She admits to missing Heidi, but maintains that the reason they don't get along hasn't changed. Lo mentions The Wedding, prompting sad downward glances from LC, who says that she knows how to be Heidi's best friend and also how to hate her, but nothing in between. Makes sense to me. Once you hate someone it's damn near impossible to like them again. Then again, tell that to Blahdrina.
Speaking of which... sometimes a visual comes along that just begs for a recapper. Luckily for me, this show is FULL of those moments. Sometimes I can't even choose just one caption. Case in point:
Here's what I've got:
* Tinkerbell threw up his hands, said "fuck it," and took it Hell's Angels-style
* Osh Kosh B'Gosh recently unveiled their new line, "Born To Be Mild"
* No Shirt, No Deodorant, No Problem.
* Then Pigpen got the silliest sunburn of all time
* Blahdrina suddenly got the sinking feeling that maybe her boyfriend wasn't as macho as she'd previously thought. In fact, it was hard to tell if he had a dick at all.
So these two crazy fuckers head to the Viceroy in Palm Springs for a romantic getaway. You know, sometimes it astounds me how many vacations these people take. How much stress do you have as a stupidly rich Epic Records intern and hairdresser that you feel the need to "get away from it all?" Anyway, Farmer Joe and his goth hooker settle in an all-white bungalow, which they will surely taint with their inherent stank. Pigpen, in his own words, heads "straight for the bar." Hey, remember that time that she justified being with him by saying he wasn't drinking anymore? Ah, memories.
As wrong as lipstick on a pig.
They pop a bottle of champagne to celebrate being out of L.A. As they settle on the bed, his body oils soaking into the clean linens, she suggests they keep this tradition once a month. They drink the champagne sans glasses, an elegant decision as usual.
You stay classy, Palm Springs.
He moves in closer to Blahdrina and complains that they never get to go away, just the two of them. Uh-oh. That's Spencer talk if I've ever heard it. Do go on. He theorizes that this creates drama. Hmm, sounds even more familiar! He gushes that he loves the fact that he doesn't hear her friends telling her to dump him. You know, in some cultures, not being able to get along with your friends and boyfriend at the same time is considered a red flag in and of itself, and even reason alone to dump the douche. Of course, I'm not talking about MTV or Southern California culture, so Blahdrina just looks uncomfortable, swears to be drama-free, and cuddles with her asshole.
Graduated magna cum laude from the Spencer Pratt Academy of Manipulators.
At the Newlywed Love Nest, Debbie Montag and Spencer are sharing an exceptionally awkward silence, Debs staring accusingly at Spencer, Spence staring back at her with the arrogance of a man who has just pulled off a diamond heist and gotten away with it.
Well, maybe cubic zirconia heist.
Heidi enters and tells her mom she didn't know she was coming to town. "I came to see YOU," her mom says with sad sweetness, careful to imply that she didn't come to see Spencer, which is the reason she was just staring at him on the couch instead of speaking to her new son-in-Mexican-law."What a surprise..." Heidi mutters, and I can't help but think that every time she says this, oh the many times this season, her voice is full of dread and void of affection. "Yep. I wanted to surprise you," she sighs, her voice stilted, emphasizing her own surprise at the moderately happy couple's recent nuptials, which she undoubtedly found out about on TMZ.
*caption shudder*
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Comments (15)
Thanks for the recap! Hilarious as always. I think I'm the only person on earth working today so this was actually made the day somewhat bearable.
The timeline for this was beyond screwed up. The Heidi/Lauren meeting was all over US Weekly a few months ago. Every mention made of the wedding was done with voiceovers. Usually I don't notice or care about stuff like this, but now I think MTV just doesn't even care anymore.
Anyway thanks for all your great recaps this season O Snapp...happy new year! Are you going to recap the City?
1 of 15 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on December 31, 2008 8:24 AM
msu - I am also at work today, so you're not alone!
I actually enjoyed this episode...but I guess after a season of watching episodes that were painfully boring any type of excitement would be a step up. I felt badly for Heidi and almost squeezed a couple of tears out for her...what is wrong with me?!?
Stephanie needs a stylist - stat! What was up with the orange top & fur vest combo at the black tie event? And those pin-up girl seamed stockings with a long shirt...girlfriend is not putting those fake classes at FIDM to use!!
2 of 15 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on December 31, 2008 9:11 AM
I totally cried when Heidi broke down in front of Lauren. I've felt bad for Heidi all along. She seems so sweet and a little naive. I think Lauren needs to pull the stick out of her you know what and stop being so damn judgemental. She is way too worried about who her girlfriends date.
3 of 15 | Posted by Barbie071979 | Posted on December 31, 2008 9:46 AM
This recap made me laugh like hell. "Up but not UP."
4 of 15 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on December 31, 2008 10:22 AM
OK, I am confused....Was there marriage in Mexico legal or not? If it was NOT legal, then why wasnt it?? It if WAS legal, then why pretend to go to the courthouse to get married?
And.. what was sister pratt wearing at the courthouse? it was so 80's.
OH, by the way, I am also working today. Ya'll have a great new year. My B-day is tommorow!!!
5 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on December 31, 2008 11:25 AM
I enjoyed Heidi's curtsy to the fake judge. What a dumbass.
Great recap - thanks for spending all this time on this pretty lame season. Are you recapping the CITY
6 of 15 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on December 31, 2008 11:43 AM
Yes Please! I second that request for a recap of The City!
I was very relieved to see that they did not move forward with legalizing their wedding in the U.S. Seriously, how can Heidi just turn her back on her family and friends for Spencer? I really can't figure out what in the world is his hold over her! She was never this whipped over anyone on the earlier seasons of The Hills....
This was a good finale. Did anyone watch the Aftershow? Stephanie was all hugged up on Holly. So fake. I liked how Holly kept it real and said, "We'll see" when asked if she thought the wedding would last. Stephanie lives in a dream world with Spencer and Heidi...
7 of 15 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on December 31, 2008 11:56 AM
"They affectionately call each other rare and special individuals. In actuality, they're both painfully plain people just dressed up and bogged down with makeup to seem indiscriminately more interesting."
BEST ASSESSMENT EVER!!! I kinda feel like this sums up this show as a whole.
8 of 15 | Posted by Reiray | Posted on December 31, 2008 4:47 PM
I actually thought Heidi's tears during her talk with LC seemed like huge alligator tears, Tila Tequila style. She completely loses that "emotion" in the next sentence; the tears go away and her voice returns to normal. I thought the crying she did at the end seemed more real, but it shows the sad state of Heidi's brainwashed mind. She told her mom she was happy with her decision during the confrontation on the couch, and was going to go through the courtroom wedding (yes, I know it was fake, but humor me) despite internally being THAT upset about not having her mom there? Tsk tsk, Heidi. That's depressing.
9 of 15 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on January 1, 2009 8:49 AM
Great recap.
The whole Speidi wedding thing was just plain awful. I felt bad for the fake judge.
I guess now we have a whole season of Speidi's wedding plans, photo ops and family fights and choosing teams for the big blowout fight in the church. I hope Heidi makes Spencer wear a really dorky outfit. Wouldn't it be great if Heidi's family was Scotish? I could totally see how awful Spencer would look in his little pleated skirt.
One last thing, when the lights are turned off, do Blaudrina's teeth glow in the dark? Seriously, it looks like you could read a book to the glow of her teeth.
10 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on January 1, 2009 3:44 PM
I, too, was sort of speechless when Heidi broke down in front of LC. My husband and I were watching together and we just silently looked at each other in shock. I think she was sincere. For the first time EVAH! Did think she was a bit of a "c-u-next-Tuesday" to her mother, though.
As for Spencer being selfless at the end...I couldn't disagree more. I thought he did that just to test how far he could actually push this stupid chick. He never meant to make anything legal. He wanted to flex his "muscles" and prove that he could have made Heidi marry him if HE wanted to. This made him even more of an A-Hole!
Oh well. The City looks likes it's gonna suck balls (and not in a good way). That Austrailian dude reminds me of that British rocker guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall...can't think of his name. He hosted the VMAs I think.
I don't even want to get started on Bromance. WTF?!
11 of 15 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on January 1, 2009 6:15 PM
i don't understand the hairdresser reference to justin bobby and blah? please explain.
12 of 15 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on January 1, 2009 8:20 PM
ugly cutie - Russell Brand.
reckless saturn - i think that someone said Justin Bobby worked as a hairstylist for his regular "job"
13 of 15 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on January 1, 2009 9:43 PM
Hey All!
Uglycutie, THANK YOU for the reference to the Sarah Marshall dude...I've been trying to pinpoint who the Australian reminded me of since the sneak previews aired!!! THANKS!
Seriously, WTF regarding Bromance...my husband and I couldn't stop laughing...in the most painful way.
14 of 15 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on January 1, 2009 11:32 PM
Great recap for a lackluster season, OSnapp! After the revolving recapper door for this show, you've settled into the groove quite nicely. And thanks for the shot-out to my investigative reporting. ;-)
Put me down as another request for you to recap The City. I actually watched the first two episodes because I like Whitney. Can't wait to read your take on Olivia (aka the New Bitch).
To the poster above, Jay has to miss about 126,935 showers to become the new JustinBobby.
Happy New Year all!
15 of 15 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on January 4, 2009 4:40 AM