This week, the girls get makeovers.
Oh, the Hills. Where would we be without our regular dose of living assery? Probably not in MALIBU, watching this episode, where Justin Bobby finally puts his penis into Kristin's vagina. Also, Blahdrina is boring and everyone else is dumb.
Hola Douche afficianados! Last week on the Hills, Spencer lets HBUD out of the house to get her nails did. Oh, joy!
This week, Kristin and Stacie that weird bartender that Spencer had a flirtation with are lunching. Lunch with the girls! If girls equals snooty, collagen-reeking bitches who talk with a weird, indecipherable lisp/affectation in their speech. Yes, I'm talking about you two, Kristin and Stacie. What are you guys ordering for lunch? Brimstone?
I will cut you.
Stacie says that Kristin is the only person, like, she hasn't gotten in a fight with, like, when she first like, met. Why? Maybe you recognize your own kin. You're like a couple of dumb, mosturizing-using satans.
Kristin says she's going to have to talk to Blah Dead at some point...because, that's what i do when I start dating a new dude, terrorize his borderline-retarded ex-girlfriends. Not that Kristin is DATING Justin....they're just like, going out together alone and having dates on motorcycles. That's not dating. That's like what I do with my prison pen pals. you know, when they get out of prison.
Then....the theme song. New with hot bitch injection.
Guilty as charged!
Anyone else notice that "unwritten" is sort of an ironic theme song for this show?
Well, I noticed.
Somewhere else in some trendy part of L.A., Blah dead and her sister Casy are shopping. Actually, I've been to the store that they are shopping at. Yeah, I got change for parking.
It was awesome.
Casey sort of looks like a pinup but also a drag queen. I can't decide. Still, I did the tattoos and the fact that her eyes don't look dead is a testimony to genetic variation. Or, maybe they're just halvsies...?
I had eye implants. It's a family curse.
Blah dead tells Casey that Kristin texted her (because everyone has everyone else's number in PARADISE) to have lunch. Oh wait- I do see some genetic similarity between the Patridge bretheren...
buck teeth and vacancy!
Blah dead is NOT having lunch with Kristin. And that's like, SETTLED.
Meanwhile, in the oppressive matrimonial hell that is HBUD's life, Bulimia comes to visit their new porno pad. HBUD says "welcome to our humble abode" and Bulimia doesn't get it! What does humble mean? And the house is on a CLIF! It might fall. Heights confuse her, just like words and papers.
Spencer is in his typical douche pose, which is a mix between being half comatose and wanting to hit HBUD over the head with the remote control.
Everything's dumb.
HBUD won't SHUT THE FUCK UP about having a kid (what is she? 23?) and Spencer, in the only semblance of sanity, says that's why he picked the house. Of course, he says it in the most oppressively masochistic way, but that's our Spence for you, our walking anus Spencer Pratt.
Is he going to kill someone, or did he just find his car keys?
Spencer doesn't want kids, HBUD wants kids to mature him. Bulimia calls this out as being...um, ridiculous. It's HILARIOUS how she calls their relationship out as being BAD, too. Heh. No, kids are the perfect solution to a bad relationship. Just ask my parents!
Another thing I want to point out at this junction is that the interstitial camera guys likes skinny girls with short skirts who like to shop.
Hollywood is like real life.
At Lulu's Cafe, Kristin puts on her best forlorn face as she waits for Blah Dead for salad and secret sharing.
Do I have genital herpes?
Lo meets Kristin instead. Always the bridesmaid, right troll? Kristin is like, "she thinks something is going on with Justin Bobby and I." And Lo says, "is there?" "Uh, yes." Wow, you should be an attorney, Kristin.
So Kristin goes off on this long tirade while Troll passive-agressively disagrees through cryptic hand gesture. Really? She's not going to say anything? Riddle me this, Lo, why are you on the show if you don't like confrontation? Dreams are spun from the confrontations of twenty-something reality tv stars. Yeah, my mom told me that.
ERG...I want to say something...but...I just...can't...
At some other high-end clothing store, Lo, Bulimia and Blah Dead debate the merits of fringe.
Troll looks oddly made up, like one of those kid child pageant stars.
Lo?
Actual Lo.
« The Ruins: You're Such a Boob | Main | Mad Men: A Thing Like That »
Comments (7)
Thanks for recapping this sinking ship. I am loyal to a fault but this show is totes boring!! I may have to remove it from my DVR and just read these recaps. I'm just waiting for the scene we were promised when Jayde goes ape-shit on the Bitch!!!
Why is Audrina talking about girl code, she didn't think about girl code when she "slept" in Brody's room. Kristin isn't even her friend!! Why is Stacie the Bartender even on this show? Is she f-ing the Gremlin?
Though I did laugh when Spencer told Enzo to say goodbye to Heidi forever and Enzo goes "Forever?" He was a cute kid but a total sham. Heidi and Spencer should not procreate!!!
1 of 7 | Posted by Yanksfan24 | Posted on October 8, 2009 1:26 PM
The Hills as we knew it is ruined. It's gone "FOREVER". I like Kristin and was excited about her joining the cast, but having her interact with all of Lauren's old friends is boring! Doesn't she have any friends of her own that do different things? I could care less about her being with stinky JB. I think when she gets her sights on Brody, THAT'S when things will get interesting. I wouldn't eff with Jayde, but that's just me. We'll see what happens...maybe...or we'll just read it in the recaps. :D
2 of 7 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on October 9, 2009 12:19 PM
And P.S. Lo's and Stephanie's makeup was way too overdone. What is going on?!
3 of 7 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on October 9, 2009 12:20 PM
so funny that you asked if we thought it was ironic that the theme song is called unwritten. i actually said those exact words the other nite when the show came on.
4 of 7 | Posted by jennylovesflowie623 | Posted on October 11, 2009 12:37 PM
Is it just me or is Heidi doing a little Spencer impression each week? She getting snarkier and more sarcastic - kinda interesting to watch.
Anyway, same question as Yanksfan24 - what the hell is Stacie doing on this show? Last we saw of this skank she was flirting with Spencer/fighting with Heidi and then was an apparent guest at their wedding. As if that wasn't confusing enough...Now she's Kristin's friend? Since when? Cocktail hour at the wedding? Wha huh? So confused. I know they need an evil robin to Kristin's lame bitchy batman, but she is such a random choice. Why not just bring in a real friend of hers?
Not sure what Lo is still doing on this show either. LC was always her connection and since she and Ceiling Eyes never got along, it would seem she would scoot as soon as LC did. Guess her diploma ain't payin' the bills.
Ick...this show is going downhill fast.
5 of 7 | Posted by realitee | Posted on October 11, 2009 2:54 PM
Spencer asked what made Heidi think he wanted to play with a 6 year old. I think the real question is Why Would a 6 yr old Want to Play with HIM?
Also, why does Justin Bobby have to keep bringing Audrina name up all the time? If he doenst want to be with her,fine, But why ask Kristen if she minds that Audrina had been on his bike??? Who would give a shit?
6 of 7 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on October 11, 2009 9:38 PM
My theory is that JB uses the technique of using an ex's name to make himself seem more desirable. It's not that he wants Blah back, but if he refers to her as if she still REALLY REALLY still wants him, the thinks he'll be considered 'hard to keep', which he seems to assume is attractive.
*gross*. JB is just gross.
7 of 7 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on October 14, 2009 11:58 AM