Testimonials

Anyway, Brody arrives and all is peaceful at the table, which clearly displeases Ms. Pratt. She eggs Cameron on to get him to talk to Brody, but why can't she just let things lie? She's just proving Brody's "crazy bitch" hypothesis. Brody, meanwhile, is interrupting LC's "kewwwt" tangent by observing that he thought it looked like Angry Birthmark had something to say to him, but oh well nevermind. Looks like he chickened out. I guess this means Camewrong was out-cuted by the effervescent adorability of one Brody Jenner. Better luck next time, kiddo.

"My boyfriend's a pussy. Guess it's back to the drawing board."

Across town, Chiara is babysitting Blahdrina at a recording session with Moesha! If this were fifteen years ago I would totally care!

Did NOT drive to this session.

While she's melisma-ing her way through a generic pop ballad, Blahdrina whines to Chiara about how nice Blahstralia is, but that her heart's just not in it. Chiara fights to not roll her eyes, and she's probably thinking the same thing we all are: Maybe it's because he's not making you feel like a dollop of shit and then sprinkling sugar on you every once in awhile to smell sweeter. (an elegant metaphor, I know.) I could see how that would get boring.

Just then, Pigpen texts Blah to let her know he's outside and wants to talk. "Interesting..." Chiara sighs, and if by "interesting" she means "rude and annoying and a very bad idea," I totally agree with her. Chiara attempts to sear a thought into Blahdrina's tiny pea brain by staring holes into her skull, but to no avail. Blahdrina leaves the session to go kick it with Home(less)boy on his Hog outside.

I guess Claire's was having a sale on glitter helmets?

Okay, so it's one of "those talks," so I'm just gonna break it down for you. Pig says that he's "been thinking." (That's a good first step!) He says that, in Cabo, he "didn't wanna be That Guy" (although I'm preeeeetty sure he did, since he told her he wanted to be That Guy the week before in the pool o' STDs). Blahdrina, Queen of the Bad Poker Face, tells him that she is trying to like another guy but she still likes "someone else" (what is this, second grade?). Pig says that they have "something special." I press pause and go vomit for a sec. I return and Pig theorizes that, in his opinion, "to be in a relationship, you kinda have to be, like, together." Egad, wherever does he get these wild ideas?! Here is where I'm pulling for Blahdrina to at least fake having a backbone for two seconds and LAY DOWN THE LAW. He wants you! Just tell him what you are and aren't willing to accept! Jesus! Just do it! He says that "90%" of his time with her is good, that when he thinks of her "it's almost always good" and that he'll "pretty much" always be there for her. I do not use quotation marks lightly. Evidently this pseudo-declaration of maybe-like-like is enough to sate Blahdrina, who runs into his arms. They are back together. I hate this show.

"Let's go get some nachos and celebrate."

At Epic the next day, Chiara suffers through hearing Blah justify her renewed relationship because he "said all the right things." Like what? "I kinda like you?" Damn, girl is easy to please. I'm surprised she didn't fall for Spencer all those many seasons ago. Chiara, who must be bursting with frustration (is it safe to say she represents us all? At least when her hair is combed?), slowly but firmly tells Blahdrina all of the logical things we've been saying all along - he only wants what he can't have, he wants you wrapped around his finger, he's totally disgusting. Okay, so maybe she didn't say that last one out loud, but you know she was thinking it every time she bites her lower lip - which is about every eight seconds.

She even raises her voice a few times to Blahdrina, urging her not to make the same mistake she keeps fucking. Blahdrina is not pleased.

*sigh* "What-EVER, Mother."

Some other day, Steph waits for the Aryan lovers at a restaurant, but does NOT order food. Good manners, dear.

Note to Steph: Save the muumuu for when you're pregnant with Brody's baby.

The Lovers arrive and are unusually peppy this morning for brunch. Either they're dipping into the dimebag a little early or somebody got some morning sex! Either way, I'm shuddering and moving on to the next mental image.

"A fresh spray-tan, highlights and facial pubes, oh my!"

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Posted in The Hills by O. Snapp at 7:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: dani2526 on Oct 31, 2008 06:42 PM.