This week on The Hills, J Wahl gets a chin makeover in rehab, Deadrina decides that just because you can't love half a man doesn't mean you can't accept a ride to the beach from him, and Montag makes a huge dick move.
We start off this week in the officecloset at Teen Vogue. The girls are hard at work gossiping about their weekends. When Lauren tells Whitney that Jason called her, Whitney makes one of her empathetic listening faces. Really, this girl should be a therapist. What a sphinx.
Apparently, Jason just got out of rehab that day, so he called Lauren to a) totally ruin her life or b) make amends. Hard to tell with the Wahler, and I'm worried for our girl. Wahler is not made of strong stuff: it only took him two seasons on a reality show to get to rehab, unlike the lifetime of stage parents and celebrity scrutiny that forced Lindsey, Britney, and Corey to make some promises. I love how both girls just nod like getting out of rehab at age 22 is totally normal. When I was 22, I would have been like, OMG what was he ON?!?! His parents must've been so horrified!!!! How much, like, stuff do you have to do to go to REHAB?
LC seems a little scared, so she makes a joke about how Jason has always seemed to have a built-in arm beeper that goes off just as things are going good. This is true, but since we know that Jason recently asked some sweet young tennis semipro to marry him, the drama seems a little stale. I wonder if Ice Accessories gives two-for-one.
Judging by the fact that Lauren is working out with Deadrina and her trainer at Equinox instead of eating Pinkberry with Lo, I'm guessing Dead hasn't spoken to Bustin in awhile. Awards for good behavior. Jarett, the trainer, seems like a guy who as a kid thought that being a ventriloquist would be awesome, but his dad called him a pussy so he learned to lift weights. There's something inauthentic about him I don't like. Plus, he has a staccato, rushed speech pattern that would enable him able to throw his voice easily. Jarett is similar to Jart, which is a name for lawn darts, which is apropro because Jarts can cause injury and they are kind of boring. While Jart helps LC stretch, she hears her phone ring from somewhere far away. No one else can hear it, but LC says she can hear her blackberry from miles away like only a dog can hear a silent whistle. Turns out she met some meathead last night who runs a boot camp and what a coincidence! Jart knows him, too! He convinces the girls to go on a double date. They both seem rather unenthused. "We'll do shots!" he says, in a dangerously boring kind of way.
Some guy behind you just asked you out. Jaaart!
If I had bet money on that last paragraph, I would have won big. As LC and Dead drink smoothies, LC reveals it was Jason who called and Dead says she's been fading Bustin all week. "Don't you hate that?" LC vents. "Bad guys? You're like I wanna get over you, and just when you stop thinking about them, they send you a text message. It's like a radar!" Deadrina doesn't seem like she wants to get over Bustin just yet, so she says instead, "We'll have fun tonight!" Anybody wanna make a bet?
The world's most beautiful businesswoman arrives at her very important job. And around the same time, Heidi shows up at Bolthouse. Her only friend left in the world, Elodie, tells her about the new events director job opening, which she's gonna go for. Hopefully Brent promotes from within. "Definitely," says Heidi, studying Elodie's hopeful face. Shut up, Elodie! But she can't hear me yelling at the TV, so she continues. Comes with it's own office! She's worked pretty hard so hopefully Brent will acknowledge that. "Acknowledge that," Heidi echoes, eyeing the walls. (Maybe a yellow? A light yellow?) Plus, Elodie feels she's ready and she's been there for over two years. "That's it?" asks Heidi, wheels turning so hard you can almost hear them squealing. "You started just before I did?" "A year before," Elodie swallows, realizing in that split second she's been speaking with the enemy. "Well, too bad you haven't had a tv crew following you around for the last year, but good luck anyway!" says Heidi. Then she pulls a lipstick out of her purse and writes HEIDI MONTAG on the door.
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Comments (25)
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HAHA!
Looks like Elodie unloads on Heidi for being an incompetent knucklehead in the next episode. I'm surprised it took so long...
1 of 25 | Posted by Sir Jiggabins | Posted on September 12, 2007 2:02 PM
The above "HAHA!" was in reference to this comment:
"Her only friend left in the world, Elodie, tells her about the new events director job opening..."
2 of 25 | Posted by Sir Jiggabins | Posted on September 12, 2007 2:06 PM
Great recap! This one was so much better than Ting Lee's.
"A really decent, hardworking person who deserves a promotion arrives to work at Bolthouse Offices. Shortly before that, Heidi showed up, too" That was great!!!!
Wow Heidi is really something else. And we're supposed to believe she had nothing to do with the rumors about Lauren....right.
3 of 25 | Posted by 1bwahay1 | Posted on September 12, 2007 2:46 PM
No more grunting and staring off into space...Jason actually spoke sentences. Rehab can work wonders!
4 of 25 | Posted by texasgal75 | Posted on September 12, 2007 3:31 PM
No more grunting and staring off into space. No sir-ree. Jason can actually speak in phrases and sentences. Rehab can work wonders!
5 of 25 | Posted by texasgal75 | Posted on September 12, 2007 3:34 PM
That entire Bolthouse "Events Director" thing was completely fake! The voice overs were so very, very bad. Did you notice when Elodie was telling Heidi about the position, everything was in her normal voice except "events director"? And half the conversation with Brent was voiced over, most notably when Heidi was blathering about her qualifications for the position. It's so creepy how almost every scene involving Heidi now has obvious voice overs. Like there's nothing real about her at all.
I recently re-watched old episode of LB2 and first season Hills and I'm pretty convinced that Heidi was always a horrible, superficial person, it just took Spencer to bring out the worst in her.
6 of 25 | Posted by hangele | Posted on September 12, 2007 4:56 PM
I'm confused by 1bwahay1, wasn't this by Ting Lee?
Anyway, I did think this was the best recap so far...But I would have added a little more on Jason -- it was the first time since he showed up on Laguna Beach that he actually strung multiple words into coherent sentences! And the first time I could see what was remotely attractive about him. :)
7 of 25 | Posted by rjfrankel | Posted on September 12, 2007 5:17 PM
my roommate and I were in hysterics after Heidi absconded with Elodie's position. you can't even blame spencer for that trainwreck. she's cold, calculating and manipulative. not too bright though. if elodie has been here 2 years, and you've only been here one, how long was she here before you? dumbass.
8 of 25 | Posted by watermelon | Posted on September 12, 2007 7:40 PM
Love the shot of Bolthouse at his most flattering... and the screencap about the business at hand being LC's love life.
I couldn't believe Heidi got the position. I thought when she sat down in her new private office at her computer that the first thing she was going to do was open up her Outlook calendar and enter in everyday:
8:00am - go to work. 5:00pm - leave work.
9 of 25 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on September 12, 2007 8:07 PM
8am Start work 5pm Leave work
I forgot about that! And also about how she whined about having to work 40 hours. Yeah, she really earned that fake position with her work ethic. Uh huh. She deserves...a kick in her horse face!
10 of 25 | Posted by hangele | Posted on September 12, 2007 9:38 PM
this recap was all ting! sorry for the confusion. i posted for her because i needed to fix the formatting and it kept my name for an hour or so. i unfortunately cannot take credit.
great recap, ting!! poor chinless wahler. :(
11 of 25 | Posted by flipit | Posted on September 13, 2007 2:33 AM
Heidi now has an assistant who can fill our her calendar for her. And Spencer can decorate the office with his graffiti.
Everything I've read about Heidi says she's an event manager not a director. For her to go to intern to manager to director in 2 years seems ridiculous. Unless maybe she actually does a good job and we just don't see that. Does she really even work full time there? I thought she was pursuing some great singing career.
12 of 25 | Posted by murphena | Posted on September 13, 2007 7:26 AM
In case anyone cares... the book Audrina was reading from is "The Book of If: Love & Sex" edition.
13 of 25 | Posted by Rayne888 | Posted on September 13, 2007 9:21 AM
it's pretty funny that you thought this recap was so much better because you thought flipit wrote it. kind of shows how preconceived notions can cloud your judgment.
not that i'm disrespecting flipit's writing skills. he is a god.
and ting lee, i think you're doing a fabulous job.
14 of 25 | Posted by watermelon | Posted on September 13, 2007 12:56 PM
I seriously never thought I could hate someone so much that I don't even know!!! Heidi is soo evil!!!!
And Spencer is getting uglier as time goes on. Hes literally scary looking. I cannot imagine actually waking up to that every morning.
Oh god i just threw up in my mouth a little
15 of 25 | Posted by yourlove | Posted on September 13, 2007 4:04 PM
Good call, Watermelon! I thought the "we have no life" complaining about whomever other than B-side was writing this was over -(I'm not saying he wasn't he wasn't funny, but the loyalty from some people was ridiculous). I have several points that I have been meaning to bring up here, however, some registration issues for this tech-challenged user have thus prohibited it. I'm already getting tired of typing now, so I'm going to follow up tomorrow. Here's my teaser: I think I saw something in the "Dear the Hills" segments that were running prior to the season premier that shed light on the real live fakeness of The Hills like nothing else. There ya go.
16 of 25 | Posted by coco q. puff | Posted on September 13, 2007 8:44 PM
I felt so bad for Lauren during that date, that guy was so weird. Who pays 40 cents for a shirt, unless you're homeless? I also loved the eye rolls and oh my god expressions she was making during the date. The Jason storyline, though, was kind of anticlimatic because we know he's engaged. So they're not getting back together.
And does Spencer even have a job?? He's always sitting at home on the couch with his laptop. WHAT A LOSER.
17 of 25 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on September 14, 2007 10:37 AM
I can't figure out how Heidi can live with herself. And shame on the boss for giving her any kind of responsibilitiy--is he so desperate for free advertising that he has to promote Heidi in order to get more camera time?????????? I can't wait to see what Elodie says to her.
As for J-Wahl speaking in complete sentences, I think the mental clarity was short lived. He looks like he's dipping into the sauce when he's on the VH1 rap show...
18 of 25 | Posted by EstelleHairball | Posted on September 14, 2007 12:43 PM
I hate that Heidi bitch as much as the next level-headed person, but she was not wrong in getting that job. She asked for it and it was Bolthouse that made the decision, so everyone, including Elodie should be hating on that MoFo. I mean, should we really expect someone, even if it's Heidi, to not go for a job because your "friend" is going for it? No.
In more important topics, that Brent Bolthouse is one disturbingly UGLY man. I've seen people post how ugly that blonde bombshell is on Newport Harbor and no one has said anything about this guy.
Even this pic that is posted of him makes me cringe. And he is so smug and full of himself. Ugh. He is ugly inside and out. I would be terrified to have to have a meeting with him, good thing he doesn't look up much from his ever-important emails of people wanting to get on the guest list.
MTV - please stop the insanity and quit showing this guy's mug.
19 of 25 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on September 14, 2007 1:19 PM
Elodie should have never said anyting about the position to Heidi. That was a mistake. Heidi has clearly proven herself to not be trustworthy.
Good recap Ting!
Also: I heard Stephen broke up with his girlfriend. Maybe he will make a cameo on the Hills. That would be fun
20 of 25 | Posted by grena | Posted on September 14, 2007 8:25 PM
heidi was talking smack about queen lauren. making the hills even more fabulous. people talk about how reality shows are edited to make a story. i don''t think being a b*!@
21 of 25 | Posted by laurenCONRADisQUEEN | Posted on September 18, 2007 3:33 AM
I just started watching the show and i'm curious... what does spencer do with his time? Does he work or do anything at all? He's always one the couch when Heidi leaves for/comes home from work. He's got a nice set-up there..
22 of 25 | Posted by kissaaa | Posted on September 18, 2007 9:05 AM
where did todays recap go? i read it earlier...and now its gone !! bring it back !!
23 of 25 | Posted by samxx7 | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:24 PM
sorry guys!!! system glitch! back up! holla ting!!
24 of 25 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:46 PM
Would someone mind telling me why they think Heidi is so rotten for applying for the position? If Lauren was applying for the same job that say, Whitney, wanted and Lauren got it, would you all be hating on her? I don't think so.
25 of 25 | Posted by Spring | Posted on December 24, 2007 9:57 PM