"Note to self: destroy guidance counselor."
Tonight brought us a special bonus dose of our bevy of beauties. We open at FIDM, where - wait, what? LC's still in school?! She hasn't been there in at least two seasons! I call bullshit. Sure enough, the teacher reads the roster in a heavy Bahstin accent and who shows up late to her first day but... wait for it... I'm sure you've seen the previews but wait for it...
"Wait, I'M in school now?!"
Who knew that she was a fashion student as well? What a small, contrived world we live in!
After opening credits we join Ms. Whitney in bright, shiny New York City, where she's all ready to rock her new job and take over the styling world! She enters the NYC headquarters of People's Revolution (henceforth to be known as PR, since that's really what it is) and looks unable to contain her excitement, wearing that trying-not-to-smile smile. Stefanie, a pallid young lady with dark circles beneath her eyes, wearily tells her to take a seat. This should be your first clue that this will be the job from hell.
"Yeah, I sold my blush to the devil too."
"Fuck! This Scrabble game is killing me!"
Kelly Cutrone is already yelling at poor Stefanie, barking orders at her in the background as Whitney's eyes widen. "Where's Whitney? Is she here yet? What is she doing, just standing around?" Cutrone snaps. Whoa. She makes Lisa Love look like... well, Whitney. She explains that she's reallyreallybusy and she needs to make this fast. Too bad Whitney speaks like a kindergartener reading aloud. She tosses the PR Bible at Whit but says there's no time to learn it! Never any time! I expect her to break out into a Jessie Spano-inspired tearful rendition of "I'm So Excited" at any moment. Instead, she informs our Blondie that everyone wears black. This is the death of your social life, Whitney, and every day is the funeral. And now we all have less color to look forward to in the show. Kelly Cutthroat inquires about Whitney's commitment. "Whatever it takes, of cour-" Kelly cuts her off and whisks her away to meet the designers she'll be working with.
"Shit, I gotta go shopping."
The Sass & Bide chicks are chillin' in a room filled with racks of clothing. One of them, named Heidi, is clad in a large white shirt that looks like a giant goose sneezed on her. Let's see here... Stefanie and Heidi? I'm sending the writers of this show a baby-name book for Christmas. If you're gonna invent characters for us, at least give them different names. I hope, for this recapper's sake, that Stephanie, Stefanie, Heidi and Heidi never appear in the same scene at the same time. The universe just might implode.
Back in an L.A. design class full of extras, the professor is yammering on about computers while the girls text message and restructure their hair. At a café, presumably on the same day, Heidi is raving about her newfound closet space. Glad to see she's gotten over that whole heartbreak thing. She receives a text from Stephanie. "Ohhhh... myGod," she says to Kimberly, who's making come-hither straw sucks toward a guy at an adjacent table. They're both dumbfounded by the news, either of Stephanie and LC's shared class or that Stephanie is in school at all. Heidi instructs Stephanie to go say hi (and perhaps give Lauren a nice big bitch-slap for her). Back in class, Stephanie puts on her best "tortured" face and switches roles with LC, playing with her choppy bangs while LC texts Blahdrina the same message. Teachers of America, rejoice. This is the fruit of your toils.
OMG, did u no Stph Pratts in schll? OMG ok ttyl lol!
Stop the presses. Exactly HOW did a good song make it onto this show??
In New York, models for Sass & Bide are trying on silly metallic couture while the blonde quartet of designers and Whitney convene and discuss.
"Who else here hates redheads?"
They seem to be worried about the level of tightitude on the leather (yes, leather) pants on the model. Really? They're worried about revealing clothes? Come on, this is fashion, dahlings! The tight-asser the better.
What they should really be worried about is that headband.
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Comments (14)
Jessie Spano....hilarious. I thought I was the only one who remebered that "very special episode" of Saved By the Bell.
1 of 14 | Posted by BlueAspic | Posted on April 3, 2008 11:40 PM
Great recap.
I have almost lost all respect for Lauren. No, Lauren, its not okay to be friends with Stephanie, and despise Heidi like she killed your mother. It very hypocritical. But I must remember that this show is very manufactured, and hope that Lauren would not make these decisions in real life.
2 of 14 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on April 4, 2008 5:48 AM
it's hard to believe that my favorite part of this episode was whitneys scenes, but they were the only things even slightly believeable on the entire show.
3 of 14 | Posted by cocomomo | Posted on April 4, 2008 7:01 AM
I seriously cannot stop laughing. BEST. RECAP. EVER. The Jessie Spano comment was brilliant...flying toasters...oh god, still laughing. Stephanie is the type of girl that conforms to whoever she is hanging out with at that moment. Reminds me of someone I used to know...
4 of 14 | Posted by poonanny | Posted on April 4, 2008 8:46 AM
I love that they finally cast a villain we can all get behind.
When are we going to meet Spencer's parents? Now that is something I want to see.
Loved the recap, especially the screencaps.
5 of 14 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on April 4, 2008 8:53 AM
could this show be any more staged?
i mean, stephanie "coincidentally" is in lauren's class. and sitting one person away from her, no less.
first of all, how old is stephanie?
isn't she spencer's older sister?
what is she doing in school still?
and also, i thought lauren dropped out to focus on her fashion career or something. or at least she should have already graduated.
6 of 14 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on April 4, 2008 10:03 AM
I guess nobody from "Top Chef" would be needed.
lol
7 of 14 | Posted by sweetleaf | Posted on April 4, 2008 10:30 AM
Jessie Spano - LOVE IT
8 of 14 | Posted by Mrs.Green | Posted on April 4, 2008 12:49 PM
hollabackboy -- lauren should be graduating in may. she graduated from high school in 04 so if she's getting her degree in 4 years she should be done in a few weeks.
GREAT RECAP
9 of 14 | Posted by setaroa | Posted on April 4, 2008 1:39 PM
Staged-smaged...and yet I still watch it! It adds to the enjoyment of making fun of the show.
I'm pretty sure Stephanie Pratt the younger sister to Spencer.
10 of 14 | Posted by beth26 | Posted on April 4, 2008 7:04 PM
^ Yes, except that FIDM offers associate degrees which should be done in 2 years, although Lauren might have wanted to continue and get an advanced study degree to specialize in her area of study. I'm not sure if she did either a semester or a year in San Francisco though, but she's probably not taking a full course load and that's why it's taking her a bit longer.
11 of 14 | Posted by california girrl | Posted on April 4, 2008 7:19 PM
that stefanie girl who is the assistant to Kelly Cutrone was actually on an episode of 'True Life' It was about people who were working during fashion week. And it was actually the same show that Whitney was helping out at, but I didn't see Whitney's face around =(
yeah, i think i watch too much MTV =|
12 of 14 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on April 7, 2008 4:54 PM
@MrsBojangles:
I don't agree that it's hypocritical of LC to be friends with Stephanie (though I don't think it's smart). Stephanie's only crime is by association. She can't help that she's the sibling of Satan and if she chooses not to let her brother's enemies be her enemies, there's nothing wrong with that. If LC chooses to judge Stephanie on her own merits rather than dismiss her as the devil just because of her brother, that's cool too. Heidi on the other hand was a friend that betrayed her. That knife in the back Heidi stuck in her when she knowingly allowed Spencer to spread rumors (most likely based on info she gave him) is unforgiveable. Now if Stephanie was the one writing all that garbage about LC in the blogs, LC should kick her in her brass balls.
13 of 14 | Posted by the_baddest_bitch | Posted on April 8, 2008 4:05 PM
Heidi claims she was Audrina's friend first? The first season didn't Spencer hit on Audrina and Heidi wouldn't have anything to do with her?
14 of 14 | Posted by Slowly losing interest | Posted on April 13, 2008 10:07 AM