Steph mentions via voiceover that Heidi's actually getting married. "Really?!" LC blurts out, and she actually does sound surprised. Perhaps she was with the rest of us and just never thought the day would come when two of the most selfishly evil entities in reality television would be legally bound in matrimony. American matrimony.
"What do I have to do to convince you to go?" Wow, Stephanie gets right to it. What is she going to do, make LC an offer she can't refuse? I'm almost creeped out by her intensity; from the look in her eyes, she seems like she's offering herself up in exchange for LC's attendance.
LC shrugs and says she doesn't want to be a part of it and that no one will care if she doesn't go. Steph disagrees and implores LC to trust her (one of her favorite and yet least well-used phrases), Heidi loves her and really needs her to be there. LC insists she's not going, then the two of them exchange menacing head shakes for a good ten seconds.
At Majestic Golf Land, our prince-to-be, Spencer, is practicing his stroke with good devil buddy Charlie, who just won't stop invading my yuppie nightmares. He gets filled in on Spencie's meeting with Real Dad-In-Law Cowboy Bill. Spencer says that now, with everything falling into place and his requisite three trips to a therapist completed, he's the happiest he's ever been in his life.
But that happiness doesn't stop him from worrying about his shrew of a mother-in-law-to-be and Heidi's insistence that LC come to the wedding. Against all type, Charlie suggests that it would just be better for Spencer to invite LC and apologize to her. Then he grins at him like an evil leprechaun watching someone chase a rainbow off a cliff. "Get over it. Bury the hatchet," he says, and a whole bunch of other overused idioms.
Meanwhile, Heidi has dragged her blondes-in-waiting to a dress shop to try on a few scraps of tulle and chiffon and lace and other scratchy things. She surely is in a fairy princess land, groaning in ecstasy, "Oh my GOD lookat these DRESSES." Head inflating, ladies, please stand back. She tries on a bunch, and it's just like that scene in the "Sex and the City" movie, except that she has the opinions of her friends to guide her.
She tries on her last dress and - gasp! IT'S the ONE! If only finding her groom only took a five-second montage. Heidi takes this opportunity to wax on even more about how excited she is to have the wedding she wants, with everyone she wants to be there, because of course LC will be there... right Messenger? Stephanie breaks her the bad news that at their lunch in Beverly Hills it sure didn't seem like she was planning which cocktail dress she'd wear. Heidi seems sad. Soft piano in the background agrees with me.
"Well... that's okay, as long as you guys are there..." Heidi mumbles.
Stephanie, Lo, Lau, and Blahdrina gather for yet another lunch (how are these girls not total fat-asses??). It seems weird that they would all hang out together, considering how everyone hates Stephanie and Lo hates everyone in general. They reflect on this irony themselves, rejecting the urge to mention producers' involvement and contractual obligations.
They laugh about the first time Blahdrina met Stephanie, and how they all thought she was crazy, ahahah wow oh so long ago! All three girls gang up against Stephanie in laughing at her in the cruelest way they can about how she declared her loyalty to Spencer and her intention to "bring them down." LC muses on the fact that "at one point or another, everyone's kind of hated each other." Sounds like a good basis for friendship. Blahdrina looks up toward the sky and begins thinking about all the people she's hated when Lauren holds up her hand and points out the fact that the common hatred thread (hatethread?) they all have in common is... yup... Spencer. Yeah yeah, he's the Angel of Death, we've all heard it before.
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Comments (4)
Nice as always, Osnapp. It's odd they've only had 10 episodes this season when Season 4 had 20 episodes and season 3-28.
I will miss your recaps after this season is over.
1 of 4 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on May 27, 2009 1:23 PM
I figured it out, OSnapp! The reason Lo, Steph, Lau, and Blah are all hanging out: RAISE IN PAY.
I can't believe this show is so boring being that it's scripted. I mean, we all know its fake.
They need new writers. Everyone knows LC is dating some dude that's on some other show but since The Hills is all made up of IMAGINATION...at least let her date and have some Sex and the City-type dates. Awesome.
Then someone contracts the Swine Flu but then they recover only to find out there was a mistake at the hospital...then at the end it was all Pam Ewing's dream.
2 of 4 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on May 27, 2009 6:20 PM
Great recap as usual.
I don't know how you do it. I have trouble watching this show because of the long pauses and all that staring. It's like they all have only so much energy and they "power down" after every sentence. It's weird.
I wonder if they are all drugged? At least that would explain their behavior and some of their clothing choices.
I realize that we all know that LC is going to Speidi's wedding, but was fun to watch Spencer apologize. That's been a long time coming and I'm sure LC still hates him, but thanks to contractual obligations, she'll be there to wish Speidi a happy wedding day.
I wonder if they'll show both receptions. The real one where they actually had a nice sit down dinner, or if they will just show the one where Heidi is wearing her Mrs. Pratt track suit and they have cake and champagne.
3 of 4 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on May 28, 2009 5:29 AM
It's amazing. You take a boring show where almost nothing clever or interesting ever happens but somehow you manage to be clever and interesting.
I really hope the Cavaleri hootchie turns this show around. It's become as fun as watching slugs cross the sidewalk.
4 of 4 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on June 1, 2009 11:28 AM