Testimonials

Spencer enters and Steph greets him with a smile and a pleasantly medicated hello. Ever notice how Stephanie never berates Spencer for dropping by unannounced? I'm not defending anyone, but it's true. Next to Spencer, Stephanie's a perfect darling.

"You decorated this place pretty janky," comments Spencer. HILARIOUS! Perhaps he's just gotten caught up on Ting Lee's recaps from last year, where his home was described the exact same way. After comparing her kitchen to a bathroom (an oddly specific but not terribly mean insult), he invites her to visit their grandmother with him and Heidi, which is cute and all, but the weird angle distracts me and I begin to think he's hosting a "celebs show off their bling" show.

"... and welcome to Lifestyles of the Fake Rich and Janky."

Stephanie would totally love to go "but I have something called 'school' and 'work'," she says, trying to remember the definitions of those words. But... this IS your work. What else does she do? Although, from the family tree we know of the Pratts, I'm willing to bet an afternoon with Grannie is probably work in and of itself. Can you imagine the nightmare from which this progeny hath sprung? At least you'll get paid for it. "Can't she come here?" Stephanie whines. What a thoughtful granddaughter.

Spencer guilt-trips her into it by asking, "What kind of person doesn't check in with their Nana?" I rarely agree with him, but that's true. "I can," Stephanie begins. "You can but you don't," he counters. Hmmm. Is Spencer looking out for someone other than himself? I don't trust it.

Next, MTV continues to make me feel bad about the fact that I haven't been to the gym since before I knew who Sarah Palin was. Yes, thank you Adam Divello, I know everyone else jogs. Suck it.

Skinny bitch.

At the Blonde Haus, Lauren has a very special boy toy treading water in her pool. Who could it be? Pigpen?

Not with those nipples!

Can someone tell me why Brody is always the one in the pool and Lauren never gets in? Is it in Lauren's contract that she can never get wet, in any sense of the word? "So. Why you bangin' Justin-Bobby?" asks Brody, King of Sensitivity, Sultan of Subtlety. He claims it's the craziest s--t he's ever heard, yet, isn't Pigpen an official Homeboy? And isn't one requirement of becoming a Homebody that one must get at least to third base with LC before entry into The Brotherhood? Suddenly it doesn't seem so crazy after all, does it?

LC complains about how embarrassing it is, blah blah blah. Broday launches into his "Stevie Wonder as Dear Abby" act, lifting his forehead toward the sky and swaying it back and forth while telling LC what life is really all about (surprisingly, it's not sex). "That's not the kind of person you want in your life," he sighs. They may have taken this from a clip from, like, nine weeks ago when he was by the pool advising her to stay away from Stephanie. It's all the same shit, all the time. My question is, if Lauren knows this already (as she claims to), then why does she keep the jerks around?

"I just texted... to say... i heart u"

At the Blahteau, Medusa has attacked Kat Von D. and thrown her on to an ugly suede couch.

Gah! My eyes!

Good Silent Sister Casey is looking through a magazine with the theme "most romantic rooms ever," to which Blahdrina mutters, "That's cool," then forces a smile so fake that even Katie Holmes cringed. Meanwhile, Blahdrina's "super-girly" (and, might I add, super-empty) house is still incomplete. Her ego-sized mirror and random poster from Bed, Bath and Beyond still aren't hung.

That's what you get when you invest in a man and not a ladder.

Blah, looking extra dewy and 'stachetastic, updates her sis on the going-on of her vagina, namely the complete inactivity therein. She complains that her beloved is doing that thing where he makes everything seem like it was all her fault. Ummmm, well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news (unless there's a joke to be made from it), but it WAS all your fault. You admitted that when you said you no longer believed that he stuffed LC's hot dog bun. As Blah thinks out loud, Casey looks like a twelve-year-old boy who just got caught masturbating to his mom's Glamour magazine.

"Who, what? Me? Nothing! Er... nothing. I just... really need to keep this pillow here."

Blahdrina looks to her sister for advice, but gets very little other than silence in return. "It's not like Lauren is just some girl, she's someone I know and care about."

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Posted in The Hills by O. Snapp at 8:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Last Comment: sassycassc08 on Dec 8, 2008 12:26 AM.