Spencer asks them to read it aloud and Ashley says with an air of superiority, "In the Bible it's called fornification." Ummm I'm pretty sure that's wrong. Just because you're better than me doesn't mean you know big words. Colby gently corrects her and reads a passage about the marriage bed being pure, which Spencer quickly rebuts by interpreting the meaning of pure as "having clean sheets." Even I find it laughable to think that, in a book that's gone to such great lengths to dictate human morality, the disciples also added an edict concerning domestic hygiene.
How is that Bible not bursting into flames??
After taking a texting break during Colby's next reading, Spencer announces that he still doesn't believe there's anything in the Bible that explicitly prohibits premarital sex. That's because the Bible doesn't explicitly say anything, it's a collection of literary metaphors and allegories. Apropos of nothing, Ashley giggles that it sure would be nice "if everyone just loved each other!" Okay, Pleasantville, that's enough outta you.
"Okay, so she's not the brightest candle in the rectory. But she IS pure."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Eating sandwiches bigger than your face, pounding beers and chewing with your mouth open????
Seems like a mancation to me.
Glad the girls didn't spoil ALL their fun. Broday stares at Blahdrina from across the lawn, dangling his beer bottle in front of his open mouth like a phallus. The gang makes jokes about getting lei'd until Blahdrina excuses herself to go... wait for Brody to come after her. The boys berate Broday for not plucking that red apple (what a delicate metaphor) until Bro defensively maintains that although Blahdrina's a cool girl, he's attracted to his (much hotter) girlfriend.
Good to see Steph's wardrobe has only gotten better through the evening.
As everyone else leaves the boys' suite, Bro finds Blah in his bedroom, on the phone with Pigpen. Phone sex threesome? She quickly hangs up and Broday tells her in the same defensive tone that he used with the boys that although he was happy (albeit shocked) to see the girls on this trip, he doesn't want things to be awkward between them. He starts to tell her she's very sweet and a good friend. She nods sharply, as this sentence is clearly leading into the inevitable "but we're JUST friends" declaration.
Right?
Orrrrrrrr he could finish the sentence by suggesting that some night (like, say, that night) if they're out and drunk and no one's around, then... "feelings are feelings." Huh? What the fuck does THAT mean? You can't define a word with itself, silly. We know what feelings are, the question is, will you poke those feelings with your penis?
We find out the next morning, as the ladies convene to discuss their sleep patterns in the living room. Lo announces that Blahdrina slept "at the Brodester's." "She slept in his room?" Lauren asks. No, she slept in his heart. They wake Stephanie up for the noblest reason of all - to gossip. Side note - all three girls look way better with little or no makeup.
Though Steph could use a shave.
Broday emerges from his slumber to greet the boyz with a shout of satisfaction and a big ole grin on his smug mug. Sleazy-Todd is around to drop some wisdom along with fellow homeboy sage Frankie Delgado. Personally, I wouldn't take advice from anyone with the word "sleazy" in his name or who sounds like a mobster's bastard son with a stripper, but I'm no Prince of Malibu.
Anybody else think Frankie is a homoboy?
Ladies and gents, the speculation can end: Broday admits to having cheated on his girlfriend. You know, the more I know about these people, the less I want to know about their sex lives. Seriously, do YOU want to picture Broday grabbing onto Blahdrina's plastic funbags while she makes her patented porno face and fakes an orgasm? I don't either.
Broday isn't planning on telling Lady Jayde about this, ahem, indiscretion, nor, apparently, is he planning on her or any of her friends ever watching the show. AND he insists that Blahdrina would never tell the other girls that something happened, which is just downright delusional. I mean, he just told all of his friends, and they're more girly than most of the chicks on this show. Frankie backs me up and says, "Yes, she will. Girls are evil."
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Comments (12)
Awesome recap. Who would have thought that Brody and Audrina's hookup would be less interesting than the Bible thumping kids from Colo?
When you compare Speidi with the "Donny & Marie" of couples, they look even sleezier. I didn't think that was possible.
I hope that Speidi never reproduces, imagine how they would screw up a kid.
1 of 12 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on April 29, 2009 4:57 AM
How sad for Heidi's mom to see her lovely Christian daughter end up with the spawn of Satan. So sad.
Didn't we already know Blah was a whore? Did we really need to see it played out in an episode? The hookup was so stupid! What purpose did it serve? Justin Bobby WILL NOT BE JEALOUS. And she is SUCH a hypocrite hooking up with Brody OF ALL PEOPLE! We all know LC is still on a string for him, boyfriend or not. Horrible. No wonder LC wants off this show. A bunch of treacherous losers.
And in case anybody cares, the definition of fornication is "consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other." Seems pretty clear to me. And what if Colby and whatever her name was die virgins? If they've lived a happy life with no regrets, isn't that the best way to die? There are plenty of people who are non-virgins who defintely have regrets. And many times, it's the morning after. ;) Ha!
2 of 12 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:45 AM
"fornification" I wanted to throw soemthing at the tv when she said that. Pure, but an airhead nonetheless.
I can't believe B&A hooked up. On national television, no less. Poor LC, Brody's like the new Stephen Colletti.
3 of 12 | Posted by pecosa | Posted on April 29, 2009 8:33 AM
My "The Hills" mantra:
"THESE ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE! THESE ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE!"
Unfortunately, this mantra does not protect me from the horror of the Real Hausenfrau of Noo Yawk Sitty, who, I suspect, are not very far off from being exactly as they're portrayed.
4 of 12 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on April 29, 2009 8:42 AM
Why is it that Whitney can kiss Brody in Vegas and Audrina can sleep with him in Hawaii, but when Jen Bunney hooked up with him on her birthday she was banished from Lauren's pristine circle forever? Her double standards are rather perplexing.
5 of 12 | Posted by User Name | Posted on April 29, 2009 9:07 AM
So, I just wanted to add that I think when Whitney kissed Brody it was Brody initiated and she def wasn't feeling it. Also, I might be wrong but didn't that happen before Whit even knew Lauren? With Audrina, 1. This storyline is supposedly fake and 2. she's been dating another dude off camera for some time now. I think with Jen Bunney, Lauren had only recently stopped hooking up with Brody and Heidi played a large part in orchestrating the whole thing.
Ok, that's all.
6 of 12 | Posted by Chickadee2586 | Posted on April 29, 2009 12:05 PM
And of course Broday couldn't not bump nasties w/ 'Drina, he vowed to commit fornification with all (lady)Hills cast membersthe first season!
7 of 12 | Posted by Sweetleaf911 | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:11 PM
Oh, a great recap as always! I nearly spit orange soda all over the keyboard...
This show is just like 90210 the older much better series. Everyone sleeps with everyone and everyone hates everyone while pretending to like everyone. Whoa.
I can't believe that Spencer and Heidi are legally married now.. and not just that but in Mexico? really? Not a great idea...
I feel sad for Lauren because you can tell she has no desire to really be on t.v. anymore... and well I am sure she is a much more exciting person without the cameras in her face. She just wants her privacy and I don't blame the girl.
Audrina would be a much better choice for brody if she hadn't been shot up full of justin bobby juice. The looks of that Jade chick alone make me shiver...
8 of 12 | Posted by whit-ster | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:40 PM
God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tommorow. His word is clear. But, as humans, our flesh is weak and we are going to fail over and over. God's Mercy and Grace are sufficent.
9 of 12 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on April 29, 2009 6:43 PM
IT SEEMS LAUREN AS CHECKED OUT OF THIS SHOW, SHE JUST HAD THAT I DON'T CARE LOOK. REMEMBER WHEN AUDRINA WAS LAUREN'S QUIET LITTLE SIDE KICK, WELL, I GUESS NOW SHE THINKS SHE IS A STAR :ROLL EYES: AND WHILE BRODY MIGHT BE CUTE HE IS DIGUSTING, IS FEELING OF ENTITLEMENT IS NAUSEATING
10 of 12 | Posted by nflow | Posted on April 30, 2009 12:53 AM
Deadrina.. I mean Blahdrina posted a blog on her myspace saying the show is so editted and that she would never hook up with a friend's ex and then she was probably made to delete it. Yes, it's FAKE FAKE FAKE. Jayde was also with the Brodester at Speidi's wedding and I don't think a playmate would forgive an average for cheating on her.
I think Jayde is hotter than Blahdrina anyways. I'd take her face over Blahdrina's thin lips and staring at the ceiling all the time.
11 of 12 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on April 30, 2009 11:09 AM
One of our local radio stations had Speidi on talking about their wedding. Both claim to not watch the show at all (yeah right). When the DJ mentioned the Brody/Audrina hook up in Monday's episode, Spencer quipped that Brody was probably at the free clinic now. So funny! So I guess even Spencer knows how skanky Audrina is - even though he was dating her in Season 1 and used her to make Heidi jealous. Spencer also said that he constantly pours over the internet reading every single comment about him, good or bad, just to change himself/his looks to suit everyone. He's a bit over the top. If that were true, he would have gotten rid of that flesh colored beard long ago! I bet he LOVES The Soup! :)
12 of 12 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on May 1, 2009 6:58 AM