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"I understand why Lauren is upset, because why would I think that of her?"

"Do you think I should apologize to Lauren?"

"You do, huh?"

What is this, "Weekend at Bernie's"?

Casey finally looks around, says, "Oh, who, me? Were you talking to me? 'Cause I kind of tuned you out." No, she tells Blah that LC won't forgive her for being the victim (of NOTHING AT ALL) until she apologizes.

Later, across town...

SHUT UP!

In Huntington Beach, we get to see "Nana's House," (awwww!), where the Pratt kids plus Heidi and her ridiculous T-rex arms (weighed down by a purse bigger than her narcissism ) stroll up the cobblestone. "THAT'S the outfit you bought to see your Nana?" Spencer criticizes Stephanie as Heidi laughs like a queen to her asshole jester.

rawr!

As Nana opens the door, Spencer shoves a flower in her face with the explanation that it is from him and Heidi only, and not that whore that straggled along with them. "What a surprise!" she exclaims as they barge into her house.

"Who ARE these nutty whippersnappers?"

"You remember Stephanie, right? You haven't seen her in, what, five years or so?" Spencer asks. Heidi chimes in helpfully, "WE saw her LAST WEEK!" Hmm, looks like there's a new blonde in town, taking over the Pratt family name (and wardrobe).

It's a vest-off! No, seriously girls. Vests. OFF. Please.

"Oooohhhh, look at these pictures!" Heidi swoons, holding up a Wal-Mart Brand gold heart frame that contains photos of a young Spencer and Stephanie, possibly Photoshopped into the frame.

Aw, the first buds of a douchey pube-stache and the seeds of whoreish backstabbery are born. Ah, youth.

"You want some lemonade and cookies?" asks the quintessential grandmother, pushing the kiddies outside to the patio. "It's SO LOVELY out here!" chirps Heidi as the cookies come out. "Mmmm, this is my favorite part about coming here! Except for YOU of course!" Why the hell are they being so fucking fake nice? Nana must be loaded. And terminally ill.

" *cough* brown-nosers *cough* "

Grandma asks Stephanie what's been new, because she hasn't seen her since she lost her virginity. "It hasn't been THAT long," Steph insists. Spencer decides to fill Grannie in on things because she probably doesn't have cable. He makes quick work of tearing down Stephanie's character by informing Grandma that Steph became friends with a girl that was "talking mean about poor, sweet Heidi." Ugh, gag me with a purple spoon.

"Hold on now. Is this something I'm supposed to care about?"

"I want you guys to be happy. Everything is such a nice time when people are happy," Nana Pratt yammers on. She has clearly never seen a Nielsen chart. "I wish I'd had a brother who was protective of me. You can trust him, you can rely on him..." and more things that can never be said of Spencer Pratt. Stephanie nonverbally tells her grandmother to talk to the hand.

Apropos of nothing: I found the most amazing little psychological test online: How To Spot A Fake Smile. You should take it (but not before you're finished with my recap). Evidently, they got the ugliest people in Britain to participate in it. This person, however, is not on the test:

Too easy. It's all in the eyes.

Then there's a scene with Whitney at People's Revolution, but absolutely nothing happens, not even a good weird face from Whit, although she does use the phrase "reaching out" and I want to betch-slap her.

At Del Boca Vista the next day, Stephanie takes a stroll with dear sweet Nana, who's sporting the most adorable grandma hat.

I can't wait to be an old lady, if only for the fabulous headwear.

Stephanie takes the Pratt route of explaining her absence by blaming Spencer for never including her in their lemonade/cookie lovefests (conveniently failing to mention that whole bratty "can't she come here?" comment). Nana, who probably taught all her youngin's to deflect blame, does her one better and claims that it's not up to HER who comes to visit. "If it was me, I'd definitely include you." Is she insinuating that she has wanted to invite Stephanie but the Aryan Douche Brigade refused? That's some serious blame-throwing.

"Just who do you think you're dealing with, pop tart?"

It's not like Grandma has a telephone she can use to call her granddaughter. Stephanie tells her that she knows she SHOULD fight for Nana's attention, but with Spencer it's just too hard, because he's always the star. "Well, it's tough to live in someone's shadow," Nana nods, sweetly jabbing at Steph's ego.

"The only shadow I live behind is the shadow of my hair."

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Posted in The Hills by O. Snapp at 8:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Last Comment: sassycassc08 on Dec 8, 2008 12:26 AM.