trouble, And It's Wearing A Stupid Hat

Somewhere, Lorenzo Lamas is turning in his fashion grave.

Tonight's episode of "The Hills" taught us that everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes, another one opens. Or, wait, no... actually, everything happens because your life is controlled by a television team and when one door closes, all other doors will surely slam shut around you. Unless the slamming door is Blahdrina, in which case it will be left ajar.

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Posted by O. Snapp at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

The Hills: Going To The Same Bar Doesn't Count As "Space"

"Riveting story, Stephanie. Do tell it again."

First of all, I'd like to say thank GOD this week we returned to the normally (blessedly) short half-hour episode. Much as I adore this show and all its brainless melodrama, a whole hour of it was starting to make my head feel all smushy. As of press time I can barely remember who was the 13th president of the United States. Let's end this madness now! (or in 30 minutes!) Welcome to The Hills, bitches!

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Posted by O. Snapp at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

The Hills: Warning: Watch Only If Totally Stoned

"Sigh, I wish they would cast me some REAL friends."

Do you remember in seventh grade, when all the girls and all the boys started noticing each other, and people would kiss (or... you know... whatever) while playing "Seven Minutes In Heaven" at a party and by Monday morning everybody knew everything? Like one giant game of Telephone, in this week's double episode of "The Hills," only about two things happened and the rest was everyone telling everybody everything.

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Posted by O. Snapp at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)

May 7, 2008:The Hills: New Bitch In Town

April 30, 2008:The Hills: Ex Marks The Spot

April 23, 2008:The Hills: Here Comes Trouble, And It's Wearing A Stupid Hat

April 16, 2008:The Hills: Going To The Same Bar Doesn't Count As "Space"

April 9, 2008:The Hills: Warning: Watch Only If Totally Stoned

April 3, 2008:The Hills: A Wolf In Leelee Sobieski's Clothing

:The Hills: At Least We're Single!

March 26, 2008:The Hills: Les Collines

February 5, 2008:Good Lord, Heidi, Really?

December 11, 2007:The Hills: I CAN'T GET NO SATISFACTION