Now seems as good a time as any for Stephanie to ask everyone whether they're coming to the wedding. Blahdrina announces her intention to go, to which LC's head snaps around in surprise. "YOU'RE going?" she asks. Blahdrina nods and shrugs like she's been invited to a pool party by the coolest girl in school and she really has no choice. There's going to be pizza. And boys.
"I haven't decided," Lo says. "You're invited?" mutters LC, even more surprised. She looks around the table, thinking either a) I can't believe my friends would betray me this way or b) Jesus, ANYBODY can get invited to a famewhore wedding these days. Considering her company, I'm guessing it's b).
Then she says resignedly, "Maybe you'll all send me BBMs." I was going to ask my cool readers what the fuck she was talking about, until I remembered my cool Google instead. BlackBerry Messages? Seriously? That's our dearest form of communication when a loved one is absent from a celebration? Whatever happened to drunk dials? I'm sad.
At the Nylon party, Blahdrina asks Stephanie point-blank, "What do you do now that you don't have a job?" This makes Lo laugh uproariously. The more polite the jab, the closer you get with Lo. Then Stephanie provides us with this week's fill-in-the-blank screengrab. Quick!
Steph yaps on about how terrified she is of Kelly Cutrone, then Lo drops the bomb that this party was thrown my People's Revolution. Gasp! Who knew?? Stephanie totally knew, come on.
Some "rolling into tha partay with my thugs" rap starts playing, which can only mean one thing: Broday and his trashy alcoholic titfriend have arrived. They sit down and start making out as Blahdrina stares, then looks at the floor for answers, then stares again, then looks away, all the while wondering whether she should say hello. Things are so awkward from across the room. Or closer.
Just then, the Queen of Darkness herself, Kelly Cutrone, sneaks up behind Stephanie and demands to know just what the hell she's doing at her party. Wow, what are the chances of two feudal showdowns in one night at one table? Very high, evidently. I'm beginning to think L.A. is a really small town in Ohio. Steph claims innocence from knowing she would be there, but Cutthroat condescendingly reminds her that Nylon is her client, didn't she ever learn that as her employee? She lays into her about being a dipshit, to which Stephanie whines that it's really hard to learn from a boss who's never there.
Cutthroat is flabbergasted. "Are you blaming me for your ineptitude?!" Stephanie sits silent, likely thinking, "inwhatatude?" Steph says it was good to see her and Cuntface gives her the hand as she storms off.
Meanwhile, Jayde is telling Frankie how she wants to smash a bottle in Blahdrina's face and Broday is telling some faceless dude how he doesn't give a shit about being friends with Blahdrina as long as his Jokerface will still go down on him. So Blahdrina and her blonde posse leave. As far as feuds go, for a double-header this was severely boring.
As the WORST Akon song ever recorded plays ("I wanna make love right now na na"), we transition to a morning nag session at the Aryan compound. Heidi asks Spencer if he returned their rental DVDs, to which he gently explains that if you don't return them, they charge you and then you own the rental DVDs. Wouldn't it be easier just to buy them? But enough of this elementary nagging, let's get onto the WWF Nag. Heidi tells Spencie that LC isn't coming to the wedding because she thinks it will be awkward (and she's totally right) and that Spencer should just apologize to Lauren and make her happy because she's A PRINCESS GODDAMMIT!
Spencer starts in about how he doesn't want to look like a pussy little bitch in front of the clearly more masculine and better-in-every-way Lauren Conrad. Heidi yells that he should put aside his ego for one second and be the bigger man. "I'm NOT the bigger man," he retorts. Um, is that a retort? I mean, he's right, but does that count as a comeback?
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Comments (4)
Nice as always, Osnapp. It's odd they've only had 10 episodes this season when Season 4 had 20 episodes and season 3-28.
I will miss your recaps after this season is over.
1 of 4 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on May 27, 2009 1:23 PM
I figured it out, OSnapp! The reason Lo, Steph, Lau, and Blah are all hanging out: RAISE IN PAY.
I can't believe this show is so boring being that it's scripted. I mean, we all know its fake.
They need new writers. Everyone knows LC is dating some dude that's on some other show but since The Hills is all made up of IMAGINATION...at least let her date and have some Sex and the City-type dates. Awesome.
Then someone contracts the Swine Flu but then they recover only to find out there was a mistake at the hospital...then at the end it was all Pam Ewing's dream.
2 of 4 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on May 27, 2009 6:20 PM
Great recap as usual.
I don't know how you do it. I have trouble watching this show because of the long pauses and all that staring. It's like they all have only so much energy and they "power down" after every sentence. It's weird.
I wonder if they are all drugged? At least that would explain their behavior and some of their clothing choices.
I realize that we all know that LC is going to Speidi's wedding, but was fun to watch Spencer apologize. That's been a long time coming and I'm sure LC still hates him, but thanks to contractual obligations, she'll be there to wish Speidi a happy wedding day.
I wonder if they'll show both receptions. The real one where they actually had a nice sit down dinner, or if they will just show the one where Heidi is wearing her Mrs. Pratt track suit and they have cake and champagne.
3 of 4 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on May 28, 2009 5:29 AM
It's amazing. You take a boring show where almost nothing clever or interesting ever happens but somehow you manage to be clever and interesting.
I really hope the Cavaleri hootchie turns this show around. It's become as fun as watching slugs cross the sidewalk.
4 of 4 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on June 1, 2009 11:28 AM