There may very well be an exhaust related suicide if it turns out that Heidi actually did move in with Mr. Massengill. Then again, he's at equal risk if he learns that the marketing wing of "Brand Brody" just got itself written out of future episodes by Lauren exercising the "Douchebag Provision" of his contract.

Who knows? Maybe it'll be a two-fer with Spence turning the tables on the queen of the non sequitur. After running the hose and turning the ignition, he tells her, "Get out of my car" one again, and just to piss him off, she stays.

I've never before seen such ridiculous contrivance. Two coworkers telling her to run like hell instead of moving in with he who smells of vinegar and water was just the conversation she needed to make up her mind to move in with him? Puhleez....

P.S. Is it just me, or does Spence look like Maxx Headroom and Maria Shriver's love child?

This was not funny at all. It was mean, and not in a funny way. I used to really enjoy reading these. Can we get someone better to do these recaps? I miss B-Side.

Can "we" get someone better? Sure "we" can... as soon as "we" start paying the salaries. "We" aren't happy? "We" should ask for a refund.

I'm going to miss The Hills, but I'm SO glad Heidi might be out of the picture. It seemed like she and Lauren weren't even friends at all this season. Hopefully Lauren learned that group just wanted her for fame and hopefully Spencer, Brody, and Heidi are out for good. I was really hoping for LB3 previews or something, but instead we just got Taquita and Kaui...

oh and has anyone seen these videos? Some creepy fat guy was video taping the LB3 kids and just zooms in on every girls' ass that walks by. I feel bad for the kids when people like him are roaming around...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8HHwLVcnMI

It continues to amaze me that readers think TVgasm pays these writers. Its' been written all over the place that they don't.

B-Side, when asking for new writers, wrote, "You will not get paid."

This is volunteer work, treat them accordingly.

I liked the recap! Of course, I always think short bus jokes are funny, so...

Did anyone watch the reunion show? I was only able to see about 2 seconds of it - my DVR was being crazy. Did they say where Heidi was? Also, did anyone ask Lauren what she thought of Heidi after she saw that she totally was involved in the Jenn/Brody hook-up? These are questions I think about.

Also, where did you hear about LB4 being a new cast?

I enjoyed the last episode but the recap wasn't fun or funny. The sarcasm was over whelming and the tone was rather nasty.
My goodness. This is The Hills. It's supposed to be silly.
I have to agree with Elle Sea on this one.

I think in general the recap was funny, but I think the burn victim stuff was mean and actually stopped me from enjoying it.

Mrs Meow- As for the question about the Jenn/Brody hookup, it was never asked. I was almost yelling at the tv, I was so frustrated. The questions asked were lame, and the answers didn't give a lot of insight. They also were cutting to Hillary Duff, and random people were there who had nothing to do with the Hills. It was a big waste of time.

Did anyone else notice that there was absolutely no joy expressed by either Heidi or Spencer at her moving in? She did NOT seem happy to be doing it, he flat-out admitted to Brody that he was only doing it to get Heidi away from Lauren, and the whole closing scene with the "Don't make me regret this" . . . it made me sad. Wouldn't taking the next step in your relationship seem like a HAPPY occasion? The whole thing is just so dark and twisted.

And I do have to agree, here - burn victim jokes, short bus jokes, Bell's palsy jokes - none of them are funny. They're just cruel. You don't have to be cruel to be funny in a recap.

i agree, the live after party was retarded. but MTV tells the people which questions to ask so i'm not surprised. btw who the fuck are Tequita and Kaui or whoever the hell they are. that was just annoying. i hate dumb girls like heidi. a five year old can tell Spencer's full of shit: Heidi: no more blonde bunnies, promise? Spencer: Um, sure i swear. IDIOTS!!

Hola, L-Con -- It sounds like you think LC was a bit too cold/b*tchy to Heidi, but I for one thought she (LC) was almost Per-fect. No bitter recriminations, just quiet disdain leavened with moments of snark. And momentary sadness at the end for the friendship that once was (or, at least, that she thought once was).

Perhaps you don't have enough Heidi hate. L-Con: Speidi has declared war. On the world. (See article, wherein Spencer announces they are taking over the world.) This threat must be taken seriously. They are Osama Bin Speidi. Code Red, L-Con. They must be stamped out.

Is anyone else worried that wh-wh-whitney may be in trouble with her job prospects based on the whole Lawren episode. Where, among other things, whitney was heard to utter "they're just clothes." Just clothes?! Apostasy! (Cut to Amy Astley: "Whitney, I need to know how much you love clothes. Do you really, really, really love clothes, or do you just really love clothes? If clothes and a Van Gogh painting are in a burning building, which do you save? What about clothes and a cute little puppy with a bow on it, and the burning building has alligators in it? What about...")

I worry.

My Hills recapper was the Tabloid Whore who signed off forever a few weeks back, much to my disappointment. With that said, thank you Laguna Consultant for taking the time and writing a recap. I am in Canada and cannot wait for the three week behind MTV Canada broadcast of the Hills. So many thanks again for taking the time, it is appreciated.

Mandymax -- I agree with you, there was no joy/happiness in the move. Looking at that picture of them in the van kind of reminds of me of the last scene in The Graduate. (..now what?)

Seriously, when is that last time we've seen Heidi smile or laugh? Didn't she used to be kind of bubbly and vivacious? Didn't she also used to be vaguely attractive? Now she's just an overdyed, emaciated automaton. That said, she does have a nice apartment. (:))

There really isn't anymore words to say about America's most hated couple, except PLEASE GOD, don't let them have babies. Can you imagine the unfortunate bone structure of their kid. That "reunion" was a complete fuck-up. MTV should fire Susie and never show Hilary Duffs chompers again.

Ok, the recap, I laughed but I didn't like the caps under Lauren and Audrina..."that's how my uncle told me to do it"??? WTF? That was just digusting and pointless to the story.

Next topic.

I bet when Spencer and Heidi were in their apartment (what happened to spencer getting a house?) and watching this episode, he probably was telling her, "Hey babe, this is how I'm getting ratings for this show, I'm pretending to be a douche bag so I will have all these people mad at me and keep watching" and I picture Heidi saying "Spencer and snapple both start with S!" and obviously being very excited about her new found discovery. But seriously, this is sad and it's hard not to blame Heidi, but I see her as a victim because for some reason she has the lowest self esteem I have seen and this a-hole has found a way to prey on it.

Ick, that there is a new cast of LB4! I like the bland fights and the not so witty comments. (I am a person that also likes stale popcorn and chips...)

Oh and I was so pissed that I wasted my precious sleeping time for that stupid "Hills after party" it was so lame and no good questions where asked i.e. "Audrina, I'm a party planner in the Virutal Hills, what's your favorite music...."

Lime23, I am glad someone else saw the similarity to "The Graduate" at the end!

I too thought Lauren was appropriately icy in this episode. I'd be downright homicidal if I had to put up with Toothy McDouche and Heidi-Ho.

Didn't Heidi have a Mercedes earlier in the season? Just wondered where the Audi came from.

The after-show was ATROCIOUS. Can we start a campaign to fire Suzie? I did notice one thing; Lauren said she wasn't really friends w/ Jenn Jenner or Brody anymore, but didn't someone say they had all gone to Cancun or something recently?

My friends and I were yelling at the tv on Monday, especially considering the fact that Spencer doesn't seem to realize that he's being taped for NATIONAL TELEVISION. What does he think Heidi's going to think when she hears his conversation with Brody? Of course, that's assuming that she has the same common sense level of a preschooler. But hey, we may be expecting too much.

By the way, Lcon, I have love for you :) Rest assured that some of us think you're fantastic.

I think the recap was fine, B-side's were never 100% politically correct and no one ever gave him crap about it.

I also thought it was funny. They have been getting better and better since your first. It's too bad the season ended so soon after you took over!

I wish they would tell us if Whitney got the job or not!

How could they drop the entire LB cast, did they replace them w/other kids from Laguna Beach high school? Is it a completely different clique alltogether? I would think since they seem to prefer "popular" kids that there would only be a small group to choose from.

THANK YOU for the comment about Whitney's interview outfit. It looked like she was wearing a clown ruffle around her neck.

The lesbian stuff was completely unnecessary. Shock value when what we want is pithy comment on what did happen. (not some lame theory).

Episode Analysis: The passive-aggression was almost unbearable this episode between Heidi and Lauren. Lauren was completely merited in the way she responded to Heidi. Everyone knows it's a bad idea for Heidi to move in with Spencer. Heidi has definitively chosen Spencer and I think Lauren is numb to it all and realizes she can't do anything about the situation except let Heidi do what she wants. It's a tough lesson for us girls to learn with our friends, but a necessary one.

Heidi kept mentioning the Playmates, so I'm taking it that this episode filmed around the time the Playmate episode aired. You could tell Heidi was unsure about the move and whenever there is hesitation, usually your gut is trying to tell you something. I wonder how Heidi responded to Spencer's complicated playa phone trickery after viewing this episode?

Recap Analysis: Gee, I don't even know if I should bother commenting. You guys have all basically said everything I was thinking. I did laugh at the caption where Emily tells Whitney not to trip on the phone cord. I found the other captions pretty stupid and offensive. Talking about people's appearances and INCEST are just immature. It also shows lack of creativity and wit. At least he didn't include any defecation jokes.

And I just read the comments you guys left on the other episode's board. Thanks for the support! I don't know who the person who wished I would just go away was. I JOKINGLY (You were right, Cheez!) said LCon , but I don't know who it really was and it doesn't matter. It could have been him, it could have been my mom. I just think it's stupid to post such things anonymously.

the after-show

did suck!

but, i was glad to see that lauren has finally relaxed her hard-as-nails stance on heidi choosing between best friend and boyfriend. at least lc has matured enough to know that she shouldn't have approached the situation that way.

losing a close friendship can be difficult, but when the situation was reversed, heidi didn't accuse lc of destroying their friendship by moving in with douchebag jason.

why don't they ever ask good questions on these interviews? the only reason i watched the aftershow was that i was just WAITING for someone to ask what lauren thought about heidi's role in the whole jenn/brody saga.

Oh yeah, the "homoeroticism" stuff? That never crossed my mind while watching this episode. Especially between Spencer and Brody? WTF? I don't even get it.

So funny! I will miss The Hills...

Can "we" get someone better? Sure "we" can... as soon as "we" start paying the salaries. "We" aren't happy? "We" should ask for a refund.

Posted by: remford | April 4, 2007 1:57 AM(#3 of 25)

tee-hee!! i agree!!

I love how LC said at the after-show if anything happened between Speidi she would welcome back Heidi with open arms..

That's all that matters. Heidi is grown, she is making her own decisions-no matter what anyone else thinks or says. And I applaud LC for being a good friend to accept how things are!

Spencer: (Banging hand on counter) "HAHAHAHAHA!"
L-Con: (Raising a pistol) I hope you both rot in hell!"

hilarious! and CoCo, i cracked up just as much reading your comment! thanks for a good laugh.

Didn't see the ep but it sounds like it was unfullfilling anyways... i keep waiting for Heidi to break up with Spencer but it JUST ISN'T HAPPENING!!! It's really the only reason i tune in...

Yeah.. while watching the episode i never got a gay/lebian vibe, that was kinda out there. But the rest of the recap was fine.

I too thought the aftershow was a waste of time, I expected the trio to be the focus of the show but instead it was just advertisement for MTV, total ripoff! Also the new show about the losers of MTB3...MTV must be in some desperate need for material because I had no clue as to who they were and why they even got a show. Then to include them in the hills aftershow was just dumb.

I wish someone asked if whitney got the job.

Did anyone else notice Spencer's chain wallet? I'm pretty sure those aren't considered stylish anymore. Also, my roommate watched the finale with me (her first time watching the show) and she could not get over how unattractive Spencer is, let alone what a jackass.

Also, on the aftershow, could you believe that one of the aftershow girls asked Lauren if she regretted not going to Paris? What a horrible waste of a question! Of course she does, we all know that by now.

Just saw this headline on US Weekly.com "Exclusive: The Hill's Heidi Montag Gets Implants"

I guess that's why she wasn't at the aftershow...

Sorry, don't know how to make this clickable:
http://www.usmagazine.com/i_the_hills_i_heidi_montag_gets_implants_0

CoCo (#19)-I never thought about it, but you are so right. i can totally picture spencer telling heidi he was just acting like asn ass to get ratings and her totally believing it. sometimes i feel sorry for her, and sometimes i wonder how stupid a person can really be....

side note: i just read on tmz that heidi got a boob job. hmmm....spencer influence much?

Apparently I DO know how to make things clickable.

Did any one see a preview for the Hills season finale where Whitney is on the phone with Lauren and says "I have some exciting news"....defintely implied that Whitney got the job in NY. However then the preview was edited differently and that scene was removed. Was I dreaming?

I think MTV just wants to keep their options open, so they are not telling us.

oops, sorry-didn't see mrs. meow!

This show really needs to get Lauren to do more interesting things next season so we don't have to see so much of Speidi - I can't stand them and I wish they'd be kicked off the show!

Bluebirdie - I saw that preview also and was wondering when that scene was going to appear.

I also did not notice any homosexualness in the episode. I thought it was cute that Lauren brought home pizza and champagne!

I wish that I had Lauren's knack for one liners. Her quote about living with Heidi's stuff at the beginning of the episode is definitely one of her best.

Do the employees at Bolthouse ever do anything? Heidi is always either on the phone, reading a magazine or talking with Elodie! How does that fly?!

Ok, so "Heidi just doesn't want to make a big deal out of it," says a source. "She did this for herself, and she's hoping to keep it as private as possible."

Um, sure, and I bet Spence-inator, I mean the source, really respected that by leaking it out that Heidi will be more pointless then ever.

I just picture Heidi trying to float in a pool and acting very confused as to why the water balloons Spencer convinced her to get are not helping her float like he promised...

So now Heidi gets to live with 3 big boobs (or counting herself that would be
4) GIANT BOOBS.

I guess Whitney getting the NY job and
Heidi moving out might just be too many
"goodbyes" for poor LC in just one episode. I think that's why MTV didn't
resolve the Whitney storyline.

So many possibilities for change next season.

If you don't like the recap or if it offends you, don't read it.

BEST Recap yet, L-Con! LOL!

I thought you were right on the money with the homo-erotic love quadrangle. LOL!

I thought the same thing about Kristen, Heidi's geriatric co-worker. Of course Elodie's eye-rolls are the highlight of any scene taking place at Bolthouse Procuctions, ha hah hah...

I've got SOOOOOOO much to say about Spencer the RETARD, and Heidi, his side-kick - who at this point, needs a SHORT BUS all to herself. You know, so it can contain her giant, almost encephalitic-sized ego! But I gotta work dammit! Also, I've been spending too much time on my computer lately, and I have a headache!

On the aftershow, someone asked Lauren about JenJenner, and she said essentially the friendship was permanently in the shitter.

L-Con, you're doing great - B-Side's gone and some of these whiners need to get the fuck over it. You rock, my friend :-) Hope you'll keep up with it, you are really funny! LOL!

Oh Melissa.

This recap was ok. It was kinda mean but i still liked it.

I can't believe spencer! Someone said about heidi seeing the show and what he told brody. Of course theres probably an excuse or something. or she could be completely stupid.

Seriously i'm waiting for her to end it with spencer and come back to lauren. or even worse get pregnant, married and divorced within the same month. haha i know something bad is going to happen. just wait...

I agree about how unhappy Heidi and Spencer look in the van - you'd think taking a step like this in your relationship would make you excited and happy, but if I had to strike a deal with my boyfriend involving Playmates before I moved in with him, I wouldn't be so psyched either.

Was anyone else bothered by Spencer's "I'm still a little mad that it took you so long to say yes" line when they were having pillow-on-the-floor snuggle time? Nothing like bringing up an old fight to make your girlfriend feel confident in her decision. I was mildly proud of Heidi for mentioning her 2-year rule and that this is kind of a big deal for her, so Spencer should respect that.

Wait, Spencer and respect in the same sentence? Naaahh...

BTW L-Con,

100+ comments is pretty damn good, regardless of the content! At least the haters are providing you with some great #####'S!

I didn't get the homoerotic undertones, but the thundercats reference had me literally fall out of my chair laughing. I think your captions are the best I've seen. :D

Interesting that they are going with an all new cast. I suspect it might have had to do with some of the cast members feeling a bit of entitlement about getting big. I also understand the newport beach idea, if they can find a group of kids who don't believe they are going to necessarily make it big on MTV, they are more likely to be "legit" towards the cameras. One of the things about LB Season 1 and 2 is you got the idea that most of the kids didn't think the show would go anywhere. S2 started filming during S1's release, so they still didn't realize how big it was going to get till after the end of season 2. But now the season 3 kids all end up expecting to become big stars out of it, and so start treating it like a drama as opposed to a reality show...

Alright, as of today I can confirm that Whitney is not officially working for Teen Vogue-- unless she's starting after her graduation in May, she's not part of our company full time yet-- although Emily is....

Finally to the people making fun of Whitney's clothes & ruffles at her interview: people dress like this all the time at the company. It's called individual style and mixing things up that most people don't do (or can't get away with but Whitney can. It keeps you unique. Whitney's got East Coast flair and I was pleasantly surprised as I expected full on West Coast style from her.

Last but not least I was surprised to see Audrina move in-- she had the cutest little apartment with great design! Hopefully Lauren trys to keep things neat & clean because Audrina's apartment was always so stylish and clean.
As for Heidi, I don't like her at all. Never met her and never want to. She's shallower than shallow and totally ignorant-- fully proven when she took off with Spencer and got the breast implants. She's further ruining her frienships, her self esteem and now her health. Pretty girl is pretty stupid.

My Monday nights will not be the same until "The Hills" returns. I am full on rooting for Lauren & Audrina and hoping Heidi disappears; she's had longer than the 15 minutes she barely deserved. That goes for Spencer The Douchebag and Brody The Man Whore.

I wasn't offended by this recap...I just think it sucked. But, I sort of thought the episode sucked too.

I wish we knew the dates when LB and The Hills were returning.

OMG!! I heard on the radio this morning that Heidi Montag got a boob job!!!!! That sleez spencer probably talked her into it. Gross

MissKatrina. I wholeheartedly agree! Susie is SO terrible with aftershows of ANYKIND! Especially when she does Real World/Road Rules reunions! She has zero interviewing skills, which is no wonder as her only TV qualification is uhh. Pageantry.

As for this season of The Hills... muuuuuuch better than the first season. Season 1 was pretty much unwatchable to me. Sorry Heidi haters, but this season wouldn't have been so entertaining without the Speidi drama. I'm going to miss Speidi-centric The Hills! Season 3 might just slip into Season 1 (barely passable television).

As for Laguna Beach.. brand new cast? Aww. Well I liked Raquel and her boy, and Breanna. They should have just scrapped Kyndra, Cami, Lexie and the bimbo crew and found some other cast members to go in with it.

Oh well, hopefully LB 4's cast is something closer to the gloriousness of LB 1 and 2!

And L-Con, I love your recaps. Seeeee ya for LB? :)

I agree that Whitney has great style, and I thought she look great at her interview!
She was drop dead dazzling walking along the streets of NY.

On the other hand, Audrina's apartment was a little too middle-brow taste for me.
I looks like she might have potpourri somewhere..........Love her, but don't think she's got any shelter mags rushing in to take her at home pix.

oh my god spencer suuuuuucks. If I ever see him out I will have a really hard time not like throwing a drink on him or something... he may be the worlds biggest douchebag. Um... so is Heidi like actually mentally handicapped? Are we serious here? How does she think he's a remotely good person? Wow, it like makes me physically angry that he sucks SO bad.

that being said, I really like Lauren again, which was not the case when she chose not to go to Paris.

Also, I loved the recap... the episode wasn't that funny so there wasn't that much to joke about, everyone who's ripping on you should chill.

did they say in the after show whether whitney got the job? I watched for like 10 minutes and none of the call ins asked and it was pissing me off so I watched south park instead.

Lisa #55 - yes, I caught that. Also caught on the front steps of the apartment building, after Heidi's exclamation that "Wow, you're happy to see me!" Spencer's, "Yeah, but I'm irritated at you" reply (paraphrasing, but the word "irritated" was definitely in there).

Heidi's attractive, WAS a good friend to Lauren in season one, HAD a backbone when it came to what she would and wouldn't take from Jordan (remember when she got so mad and upset with him for cursing at her?) - what happened? She may not be the brightest crayon in the box, I don't know, but she certainly used to know who she was and what she didn't and didn't deserve. It truly worries me.

This is bothering me - Why did ToothMcDouche have such a big ass UHaul?

Lauren's post-Heidi apartment looked intact....Hodi certainly didn't contribute living room, kitchen furniture or those things you cook with...there's a name for those things....it'll come to me to there new lair.

Speidi was/were (hmmm - combined name makes for awkward gramatical usage - just another reason to despise them!) laying on the bare floor at the end of the episode.
Did they need that whole truck for her bedroom set?

More product placement?
I feel so used

Does anyone know who made Lauren's dress that she wore on the Aftershow? It was a beautiful dress!

Thanks for the scoop ABC Girl.

I actually think Spencer's somewhat dangerous to Heidi. His blatant acknowledgment to Brody about wanting to live with Heidi, just to get her away from Lauren is a HUGE red flag.

Someone already said it, and I agree, Heidi seemed really stressed and unhappy about moving in with Spencer. She had no joy, excitement, anticipation, etc. She looked like she was being sent into the witness protection program, yeah you'll live but you won't ever see your friends or family again. Spencer is REALLY BAD news, I actually hope Heidi's family watched this and has the sense to try and intervene. Heidi is in WAAAAYYYYY over head on this one, he's sick.

It's weird that some people find Heidi so attractive. Her face reminds me of a girl version of Jake Tucker (the upside down faced kid) from Family guy.

Here is a girl's prospective on this episode. Not that I don't love L-Con, just some different thoughts...

McCreamy (#22), I totally agree with you. B-Side was borderline snarky and un-PC in several of his recaps, but nobody ever got on his case for it. In fact, the sarcastic angle of TVGasm's recappers is one of the things that has kept me reading over the past few years. L-Con, I think this was your funniest post yet and I can't wait to read more from you when these shows return.

As for the LB4 news, I am thrilled. I thought the LB3 cast was beyond lame and boring to watch (but don't kid yourself, I tuned in every week.) Not to be a total cynic, but I am doubtful that MTV casting will be able to recreate the chemistry that drew everyone to the 'Guna in the first place. I think they struck gold with the original cast, and got very lucky with season two's crew. LB3 was a gamble that clearly did not pay off.

i am confident that mtv worked some hollywood magic and superimposed Heidi's soooooo sad face in the rear view mirror of the uhaul as it pulled away from the weeping lauren. check it out. TOO FAKE! DAMN YOUR EYES!!!!!!!