Heidi sighs, "So, I want your advice on something," thus the reason for Kimmy's return: to listen to a recap of the last four fucking weeks of the show (which, incidentally, don't get more interesting with each retelling) and to blindly support whatever crazy-bitch ideas Heidi has to solve her problems. Kimmy takes a deep breath, peeks at her cell phone, and settles into her chair with a terse, "Go on." Stacie wants Heidi to come to her bar to talk, and after Kimmy wonders aloud how long this is going to go on (how funny! I was just wondering the same thing!), Heidi says earnestly, "She's the devil." Um, no, the pube 'stache sleeping next to you is the devil. Stacie is merely the devil's non-whore. Remember, kids, Spencer and Stacie NEVER EVEN DID IT. Even the Jen Bunney/Brody/LC fiasco lasted less time than this. Nevertheless, Kimmy advises Heidi to go talk to the non-whore. "Where I come from, we don't deal with that," she says.
Meanwhile, at People's Revolution...
LC is managing her time efficiently while Stephanie colors on herself with a silver pen. How did she make it past kindergarten? She asks LC to explain the next day's photo shoot at Smashbox and seems to be concentrating reeeeeallly hard on following basic sentence structure. She's jealous that she doesn't get to go on the shoot. But LC has worked really hard to get to this point - maybe after two years of gossiping with her coworker and reading text messages aloud, Stephanie will move up to this level.
LC tells Stephanie that she has to leave but that Steph should pack the neutrals for her for the morning. Unfortunately, she chooses the first moment of Steph's life that she decided to be industrious to give her these instructions. As we all know, Stephanie can only focus on one friend/boy/outfit at a time, so the request for neutrals goes in one ear and out the other - specially when LC uses words like "input" and "everything."
After a few moments of sweet, fleeting attention, Stephanie is once again distracted by her new ringtone and giggles apologetically, drawing death stares from her coworkers. She picks up the cellie and Robert's on the line. You know, when Whitney worked there it was all good and fine to chat about boys and pick up their personal lines, and I can only assume that's because they proved they could handle doing things like "inputting neutrals" and "steaming" while they did so. But Steph hasn't quite proved her worth yet, and LC's getting pissed - which we can tell by the hand placed over her mouth to keep from screaming obscenities while Steph flirts on the phone. If we can all see she's going to fuck up, and LC can see it too, why does she bother trusting Stephanie with her precious neutrals??? Why, God, WHY?
Blahdrina is working at a performance by a band who probably paid a LOT of money to appear during this ultra-important segment. An associate meets her there - Sandra, who is dressed appropriately and looks like a normal, attractive human being, a stark contrast to Blahdrina, who can't be bothered to button the top four clasps on her leather bustier.
The band goes on and as they play, Blahdrina gets a phone call from her beloved alley cat, who wants to see her soon so he can slap her around for (not) hooking up with Broday. She talks for three minutes about how she can't talk right then, and it's truly amazing how well the lyrics to this song perfectly illustrate the angst Blahdrina is living AT THIS MOMENT. At least as well as any other generic pop song MTV uses to drive this show's plotlines.
At Smashbox Studios, Lau and Lo get to live out their dreams of working together WHILE WORKING TOGETHER! It's a pivotal moment in their friendworkship. But before long, there's trouble in paradise as Lo asks where the hell the neutrals are! LC conveys her concern using her perfected combination of deep silence and a lightly furrowed brow (lightly, now, you don't want wrinkles). "Stephanie...." she whispers, and I kind of expect them to cut to a shot of Stephanie laughing maniacally while she flounces around Los Angeles draped in neutrals.
Needless to say, Lo is not pleased.
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Comments (8)
Love the re-cap, Love you, please don't ever leave us :D
1 of 8 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on May 13, 2009 2:34 AM
awesome recap. i'll bet you anything that LC will not fire Steph-she's become so weak. There's something about the Pratt offspring that makes it hard for the human race to say no....
2 of 8 | Posted by nyla23 | Posted on May 13, 2009 4:28 AM
Great recap O. Snapp.
Heidi's jealousy has set "womankind" back about 2000 years.
And did Lauren ever think that StephPratt would ever do a good job at anything? The same girl who thinks that gerbils grow up to be hamsters? come on.
I'm surprised that she didn't make three groups of clothes: neutrals, positives and negatives.
Maybe she should work at a childcare facility. It might help her re-learn the basics and the kids could teach her how to do labels.
3 of 8 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on May 13, 2009 5:23 AM
Great recap. I loved the Madonna pic.
I told my friend during the previews for this ep that if Lauren didn't fire Steph I would stop watching the show. Now I have to watch next week too. Nothing ever happens but you think maybe this week and you're sucked in.
4 of 8 | Posted by newcastlefan | Posted on May 13, 2009 10:31 AM
O.SNAPP!
I love your recaps. I always refer to Justin Bobby as Pigpen now. Blahdrina clearly lost that argument to him and we know she's going to crawl back into his hole sooner than later anyways.
Next week looks super fun. You should of added a little preview for us: Heidi's blowjob face at the end of the previews.
5 of 8 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on May 13, 2009 1:48 PM
o.snapp, please never leave us again. your recaps are awesome. but on to the show...
personally, i think stacie is awesome and i wish that was who they were getting to replace lauren next season. i just loved her line of "you're crazy, you're boyfriend's a dick, and good luck with that." truer words have never been spoken. honestly, what the fuck did stacie actually do to piss heidi off so bad? texted spencer? i mean, as a bartender, i bet 150% that was the only reason she was "flirting" with him that one night in the first place. i have flirted with hundreds of questionable, douche-y men to get a better tip. and even if stacie did then text him or meet up with him after that she never gave off the vibe that she wanted to fuck him. more like she liked the cameras he had to offer and knew that she would certainly gain some time with them by talking to the asshole. i really hate that i've put so much thought into their relationship, but i know a million girls like heidi that think once a guy is their boyfriend they should be the only girl to ever talk to them again. it's really really sad and i love that stacie knew that and didn't give a fuck. personally, i would do the same thing. it amuses me to get girls like heidi all riled up. i mean, she took him to a counselor over the whole "ordeal"! either way, they both suck and you're right, stephanie needs to seriously go through her wardrobe and throw out anything she could potentially tie around her forehead and call a headband. and did pigpen become homeless? he never looked to be the most hygenic guy to begin with, but now he just looks dirty and matted. and not b/c it's the look he's going for, but b/c that's what happens when you sleep on a piece of cardboard somewhere off of sunset blvd.
kisses till next week, o.snapp, you're the best!
6 of 8 | Posted by jennylovesflowie623 | Posted on May 13, 2009 10:52 PM
Thanks for a funny recap. These dunderheads on The Hills are getting on my nerves. It really is a shame the show has stopped feautring Lauren and Lo for Audrina, Heidi, Spencer and Stephanie who is so out of place on The Hills. Stephanie's incompetence as an intern makes vacuous Heidi look like a good employee for Bolthouse. ;)
And it's funny how whenever one group of The Hills cast goes on vacation to Las Vegas or Hawaii the other group shows up to party with them. It kind of makes you go hmmm that sure seemed planned and not just a coincidence. I guess it was in th script.
7 of 8 | Posted by Skylar | Posted on May 14, 2009 11:57 AM
Hey Stephanie:: The 80's called....they want their headband back and the use of the word "Narly"
8 of 8 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on May 19, 2009 5:09 PM