this was too funny. douchebag spense is a jack ass. worse is, a few weeks ago one of our fellow recap readers posted a link to his myspace page. apparently, he and heidi are still an item. she's so naive. oh the well.

I could not believe Spencer's behavior toward Max the intern. I was like you, first mocking Max and then defending him because Spencer *IS* a tool!

I love your "You cannot touch the Spencer!"

Hilarious.

I really hope Heidi still isn't with him.

http://audgepodge.blogspot.com/2007/02/my-take-hills-youre-tool-spencer.html

Maybe I just don't get LA, but why the hell do all the girls seem to flock to these losers? Spencer would NEVER get a girl anywhere else in the contry, money or not. I love the show, but it seems so fake this season compared to the first.

B-Side, you forgot to recap how hilarious it was to see Heidi and Lauren drunk off their asses, while Heidi was bawling in front of those wine glasses and the empty bottle.

Its funny every time i saw "DON'T TOUCH ME !!THATS ASSAULT!!!" i imagined it in will ferrell's voice LOL...

...What a douchebag

Yeah I called Spency a douchebag no less than 5 times this episode. Seriously assult...I thought you needed at least a bruise for an assult. If that loser shot that comment to me, I'd say take me to court.

Oh and as far as the LC/Brody thing...give it 2 more episodes. Laying on the comments that much even in an edited show will lead to any guy's demise.

Spencer is a total ass! I can't believe he told Max that was assult. Pathetic.

B-side I'm shocked you didn't remember that Heidi was not a true Laguna girl. Lauren picked her up in San Fran at school and brought her home. She is from Colorado.

As for Lauren. She was never a really strong Master. I think she could go either way.

I'm so glad you noticed and pointed out how shady MTV's editing is with the birthday party then the club comment. I caught that right away!

The other thing that seemed a little weird was that Heidi was wearing the same outfit when she was at breakfast wit Spencer, but Max was wearing a different shirt. Also, going to breakfast after goig to work? Weird.

Anyone else notice how Heidi said that she missed her flight even though she was at the airport? Seriously, how does this girl function?

"I love when The Hills turns into a gritty Sundance movie."

HA! I love it. As usual, a brilliant recap.

I could not believe the conflict between Spencer and Max. If I were Heidi, I'd have dumped him right then and there. Seriously, the guy is a major douchebag.

The funny thing is, when I was watching this with my roommate, she saw Heidi's office outfit and remarked, "Wow, that is totally not work appropriate." And then, lo and behold, Max calls her out on it. He had every reason to do so, Heidi looked ridiculous.

I, too, caught the little timeline screw up. Makes you wonder what else is out of wack.

Oh, my - where to begin?

I was seriously embarrassed for Heidi when Spencer acted like a beligerent four-year-old in a public restaurant. To his girlfriend's coworkers, no less. Part of me wonders if his idiocy is exacerbated by the fact that there are cameras all over him and he's stupidly playing up his "macho" side. In any case, had that been my boyfriend, I would've been completely humiliated and cut ties with him then and there.

I also picked up on Heidi's accidental revealing of the editing snafu as soon as she said it, but whatever.

Brody. Number One, you're only as good as the company you keep, and Number Two, Brody was ALSO partying it up with the Playmates. His whole schmoozing over Lauren as soon as she showed up to see him palling around with those girls was evidence enough for me that he was trying to play the good guy who was just along for the ride and had NO INTEREST IN PLAYBOY PLAYMATES WHATSOEVER!!! All of this gels in my mind to form the opinion that Brody is no better than Spencer underneath it all - he's just prettier.

Did Spencer really, truly, honestly believe that that Playmate was actually SERIOUS about having a naked picnic with him???? Clearly she was just playing along to get him off her back. It cracked me up, the way he actually seemed to believe this was a set date to be circled in red on his calendar.

Okay - I think I'm done for now.

Whomever said Spencer looks like a Lego Man was so dead on. Hilarious.

Great re-cap as always. Love the comparison to the Super Bowl Game and this episode. (Go Colts!!)

"Later, Heidi relayed all this to Lauren in one of their late-night couch talks (the 2007 answer to cheesecake on The Golden Girls)." - How true is that! I love it B-Side!

And yes, Spencer is such a douchebag...I also agree with Mandymax's comment about Brody. He was loving the Playmate attention as well so I forsee some cheeseball/doucheball action coming from Brody sometime soon. Fight it Lauren! He's too sweet to be real! :) His "niceness" kind of makes me uncomfortable...

"Anyway, apparently Max had rightfully called Spencer a tool, and apparently, that violated some very specific zoning laws. "Do you think you can call somebody a tool in L.A.?" he asked as if there was a local ordinance against the pejorative use of the word "tool." Yes, this is a decent town. We don't call people "tools" here. How barbaric!"

When he said that, I was WAITING for you to write about that, Bside. You are so DEAD ON! I thought the same thing.

Spencer disgusts me so much I can't even stand it. I can't even write about it, so I won't.

Brody is CREEPY! What is with these girls finding the grossest, ugliest and stupidest guys in L.A.? I just don’t get it.

I feel like Lauren is in a tough situation. If she talks shit about Spencer and tries to convince Heidi to get rid of him, she will sound bitter and jealous. OBVIOUSLY, this guy is a tool, but Heidi OBVIOUSLY won’t really listen to anyone else. She has to see it for herself. I’ve had so many friends in the same situations with guys and they would sooner blow the friend off than the guy. It’s stupid, but that’s how girls work. Heidi showed some intelligence and rationality when she wanted to spy on Spencer, but again, she seems really immature and needy like she did in the pregnancy test episode. She should have faith in her gut feelings and go with it. Spencer is a waste of time.

This episode was masterful!

Couldn't wait to see what you thought about Spencer being called a tool in LA, BSide. I figured that in other locales, such as Cleveland or perhaps Baltimore, it was acceptable under town ordinance, though "douchebag" would be the preferred insult.

Did anyone else notice that Wh-wh-wh-Whitney said she was "just askink-g" Lauren about her rendezvous with Brody? She must have said it 4 times, I almost threw my table at the TV.

Where to begin? First of all, am I the only one who noticed that Lauren called Heidi "HO-di" when they were out sunning by the pool? I hit the rewind button 4 times and she definitely said "HO-di".
Next, I thought Heidi's 'inappropriate' work attire was really cute. She works in an industry where it is okay (and often expected) to wear trendy clothes to the office. I think Max was being an ass because, even if he disapproved, he is not her boss and is in no position to critique her clothes. Plus, he is obviously gay, so he was trying to be bitchy about her outfit, not give her a heads up.
Oh, and I was completely embarassed by Spencer's confrontation of Max, but, in some odd way, I think Heidi enjoyed it. It took a long time for that debacle to be over.

Heidi isn't from Laguna, her family lives in CO.
I thought it was funny how Max seemed to just be giving Heidi a heads up and she took offense a tad; Spencer's reaction: holy shit, calm down douche, way to overcompensate for your slutty ways. Plus, just cause Heidi possibly dresses well outside of work, those clothes tend to be inappropriate for offices, duh. He's obviously never had a real job.

I still can't believe that Spencer and Heidi are still together. Maybe its all publicity; lets hope so.

I can't believe I forgot - did anyone else notice when LC and Whitney were at Teen Vogue, LC was looking at perezhilton.com? I had to rewind to double-check, but she was definitely checking it out...

Hey B-Side.. Heidi has done a spread in Stuff Magazine

http://www.usmagazine.com/mtvs_heidi_montag_shows_off_her_own_hills_1

(clean link)

I read the US Magazine interview and it looks like Heidi is still with Spencer and she’s recording an album produced by David Foster who happens to be Brody Jenner’s stepdad. Seems like sticking with Spencer is a must if she wants to get her album produced by Mr. Foster. Not only is she vapid but apparently a whoring social climber too.

Huh?? I just read the US Magazine article too, and Spencer is her "Manager/boyfriend"?? How can that guy be a manager??
Also, did anyone think it was weird that when Max the co-worker called Heidi on the phone, the camera just happened to be on him? That seemed pretty staged to me, although I can't think of why...
And somebody above wondered why Heidi and Spencer would be meeting for breakfast when Heidi had already been to work- my guess is that Spency the unemployed had just rolled out of bed, thus was eating his breakfast at noon.

No, Heidi. No, LC. We don't see the way your loser boyfriends look at you ...

That was dumb.
LC advice to Heidi was a total cover up for what I imagine she used to say when she dated Jason ... how can she repeated when she was obviously WRONG!!!! God! They are in denial.

So, that's how it works for this girls? Date jackassess as long as they "look" at you that way when you guys are alone. Blah!

Miss Katrina:
I asked the same thing about Whitney after last week's episode..
Please someone tell me where she is from...
The way Lauren says "Thankyouuuuu" and Audrina's puckered lips when she speaks..I am going crazy. These idiots drive me crazy....
B Side? it is spelled "crevices".

cre·vasse (krĭ-vās') Pronunciation Key
n.
A deep fissure, as in a glacier; a chasm.
A crack or breach in a dike or levee.

BOO-YA

Nice, B-Side!!

LC and Heidi looked trashed when they talked to spencer on the phone.

Clearly they were at the club longer than we saw.

I didn't think there could be an asswipe bigger than Jason...but then came Spencer. How about Team Douchenozzle?

(love the Boo-Ya b-side)

hb

How perfect is it that Spencer's last name is "Pratt."

hey y'all - i don't watch this show on a regular basis, but saw snippets in the gym. can someone PLEASE explain to me how an ass such as spencer is featured? is he from $$? it can't be his looks or personality.

Spencer Pratt is icky.

I'm guessing that MTV reenacted Max's scene on the phone after they realized all of the toolshed gold they received at Cafe Prana. Neither his clothes nor his hair match the scene at the restaurant.

And to answer another poster's question. A lot of people order breakfast all day long in Los Angeles. Spencer probably just woke up.

And Heidi will dump Spencer once her "music" is finished.

I also don't understand why these relatively attractive young women date these abortions. I also don't understand why women in the South date beer-bellied NASCAR fans, women in the east date Guidos and women in the midwest date unemployed wife-beaters. Every region appears to have their own kind of douchebag.

LC must be pretty insecure to buy into Brody's lines the way she does. I understand Jason pretty much did destroy her, but I feel really sorry for her in this situation. If any guy, whether I was dating him or not, laid on the compliments that thick, I would be really creeped out and probably figure he just wanted to get into my pants. I think that's the case with Lauren, except she keeps falling for it. Although, maybe I'm wrong about Brody - it's hard to say.

I don't even know what to say about Spencer. He is just awful, awful, truly worthless. I never thought I would miss Heidan. However, Heidi and Spencer's name can be Heider. Or Spendi. Yeah, Spencer's pretty Spendi.

I rememeber when show launched and read something about Whhhhitney being from Missouri. Can anyone else confirm?

I remember reading somewhere when the show launched that our amazing-k friend Wh-wh-whitney was from Missouri. Can anyone confirm?

Ok, I've been mulling this comment over and over...but I'm just going to say it. And I'm scared, I'll admit. Because it's a total departure from everything I know and understand. I think I'll somehow be different, once it's out there, but I guess that's just the risk one takes when one decides to put such a radical new thought out into the public arena.

Here goes...

Spencer Pratt...is a bigger fuckstick than Kevin Federline. OH MY GOODNESS! AHHHHHHHH! I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST SAID SOMEONE IS A BIGGER FUCKSTICK THAN K-FED!!!

Hitler, grab a parka. Cause it’s gonna be a cooooolllld one tonight.

There is a comment on IMDb from a guy who apparently also had a fight with Spencer Pratt. You might have to register to read it.

I really don’t get how this idiot gets so much airtime. And now he’s Heidi’s manager? I guess she’s still using her prized sense of judgment.

OK, Spencer HAS to be related to some kind of studio connection in LA.

I think he's actually out-douche-bagged Tyler from RW: Key West. And I REALLY despise that asshole. He is a total narcissistic pig, and the fact that he's on round 2 in attempting reality tv fame is seriously pathetic. Especially since he thinks the way to do it is by behaving like a class A fuckweasel.

As for Heidi and Lauren picking assholish men, it's a phase. I think we all do it at some point or another, I just think that the level of douche-baggery in LA is a standard and that it's hard to find normal people. That club scene seems to be comprised of star-fuckers, fame-sluts, and low-lifes who supply the E-Listers with coke (yeah, I'm talkin' about you 8-Bahl).

I thought the scene with Matt was completely ridiculous, I'll bet if Spencer hadn't been wigging out about Heidi and Audrina having dinner it wouldn't have happened. He's a real class act, I haven't seen action like that since the 8th grade cheerleading squad. And it was pretty fucking stupid then too.

Oh yeah, and even though Lauren is probably a little star-struck, and enamored of Brody Jenner - I'll bet good money that her parents won't be.

Parents can smell sleaze a mile away when it comes to their daughters, and it really doesn't matter how famous the guy is. Katie Holmes' parents are a good example of that theory. You just KNOW they're waiting for Xenu to claim TC for the mothership.

Un-beee-lievable, I couldn't contain my laughter watching how Spencer and Brody were so clearly disappointed with the girls arrival and how it subsequently ALMOST ended their evening w/the playmates. And how funny that Spencer was just like F it whatever and trying to leave until Heidi stopped him, yet he still left with the playmates, or so we were led to believe. Poor Heidi! After 3 seasons of being featured in Laurens shows, shes still looking like a fool on reality television.

Excellent recap. But I can't believe you didn't include Spencer's incredible threat to Max that he would "see him at the clubs."

Maybe he was challenging Max to a dance off?

I hand to rewind that part because I was so amazed that anyone could be lame enough to say that with a straight face.

Did anyone notice during the opening scene at the pool that LC had a red Kabbalah string around her wrist?

Oh pleeeeeeeease let there be a Max/Spencer dance-off!

"When you're a douche/you're a douche all the way/from your first puffy hair/to your last shirt that's gay..."

Don't forget, the Midwest also has frat boys as well as unemployed wife beaters. They are a douchebag race all their own, trust me.

Spencer will have been ROBBED if he doesn't win "Most Punchable" at the TVgasm awards next year.

And yet, thanks to him, this one episode of The Hills had more entertainment value than the entire previous season of LB. All of those LB3 kids were too subdued and not into the TV fame thing at all. It needed some real famewhore douchebags like our boy Spence to liven it up.

Oh, and I can't believe no one's mentioned this Heidi quote about her upcoming album from the Us article.

"It will be the Pussycat Dolls-meets-Gwen Stefani, with a dose of Fergie."

In other words, it will be all things AWFUL.

AC - I did notice the Kabbalah string. She was wearing it at Teen Vogue, too. I was wondering if that's what it was - glad I wasn't the only one who saw it.

I have still have yet to see this episode. I just follow the recaps which are hilarious as always!

It's really sad that Heidi's such a famewhore now. How the fuck can spencer be her manager/boyfriend?? Yeah, that's really going to work out for her.

Oh!! I went to see "Epic Movie" with my husband two nights ago and fucking Lauren is in the movie!! We were the only ones in the theatre and I went "Oh my fucking god!" really loud haha. Definitely see the movie or rent it when it comes out on dvd to check her scene out. It's a short one but it's funny nonetheless.
Later guys.

Over the last few episodes I realized that Lauren has really grown out of that awkward teenage stage and really "grown up". For a girl with really natural good looks I can't understnad two things. 1) Why is she interested in these shit birds who crap all over her? There has to be a decent hardworking guy in LA. Secondly, Why doesn't she do any modeling?

omj75 -- in terms of modelling, I did notice at the supermarket that Lauren was on the cover of Cosmo Girl this month. That's gotta count for something, right?

Link to what LC said about being in EPIC MOVIE

Now that's why I like LC, haha.

Lauren is now modeling, she's been picked as the face for Avon's "mark" cosmetics.

Heide's a singer? Never saw that coming...

Audrina rocks. Someone needs to hire her as the pretty girl in a few movies-- she'll capitalize on her reality fame for a little while and if she's smart she'll invest her earnings wisely and live comfortably into old age.

Spencer sucks. And unfortunately I remember Brody Jenner from a show that lasted just a few epsiodes called "Princes of Malibu". On the show we saw Brody and his brother at their "finest": lazy ass rich spoiled kids who whored around all day and wasted their parent's money. The show was so embarrassingly bad that it was cut from FOX very quickly and their stepdad David Foster filed for divorce from the Jenner boys' mom soon afterward. Yes, the show was THAT BAD. Don't let the sweet side Brody is showing now fool you, LC. Brody's a total manwhore.

I was singing part of the MAD TV sketch when I watched this episode: "no one learns/no one grows/they just get drunk and fight!"

I think Spencer has seen Fight Club one too many times. The only issues with that are: 1) he's not hot, 2) he's not tough, 3) he's not witty, 4) he's a douche.

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said about Spencer. He is a greasy little weasel and that fucking perma-grin on his face makes me want to slap the taste out of his mouth. Area is located directly behind my apartment building, and I am so tempted to walk over there and kick that little bitch right in the nuts! He is probably THE most repugnant little shit that I have ever seen. Though unlike another commenter, I don't know if even Spencer can top Tyler from the Real World. I would like to put both of those whores in a shit-filled space shuttle and send them far far away. I actually kind of pissed just writing this. Spencer may go down today if I can find that little Jack-o-Lantern.
Brody - totally fake, but the kid is fucking hot. It's true.
Audrina - don't get the appeal. She's cute until she opens her mouth, then those giant horse teeth take over her face and it's all over.
Whitney - cute girl, but I called it last week that she has a strange way of turning "ing" to "zink" ANNOYING!!!
Alright, I'm going to fuck up Spencer now.

Thanks B-Side! Good for her. Got to make hay when the sun shines, and these are her wonder years. Keep up the great work B-Side.

I have realized what is so utterly offensive about Spencer's face. His mouth is perpetually agape, and you can see his complete set of teeth, upper and lower, at all times. Very distracting. Incidentally, I think Audrina has a similar case of the round open mouth syndrome.

Not totally sure - when Audrina asked Heidi if she had been with Spencie 2 or 3 saturdays ago, was she asking if they were literally together in the same place, or was she asking if they were even dating 2 or 3 saturdays ago? I couldn't wrap my head around that one, especially wondering how Heidi could have already had sex with the guy, had a pregnancy scare, and moved on to the next weekend's adventures..... Not to get too wrapped up in the science of it all, but we are talking at LEAST 3-4 weeks time to cover all of that!

I think Heidi and Spencie's "breakfast" together was either another out-of-order editing faux pas or else he just wanted to be able to say the phrase "MUSCLE breakfast" out loud to impress Heidi. By the way, although I think she was pretending to be horrified by his reprehensible behavior toward Max (duly noted, no longer in his hospital in-patient attire), she was secretly thrilled to have her "cool" and very "tough" boyfriend standing up for her. Not depressing at all!

Thank you, lovedoctor, for pointing out something that has been bothering me. Heidi's only been dating that douche for 2-3 weeks, yet she's already had a pregnancy scare? Uh, not buying it.

And is it me, or did Max flip the bird on his way across the street?

Oh yes Max definitely flipped Spencer the bird

I’m so excited to have our dear, sweet LagunaConsultant back on the boards!!!! You were greatly missed…it just wasn’t the same without you. Welcome back!

I’ve mentioned this in the past but I feel it bears repeating – I think Jen has always been somewhat jealous of Lauren. I know in this particular instance with Brody, Heidi was the instigator, but going back to the “old” Laguna days, Jen has behaved in a way (with respect to Lauren) that I have found somewhat questionable.

At the infamous fashion show when Jason was kissing Jessica, she scolded Lauren for “being such a bitch to Jessica.” Lauren was dealing with a lot at that particular moment and what does her supposed friend do? She reprimands her in defense of the “other woman.” Way to show your support Jen!

Later in that same episode, Jen was heard asking Lauren if she was all right in an almost exaggerated kind of way. I didn’t perceive her questioning of Lauren to be out of concern for her friend, but rather in the hopes of Lauren having an emotional breakdown. It just seemed as if Jen wanted to hear Lauren say how upset she was about Jason kissing Jessica. Let’s face it, oftentimes that’s what jealous people do – they take pleasure in another person’s unhappiness especially when it’s someone of which they are envious.

I agree with everyone else, Brody has no interest in Jen…he just likes the camera time along with that other über loser, SpongeBob SquareHead.

This is my favorite recap ever. I literally laughed out loud until the tears poured down my face while I read all about the "Spencer Assault". You are my favorite person ever, B-Side.