Tonight on "The Hills," we FINALLY get a blessed break from the frustratingly endless Blahdrina drama (Blahdrama?) as well as a sneak peek into the freaky Aussie fetish of one Whitney Port, who finds a male model just not hot enough and ditches him for a superhumanly hot musician. I mean, really, why settle? Plus, I hate to break it to you, but le 'stache is back.
After a recap wherein Spencer is blamed for Heidi's drunken idiocy (listen, I know it's fun to blame him for everything from Heidi's boob job to global warming, but she had three tequilas before he even showed up. Give Homeboy a break), we open at People's Revolution, where the blondies (and one Twink) huddle around an office phone, which broadcasts the dooming voice of Kelly Cutrone.
I hope that shoulder rest is wearing a condom.
Through a series of Charlie Brown-esque "Whap whap whap, whap whap whap whap"s over the phone, Kelly informs the crew that she needs some emergency fashion assistance in New York, immediately! Fashion Team, Assemble! As though there's some kind of chiffon crisis in Queens and the city may implode if they don't get there right away. She enlists the help of - who else? - LC and Whitney, while the other two assistants barely stifle their envy of those two reality show bitches. In addition to saving the world from a chintz meltdown, this is also a great lead-in to Whitney's new show, "The City," coming soon to an MTV near you! How convenient.
"HELP! I'M CHOKING ON MY OWN CUTENESS!"
Oh, I wanted to ask you guys: what's your favorite moment in the "Hills" credit sequence? This one is mine, and I'm still waiting to see the actual moment to air.
Everybody in the hotel say Wooo! Wooo!
At PR-NYC, Kelly Cutthroat hails everyone's ability to color-coordinate, putting them on the same level as Forever 21 employees. She berates an employee for talking on the telephone, mimicking a little girl voice and demanding she hang up and give her full attention.
These gleaming white teeth brought to you by Crest Whitestrips.
She'd better be careful or she'll end up like... Audrey? Jenny? Who was that chick who got fired that I loved to call anorexic? Eh, she's off TV, I guess she doesn't matter anymore. Anyway, LC and Whit stroll in looking like a spring day in shades of lavender and cream and wave to Cutthroat. She responds by asking, "WHERE. IS. YOUR. BLACK." plus nervously psychotic giggle thrown in for good measure.
"I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES."
Whitney steps up to the plate, explaining that they're saving their black garments for the fashion show, while LC essentially looks terrified and moves her mouth as though she's starting several sentences, nodding along with Whit. See, this is why Whitney's getting promoted and moved to New York. She's found the only thing the Fashion Nazi hates more than color: dirty laundry. And surely a couple of L.A. girls can't be expected to have more than one black outfit.
Cutthroat's one redeeming quality is that she adores the humiliation of Whitney. She finds ample opportunity by informing her that her boy Alex (Kelly's words, not mine) will be walking in the show, so, you know, just be prepared to wear something slutty that day (my words, not hers). Whit blushes deeply and cowers in her oversized, 1982 megaprint shirt dress.
I think I used to have a Mormon neighbor who wore this exact shirt/dress.
She informs the two that, oh yeah, LC will be seeing him in his underwear, by the way. Does that bother you, LC?
"Are you kidding me? I haven't seen a man in his underwear in like five years."
At Buckler, the girls arrive and insist they'll do anything he tells them to do. Nothing like a full-service PR firm, right? The designer asks Whit to dress Adam, who we know must have been hired by the producers, because he's fully mic'ed and keeps making nervously douchey banter and vague answers to simple questions.
Exhibit A: Whitney: "How old are you?" Adam: "How old are YOU? Heheheh."
Exhibit B: LC: "Did you come here to model?" Adam: "Maybe, maybe not."
But his pecs are incredible so I guess he'll just have to do.
"Hey, as long as you're down there..."
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Comments (10)
As usual, the re-cap was much more interesting then the show. Is it just me, or is Heidi starting to resemble Michael Jackson?
1 of 10 | Posted by FatGirlsRule | Posted on November 13, 2008 5:16 AM
#4... mmmmmmm.....
2 of 10 | Posted by MargotTenenbaum | Posted on November 13, 2008 7:25 AM
That scene from the credits that you like has already been shown! It was from when they went to Vegas about when they were either going on or getting off the plane - I specifially remember that shirt LC was wearing bc I thought it was odd that it had a racerback.
Anyway - great recap - the Aussie was hot, but seemed a little on the short side. They are totally setting Whitney up for her show.
3 of 10 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on November 13, 2008 8:25 AM
Brent Bolthouse is my new hero.
4 of 10 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:31 AM
Maybe it is just me, but Brent seemed like he was in love with Heidi and truly sad that he had to fire her. Even when she was begging for her job back, he got soft. He was tough at first, but then kind of smiled and said he would definitely talk to Sam. It wasn't a huge brilliant smile, but there was a small smile in there. Definitely gave me the feeling that he was feeling the little Pocket Sprite. (Great line by the way!) I was shocked to see him tower over her!! I wondered if he had been standing on something...
5 of 10 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 13, 2008 11:13 AM
Since Heidi's "job" at Bolthouse was fake to begin with, so was her "firing". I honestly wish it had been real.
6 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on November 13, 2008 1:46 PM
I always got the impression that Sam is a very big guy thus making everyone around him look small. I bet Brent is about average size.
Great recap. I couldn't believe how Whitney just blew off Alex. So what that he's shy. To me that means the guy is less likely to be an ass and jerk you around.
I loved when Brent told Heidi off regarding Spencer. Too funny!
7 of 10 | Posted by akgirl7 | Posted on November 13, 2008 4:28 PM
Not done the recap (I just skimmed) but I was very pleased to see that you covered the Brent/Heidi/Spencer fiasco explicitly. I am SO glad that somebody finally handed Heidi her ass. Now, as we know from the previews, Sam gives her her job back, but they still told her that Spencer is not allowed at her work functions anymore. Which, considering that her work is basically one giant office party, kind of sucks for her. But do I feel bad? NO!
And thatswhatshesaid, yeah, I was wondering if Brent was standing on something, but in the far away shots I don't think he was and he looked equally ginormous over Heidi. How tall is she anyway? Spencer, I figure, is somewhere in the 5'10/5'11 region and he was nose to nose with Brent. So Heidi would be less than 5'5, I'm guessing. But she never looks that short next to Spencer...
Oh, why do I even care so much?
8 of 10 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on November 13, 2008 10:28 PM
Georgiababe - yep, you are right. We are spending an inordinate amount of time on Brent's height. I think after him looking so short last week and then looming over everyone this week it was just surprising... A theory about Heidi is that she probably wears really high heels so that makes her closer in height to Spencer...Just a thought.
okay, and done! :)
9 of 10 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 14, 2008 11:16 AM
That Lisa CuntThroat looks like SATAN! The chinese girl on the phone was probably talking to a customer. Was she suppposed to just hang up on them?
And Heidi gets her job back. I wonder.... did she spit or swallow??
10 of 10 | Posted by FatGirlsRule | Posted on November 19, 2008 5:52 AM