In case anyone doubted that The Hills might be misleading young girls into believing that all those who move to Hollywood meet with rapid success and fame, take last night's episode. After being repeatedly told that she had to pay her dues for years, Heidi was quickly promoted to the cushy position of Bolthouse door-girl, and Whitney, well, she ascended from lowly intern to Vogue fashion model in the blink of an eye. It doesn't always work this way, people. Let's not forget that all these girls have MTV cameras following them. Kind of opens doors for them. So don't start flocking here en masse. We already have enough homeless people.
This week's episode began with Heidi babbling about her impending six month anniversary with Jordan, her jealous douchebag boyfriend who somehow has mistaken his puffy hair for a future in Hollywood. LC and Audrina all reminisced on the couple's romantic journey, which started with a bouquet of lilacs. Or was it lilies? Whatever flowers they were, LC concluded, "That was cute!" To which Heidi replied, "That WAS sweet!" I guess it's good that Heidi finally appreciated the gift, even if it was six months later. Then again, are we really surprised that it takes Heidi six months to process any sort of information. Come this January 4th, she'll probably pull someone to the side and say, "Those fireworks are really loud!"
By the way, with Heidi and Jordan reaching six months, I think it's time to officially name them, and as you all know, I'm always a big fan of smushing names together. What do we like: Heidordan or Jordi? I'll also offer up Heidan (but I think it sounds too much like Hayden, which makes me think of Hayden Christensen -- both the actor and the girl from Amazing Race 6. And I don't like either one). Come to think of it, Jordi reminds me of that little French kid who had that annoying song ten years ago. I guess that leaves us with Heidordan, which is cool because it kind of sounds like a monster, but there are too many syllables. Maybe Jeidi? Oh, wait. OF COURSE: Hordan. That's perfect because it sounds like "Whore Den." Let it be announced throughout the countryside: Heidi and Jordan shall hereby be collectively known as Hordan.
Anyhoo, back to the show. The girls all told Heidi that Jordan better do something special for the anniversary. You know, because six months is really the one you'll always remember. As Heidi pondered all the wonderful things that might come her way, LC passive aggressively commented, "Do you remember how big of a deal six months used to be?" Translation: it's not a big deal anymore, so shut up, HEIDI.
Actually, I don't think LC was being intentionally PA, but I still enjoyed how she subtly dismissed the entire conversation in that rhetorical question. She then noted, "Like, if you were in high school, and you were a good girl, like six months you gave it up." The girls then all laughed mischievously, almost as if to say, "We're all raging sluts! Yay!"
The opening credits then rolled, and soon we learned the name of this episode: "Boyfriends & Work Don't Mix." Or as I like to call it, "In case you learned NOTHING from last week..."
We then headed to Bolthouse Productions where Heidi was presently overloading her brain with an intense game of solitaire. Unless I was mistaken, I don't believe I saw that on her rigorous schedule of "Start Working" and "Stop Working." Suddenly, Brent urgently called for Heidi repeatedly. Sounds like somebody needs a tuna sandwich and a green thing again! Chop chop!
Actually, that wasn't the case. Brent sat Heidi down and tried to fake us out by saying "I don't know how to say this." I pretended for a second that I hadn't seen all the promos and let myself believe that maybe Heidi was about to get canned. But instead, Brent merely said that he wanted to start integrating Heidi into the clubs. This, of course, was massive bullshit. Heidi had been at the office for maybe a month, and after all this talk of having to pay her dues (on top of the fact that she's an idiot and clearly a terrible assistant), she was still moving upwards in the company. Not fair, but I guess those are the advantages of being blonde, having MTV cameras trailing you, and working for a man who gets a boner over celebrities. By the way, is it me, or is Brent Bolthouse starting to look a lot like Randy from Real World: San Diego?
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Comments (38)
thanks for posting the recap so quickly! cant believe you worked for conan. lucky! next week is going to be a great episode--jason gets sloppy on new years and lauren gets dumped?! either way she is in a cab crying at midnight. i hope heidi has to work a club and cant have fun or gets fired.
1 of 38 | Posted by mynameisjenn
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Posted on July 6, 2006 4:50 PM
Good recap, B-Side. I loved the look on Heidi's face as Jen went over all the rules for working the door. That poor girl, how can these people be so cruel? Don't they know Heidi deserves to be paid for having fun? I would love to see her get fired but I don't think Heidi would understand why. I'm sure she thinks she's the best assistant in the world and if she was fired it would be because people were jealous and mean.
I also thought the missing model thing seemed a bit contrived. Now if the model had been Vinci, we would know it was real!
So is Conan really as pasty white as he appears to be? I mean, are there any red corpuscles in the man's body?
2 of 38 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on July 6, 2006 4:58 PM
B-Side. I love you. And as a token of my esteem and affection, I give you: a J-Wahl sighting. Driving up LaBrea, in a silver Range Rover, in all his vapid bearded glory. He was texting/retrieving a text and apparently had a change of plans, because he switched lanes rather suddenly and made a right on Sunset.
3 of 38 | Posted by thekatiemonster
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Posted on July 6, 2006 5:24 PM
I was sort of glad to see that LC was at least criticized for being late. Ten minutes early is on time and on time is late. I knew that when I was thirteen.
4 of 38 | Posted by BethW
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Posted on July 6, 2006 5:30 PM
Heidi's stupidity never fails to amaze or entertain me. But Jordan's a jealous bitch. I really didn't see the big deal; even if Josh and Heidi did have a "connection," did he see Heidi pursuing it? Dumbass.
Jason looks so weird when he shaves. Especially when he's sitting in his car watching Lauren, all bug-eyed. Seriously, that was creepy. Overall, though, the episode was pretty boring. Not enough J-Wahl! He really is almost the only interesting thing about the show at this point. Next week's episode looks good though.
5 of 38 | Posted by antebellum
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Posted on July 6, 2006 5:48 PM
Ah yes to see Heidi get fired. Hopefully Jen will lay the smackdown on her. Then three years from now when you're walking down the magazine section at CVS or Barnes and Nobles you'll notice a familiar face on the cover of some raunchy magazine. "Who is it?" you'll wonder. Ohhh its Heidi with her top off!
P.S. LC's apartment complex is very nice. I was expecting the rent to be much higher than it was.
6 of 38 | Posted by Terence
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Posted on July 6, 2006 6:54 PM
So when Brian was in the dim light of the nightclub, it hit me: you know how Angel and the other vampires on Buffy used to get the scary face with the wide-set eyes and wrinkled forehead right before they attacked? That's what ugly Brian looks like!!
7 of 38 | Posted by elljay8
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Posted on July 6, 2006 7:14 PM
Six month "anniversary"!?! Does this raise the ire of no one else? I'm too old to be watching this then...
8 of 38 | Posted by ThereBeNoShelterHere
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Posted on July 6, 2006 7:32 PM
Clearly I have too much time on my hands, but if this info is true on Wikipedia, it proves that MTV edits WAY out of sequence, b/c Jason's birthday is 1/11 (after New Years Eve)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/People_on_Laguna_Beach
9 of 38 | Posted by beermonster
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Posted on July 6, 2006 7:48 PM
B-Side (I love you, btw), I was happy for Whitney too. She seems sweet, and like a hard worker (yeah, the model thing did seem contrived, but what the hell ISN'T contrived on this show?)
I was PISSED, though, when Heidi didn't get reprimanded for leaving her post. COME ON! Spoiled little f-ing brat. With MTV cameras, you need no work ethic...the sad thing is, I'm sure all the 15-year-olds out there don't realize that, and I shudder to think of Heidi as a role model.
I do find Lisa Love's contempt for Lauren to be entertaining. I don't even know if it's personal...hey, sometimes your boss just doesn't like you. Or maybe Lisa's jealous because Lauren doesn't have a nasty complexion and lined face. Ciggies'll do that to ya!
10 of 38 | Posted by maybeimamazed02
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Posted on July 6, 2006 8:03 PM
Oh Lord, let Heidi come prancing through my office door in search of work some day. I can't wait to be a witness to the dream job to nightmare job to gets what she wants, but she doesn't want it THIS week whirlwind of career-based mood swings that swirls around in that void between her ears and occurs entirely within the duration of 12 seconds. The Queen of Crusted Butt never fails to disappoint, and I'd love to give her a dose of the real workplace world.
11 of 38 | Posted by remford
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Posted on July 6, 2006 8:29 PM
alright, i have some comments to make:
-doesn't heidi realize that her bosses with offices BEHIND HER can see her playing solitaire? also, couldn't she walk across the room to elodie? did she really have to make that obnoxious call...
-jason stalking: weird. jason forming multiple sentence in a row, most which made sense: CREEPY.
i'm such a lame but now that the re-caps are separated into pages, i forget what i want to say and had to make points on a post-it.
also, i usually like to go with the 'i'm not mad at you, i'm just DISAPPOINTED.'
12 of 38 | Posted by annna
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Posted on July 6, 2006 10:08 PM
I can't handle the awkward conversations between LC and Jason.
LC also looks like she is smelling shit all the time, with that look on her face.
I hope Heidi and her stupid boyfriend break up and she ends up in porn.
13 of 38 | Posted by MelanieM
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Posted on July 6, 2006 10:40 PM
Therebenoshelterhere -
yeah that anniversary thing drew my ire also, isn't an anniversary something that, by definition happens annually or once a year..
OMG though, the stress of being at work by 2:30pm on a weekday.. TRAUMA-RAMA! I too want those lazy idiots to be fired (LC and Heidi) Its OK though, in 5 years they'll all be either working retail or doing nothing living off their trust funds.
14 of 38 | Posted by jtrayne
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Posted on July 6, 2006 11:57 PM
Great recap, B-Side! You didn't miss much, just scenes for next week's show which inexplicibly takes place on New Year's Eve.
I was so hoping that Heidi would get busted sitting there at the club with her friends (and drinking?).
I loved how when Danica said she'd have a talk with Whitney about substituting on the runway, all she did was bark "You're going to walk tonight" as she walked past her.
15 of 38 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 7, 2006 5:49 AM
I could actually appreciate Jason’s lame attempt to smooth things over with LC after the whole powdery b-day thing. I mean there he was, completing sentences, using his words, etc. But I kept waiting to hear the one thing that he really should have said, which was “I’m SORRY”. Not that it mattered, LC’s so hopeless anyway, she just let him off the hook.
Side note: was it just me, or did it seem like LC was getting some extra mileage out of that black v-neck sweater and dark denim Capris? I’m not sure of the timing of the episodes, but it looked like she was wearing the same outfit to work on Jason’s birthday and then again when he cornered her on the way to class. I’m gonna need her to come up with some different outfits as long as she has a camera crew trailing after her.
Side note 2: I actually got the impression that LC and Jason were coming from lunch-not breakfast- when she showed up late to work. I’m probably all suspicious b/c of all the lies that you’ve outed the producers on, but it seemed to me like the editing was supposed to make it look like the morning scene at her apartment and her getting to work late happened back to back. She may be clueless when it comes to guys, but I don’t see her being that irresponsible with her work.
Side note 3: has anyone read the seventeen magazine cover story on LC? I was so disgusted by the caption “I didn’t like dating until I met Jason.” that I’m boycotting buying the issue….of course I still want to know what she says.
16 of 38 | Posted by babeblue
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Posted on July 7, 2006 6:13 AM
explosive diarrhea!!!
Oh B-Side, what would we do without you?
Ok, what was up with that guy Josh? How’s he gonna sit there and tell Heidi’s man that “she’s really good.” WTF?!? That’s so jacked up. I think that would make any guy cringe on the inside/throw up in the back of his throat. Jordan’s reaction after Heidi left was priceless.
The end of the episode was the preview next week where Jason is the one getting all pissy with LC and ruining her new year’s eve. I just feel so sorry for the girl, but she lets herself be the doormat for all this crappy behavior.
17 of 38 | Posted by babeblue
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Posted on July 7, 2006 6:23 AM
The scene with Jason stalking LC to discuss the night of his birthday was obviously one staged by MTV. I agree with B-Side that nothing seemed resolved at the end of that "conversation" yet both walked away as if everything had been hashed out. I would guess that more than likely the actual discussion of the events took place off camera and was then "recreated" in this scene for ths shows benefit -- as probably happens a lot on this show (and Laguna). I think this may be why it seems like Jason sucks at talking. He's just not very good at these staged conversations and I think also very aware that a camera is recording everything he says. He must be better at talking than we see -- otherwise how is he able to convince LC to stay with him even when she is constantly disappointed by him? Hopefully he doesn't have any plans on an acting career.
18 of 38 | Posted by bridgeguy
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Posted on July 7, 2006 7:49 AM
Am I the only one who was highly amused by Elodie's comment to Heidi when she said she couldn't work the first Wednesday because of anniversary bowling- something about it being tough having such a busy social calendar? I'm hoping it was sarcastic, but sadly I couldn't be sure.
I love that Heidi and Lauren try to play the disgruntled employee card when in fact they're just interns. It's so hard when there's no expectations of you in the workplace!
19 of 38 | Posted by RealityMonkey
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Posted on July 7, 2006 7:56 AM
I'm beginning to think that Lauren is getting paid to wear that godforsaken black headband. Does some black headband company sponsor the show?
Heidi's complete lack of work ethic never ceases to amaze me. My boyfriend can tell when I'm watching this show because of the stream of profanity that flows from the living room.
J-Wahl just keeps getting better. A monosyllabic, hirsute, possible cokehead who is ALSO a jealous drunk? LC knows how to pick 'em.
20 of 38 | Posted by MissKatrina
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Posted on July 7, 2006 8:07 AM
babeblue
Regarding the Heidi, Josh, Jordan table dance, I also caught Josh's comment about 'she's really good'! Drunk or whatever, not what the boyfriend wants to hear.
Hmmm, surprised too that Jordan didn't pipe up and defend his girl - ah yes, THAT'S the reason he's dating her and why they have been together for 6 whole months! A regular f_ _k AND tv time! Silly me, I just don't get it!
Great recap B-Side - I'm so tempted to come up to LA so I can stalk these morons and open a can of whoop ass on them.......gad they're soooo stupid!
21 of 38 | Posted by Belinda
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Posted on July 7, 2006 10:38 AM
When will MTV get on the ball and stop running their shows over the scheduled times? I always thought it was an issue with my cable/DVR clocks, but it's happening to friends elsewhere in the country, too.
Anyway, from the previews, I was expecting that the LC/Jason drama would be in this week's episode. Although I'm disappointed, it's nice to see that it's definitely coming next week.
It's so nice to watch Heidi be set up and knocked down over and over like a set of bowling pins at her job. Kudos to the boss who didn't let her get away with the schedule change. But why didn't she get busted for socializing while working at LAX?
22 of 38 | Posted by ChickenFriedChicken
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Posted on July 7, 2006 10:44 AM
First of all, it's not very important but "like OMG" B-Side! I'm shocked you know who Jordi is. Maybe I've underestimated his fame.
Now on to the show! I don't even know why I'm still surprised by Heidi's stupidity. Ok, that's mean, let me say 'cluelessness' instead. How could Heidi ask Jen to start at the club Saturday night instead of Wednesday with a straight face?! Thank God for Jen, the dirty look she gave and her "NONONONONO". It was almost the same as a 'Wtf, dumbass.'
Next episode looks good with LC crying in the car all alone, except for the fact that we all know LC isn't dumping Jason after that... Lame.
23 of 38 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on July 7, 2006 11:09 AM
B-Side, I haven't heard anyone called a "sourpuss" in a very very long time.
MissKatrina (#20), I'm with you, Lauren, please stop wearing the black headband, and the love of god, please run a comb through your hair on occasion.
24 of 38 | Posted by Pamsey
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Posted on July 7, 2006 1:20 PM
I am not sure if this was discussed before but...Did Heidi have a role in Laguna Beach? Could someone enlighten me as to where she came from? Where are LC's other friends?
25 of 38 | Posted by GD
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Posted on July 8, 2006 7:20 PM
alright so i basically died laughing when i read what the Lara girl was really thinking when she asked Lauren to be there on time. Also, have you like decided on a nickname for Lauren and Jason? cause if your looking for a short one, you could use jrad. the j coming from Jason and the rad coming from Laurens last name, conrad. yep.
26 of 38 | Posted by holly.love.
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Posted on July 8, 2006 8:29 PM
OK, how does Jordan afford pearl earrings? I thought he was unemployed?
Does MTV go around and pay him to get the youth of Hollywood to quit thier jobs?
27 of 38 | Posted by Court_Love
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Posted on July 10, 2006 6:51 AM
Heidi was ion Laguna a little last year I believe. I thought she was the girl LC was telling about the Men are like purses thing.
28 of 38 | Posted by PattiJo
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Posted on July 10, 2006 7:57 AM
Hey B-side... maybe MTV is trying to keep the actual location of Heidi and LC's apartment private by pretending they live somewhere else?
29 of 38 | Posted by windycity
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Posted on July 10, 2006 1:34 PM
Hey B-Side! I am a long-time reader, first time comment-leaver, but I couldn't resist saying hey after I read that you were a Conan intern! So was I! I feel so close to you. Keep the rockin recaps comin'.
30 of 38 | Posted by Fleisch
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Posted on July 10, 2006 1:49 PM
Hey B-Side! I am a long-time reader, first time comment-leaver, but I couldn't resist saying hey after I read that you were a Conan intern! So was I! I feel so close to you. Keep the rockin recaps comin'.
31 of 38 | Posted by Fleisch
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Posted on July 10, 2006 1:51 PM
I just knew Heidi was going to get busted by going into the club during "work hours", especially since it seemed like she was in there for a very long time. Oh well, maybe next time.
32 of 38 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on July 10, 2006 3:18 PM
Maybe Heidi's boss will scold her this week. Wait I mean next week becuase this week is New Years. New Years sure did come fast they just started school like a month ago. I know it's reality TV.
How come heidi dosen't have to work on New Years? Or the promo looks like she doesn't.
33 of 38 | Posted by PattiJo
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Posted on July 10, 2006 3:26 PM
I cannot believe how lame Jason and Lauren are. Can they be any more boring? Do they ever have a real conversation? Lauren is way stupid for staying with that jerk. B-side your recap was awesome as always. Please go to Lauren's apartment and shake her for me!
34 of 38 | Posted by dsher
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Posted on July 10, 2006 4:05 PM
I just got around to watching this episode, and I just wanted to say that I'm glad to see from the previews of the next episode that Lauren's getting something done with THAT HAIR!
Geez, you'd think a 20 year old (or whatever) college student/intern who can afford to buy her boyfriend a set of golf clubs for his birthday could afford to not look like a homeless person every day. (I'm a lawyer and I can't afford to buy myself a set of golf clubs.) Yet, she manages to appear to not be able to afford a bottle of shampoo. Maybe Heidi should just donate that curling iron to LC, along with some mousse, hairspray, conditioner and a hair dryer.
35 of 38 | Posted by kristin_d_l
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Posted on July 11, 2006 11:03 AM
http://ilovecamping.blogspot.com/2006/07/really-really-really-stupid-6-months.html
36 of 38 | Posted by GnomeCorp
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Posted on July 12, 2006 6:08 AM
Seriously, why doesn't Jason ever say that he's sorry? He just wants "to make sure she's not mad at [him]" probaly to make sure that she will still put out when he's all coked up and horny. This is the same reason why Stephen was able to walk all over her, she won't even tell these guys when they really do make her mad. I want to like Lauren, but she's a pathetic, spineless, embarassing representative of womankind.
Yes. I am upset.
37 of 38 | Posted by MrsPetersen
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Posted on July 12, 2006 10:38 AM
whoa. look at high-tech tvgasm! recaps of the misadventures of LC in style. Shmoove.
38 of 38 | Posted by Tweezers
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Posted on July 19, 2006 7:11 PM