Whitney describes her nervousness about going to a work-related dinner. She'd better just hope she doesn't get blasted and say something totally inappropriate to her boss (something like Her Cuntiness). It's terrible when that happens. Believe me. LC changes the topic by spreading the good word about the shindig at BOULEVARD THREE! Oh my God, we fucking get it. You got your money's worth, Blvd.3. I swear. All the starlet-wannabes will be lined up tomorrow night donning their finest one-sleeved formless dresses and doltish douchebags on their arms. Happy now?
Over the shrill cries of K. C-face in another room, LC claims that, most likely, Spence'n'Heidi won't be in attendance for the festivities. "Um, why would they NOT be there?" Whitney wisely opines, as though she's asking why a young debutante would possibly wear a bra but NO panties?
"It just makes NO SENSE!"
LC's all, Fuck if I know, to which Whitney reasons, "She'd tell you if they were comingk, right?" Psshhh yeah right. If YOUR $8,000 per episode (paltry, by "The Hills" standards) depended on it, would YOU tell her? "It's no fun when we end up in the same place," LC says. Yeah, it's no fun. Except for US! And even then, it's kind of meh. Just then, Whitney is beckoned to the back room by Kelly Cutthroat, so naturally the girls sit there and flip their hair with the tired, disinterested expressions of socialites just paid to breathe and wear brown nail polish.
"Sigh. Where's that P.A. with my fucking Red Bull?"
The hallowed eatery of Don Antonio's must have lost a lot of dough whilst our on again/on again lovers were (not really) on the outs. Luckily their promotion machine has returned, and it's making baby talk about chicken tacos. Spencer checks his ringing phone under the table while Heidi roots around in her purse for a tampon, or possibly a cynide capsule. Perhaps we're witnessing the return of the Homeboy Phone? Although, I didn't think that phone got reception anymore. Does he even still HAVE homeboys?
"Oh cool! Tom from MySpace just posted a new bulletin about format changes!"
Good to know the isolation works both ways in their relationship. He says it's probably just Stephanie calling to confirm his call time the next night at BOULEVARD 3, that's on SUNSET BOULEVARD! Regardless of her insistence, Spencer Prattles on about how much he loathes LC. Really? Huh. This is all news to me! As my friend said earlier this week, "Basically, you can miss five straight episodes of this show and still nothing has actually happened." I'd be willing to go one step further and venture a guess that you could skip an entire season and miss nothing.
Getting back to the "LC Hatred" club meeting, Heidi agrees, saying, "It's so disrespectful, a'ight!" complete with sassy head swing. If she dares say "sistah friend" I will puke chicken tacos all over her bleached little head. And yet, Heidi, ever the bridge-builder, claims that they should go in the name of family. And also because, you know, if they don't, the editors will get SO BORED! Fuck, I know they're gonna go and I'm already bored. Spencer agrees to go, but he swears this is the LAST STRAW! At least until next week.
Because clearly, this is the face of reason.
Upon our return from commercial break, we're treated to some brain-building music set to the lyrics, "Hollywood, la la la." And, conversely, "Hollywood: la la la!!" Well, what else can we expect from this city?
Standard-Issue L.A. Uniform
Tramp Stamp right on your shirt!
At the LauLoBlahteau, as the Ls get ready for their night out, they weigh the likelihood of the Soul Sucker Duo showing up. Is this really that up in the air, honestly? Lauren waxes philosophic about her naïve personality. "I want to think you can trust everyone," she sighs, which would explain why she surrounds herself with the most empty hangers-on in television history. All this as Lo regards herself in the mirror, eerily resembling the Wicked Queen in "Snow White."
"Bring me her heart in a jeweled box."
Blah appears out of nowhere and asks what time they're leaving. LC is peppy and friendly, and, as new-usual, she looks to Lo for approval and is met only with the eviscerating glare of a jealous, scheming wife.
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Comments (10)
It's true about the missing 5 episodes thing, you can seriously watch every episode in any random order and still nothing will happen and still no one will like each other.
I'm so over this show, I love the recaps but refuse to waste 30 minutes of my time since Lauren gets paid more for those minutes than I do in an entire year.
1 of 10 | Posted by cherin246 | Posted on August 27, 2008 12:51 PM
ALL OF THE ABOVE! ALL OF THE ABOVE!
Heaven help me, but I still love this show. The phoniness and producer-prompted conversations/confrontations just get me every time.
I think it's just because everytime Toothy McDouche's mug appears on screen, I practice my right hook. Stress reliever, if you will.
2 of 10 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on August 27, 2008 11:12 PM
Great recap, especially the screen shots. They had me laughing out loud, and it's 8am.
Two things. First, when you berated Stephanie for not wearing any makeup... did you not notice that her face was about five shades lighter than her neck? I'm glad I read this recap, because I was so distracted by that that I missed the whole altercation of douchebaggery that happened between her and Spencer. Seriously, he has to be the most insecure and selfish human being.
Secondly, my fave moment of the week was definitely Lo at the party, talking to Audrina; that was some clever editing/camera work where they cast her face all in shadow and made her look pure evil. I feel bad, but I'm starting to think the girl is ugly. Did anyone see that post on TMZ comparing Shawn Johnson to that Italian mouse cartoon thing and it got tons of negative responses? Well, I think it would've been a better idea to compare Lo with the rat, because of the small close-set eyes and stick-out ears. Just saying.
3 of 10 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on August 28, 2008 5:30 AM
A comment to the first page: producer Adam Divello asked Stephanie to take summer classes, she gave an interview on some website....not that i google stephanie pratt or anything...sigh, good thing school is starting soon.
4 of 10 | Posted by Scorpio23 | Posted on August 28, 2008 6:57 AM
Am I the only one confused by who exactly is friends with Stephanie? I thought that Brody didn't like Stephanie, yet he shows up to her party. Then the obvious Lo & Audrina who don't trust Stephanie, but will go to her party. And Frankie just goes where Brody goes. I get that it's a show, but I am still confused none the less. Sadly, for a brief moment I had to side with Spencer & Heidi because he is her brother, so why would it be out of the norm for him to come? I shouldn't try and bring logic into the hills. That's not why I watch it.
5 of 10 | Posted by lalia | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:28 AM
ah the hills and all of mtv for that matter is no place for logic. our minds would be blown if we tried to deconstruct the editing that entertains us so. seriously though, cutrone and lauren both need some dick.
6 of 10 | Posted by efk2020 | Posted on August 28, 2008 12:49 PM
This ep was more boring than last week's ep. I agree with you O, why can't these people get over themselves and be civil for the b-day girl? Young and stupid.
7 of 10 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on August 28, 2008 1:56 PM
I agree with lalia, if ANYONE shouldve been at stephanie's gathering it should've been Lauren, Heidi, and Spencer. Those are the only three that make sense. Everyone else is just a salaried employee showing up for their face time.
8 of 10 | Posted by cherin246 | Posted on August 29, 2008 8:46 AM
Just a quick note about the classes. Stephanie's birthday was in April (don't ask how I know that) and since FIDM's calendar is set up the same as my college's (in quarters, not semesters) not only were they still in school, they were probably just beginning the Spring Quarter. She did tell some random website that she was forced to take summer classes like Scorpio23 said, though they would have started in mid-June so I don't why she'd even bring it up.
9 of 10 | Posted by jerseygirl | Posted on August 29, 2008 9:22 PM
I still hate this show and still insist that the recaps are infinitely more entertaining than watching the show.
O.Snapp, I have read B-side's other replacements and I must say you are the absolute BEST. Thanks for recapping so I don't have to watch the show.
Seriously, I haven't watch an episode since the first season and...NOTHING HAS CHANGED! Nothing except Heidi's hair, nose, breasts...
10 of 10 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:41 PM