Well, with the Olympics finished and the DNC out of the way, young people had nothing else remotely political or cultural to do this week. So, they watched a bunch of blondies make scrunched-up, "hmm, that's a shame" faces whenever they talk about how lame boys are, and Kelly Cutrone secure her position as most awesome of any man, woman or See-You-Next-Tuesday who's ever been on "The Hills." Cheerio, old lady!
We get a recap wherein The Evil Duo "crashed" the party of a relative (to which they were INVITED!) and LC's "romance" with Duhg is illustrated with musings on finding old prom pictures. Good God, I hope that's a euphemism for banging, or LC is officially the most boring date on earth (and all this time I'd feared it was me!).
"Maybe later we can... you know... Dig up some used ticket stubs. Wink!"
We join our belles at PR, where Whitney is tiredly explaining how she's going to New York the next day, because with Kelly Cutthroat, "when she wants you, she wants you." I suspect she's just as demanding at work too! LC, sporting half a 'stache and raccoon eyes, stares at her - terrified as she is realizing that her only sane friend is slipping away from her. She advises Whit to "pack lots of black," because you never know when you'll have to look very slim or run to a quick funeral. Whit brings up the topic of Duhg as though it's simply the next item on the syllabus. Hopefully later they'll move on to 20th Century Neoclassicism, but for now it's all about how boring LC finds her young buck. And you know when LC finds you boring, you are BOH-REE-INGK. I expect the next words out of her mouth to be, "Well, it's just that his penis is kind of... you know..."
Too small? Too big? Right-angle crooked?
LC whines that she remembers liking him a lot more when they were, you know, seventeen. I can't imagine why she'd suddenly not like him anymore, because certainly none of my friends from high school changed over four years and countless anonymous sexual encounters. "I just thought I'd hop right back into it," she muses. Ahem. I hate to be a corrector (or do I?), but I believe it's Duhg who thought he'd hop right back in.
She compares him to Broday and I think, Oh lordy, hon, has it been that long for you?
"It's been, like, four sets of batteries long."
And that stud muffin's not doing it for you?
"Maybe you're a lesbian."
You know what's really fucked up? I've wasted countless hours of my life watching this show and the opening credits are so good that they STILL make me love these bitches against my will. Maybe it's just because this is the only time any of them look like they're actually having fun. Gods damn you, MTV!
Anyway. At Fit'Em sometime later, LC greets StephPratt by slamming down her bag with (sexual) frustration. Steph gives her a Guidance Counselor Good Morning, and indeed, LC speaks as though she's just obligated to be there.
And as we learned last week, nobody can make Steph Un-This.
Steph recounts the story of her Spencer rejection (horrors!) and assures LC that that douchebag is "outta sight, outta mind." You know, that's a real shame when you have to say that about your own flesh and blood. If they are, in fact, related. LC confirms their friendship (at least someone here has loyalty!) and I wonder what could possibly make Lauren choose to hang out with this bobblehead but find Duhg too unbearable to be around?
"Oh dear... perhaps I AM a lesbian..."
Some snappy electro-pop kicks in, which inevitably signifies our transition to the big, beautiful city of New York. I find it amusing how all of the L.A. filler shots are of faceless people carrying shopping bags and gabbing on cell phones, while, whenever "The Hills" travels to NYC, the stock shots are nervous people rushing around and actually working.
Except for these chicks. Yeah, this is pretty much what I do all day.
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Comments (7)
hahaha i love the captions you have underneath the photos!
1 of 7 | Posted by ilovetv | Posted on September 3, 2008 12:28 PM
Kelly totally has the best icky face.
2 of 7 | Posted by gradschoolgirl | Posted on September 3, 2008 12:57 PM
This was a pretty boring episode I thought. And an equally boring recap. And what is this? "LC drives her identical-to-Spencer's car" Ummm LC drives a Mercedes and Spencer drives a BMW.
3 of 7 | Posted by ashes | Posted on September 3, 2008 1:20 PM
shut up, ashes. I thought the captions were hifuckinglarious, and I think this is the best Hills recap in ages!
4 of 7 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on September 3, 2008 4:58 PM
I loved this recap. Funny as always. The Hills hasn't done it for me in a long time but dammit if this show doesn't have a spell on me.
How could LC dump Doug?!!
Is her dildo THAT powerful? I mean I would keep this delicious piece of ass around for funsies especially now that Brody has a gf and they are really "just friends".
Seriously, he is not bad on the eyes at all! Hope the next guy she dates isn't the dorky-senstive type. More hotties please!
5 of 7 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on September 3, 2008 6:50 PM
Great recap! This episode was sooooo boring, bu5t the recap made it edible. Or something like that.
I didn't see anything special in Doug. Maybe we wanted him to stay because it was hope for something, ANYTHING to happen on this show. I mean, c'mon, your early 20s should be full of fun and unpredictability.
Thanks for making this show what it is, O. Snapp!
6 of 7 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on September 3, 2008 7:29 PM
You. You have the best photo captions EVER. And it's YOUR fault that I laughed so hard that I snorted, rather painfully.
This show is so...dumb? Moronic? Trashy? All of the above?
And yet, I love it.
I was liking Alex a lot, but we won't be seeing more. Whitney revealed on the after show that they didn't hit it off. Too bad.
Am I crazy for missing Justin Bobby? I'm really tired of Spencer being the only guy on this show. At least JB was entertaining, in a Beatnik/douchebag way.
7 of 7 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on September 4, 2008 3:41 PM