"OMAHGAH I'm SO in LOVE"
Did you ever have a class in college that you knew you didn't need to go to, and you tried to only show up when there was going to be a review for an upcoming test? But you accidentally went a day early, and the professor gave an hourlong lecture on the Byzantine Empire instead of giving you study questions? And you slept the whole time? And you maybe kinda drooled on yourself in front of a guy? And the professor's name was Lauren? That was this week's episode of The Hills.
After last week's weepfest about Blahdrina not knowing her true identity (but assuming it may be friends with the girl who pays her billz), we get (sort of) a break from her and focus instead on Whitney in a generous episode dedicated to building anticipation for her new show, "The City." It is sweetly entitled "Dream Boy, Dream Job." Awww. We open at People's Revolution, where Whitney is called into Kelly Cuntface's loft lair.
Invisible Lauren
She explains that she ran into a friend of hers who works for DVF (that's Diane von Furstenberg, for those of you not cool enough to watch "Sex and the City" or American Express commercials). There's an opening there for an in-house PR bitch and, naturally, Cuntface knew just the person for such indentured servitude. Whit! Whit looks a little... you know... oopsIcrappedmypants scared.
"Whooaaa.... perhaps I should have washed my hair today."
Kelly Cutthroat says that she's already set up an interview for her in New York. Whitney looks into the distance and the wheels go 'round and 'round as she processes information at dialup speed. "The job... is... in..." Go on, honey, you can do it. "... New York?" Yeaaa! And Bingo was his name-o.
Kelly goes on about how much faith she has in Whitney, not unlike an evil stepmother who reveals that she actually loves you. We never saw it coming, but there is a molten lava core at the center of that icy mountain. She's okay after all.
Aww, I'm really gonna miss this ghostly apparition.
"Yea, I'm helping the economy!"
Okay, only 19 more minutes to recap. At the Blahteau, Blahdrina makes her one appearance of the episode by showing LC around her new "girly" pad and musing about how happy she is that LC is still hanging out with her. "I know..." LC responds, deftly avoiding the words "me too." Blah talks about how her new home will take her awhile to decorate, which is still somehow absolutely fascinating the fourth episode around. She calls it her "bachelorette pad," providing an opportunity for LC to ask about Pigpen. Blahdrina says they've talked and, you know, "... (shrug)." LC asks if that means she doesn't want it anymore. What is this "it" that everybody's always talking about? "Do you want 'it'?" "Give 'it' to me, baby!" "I have not had 'it' in, like, seven months!" Blahdrina giggles and sheepishly admits that, yeah, she still totally wants it. LC just keeps her mouth shut (which takes all of her strength) and smiles sadly at her idiot friend.
"Fucking dolt. I SHOULD have fucked your boyfriend, just to teach you a lesson."
Does anybody ever say "dolt" anymore? Enough about Blahdrina, let's talk about the star of the show, whose life is god-awful boring. "Ummmm, well. My parents are moving?" LC offers. That's not your news, that's your parents' news. She's sad, because she loves that house and it holds all of her memories, especially now that all of her friends have left Laguna.
"Oh, if only I had some sort of video record documenting my best and worst moments in Laguna Beach. Now that would be something."
"It's kinda like... growing up?" Blahdrina correctly guesses. LC sighs and asks Blah to show her around the rest of the house. They get up and as they walk away, LC sighs again and mutters, "Alright..." as in, "Let's get this over with."
PS, please contact me if you'd like to contribute to the Blahdrina Ladder Fund. One reader at a time, we WILL get those pictures hung.
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Comments (12)
Had I cared enough about their "relationship" to think on it, I would've assumed that She-Pratt and Cameron already broke up.
Also, LOL at the last screengrabs. It looks like everyone is trying hard to laugh while making pouty faces.
1 of 12 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on December 10, 2008 9:55 AM
I thought Spencer was Stephanie's older brother? I remember him saying he screamed "noooo" and left the room when she was born.
I agree this episode was boring as hell though but the less Blahdrina/Deadrina the better. That bitch is so daft.
2 of 12 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on December 10, 2008 10:14 AM
"I hereby bequeath all of my belongings to my secret lover, Kristen Cavallari"
SO FUNNY, I CRIED!!!
3 of 12 | Posted by hlesczyn | Posted on December 10, 2008 12:14 PM
I actually enjoyed this episode. The Lauren/Lo scenes were so adorable and authentic; for once Lauren was hanging out with an actual friend. Compared to the previous awful episodes that were all about Audrina, this episode wasn't bad at all.
Yes, the Stephanie scenes were completely unnecessary (I've heard that MTV is searching for a main character for season 5 to replace Whitney... using her as a main character is probably the worst idea I've ever heard) but at least Lauren was finally IN an episode, and Audrina only appeared for two minutes.
4 of 12 | Posted by kiwi | Posted on December 10, 2008 12:37 PM
Oooh, if the rumors were true about Audrina making up the Justin Bobby/Lauren hookup just to get more screen time, imagine the hell that will break loose if Stephanie replaces Whitney for a more main role after Audrina's been on the show two seasons longer. Hah!
5 of 12 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on December 10, 2008 3:42 PM
Holy shit-hole, this episode whas nothing but un upcomming intro for Whitneys new show and sice it was dull as hell, I wonder how long it's gonna last...no MTV you can not make a spin off of a sidekick. Look at what happened to Laguna Beach season 3 - BOOORING!
Speaking of LB, for me as former LB addict it was kinda sad to let go. As the girls sat down on LCs bed at her parents house, I imagined sitting besides them, asking "So..Whats up with Stephen?". And when they reminissed about good old times, I laughed and nodded my head to all fun memories of Lauren running after Stepehen running after Kristin running after fake stardom.
Thank God for re-runs!
6 of 12 | Posted by gavalcas | Posted on December 10, 2008 4:13 PM
For some reason, I kind of liked this episode. But it might have been from the pain pills I been a popping due to recent knee surgery. Anyway, what is with Whit's nasty, unstyled hair? And that groping scence with Jay was just disgusting. I did stuff like that when I was 12 years old! Jay just reminds me to much of Justin-Bobby.
I am very happy that LC is feeling 'grown up' since her parents are moving to a smaller 4 million dollar house instead of the 5 million dollar house they are leaving. I would like to see more of the house besides the kitchen and LC's bedroom, but hey, who am I to ask for such a thing.
I dont really think that LC was crowned homecoming queen b/c wouldnt that have been on the LB? I think so! I almost spit out my hydro when i read the caption about The Kristen Thing. Thank Goodness I was able to swallow in time.
OH>> and doesnt LCs dad look like Donnie Osmond?? To creepy for me.
After watching Whits interview, I now know why I am not in the fashion industry. With my bad knees, going up and down steps all day are a NO-NO, and unless I can wear my New Balance Sneakers to work.......I aint going! The 'shoe shot' must have been wonderful for all the foot fetish people in the world. I can just picture billions of people across the planet masturbating at once to this scene. What a mess!! And that Elizabeth girl, it was creepy how much she looked like Whit. Well, that is all i have to say. I am gonna take another hydro (or two) and go watch some more TV.
7 of 12 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on December 10, 2008 7:16 PM
First of all, that Mormon porn caption was hilarious.
Secondly, I liked MOST of this episode.
Stephanie is just too rehearsed, even for The Hills. She needs to work on her craft a bit before I fully embrace her.
And I thought it was a very touching segemnt about Lauren's parents moving-and real. That was their dream home (hell isn't it everyone's?) and they have to walk away from it and the memories that house holds. Sad.
Lastly, I have always like Whitney. Even though she never really got a ton of screen time, she's always been the right mix of sweet, smart and bitchy. And that awkward touchy "porno" scene was kinda sweet-haven't we all gotten silly giddy when we were around the boy/girl we were crushing on?
Anyway, I for one am looking forward to The City-I like Whit, and I love NY. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint.
8 of 12 | Posted by trister | Posted on December 10, 2008 8:08 PM
trister - I completely agree.
I laughed so hard at LC's will because when I was about 9 years old I also made a will. Although in mine, I requested to be buried with my baby blanket and all my stuffed animals and that the rest of my toys could go to my siblings.
Too bad I don't know LC personally. We could bond.
And I say dolt! Nobody else I know does, but I do. Mostly because my father does.
Great recap, can't wait for next week!
9 of 12 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on December 11, 2008 12:57 PM
to fatgirlsrule, its quite possible LC was homecoming queen. LB season 1 didn't start until winter of her senior year. We get to see prom episodes on LB but I don't think we ever got to see homecoming.
10 of 12 | Posted by kevintheomanharris | Posted on December 13, 2008 8:05 AM
andreak1013, I think Audrina already is a main character aka one of the four girls. Whitney barely got more screen time than Heidi and Audrina from the second season onwards.
11 of 12 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on December 13, 2008 8:55 AM
Hi Kevin! I guess that is possible, but you would think that the title of homecoming queen would be newsworthy. Most high schools that i know of require a senior girl and boy for queen/king. anyway, i suppose i really shouldnt worry about it. This show is so boring, there is more commerical time then anything.
Ya'll have a wonderful Christmas!!
I am having knee surgery on Wed DEC 17, so think about me!!
12 of 12 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on December 13, 2008 11:40 PM