Tonight on The Hills, the whole crew (or at least those who matter) go to Cabo-Wabo to live in a state of constant inebriation and to happily witness the tension between Blahdrina and her alley-dwelling Romeo mount even further (and you didn't think it was possible!). It's the moment you've been waiting for since... well, since the moment you were flipping through the cable guide and said, "Oh, cool, 'The Hills' is on. Guess I'll watch that. Babe, could you grab me a beer while you're up?"
"What economic crisis?"
OH first of all, before we get started with this snoozefest, did you guys see the "Hills" unseen moments special? IT WAS AMAZING. With the exception of the announcer's earnestly over-sexual voice, it is better than every episode of this season. Combined. All I'm saying is, they show us LC's shaved pussy. Seriously. And it's glorious.
We join our spoiled brats as they board their private jet and get ready for the vacation of... the week. LC whispers "Wheeeee" as the jet takes flight, like a six-year-old on the world's most expensive swing set. Inside, a bunch of talentless twentysomethings toast Broday and his mere existence on this earth, blissfully unaware of any turmoil or strife that may be happening on the land below. According to Blahdrina, Corey is "on tour" and therefore won't be joining us tonight. Yeah, I bet. Judging from his reaction to last week's invitation to have fun in the sun with ol' Tits McGhee here, I bet he made sure to get on a tour of something or other. Ergo, Blahdrina is left with no random dick to flaunt about in front of her on-again/off-again beau whilst he frolics with bimbos galore. Boo hoo.
Oohhh, so symbolic.
Little Ricky (that's Frankie to y'all) seems perturbed by this development, and by the prospect of the brown-haired star-crossed lovers hitting the skids at all. Additionally, he is sporting some fierce man-cleavage as he leans in to get the deets.
To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Frankie Delgado
A few moments later they're in Cabo, site of many an LC-related dramafest. The boys swoon over their proximity to waves and the girls check out the bedrooms, LC and Blahdrina roaming the house with cocktail glasses duct-taped to their hands. LC remarks that she thinks this is Blahdrina and Pigpen's room. I'm not sure what brings her to this conclusion. Perhaps there were some black leather handcuffs and jars of dirt lotion placed off-camera or something. In any case, Blahdrina displays a single moment of emotional truth by shuddering at the thought of staying with him. LC offers to let her stay in her room with her. And evidently, before they left L.A. she also loaned her the awful self-tanner she's been using, because Blahdrina's now sporting the same bad 'stache.
By spring, every teenage girl will have a hideous tan'stache.
The girls run into the ocean with abandon, jumping around in the waves, careful not to spill their Mai Tais. Back at the house, four dudes wearing mesh trucker hats (a shitty style they clearly ripped from Corey!) plus Little Ricky enjoy some quality time in the Jacuzzi. Apparently, Pigpen really HAS been accepted into this little mini-group. These are the famous homeboys, although I'd say it's more like homoerotic. Come on. Look at these dudes and tell me they've never enjoyed one finger up the a-hole.
"Broday, truth? OR DARE?"
Pigpen demands to know what is happening with Blahdrina but Li'l Ricky girlishly demures for a bit until the quartet devolves into a gossip circle arguing the differences between "boyfriend" and "boy" "friend." I say, as long as he's banging you, it doesn't matter. Call him Susan for all he cares. Pigpen nervously strokes his 5 o'clock goatee and mutters about Blahdrina's audacity. That impresses me, until I realize he may be under the impression that "audacity" means "whore-ness." The boys, under Duhg's dutifully jaded command, agree that "all girls are shady" and then they all jerk each other off under the water.
"Sigh, will he EVER notice me?"
Sometimes I think Stephanie is taking notes from Andy Bernard on "The Office" and practicing personality mirroring to get on everyone's good side. This time she's dressed identically to Heidi, both with loose gray shirts that belie their skinniness, black pants, cartoonishly blonde hair pulled back, and douchebag-sized sunglasses. They browse a makeup store and gab about Stephanie's new made-up boyfriend.
"Oohhh, more ways to look like something I'm not!"
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Comments (5)
"Hey, I know how to please a woman. What do you mean I'm backwards?"
1 of 5 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on October 22, 2008 4:29 AM
I think the caption should be:
"Fine, Duhg. Since I have been kicked out of every homeless shelter because I am even too dirty for them... I GUESS it's your turn."
Get it?
Like to Duhg's caption in the pool earlier in the recap?
Eh...?
2 of 5 | Posted by BundleOfBadassity | Posted on October 22, 2008 8:51 PM
I did not see a Hills unseen moments special...
When and where?
3 of 5 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 23, 2008 10:16 PM
Did anyone watch the aftershow?? Did LC get veneers, sure does look like it. And WHY WHY WHY did she keep staring at Brody with this forlorned look on her face??? Anyways great recap as always.
As for the caption: "Duhg, Broday get over here, let me see if I can lick both of your penises at the same time with my big manly tongue!!"
GROSS!!!
4 of 5 | Posted by bella bella | Posted on October 24, 2008 2:20 PM
Yes, bella bella, that IS a gross caption....
Does Blahdrina's blind addiction to Justin Bobby remind anyone else of Britney Spears and K-Fed? What is going on in these girls' minds?!! Or, rather, what ISN'T going on in these girls' minds?
5 of 5 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on October 26, 2008 2:31 PM