TVgasm Archives

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that it would be damn near impossible to follow up last week's triumphant episode of The Hills, which was so exciting and awesome and thrilling that it has inspired (at press time) a record 1016 comments on the recap. I mean, how could any episode compete with the intoxicating blend of betrayal, treachery, and intrigue caused by Spencer, Heidi, and their unwitting accomplice, Jenn Jenner? It was all so wonderful and amazing that in some ways, it was difficult to come back down to Earth and return to the more manufactured drama we've become so accustomed to. That's not to say this installment wasn't entertaining. Far from it! We had some much-welcomed face time with Lisa Love, an appearance from her haughty contemporary Lawren Howell, and the grand reality debut of Whitney's younger sister, JADE. Plus, how could we not revel in the sheer joy of The Hills knowing that just hours prior, J-Wahl had been arrested for the umpteenth time this year. We can only hope the same fate befalls Spencer by this time next season. Nevertheless, while The Hills may not have lived up to last week's powerhouse episode, I still love it, and since this is actually my last recap for the site, I can think of no better way to end my TVgasm career than by recapping this most guilty of pleasures.

This week's episode began with the usual, brief recap of the previous show, which meant once again we could witness the unforgettable sight of Jenn Jenner proudly wearing a tiara at her birthday party, not realizing the hellfire she was about to be submerged in. Even better though was revisiting the monumental clash at the Hillside Villas. How great it was to watch Lauren lay into Heidi all over again, repeating those cathartic words that we've been saying all along: "He's a sucky person. HE'S A SUCKY PERSON!" I probably could have watched this ten second clip fifty times in a row and still not have been sick of it.

Anyway, once the recap was done, the first thing we saw was Heidi and Spencer sipping coffee on the Sunset Strip, mere footsteps from the TVgasm home offices yet again. Damn this show, taunting me with its close proximity and yet keeping me an eternal distance away. It almost feels like I'm strapped to one of those vertical turntables and MTV's throwing darts of Hills goodness at me. They keep missing me, but one of these days, I'm sure I'll get poked right in the face. Of course, in the metaphor, that would be a bad thing since bodily harm would most certainly ensue. Maybe I should reevaluate just how beneficial a Hills run-in would be to my life...

Nevertheless, Spencer was looking like a douchebag in full bloom, and once again, he was wearing his giant, clunky necklace, which has somehow gone unmentioned all season. Well, to paraphrase the show's title, enough was enough. He's been attempting to rock that bulky chain of abhorrence no matter what the outfit, and it's never failed to look absolutely ridiculous. For some reason though, it just looked completely idiotic last night -- a heavy, imposing accessory to his otherwise lowkey polo shirt. It was clear that he was trying to force some sort of fashion trend on America. You know that he planned it all out -- he was gonna wear that chain on every episode, people would think it's cool, and he'd be hailed as the man who brought Ugly Necklace Chic to America. Actually, he probably was just trying to promote his dumb jewelry business, Archangella -- a collection that specializes in ghastly, tacky, faux-gothic items that not even the cheesiest mall shop would purchase. I can just imagine Spencer taking his collection to Spencer's Gifts and saying, "C'mon, bro. My name is Spencer. You're Spencer's gifts. It's a perfect match. I'm on Team Spencer!"

Team Tacky!

And, of course, it goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) that the mere fact that Spencer would so conscientiously use Heidi's MTV exposure to promote his chintzy costume jewelry just calls his sincerity with her into question all over again.

Anyway, Heidi told her balloon-faced boyfriend she needed to spend more time with Lauren, on account of their ailing friendship. Spencer's response probably should have been something supportive like "Okay, I respect that you need to keep time in your life for your friends," but since he's a manipulative douchebag, he instead tried to drive a wedge between the two girls yet again. "You have a roommate that looks at me like the plague," he said, not sure if he was referring to Lauren or THE REST OF AMERICA.

Recap: Totally Dunzo Sections: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

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Posted in The Hills by B-Side at 4:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (287)
Last Comment: MariaIsabell on Mar 13, 2007 12:44 PM.

Comments (287)

PuffMatty

WTF??? B-side is now leaving???? I am done with TVgasm!! Where are you going? What is going on????

1 of 287 | Posted by PuffMatty | Posted on March 6, 2007 4:54 PM

sg-dub

Love you man.

All the best and see you around.

-Steve

2 of 287 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on March 6, 2007 4:54 PM

addicted076

Oh, no! J-Unit gone and now B-side, too? What a sad week for TVgasm (and me). I really only read B-side and J-Unit pieces, so this might be my last recap at TVgasm, too.

3 of 287 | Posted by addicted076 | Posted on March 6, 2007 4:58 PM

EdHill

Good luck man, It was fun while it lasted.

Just remember, We'll always have giada...

4 of 287 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:01 PM

kristin_d_l

..."and since this is actually my last recap for the site, I can think of no better way to end my TVgasm career than by recapping this most guilty of pleasures."

WHAT???

This is poo.

I hope you're moving on to bigger and better things, B-Side. You'll be missed. :)

5 of 287 | Posted by kristin_d_l | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:02 PM

moodylupin

My Goddddddddd!!!
Nooooooooo!!!!
The Curse of Don Antonio's is STILL huanting the masterminds of J-Unit and B-Side!
This is truly sad.
=(
At least we gave you 1000+ comments ... ohhhh, if only I knew!!!

We'll miss you ... after the news shock & anger feelings had left us.

All I can say is "release your inhibitions and feel the rain on your skin, blah blah blah, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten".

Annnnnnd CUT.

6 of 287 | Posted by moodylupin | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:03 PM

elljay8

B-Side, where the hell are you going?!?!

7 of 287 | Posted by elljay8 | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:04 PM

moodylupin

BTW, Jason is going to jail.

"Laguna Beach" Star Will Go to Jail
Posted Mar 6th 2007 5:50PM by TMZ Staff
Filed under: Celebrity Justice

Jason Wahler, star of MTV's "The Hills" and "Laguna Beach," pleaded no contest today to one count of battery, and was sentenced to 60 days in Los Angeles County Jail.

Wahler, 20, and model Kristin DeLuca, 25, were arrested in September 2006 after an altercation on Wilshire Blvd. The two and a group of friends were driving on Wilshire when their vehicle was blocked by a city vehicle and a tow truck attempting to move an illegally parked car. The pair jumped out of their car and got into a verbal altercation with the city employee and the tow truck drivers. Wahler punched one of the drivers and DeLuca kicked the tow operator and spit in his face. The drivers called the cops after restraining Wahler. His blood alcohol level at the time of his arrest was .22 -- nearly three times the legal limit.

Wahler pleaded no contest to one count of battery, and in addition to jail time, was ordered to attend 104 AA meetings, 36 hours of anger management classes, and to stay away from all of the victims. DeLuca pleaded no contest to one count of battery and was sentenced to 24 months of probation. She also must serve 15 days working on the road with CalTrans.

Wahler and De Luca must also participate in a one-day Museum of Tolerance program because of the numerous racial slurs they uttered during the incident.

Wahler has until May 4 to turn himself in.

In a related story, Wahler was arrested just this past weekend after cops say he "resisted a public officer" during a raid against underage drinking in a North Carolina nightclub.

8 of 287 | Posted by moodylupin | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:05 PM

BlondeGirl

The curse of Don Antonio's strikes again...

Sad to see you go B-Side. Thanks for all the laughs!

9 of 287 | Posted by BlondeGirl | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:05 PM

BayArea

I cant believe BSIDE is leaving. Then my days with TVGASM are over because I only read his recaps. Real World, the challenges and anything laguna will never be the same for me. Even if the show sucked I knew I always had my BSide recap.

You're not even gonna finish up the season??? SAD!!!!!!!!

Im not reading this recap until later with my wine BUT you will be missed.

10 of 287 | Posted by BayArea | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:08 PM

HoneyBunny

Thanks for the memories B-side...

11 of 287 | Posted by HoneyBunny | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:09 PM

BrunetteGirl

Oh man I feel like my whole world is falling apart. First J Unit and now B-Side.

Stupid Curse of Don Antonio's!!

12 of 287 | Posted by BrunetteGirl | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:12 PM

TinkerbellAPixie

Thank you for sharing the amazing blend of your talent for writing and your love of television.

You will be thoroughly missed.

I'm gonna mute my television for 9 minutes. 3 minutes of silence to honor you, 3 for J-Unit and 3 for all the other talented writers who have moved on. I can think of no more fitting tribute.

13 of 287 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:15 PM

flodence

WTF B-Side? Can you at least let us know where we can read your new writing? Will I be able to find it in Australia? OMG - your recaps are better than the shows they are based on! Its a sad, sad day...

14 of 287 | Posted by flodence | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:15 PM

insertnamehere

Wow. I can't believe my two favorite tvgasm writers are gone now. So sad. Best of luck to you B-Side.

And great recap, of course.

15 of 287 | Posted by insertnamehere | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:15 PM

PuffMatty

BTW -

I have read the complete work of B-Side at TVgasm.

As such, I have not read this recap. Instead, I have printed it out, put it in a folder with a rubber band, and it will be the last thing I read before I die, brotha.

16 of 287 | Posted by PuffMatty | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:15 PM

Ms. Tumnus

I prepared an interpretive dance to express my grief and dismay over this sad (though not unexpected) news.

It's marvellous. Wish you could see it.

Best of luck Ben. Keep us posted on your burgeoning career. We want to be able to say "we knew him when"

17 of 287 | Posted by Ms. Tumnus | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:19 PM

K Conrad

Thanks for 3 years of GREAT recaps and lots of laughs. You are the best! Good luck with all your future projects. You will be missed. :(

18 of 287 | Posted by K Conrad | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:20 PM

BayArea

...I with PuffMatty...Im printing it out.

Can you inform us where we can continue reading your work? Ive been reading this for years now. I feel so attached

19 of 287 | Posted by BayArea | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:24 PM

LakerGirl

I'm so bummed. I love your recaps and your different videos you did during the Laguna Beach days. Things won't be the same around the Hills and Beach. Good luck to you B-Side!

20 of 287 | Posted by LakerGirl | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:25 PM

flodence

Hey K Conrad - can you give us a little something, we need a buck up after the sad news. Anything happening down at Laguna Beach we should know about? (or in LA for that matter...)

21 of 287 | Posted by flodence | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:26 PM

Jokerbaby4

I'm gonna miss the J-Unit/B-side recaps, but I"m glad you guys are moving on.

I'll always think of your airblogs whenever I fly Jetblue!

and Boooo to the people who say they'll never go to the site again. the recaps are still hilarious, just give them a chance!

Anyways, I laughed when LC said that she's getting better at dating b/c that date was soooo awkward!

22 of 287 | Posted by Jokerbaby4 | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:26 PM

sknilson

I can't believe it! I LOVED this site BECAUSE of B-Side and J-Unit. My husband regularly teased me because he could hear me snickering at the computer screen and he KNEW I was reading a B-Side or J-Unit recap. I don't think I'll be returning to TVGasm now. So sad. Best of luck to you B-Side!

23 of 287 | Posted by sknilson | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:27 PM

D-Bag

(crane shot as rain falls down)

DOOOONNNNN ANNNNTOOOONNNIIIIOOOO'S!

b-side, will you be handled by innovator management? i hear they're looking to expand their roster of clients beyond the two they already have.

what's the deal? are you working for the reality channel? i don't get that channel.

24 of 287 | Posted by D-Bag | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:27 PM

Flipit

NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

you rock this house, man. please just make it a little break.

25 of 287 | Posted by Flipit | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:28 PM

addicted076

Oh, hey, I might be back. I'll probably be back. I just need a mourning period!

Is someone taking over The Hills recap duty?

26 of 287 | Posted by addicted076 | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:31 PM

tvfiend

B-Side - It sucks that that was your last post. Sigh...The Hills won't be the same without you!
This episode was pretty calm. I thought Blake was cute! You can tell Lauren is so over Heidi - she didn't seem as affected when she was dissed AGAIN. Next week brings the return of LO! I'm so excited for that! Lo should kick Heidi-ho, Spence and his gaudy jewelerly to the curb!!!

27 of 287 | Posted by tvfiend | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:32 PM

flodence

Laurens coming out with her own fashion line - just read it on Perezhilton.
http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=109&STORY=/www/story/03-06-2007/0004540821&EDATE=

28 of 287 | Posted by flodence | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:33 PM

flodence

Something just got posted on Perezhilton about Laurens new fashion range...

29 of 287 | Posted by flodence | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:35 PM

BlondeGirl

This is sucky news!

In my initial reaction I didn't even think about the 24 recaps. How am I supposed to watch the rest of the season now, without the promise of a B-Side recap?

This is SUCKY news indeed.

30 of 287 | Posted by BlondeGirl | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:37 PM

kristin_d_l

Regarding the episode, I don't actually think it's that big of a deal that Heidi ditched Lauren (it doesn't really seem like Lauren does, either). I hate friends who think not spending time with them or flaking out on plans is akin to mass murder. I have friends like that, and I just end up resenting them, because they suffocate me.

Heidi has free will. She can do what she wants (she should have been less of a coward and called Lauren, but I can imagine why she didn't want to have the "I'm choosing Toothy McDouche over you" conversation again). It's not nice, but of course she wants to spend time with her boyfriend. She's 20! Plus, if you feel obligated to hang out with someone, but don't really want to, why bother? It's like the "pity invitation."

I think people might understand Heidi's decision, though, because most people would rather spend time with Lauren than Toothy McDouche. In fact, most of us would probably rather spend time with Osama bin Laden.

Team B-Side!

31 of 287 | Posted by kristin_d_l | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:45 PM

kristin_d_l

"I think people might understand Heidi's decision"

Oops! That should have been "might NOT HAVE understood Heidi's decision."

32 of 287 | Posted by kristin_d_l | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:48 PM

omj75

This is SUCKY NEWS B-side. Whatever/wherever you are heading, good luck! Be safe and enjoy, it truly has been a pleasure. BTW, good for Lauren cashing in on her notoriety, god knows MTV has made a mint off that young lady. If ever in Jersey B-side, look me up, the boys in blue out here party like rock stars.

33 of 287 | Posted by omj75 | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:55 PM

copygodd

sadly, all good things must come to an end.

IN MY PANTS!!

seriously, thanks for the shot, and, more importantly, thanks for the mammaries.

RAW IS B-SIDE!!!!

34 of 287 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:57 PM

omj75

I almost forgot, Team Ashes and more importantly Team B-Side.

35 of 287 | Posted by omj75 | Posted on March 6, 2007 5:58 PM

omj75

BTW, Artie Lang is the man! Sorry, been a long shift.

36 of 287 | Posted by omj75 | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:03 PM

Lime23

wh-wh-whaaaaaatttttt??

what is going on here? Curse of Don Antonio's, indeed.

You're the absolute best & you'll be missed, B-Side.

37 of 287 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:05 PM

kristinsdrunknasalyvoice

B-SIDE I LOVE YOU

From season 1 of LB to season 2 of The Hills, I have not missed a post and you have made every study break worthwhile.

UMmmm, PS Will you marry me? aaand can Open Air Stereo play at our wedding?

38 of 287 | Posted by kristinsdrunknasalyvoice | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:06 PM

Ms. Tumnus

Let's try to make this the most commented on post EVER.

Keep em coming folks.

39 of 287 | Posted by Ms. Tumnus | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:09 PM

omj75

J-Wahl is not going to do well in county. IMO. NO GOOD!

40 of 287 | Posted by omj75 | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:10 PM

wheres_bella

B-Side, you are one of the most talented writers I've come across in a long time, and I will be forever grateful for all the times your delightfully snarky and brilliant recaps brightened my dreary work days. I have no doubt that we will hear great things from you, but I do hope you'll keep us posted! *Sniff sniff*

*Deep breath* Okay, so was anyone else terribly frightened by the fact that Lauren could barely see over her steering wheel? I've loved you since episode 1 of Laguna, LC, but that shit is scary, girlfriend! I'm hoping it may have been the camera angle, but all the shots of Lauren driving show barely her forehead and eyebrows peering over the dash!

Team Booster Seat!

And Team B-Side!!

41 of 287 | Posted by wheres_bella | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:12 PM

sarah

NOOOOO B-Side, you can't leave :( I'm so sad. How am I ever going to enjoy reading another Hills/Laguna recap ever again?

Team B-Side! Make that into a shirt and I'll be the first one to buy it!

42 of 287 | Posted by sarah | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:23 PM

TakingBackSunday

Is it just me or were there absolutely no chairs at table in their apartment?
And that fake Audrina conversation on the cell really made me angry for some reason...

43 of 287 | Posted by TakingBackSunday | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:24 PM

sassybella19

NOOOOO B-SIDE!!!! you cannot be leaving!!! you havta at least come back for guest coloumn writings. This is the worst new i heard all day. Where are you going? I'm so bummed.

44 of 287 | Posted by sassybella19 | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:37 PM

sarah

Oh the irony of the title of the recap 'totally dunzo' and now b-side is dunzo at tvgasm. as you can tell, i am very distraught over this departure.

45 of 287 | Posted by sarah | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:37 PM

dsc805

Sorry to see you go, B-Side. You're the best.

46 of 287 | Posted by dsc805 | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:37 PM

poodle

I'm going to miss your recaps SOOO much!
My favorite B-side line: (said to a waiter or waitress) "My name is B-side and I am known for my lavish tipping."
I don't remember the context or the recap that is from but I remember the hilarity that ensued after I read it.

Thanks for all the laughs!

47 of 287 | Posted by poodle | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:42 PM

poodle

also, when did we learn the name of Lauren's cat Ashes?
I must have missed that. I still thought it was Bella 2.0.

48 of 287 | Posted by poodle | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:46 PM

Mrs.Meow

Wow, what a bummer, B-Side! Your re-caps were what first made me keep coming back to tvgasm. I will still be a loyal follower (but not quite a sidekick), but you will be missed. Good luck in everything you do in the future, and please keep everyone updated on what you are doing!

Now, re: the Hills. Seriously, Spencer is one of the yuckiest people I have ever seen. He just oozes sleaze. The chain was ridiculous - I can't believe I haven't noticed it until this episode.

On the plus side - from the previews next week...LO IS BACK! I was pretty much giddy when I saw that preview!

49 of 287 | Posted by Mrs.Meow | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:54 PM

vividblurry

OMG B-SIDE DON'T LEAVE US.

50 of 287 | Posted by vividblurry | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:56 PM

newtrino

"As such, I have not read this recap. Instead, I have printed it out, put it in a folder with a rubber band, and it will be the last thing I read before I die, brotha."

That is one of the most hilarious things I've read in a while. Jeez, I just found TVgasm like last year and my two favorite recappers are gone? Is this some kind of sick early April Fools joke? B-Side, way to bust out the real German in this recap.

51 of 287 | Posted by newtrino | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:58 PM

mo_knows

In regards to B-Side: I can't believe you won't be recapping anymore! Where are you going?? You make me laugh so hard! Good luck!!
In regards to the show: I feel like so much of this was staged... from Audrina's totally fake phone conversation, to Heidi's note to Lauren (that just HAPPENED to be written in the largest print ever, so that we could read it on the TV) to Lauren's non-reaction to Heidi ditching her, which just proves that it was set up or had already been dealt with before she got back to the apartment. That said, I thought that Blake guy was pretty cute, and seemed pretty normal, compared to all the other LA douchebags they are always showing. Bummed that there's probably only two more shows left this season, and read that Whitney took an internship in NY, so if there is another season she probably won't be on it, which sucks, I think she's pretty cool/normal.
And, most important... next week- the return of Lo!!!!!!!!

52 of 287 | Posted by mo_knows | Posted on March 6, 2007 6:59 PM

mo_knows

P.S. When Lauren & Audrina were at the Grove I noticed that Rocky Balboa was the movie on the marquee of the theatre, and since I can't stand the editing on this show, I googled it to find out when it was released, and it was 12/20/06, and since the next episode deals with NYE, I guess this one was in sync. They're off the hook this time....

53 of 287 | Posted by mo_knows | Posted on March 6, 2007 7:03 PM

ICTHUS

WHAT????!?!?!?!?!?!?!
B-side you CANNOT leave. You are the only one I love reading. Where are you going? Please stay!

54 of 287 | Posted by ICTHUS | Posted on March 6, 2007 7:05 PM

Jennifer30309

YOU KILLED MISERY!!!!!!!

B-Side, I'm sad to see you go and with you and Joe gone I won't be reading TVGasm anymore. At least it was a slow death and one we saw coming.

I hope you go on to wonderful things and keep us posted on your adventures, hopefully on another blog??

I can't imagine not knowing what snack the old guy sitting next to you on JetBlue selects, whether you'll find a Toblerone in time to make your flight, whether Veronica and Rachel snub you at Don Antonio's, and whether J-Unit loses an eye to the Wii when the basket breaks. I'm sorry to see you go, and wish you all the best.

55 of 287 | Posted by Jennifer30309 | Posted on March 6, 2007 7:10 PM

Bauer's Sweetheart

I am going to spend all night crying. TVgasm has been my favorite website for over two years and now it's all over. I'm like an addict who has lost her two favorite dealers.

B-Side, you are a great writer and I have tremendously enjoyed everything you have written. I'll be watching for whatever you do in the future and I will cry every time they set up a perimeter or protocol on 24 - it just won't be the same without you.

56 of 287 | Posted by Bauer's Sweetheart | Posted on March 6, 2007 7:12 PM

lovinlaguna

I almost don't know what to do with myself! I too have been a dedicated fan of B-Side and J-Unit. Laguna and The Hills were so much better because of them.

Unless Laguna Consultant is taking over for BSide, I'll be peacing out too. It just won't be as entertaining without you BSide...please reconsider!!!! Don't leave us we need you!

57 of 287 | Posted by lovinlaguna | Posted on March 6, 2007 7:19 PM

lovinlaguna

Or please please please finish out the season...don't leave us right when it's getting good!

I'm going to go wallow in my misery now.

58 of 287 | Posted by lovinlaguna | Posted on March 6, 2007 7:21 PM

lora

Oh, Bside! I don't understand why you are leaving so abruptly. What happened???? :-(

These recaps won't be, CAN'T be as good without your unique spin.

I'm crushed.

59 of 287 | Posted by lora | Posted on March 6, 2007 7:35 PM

jstar

B-Side! WTF?! I cannot BELIEVE you're leaving before the return of LO?! Oh my GAAAWD.

Why did you have to go out on such a boring episode? Damn you MTV!

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