In Hawaii, the girls are chillin' in their hotel room, which, incidentally, looks exactly like all of their apartments in L.A. They debate whether the boys are mad at them for coming (they are) and once they've decided they couldn't possibly be mad because they're all going out to dinner, Stephanie says, "Mmmkay. Who has hair stuff for me?"
Girl, there's not enough pomade or hairspray or curlers in the WORLD...
Blahdrina must. She's primping in the bathroom, and from the looks of it, getting ready to shoot a cheesy '80s detective show.
Hooker, P.I.
A little overdone for an island dinner, no? She and Steph whisper in the bathroom about Blah's attraction to Broday, and Blah calls out to Lo and Lau that they'll be ready in two minutes. Girl time two minutes equals real time twenty minutes. Steph insists Blah's gonna hook up with Bro. Blah insists she won't. "Because of Jayde?" Steph asks. Blah says no. If it isn't a set of basic morals that's her holding back, what is it?!
Steph asks why she never hooked up with him before, to which Blah answers, "I was with Pigpen!" And that little thing called LAUREN, your BEST FRIEND! Is it just me, or isn't there an unspoken (or totally spoken, bad rom-com movies made about, wars fought over) rule that no one, of any gender, should EVER hook up with their best friend's ex? Steph pitches the genius idea that Blah hook up with Brody as a way to get Pigpen back. Ugh, this has disaster written all over it.
Never take advice from a Crazy Eyes.
Meanwhile (maybe), Spencer and Colby are about to throw punches at the gym. Hopefully, since this is a "safe" environment and there's no alcohol involved, Spencer will be able to keep that crazed look out of his eyes while he breaks into fisticuffs. He gives Colby the third degree about what it's like to maintain his virginity, and Colby calmly replies that it's corny to say, but he gets through it with a lot of prayer and "time with the Lord" (that's code for a sock and some lotion). I'm no fan of religion, but I have to note that Colby and Ashley are the sanest people who've ever been on this show. For someone with a 22-year supply of semen coursing through his body, Colby speaks with a chill attitude and focused mind, the likes of which I don't think we've seen in five seasons.
"Namaste, dude!"
Spencer notes that if an earthquake were to hit, Colby and Ashley would DIE VIRGINS. Gasp, noooooooooooooo! That actually is a pretty frightening thought, but Colby doesn't seem too worried about it. Or anything. He tells Spencer it'd be worth it in the end. "Do you get to have sex in heaven?" Spencer asks. "Well.... everything is perfect in heaven..." answers Colby, who clearly does not know the answer to this question. "Aw, then there's TOTALLY sex in heaven," Spencer sighs, relieved. "Are there a lot of you out there?" he asks, as though Virgin is a foreign country not listed on his wall map. Ahaha, what am I saying? Spencer doesn't own a map. As Spencer continues to grill Colby, the Nice Christian Boy suggests Spencer come to Bible study to ask questions, and get off his goddamn back about it! (okay, so that last part may have been merely "implied.")
Back on the ruined vacation, LC proposes a toast to the "best boys' trip EVAR!" Yay, you hate us! While Brodrina flirt by cell phone light, Frankie is across the table slurring with Stephanie. Ha ha, Slurring With Stephanie - sounds like a really bad educational show on PBS.
Episode 1: Knowing Your Limits
Brodrina are giggling and touching each other's forearms when someone calls out, "Get a room!" Blahdrina openly confesses, "I've always had a little crush." And there's the name of the episode. Broday drunkenly raises his eyebrows, denying responsibility, while everyone at the table looks uncomfortable and Blahdrina cries repeatedly, "I'm not gonna lie!" Nobody asked you to lie. We also never asked you which dude with a Playmate girlfriend you wanna bone.
Meanwhile...
Fun With Christianity!
Yep, it's Bible study night at the Aryan compound, and Colby has found the verse which dictates that one should not have sex before marriage. Then again, that book was written before The Pill... and condoms... so who knows what God would say nowadays?
"Go forth and fuck. Safely."
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Comments (12)
Awesome recap. Who would have thought that Brody and Audrina's hookup would be less interesting than the Bible thumping kids from Colo?
When you compare Speidi with the "Donny & Marie" of couples, they look even sleezier. I didn't think that was possible.
I hope that Speidi never reproduces, imagine how they would screw up a kid.
1 of 12 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on April 29, 2009 4:57 AM
How sad for Heidi's mom to see her lovely Christian daughter end up with the spawn of Satan. So sad.
Didn't we already know Blah was a whore? Did we really need to see it played out in an episode? The hookup was so stupid! What purpose did it serve? Justin Bobby WILL NOT BE JEALOUS. And she is SUCH a hypocrite hooking up with Brody OF ALL PEOPLE! We all know LC is still on a string for him, boyfriend or not. Horrible. No wonder LC wants off this show. A bunch of treacherous losers.
And in case anybody cares, the definition of fornication is "consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other." Seems pretty clear to me. And what if Colby and whatever her name was die virgins? If they've lived a happy life with no regrets, isn't that the best way to die? There are plenty of people who are non-virgins who defintely have regrets. And many times, it's the morning after. ;) Ha!
2 of 12 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:45 AM
"fornification" I wanted to throw soemthing at the tv when she said that. Pure, but an airhead nonetheless.
I can't believe B&A hooked up. On national television, no less. Poor LC, Brody's like the new Stephen Colletti.
3 of 12 | Posted by pecosa | Posted on April 29, 2009 8:33 AM
My "The Hills" mantra:
"THESE ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE! THESE ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE!"
Unfortunately, this mantra does not protect me from the horror of the Real Hausenfrau of Noo Yawk Sitty, who, I suspect, are not very far off from being exactly as they're portrayed.
4 of 12 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on April 29, 2009 8:42 AM
Why is it that Whitney can kiss Brody in Vegas and Audrina can sleep with him in Hawaii, but when Jen Bunney hooked up with him on her birthday she was banished from Lauren's pristine circle forever? Her double standards are rather perplexing.
5 of 12 | Posted by User Name | Posted on April 29, 2009 9:07 AM
So, I just wanted to add that I think when Whitney kissed Brody it was Brody initiated and she def wasn't feeling it. Also, I might be wrong but didn't that happen before Whit even knew Lauren? With Audrina, 1. This storyline is supposedly fake and 2. she's been dating another dude off camera for some time now. I think with Jen Bunney, Lauren had only recently stopped hooking up with Brody and Heidi played a large part in orchestrating the whole thing.
Ok, that's all.
6 of 12 | Posted by Chickadee2586 | Posted on April 29, 2009 12:05 PM
And of course Broday couldn't not bump nasties w/ 'Drina, he vowed to commit fornification with all (lady)Hills cast membersthe first season!
7 of 12 | Posted by Sweetleaf911 | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:11 PM
Oh, a great recap as always! I nearly spit orange soda all over the keyboard...
This show is just like 90210 the older much better series. Everyone sleeps with everyone and everyone hates everyone while pretending to like everyone. Whoa.
I can't believe that Spencer and Heidi are legally married now.. and not just that but in Mexico? really? Not a great idea...
I feel sad for Lauren because you can tell she has no desire to really be on t.v. anymore... and well I am sure she is a much more exciting person without the cameras in her face. She just wants her privacy and I don't blame the girl.
Audrina would be a much better choice for brody if she hadn't been shot up full of justin bobby juice. The looks of that Jade chick alone make me shiver...
8 of 12 | Posted by whit-ster | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:40 PM
God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tommorow. His word is clear. But, as humans, our flesh is weak and we are going to fail over and over. God's Mercy and Grace are sufficent.
9 of 12 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:43 PM
IT SEEMS LAUREN AS CHECKED OUT OF THIS SHOW, SHE JUST HAD THAT I DON'T CARE LOOK. REMEMBER WHEN AUDRINA WAS LAUREN'S QUIET LITTLE SIDE KICK, WELL, I GUESS NOW SHE THINKS SHE IS A STAR :ROLL EYES: AND WHILE BRODY MIGHT BE CUTE HE IS DIGUSTING, IS FEELING OF ENTITLEMENT IS NAUSEATING
10 of 12 | Posted by nflow | Posted on April 30, 2009 12:53 AM
Deadrina.. I mean Blahdrina posted a blog on her myspace saying the show is so editted and that she would never hook up with a friend's ex and then she was probably made to delete it. Yes, it's FAKE FAKE FAKE. Jayde was also with the Brodester at Speidi's wedding and I don't think a playmate would forgive an average for cheating on her.
I think Jayde is hotter than Blahdrina anyways. I'd take her face over Blahdrina's thin lips and staring at the ceiling all the time.
11 of 12 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on April 30, 2009 11:09 AM
One of our local radio stations had Speidi on talking about their wedding. Both claim to not watch the show at all (yeah right). When the DJ mentioned the Brody/Audrina hook up in Monday's episode, Spencer quipped that Brody was probably at the free clinic now. So funny! So I guess even Spencer knows how skanky Audrina is - even though he was dating her in Season 1 and used her to make Heidi jealous. Spencer also said that he constantly pours over the internet reading every single comment about him, good or bad, just to change himself/his looks to suit everyone. He's a bit over the top. If that were true, he would have gotten rid of that flesh colored beard long ago! I bet he LOVES The Soup! :)
12 of 12 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on May 1, 2009 6:58 AM