Lauren calls Stephanie to ream her out in a very stern whisper, but Stephanie is busy having a relaxing lunch with Robert (who, by the way, is definitely a step up from Camwrong - so much so that I question his authenticity). LC asks her about the missing garments. "Yeah, I steamed them, they should be in the bag," Stephanie replies. Yes, we all know they SHOULD be in the bag, the question is why are they NOT in the bag? (I would make a fabulous, bitchy boss.) Stephanie thinks it shouldn't matter since they have so many other clothes anyway, which is a great thing to say at work. "TPS reports? Don't you have enough already?" Steph insists she can't go back to the office because, as we heard, she's on her lunch break.
Heidi, dressed in her ho-fighting best, enters The Dime to have her showdown with Stacie. I feel like I've written that sentence three times already this season. "Funny seeing you here!" Stacie chirps. "Funny seeing you here!" Heidi echoes. So, to Stacie - um, didn't you invite her there? To Heidi - um, she works there. Also, she invited you there. Conclusion: there's very little that's funny about either of them seeing each other here.
I've been thinking. Stacie is really good at being a nice psycho bitch. Each episode, she tries to be nice to Heidi and put everything behind them, but at the first sign of a struggle she reverts to calling Spencer an asshole and Heidi crazy (both accurate descriptions, but still). The same thing happens this week. She insists that she really doesn't want to fight over Spencer because it's not worth it anyway. Then she starts blinking and twitching when Heidi says, "You SHOULD stop texting my boyfriend." Stacie replies, "You SHOULD trust him." Then Heidi says, "No, but YOU SHOULD - but also... there's a million guys..." Good confrontation, Heid. Soon the argument devolves into a brusque exchange of tight-lipped smiles and clipped insults delivered with cheerful tones.
Really, the best part of that segment was watching the curious faces of the bar regulars watching the whole thing go down.
Elsewhere, Blahdrina meets up with Pigpen to celebrate their 300th breakup. His eyes widen for a moment and he rocks back and forth in his chair as she enters the room, not unlike a mental patient watching a nurse with meds cross the room. Blahdrina wastes no time in informing her erstwhile gentleman caller that she cannot communicate with him anymore. She probably rushes into it so quickly because she knows if she gives him a chance to speak, he'll talk her out of it. And into wearing a glitter helmet.
She gets up to leave faster than her mouth can utter the words "I'm done" but he follows her out. "Do you know how many times you've said you're serious?" he asks. The man's got a point there. He brings up the Brody bullshit and she tries to walk away, but he's close behind her with a retort concerning a hypothetical involving a certain bff who shall remain nameless (but whose name is LC).
Later, Blahdrina lunches with the Queen of Frump, Stephanie Pratt, who's dared to add one more piece of retarded head gear to this week's episode. Besides that, her only contribution to the scene is talking about her "job" at PR and insulting Blahdrina about her pattern of making up with Pigpen with a firm, passive-aggressive smile.
At the Aryan Compound, Heidi asks Spencer what he's doing on the couch. "Twittering," he replies, confirming my belief that he embodies all that is wrong with the youth of America (and some of its legislators). Heidi asks if he's talked to Stacie lately, to which he yawns that he's never going to talk to her again. However, instead of appreciating that sentiment, Heidi replies that he's right he won't, because she "took care of it." Spencer laughs that she's acting like she's on "The Sopranos," which is actually pretty funny. Ah, condescension. She continues by telling him of her rendezvous with the non-whore and lays into him about even needing to go do what he should have done in the first place. She also refers to the bar as "Satan's Dungeon," which would actually be a really cool name for a bar.
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Comments (8)
Love the re-cap, Love you, please don't ever leave us :D
1 of 8 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on May 13, 2009 2:34 AM
awesome recap. i'll bet you anything that LC will not fire Steph-she's become so weak. There's something about the Pratt offspring that makes it hard for the human race to say no....
2 of 8 | Posted by nyla23 | Posted on May 13, 2009 4:28 AM
Great recap O. Snapp.
Heidi's jealousy has set "womankind" back about 2000 years.
And did Lauren ever think that StephPratt would ever do a good job at anything? The same girl who thinks that gerbils grow up to be hamsters? come on.
I'm surprised that she didn't make three groups of clothes: neutrals, positives and negatives.
Maybe she should work at a childcare facility. It might help her re-learn the basics and the kids could teach her how to do labels.
3 of 8 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on May 13, 2009 5:23 AM
Great recap. I loved the Madonna pic.
I told my friend during the previews for this ep that if Lauren didn't fire Steph I would stop watching the show. Now I have to watch next week too. Nothing ever happens but you think maybe this week and you're sucked in.
4 of 8 | Posted by newcastlefan | Posted on May 13, 2009 10:31 AM
O.SNAPP!
I love your recaps. I always refer to Justin Bobby as Pigpen now. Blahdrina clearly lost that argument to him and we know she's going to crawl back into his hole sooner than later anyways.
Next week looks super fun. You should of added a little preview for us: Heidi's blowjob face at the end of the previews.
5 of 8 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on May 13, 2009 1:48 PM
o.snapp, please never leave us again. your recaps are awesome. but on to the show...
personally, i think stacie is awesome and i wish that was who they were getting to replace lauren next season. i just loved her line of "you're crazy, you're boyfriend's a dick, and good luck with that." truer words have never been spoken. honestly, what the fuck did stacie actually do to piss heidi off so bad? texted spencer? i mean, as a bartender, i bet 150% that was the only reason she was "flirting" with him that one night in the first place. i have flirted with hundreds of questionable, douche-y men to get a better tip. and even if stacie did then text him or meet up with him after that she never gave off the vibe that she wanted to fuck him. more like she liked the cameras he had to offer and knew that she would certainly gain some time with them by talking to the asshole. i really hate that i've put so much thought into their relationship, but i know a million girls like heidi that think once a guy is their boyfriend they should be the only girl to ever talk to them again. it's really really sad and i love that stacie knew that and didn't give a fuck. personally, i would do the same thing. it amuses me to get girls like heidi all riled up. i mean, she took him to a counselor over the whole "ordeal"! either way, they both suck and you're right, stephanie needs to seriously go through her wardrobe and throw out anything she could potentially tie around her forehead and call a headband. and did pigpen become homeless? he never looked to be the most hygenic guy to begin with, but now he just looks dirty and matted. and not b/c it's the look he's going for, but b/c that's what happens when you sleep on a piece of cardboard somewhere off of sunset blvd.
kisses till next week, o.snapp, you're the best!
6 of 8 | Posted by jennylovesflowie623 | Posted on May 13, 2009 10:52 PM
Thanks for a funny recap. These dunderheads on The Hills are getting on my nerves. It really is a shame the show has stopped feautring Lauren and Lo for Audrina, Heidi, Spencer and Stephanie who is so out of place on The Hills. Stephanie's incompetence as an intern makes vacuous Heidi look like a good employee for Bolthouse. ;)
And it's funny how whenever one group of The Hills cast goes on vacation to Las Vegas or Hawaii the other group shows up to party with them. It kind of makes you go hmmm that sure seemed planned and not just a coincidence. I guess it was in th script.
7 of 8 | Posted by Skylar | Posted on May 14, 2009 11:57 AM
Hey Stephanie:: The 80's called....they want their headband back and the use of the word "Narly"
8 of 8 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on May 19, 2009 5:09 PM