"Whoop-de-fucking do!"
Here's what makes The Hills fantastic: other shows typically edit out the blank stares and silences between takes and during other characters' endless babbling. The Hills has managed to make an entire series out of these moments, cutting up and rearranging reactions (or non-reactions) into whatever space they please.
This week we join our fair maidens back in sunny Los Angeles, where LC has just returned from her trip to Paris and possibly a two-week vacation from filming. Nevertheless, she complains of jet lag as she enthusiastically hugs Blahdrina hello, the two of them collapsing onto their couch with unfettered girlfriendship. They perform their own recap AND intro, with LC revealing that she is so over Brody (riiiiighhht...) and that Whitney may want to leave Teen Vogue. Blahdrina eyebrow raise. And.... cue Natasha Bedingfield!
In the much-missed Teen Vogue offices, Whitney has decided to have the dreaded "future" talk with Lisa Love, who is really living up to her name with new red dye job, red flowers in the background and a menstrual blood-red satin shirt. Whitney nervously explains that although she appreciates her job, she has gotten a "job offer" (sound edit) "here in L.A." Lisa listens sans emotion (or perhaps she was just waiting to read her line) then looks down and takes some notes. When it's her turn to talk, she explains with regret that they have no styling positions open and raises one eyebrow about three centimeters, which I suppose conveys a shred of sympathy for our young go-getter. Ehhh, they've got what they needed out of Whitney, so she sends her out into the world with Teen Vogue's blessing.
"Note to self: set TiVO for entire run of 'CSI: Miami'."
After a transition that includes the first of many so-subtle music advertisements in the upper right corner (hey, it's the least MTV can do for us now that there are no actual videos), we arrive at Bolthouse, where apparently Heidi still has a job after, well, bolting for a week to weep to Mom in Colorado and whine that she's not the center of attention. She heads straight for Kimberly's desk to get caught up on all the work she's missed. And by work I mean gossip. And by gossip I mean talking about herself.
Heidi comments on the astounding beauty of Kim's cubicle (which looks to me to be regular ol' gray walls) and Kim looks up at her with an expectation that perhaps Heid will notice her new DIY-highlights.
"All it took was lemon juice and some sunshine!"
While Heidi recounts her tragic ordeal and what she needs out of the Spencer situation, Kimberly reacts to everything with "Okay. Okay." instead of "yeah" or "of course" or or "totes." I'm getting the feeling she's taking notes from a boss rather than listening to a friend.
"Okay, I think I can fit in Some Space From Spencer just after your 2:30 meeting."
For the 867,000th time, Heidi complains that she gave up everything for Spencer, "literally, everything!" Even the clothes on her back, her bank account, the startup key to her brain and that bottomless void deep inside. At least he got that last one filled with some "Maxim" covers and a record deal.
Kimberly commiserates with her by explaining that this situation is exactly like what she went through with Danny, who blah blah blah. Wait, who's Danny? Is he from a parallel reality-tv universe that Kimberly has crossed over from? Do we care?
Oooh, next we get to see Stephanie Pratt's apartment! Spence has been crashing there since the is-it-or-isn't-it breakup with Heidi. Care to guess what the design theme is here? Meth Lab chic? L.A. Wiccan? A Tribute To Stolen Hawaiian Apparel? Sorry guys, it's just the same as everything else on this show: beige. Beige cushions, walls and pillows, beige like everyone's hair and skin and clothes. Would it kill anyone to take a page from Lisa Love and throw some red on once in awhile?
Color palette of the Pratt soul.
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Comments (12)
Cool, i'm first. [:
Thanks O. Snapp, good recap!! I had some LOL moments.
Man, Heidi was so much cuter before.
1 of 12 | Posted by californiagirrl | Posted on April 3, 2008 10:44 PM
Frist of all, all the screenshots are basically the SAME as the ones Bside posted on his blog.... ugh.
And a lot of the stuff he wrote, you seem to try to copy. This recap sucks!!
Also, why does EVERY pic all of a sudden have a quote?!?! Bside did it and now suddenly you do too.
Thank goodness for bsideblog.com.... tvgasm is so over.
2 of 12 | Posted by Nacho Mama | Posted on April 4, 2008 1:20 AM
I loved this recap. I don't know how I missed it before but I'm glad I found it! It was fast-paced and funny.
Nacho Mama:
Your comment was completely unnecessary. Now that you know B-Side's blog address, that's where you should stay. Its really not that crazy that they would have the same type of screenshots, considering the show is only 30 minutes long. Plus, it makes a lot of since that the style of recap would be the same, considering B-Side started this website and all.
3 of 12 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on April 4, 2008 5:34 AM
Yeah M.B., no kidding, I know he started this site. I mean, all O.Crapp would write as captions were stupid things about people's appearance, just like someone pointed out last recap... then Bside puit character quotes, and now O.Crapp does it, no single comment on anyone's looks, like before. And yeah the show is only 30 minutes, but please, there's like 3 EXACT screenshots... that's not random...
I'm not going to get into anything with you, I can post what I want, just like you did. We'll let the comment count speak for itself, that these recaps are crapola.... oh snap.
4 of 12 | Posted by Nacho Mama | Posted on April 4, 2008 6:37 AM
Hey guys... just for the record, although I loved Bside's recaps when he was with TVGasm (it's why started reading TVGasm in the first place), I have not read his blog or any recaps since he left the site. Nor do I read anyone else's "Hills" recaps - because I don't want it to influence how I write mine. I may be unoriginal, shallow, unfunny, and stupid... but one thing I am NOT is a plagiarist.
Word.
5 of 12 | Posted by osnapp | Posted on April 4, 2008 7:27 AM
There is really no need to be rude! Don't get me wrong, I love bside's recaps, but I thought this one was good too and I had a few LOL's as well. It's so annoying when people come on here and insult the recappers. These recaps take a lot of time, so if you don't like it and don't have any constructive criticsm to add keep your comments on bside's blog. It's inappropriate and unnecessary!!
ps - so what if O Snapp takes some tips from bside's blog, he is awesome at it so as long as nothing is copied verbatim, pointers from bside can only make it better!
6 of 12 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on April 4, 2008 7:38 AM
Osnapp has about 17 or 18 screen caps on this recap and you are freaking out because 3 of them are the same as Bsides?
Seriously I am so SICK of some of the comments on these Hills recaps being all about "bsideblog.com" and Bside was so much better, blah blah blah. Is he paying you to advertise his blog?
And if he's so much better and he's blogging again- THEN GO THE F**K THERE! Why bother reading this recap if your Hills God is recapping once again?
My goodness, this is absolutely ridiculous. No one is forcing you to read any recaps. Read the ones you enjoy and take your bitterness and unhappiness somewhere else.
7 of 12 | Posted by serjen | Posted on April 4, 2008 7:41 AM
I'm not done...one more thing:
Last recap people were complainging because Osnapp isn't like Bside, now this buffoon is going to complain because this recap was too reminicient of Bside? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
I've read a few of Bside's recaps after all the plugging of his website on here (coincidence? I think not) and I'm honestly sticking with Osnapp and TVgasm. For all the grand praise of Bside, I don't see the big deal. He's good, but not the messiah some people make him out to be.
8 of 12 | Posted by serjen | Posted on April 4, 2008 7:46 AM
I love O. Snapp's recaps! They're funny and clever. Nacho Mama, I also read BSide's blog and his recaps are completely different!
Have some appreciation for the people who do these recaps, or don't read them. Its as simple as that.
9 of 12 | Posted by tvlover88 | Posted on April 4, 2008 7:56 AM
Enough recapper vs. recapper -- any recap that makes me laugh at work is good by me. Thanks, O. Snapp, for that!
Seeing the real Heidi woke me up from my Friday morning daze. You forget that she used to look normal.
Also, has anyone seen the awesome show Split Ends on the Style network? There was one where Kelly Cutrone is very prominently featured, and she is a major BITCH. Totally condescended to a hairstylist from Inglewood and acted like a general crazy fashion person who thinks she's better than everyone else because she wears all black. Argh. Poor Whitney.
10 of 12 | Posted by jito | Posted on April 4, 2008 12:32 PM
I read B-Side's recaps too (I comment as Fairy Princess there). I heart B-Side!But I just came on here again and I enjoyed this recap as well, so I'm going to be reading both from now on ^_^ B-Side will always be the king of "The Hills" for me, but O.Snapp is good too, different but good. I think it's unnecessary to say rude things. And I thank him/her for taking the time to write these recaps.
serjen- maybe you should check out the first ever Hills recaps here on tvgasm by B-Side. They are Hilarious! Few have been as good since he wrote them.
Yet, I like O.Snapp's too. I'm about to go read the next one now, haven't yet!
11 of 12 | Posted by californiagirrl | Posted on April 4, 2008 4:34 PM
word indeed O.Snapp! Thx for the recap, great work. SheSpencer is not cute!
12 of 12 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on April 5, 2008 9:22 AM