Somewhere, Lorenzo Lamas is turning in his fashion grave.
Tonight's episode of "The Hills" taught us that everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes, another one opens. Or, wait, no... actually, everything happens because your life is controlled by a television team and when one door closes, all other doors will surely slam shut around you. Unless the slamming door is Blahdrina, in which case it will be left ajar.
We open in a cozy nook of People's Revolution, which at first glance looks a lot like the familiar space of the Teen Vogue Intern Holding Cell. I smell a soundstage. LC explains the whole Heidi/Blahdrina situation to the sympathetic ear of Whitney, who nods and "oohs" and "ahhs" like a good pal (or supporting actress) should. Lauren makes a good point about how it's tough because it's both of their houses and Blah should be able to do what she wants, but, like, LC doesn't want crappy people's crappy auras infecting HER house either. You know, I once almost moved in with a vegetarian... until she informed me that even I wasn't "allowed" to keep any meat or meat products in the house. I suppose it's no different with shitty friends (but then again, I never moved in with the nut).
"I finally memorized our aerial ribbon routine. Now we just have to decide on an outfit."
When you're single, every night is girls' night out, and tonight is no different for the five heroines of "The Hills." LC can't wait to go out, as lately she's been feeling rather "(shake head and wag tongue outside of mouth, rolling eyes back in head)". I can only assume that's as wretched a feeling as the previously-described-by-Lo "ugghnnhh-ness." But tonight that will all change, because tonight the bar they will surely see at least one surprise guest, and hopefully the Fro Guy, at is Goa, rhymes with boa (not like goat without the t). Lo is over at the L-A house, looking as alert, wide-eyed and fresh-faced as ever. She's truly the anti-Blahdrina. There are some heavy decisions to be made here, like which space coordinates to jump to, which Chinese consulate to attack, and how to find the Asian sword guy who can bend time and space. Just kidding, they actually just need to decide what to wear. Blahdrina suggests she and LC wear the same dress, to which Lauren scoffs condescendingly and shakes her head knowingly to Lo.
"Fuckin' amateur."
They babble about pretty much nothing interesting, including how LC got a fan-fucking-tastic grade on her computer test. Woo! Now you're a certified user of Microsoft Word. Congrats. She demands accolades from both girls and repeatedly calls Bladrina "woman," as though she a) is a caveman b) is a misogynistic husband from the 1950s or c) can't remember Bladrina's name. Any way, she's got her reasons. Meanwhile, Lo practices her newfound "judgemental" expressions (gearing up for some drama, we
can only hope) until she pipes up, "Hey, maybe Heidi will be there tonight!" Crickets...
"What? Not funny yet?"
At the apartment owned by one of two calculating blondes (either Spencer or Heidi, I'm not sure who it actually belongs to), Heidi is having a similar fashion conundrum, interrupting her own speech about the importance of going out to decide on a pair of skank shoes. I tells ya, this episode is already one big "Sex and the City" homage. If a trailer for the movie airs during this episode I call bullshit. But perhaps it's all part of a deeper allegory for their love lives. Because, as we all know, choosing a good pair of shoes is just as hard as choosing a good man! EXCEPT IT'S NOT.
"My parents will love the ballet flats, but these drive me wild in bed."
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Comments (12)
i couldn't even watch this episode. what a regurgitated crop of crap. ooh, heidi shows up at a club. ooh, heidi and spencer fight. ooh, lauren is shocked. ooh, there's drama about the housing situation. seen it, been there, fast-forwarded the DVR, babes.
i did like your recap about stephanie ("you can say it, just say it") and also the whole dubbed-over voice thing at the club. this show sucks :(
1 of 12 | Posted by KermitGirl_22 | Posted on April 23, 2008 12:03 PM
I must say that I disagree with your opinions about the return of Justin Bobby. I may have been drunk, but it seemed like Justin was being really nice. He seemed to actually listen when Audrina talked, and even when Heidi talked at the club. He actually made me believe that he has turned a new leaf.
Now as far as the whole living situation thing. As I have been saying all along, Lauren and Audrina are really not that good of friends. This became very obvious on this episode. I don't think Audrina really cares either. But the conversation at the table was akward and made me feel uncomfortable, because I really like Audrina and her crazy eyeballs.
Either way, it doesn't matter because I already knew they all move in together, but Audrina gets the guest house, which I think is a even better situation.
2 of 12 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on April 23, 2008 1:35 PM
If the producers cut out all the awkward silences in every episode (like the on Laguna Beach which was substantially less FAKE), when the girls are either just starting at each other or the floor or waiting for someone to react you'd end up with a good 12 minutes of usable footage.
3 of 12 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on April 23, 2008 1:49 PM
I hve to agree, as much as I hate to admit it, I am liking Spencer as long as he's not on Team Heidi. His snide comments are funny, only because I really don't like Heidi or a "relationship vacation".
The scene at the end with Lo, Lauren and Audrina was SO uncomfortable. Lo brought it up completely the wrong way and kept making faces like "I can't believe she actually agreed to live with us." It's clear she wanted it to be just Lauren and her.
4 of 12 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on April 23, 2008 1:58 PM
I felt bad for Audrina. Lauren and Lo were being very snotty. It seemed like Lauren wasn't really happy to ask Audrina if she wanted to move in with them. Just because Audrina wants to be friends with Heidi and is talking to Justin/Bobby again doesn't make her a bad person, but Lauren is making it out to be. Lauren doesn't seem like the nice person she used to be....she's always so judgemental towards everyone. Maybe it could be because a lot of people betrayed her, but I think she should just let people do what they want to do, it's their life. If Audrina wants to see Justin/Bobby again then she shouldn't say anything, because as I recall no one gave her a hard time for going back to Jason a second time, and still being his friend after that.
And I agree that Justin/Bobby seemed a lot nicer now. It's a new Justin/Bobby =) And he does look a lot cuter with the new 'do, and I really do think he cares a lot about Audrina....you can tell.
I love love love the way Spencer treated Heidi. It's sooo funny. I think I like Spencer a lot more when he's not with Heidi. Cuz someone needs to shut her up. Lauren hating you is not because you are with Spencer, it's because of what you did. 'You know what you did!' haha..had to say that.
5 of 12 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on April 23, 2008 2:10 PM
I've said it before, I'll say it again--Lauren and Audrina's friendship won't last even a few more months. They are COMPLETELY different people, and when it comes to Lauren, that is a BAD thing.
Lauren is very prudish--I remember a scene in LB when she and Talan were discussing 3somes, and she said something along the lines of "EW that's DISGUSTING, I would NEVER do that!" Meanwhile, Audrina is taking off her clothes to pose in kinky pictures, and having lots of friends-with-benefits relationships.
The only reason the 2 became really tight in the first place was when they wanted to unite against Heidi, mostly to justify treating her like crap. Lauren and Audrina didn't really seem particularly interested in each other during season 1.
6 of 12 | Posted by skippymippydoo | Posted on April 24, 2008 6:57 AM
I do agree that Lauren is not being nice to Audrina and should be fine with Justin/Bobby...you can't tell your friends who to date. I think I would be a little upset though that she is friends with Heidi. Heidi was really rude to both of them at many different times....if my friend wanted to be friends with someone who was constantly saying mean things about me I would be kind of surprised...it makes for an awkward situation.
7 of 12 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on April 24, 2008 7:24 AM
go to this site:
adding the http of course...pretty funny
latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2008/04/the-hills-with.html
8 of 12 | Posted by tifne22 | Posted on April 24, 2008 9:35 AM
I agree with that LA Times article about Lauren. She does need to grow up and stop acting like she's in High School. It's like she wants everyone to do what she thinks is right, but she doesn't know what is right. She needs to stop acting like she's 'miss perfect'
The only think I don't agree with is when it said that Heidi has even grown up. That is so far from the truth. Heidi is delusional and actually thinks she's a celebrity. She looks like a frikkin barbie doll and she is really full of herself. And she still hasn't own up to the fact that she spread those rumors about Lauren and that she wasn't a good friend at all.
Both Lauren and Heidi need to move on. Heidi needs to accept that Lauren doesn't want to be friends with her so just stop trying....it looks pathetic. And Lauren needs to move on and accept that her friends are going to make choices for themselves on who they like to date. Let it go Lauren......just be happy for your friends, it isn't hard.
9 of 12 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on April 24, 2008 11:16 AM
I guess I'm the only person on earth that doesn't think Heidi is that bad. The recap was pretty funny but a little biased towards LC. She has grown less and less mature every year. I loved her on Laguna. Heidi may have had a part in spreading the "beef curtain" rumor, but get the hell over it!! I feel bad for her, she seems like a nice person. I hope Heidi and Blah move in together.
10 of 12 | Posted by Barbie071979 | Posted on April 24, 2008 12:56 PM
I just read that LATimes article, and I completely agree with the author...but have you read the idiotic comments left on there? OMG. I recommend you do. At first it was comical, but by the end steam was coming out of my ears and I had to comment as well.
People are crazy is all I can say.
11 of 12 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on April 24, 2008 1:47 PM
Holly crap - I just got in trouble at work at busting out laughing at this:
Pigpen is as bored as any stoner dipshit would be by a vapid bitch who can't stop talking about herself.
HA! Totally.
And the screen shot of Audrina "I'm getting laid, you?" OMG - Genius!
You funny!
12 of 12 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on April 25, 2008 5:22 PM