Yep. Anyway, as LC explains the Blah/Lo tension, Duhg begins to remark, "Everybody in your life..." It's okay, you can say it. "sucks" or "is a jerkface" or "is only around you because they might become famous" or "is a vapid bitch" will even do. Luckily for LC's war-torn heart, he saves nicely by rearranging his statement. "Your life is hectic." Understatement of the year, cutie pie.
"How about I rub your feet and make you a nice chocolate soufflè?"
He encourages her to skip work, just play hookie so he can get some nookie. Possibly in a threesome with a wookie. Yes, we see that diligence instilled in all Laguna-bred children, none of whom can seem to fight the urge to ditch their responsibilities to actually earn anything. Except, of course, our beloved Lauren, who claims, "My work IS fun!" Well, good for her. Maybe there's some work ethic in there after all.
She asks what he's up to that weekend and he sweetly, bashfully admits "nothing," giggling as though embarrassed at the prospect of not having seven Hollywood parties to attend. Huh. I'm not very comfortable with this seemingly honest stud-muffin. Shouldn't he be trying to squirm out of commitment or something? I like him, and he's good for Lauren, and that only spells one thing: bad ratings.
"Don't worry. We'll turn you in no time."
She warns him that she doesn't get along with the brother of the birthday girl. Ha, yet another understatement! At this point, if he hadn't (or, hell, even if he HAD) seen the show, wouldn't some red flags fly up and do an Irish jig in the air, finishing with fireworks, when you realize that all of your new lady's friends despise each other yet still hang out together?
Over at Epic Records, Blahdrina is firing off some industry buzzwords and corny-sounding band names that were either totally made up or who paid to be mentioned. Or maybe the producers just wanted the show's recappers to be forced to Google "Real Naked Girls."
By the by, this is what you'd get if you were to theoretically Google that.
Chiara is dressing for her "homely pal" role in a nice, furry cowl-neck sweater that looks like a bunny that ate Pam Anderson's wardrobe. Also, between her hair tonight and Blah's last week, I'm beginning to think Epic confiscates its employees combs and hairbrushes upon hiring.
"I think I stashed an Afro pick stashed somewhere around here..."
Okay, I really shouldn't make too much fun of Chiara, because I actually like her and she's the only genuinely, naturally attractive human being on this pitiful show, despite her unkempt hair. Anyway, Blahdrina mentions her plans for the evening as going to Stephanie's par-tay at Boulevard 3 (remember?), and strangely classifies Lo and LC as going together. This brings to mind a few wee loopholes, producers! 1) Since when is Blahdrina a friend of Stephanie's of her own volition and 2) They all live in the same goddamn house; why in hell wouldn't they all go together?? If you can bear to share a lease, you can at least carpool to the same shitty club for the sake of tired old Mother Earth (who, by the way, is pretty fucking sick of your shenanigans).
Anyway, Blahdrina explains the whole Awkward-Lo-Convo to Chiara, who immediately declares her allegiance to Team Blahnettes and they raise their Nice 'N' Easy #309 (Butter Cocoa) in solidarity.
"Wow, what a story! This is the first I've heard of it!"
After a stereotypically awful pop-punk transition, we find ourselves at People's Revolution, which, curiously, is no longer sharing street space with Babeland.
Or maybe the sign was just painted out in post.
Oh where is my beloved anorexic Jessica? You remember her, the girl that dressed like Lara Flynn Boyle Circa 1989 and kept fucking up all last half-season? I was so loving to hate her and her awkward deer-in-the-headlights stares straight into the camera. Anyway, as LC and Whit pretend to work, Whit excitedly explains how she was "like, totally invited to dinner" with Her Cuntiness Kelly Cutrone and some other higher-ups from PR. LC smiles with absolute lifelessness in her eyes. Even for her. Late night, Princess Buttercup?
Apple + Shift + Smile
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Comments (10)
It's true about the missing 5 episodes thing, you can seriously watch every episode in any random order and still nothing will happen and still no one will like each other.
I'm so over this show, I love the recaps but refuse to waste 30 minutes of my time since Lauren gets paid more for those minutes than I do in an entire year.
1 of 10 | Posted by cherin246 | Posted on August 27, 2008 12:51 PM
ALL OF THE ABOVE! ALL OF THE ABOVE!
Heaven help me, but I still love this show. The phoniness and producer-prompted conversations/confrontations just get me every time.
I think it's just because everytime Toothy McDouche's mug appears on screen, I practice my right hook. Stress reliever, if you will.
2 of 10 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on August 27, 2008 11:12 PM
Great recap, especially the screen shots. They had me laughing out loud, and it's 8am.
Two things. First, when you berated Stephanie for not wearing any makeup... did you not notice that her face was about five shades lighter than her neck? I'm glad I read this recap, because I was so distracted by that that I missed the whole altercation of douchebaggery that happened between her and Spencer. Seriously, he has to be the most insecure and selfish human being.
Secondly, my fave moment of the week was definitely Lo at the party, talking to Audrina; that was some clever editing/camera work where they cast her face all in shadow and made her look pure evil. I feel bad, but I'm starting to think the girl is ugly. Did anyone see that post on TMZ comparing Shawn Johnson to that Italian mouse cartoon thing and it got tons of negative responses? Well, I think it would've been a better idea to compare Lo with the rat, because of the small close-set eyes and stick-out ears. Just saying.
3 of 10 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on August 28, 2008 5:30 AM
A comment to the first page: producer Adam Divello asked Stephanie to take summer classes, she gave an interview on some website....not that i google stephanie pratt or anything...sigh, good thing school is starting soon.
4 of 10 | Posted by Scorpio23 | Posted on August 28, 2008 6:57 AM
Am I the only one confused by who exactly is friends with Stephanie? I thought that Brody didn't like Stephanie, yet he shows up to her party. Then the obvious Lo & Audrina who don't trust Stephanie, but will go to her party. And Frankie just goes where Brody goes. I get that it's a show, but I am still confused none the less. Sadly, for a brief moment I had to side with Spencer & Heidi because he is her brother, so why would it be out of the norm for him to come? I shouldn't try and bring logic into the hills. That's not why I watch it.
5 of 10 | Posted by lalia | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:28 AM
ah the hills and all of mtv for that matter is no place for logic. our minds would be blown if we tried to deconstruct the editing that entertains us so. seriously though, cutrone and lauren both need some dick.
6 of 10 | Posted by efk2020 | Posted on August 28, 2008 12:49 PM
This ep was more boring than last week's ep. I agree with you O, why can't these people get over themselves and be civil for the b-day girl? Young and stupid.
7 of 10 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on August 28, 2008 1:56 PM
I agree with lalia, if ANYONE shouldve been at stephanie's gathering it should've been Lauren, Heidi, and Spencer. Those are the only three that make sense. Everyone else is just a salaried employee showing up for their face time.
8 of 10 | Posted by cherin246 | Posted on August 29, 2008 8:46 AM
Just a quick note about the classes. Stephanie's birthday was in April (don't ask how I know that) and since FIDM's calendar is set up the same as my college's (in quarters, not semesters) not only were they still in school, they were probably just beginning the Spring Quarter. She did tell some random website that she was forced to take summer classes like Scorpio23 said, though they would have started in mid-June so I don't why she'd even bring it up.
9 of 10 | Posted by jerseygirl | Posted on August 29, 2008 9:22 PM
I still hate this show and still insist that the recaps are infinitely more entertaining than watching the show.
O.Snapp, I have read B-side's other replacements and I must say you are the absolute BEST. Thanks for recapping so I don't have to watch the show.
Seriously, I haven't watch an episode since the first season and...NOTHING HAS CHANGED! Nothing except Heidi's hair, nose, breasts...
10 of 10 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:41 PM