They agree it's not weird at all that he just finished dating a girl whose friendship attentions Stephanie is aching to gain, and Steph's eyes wander aimlessly as she bops around in her chair. Duhg stares at Steph like she's a big blonde lollipop from the dentist's office and asks what she's doing after dinner.
"Making some enemies. Care to help me?"
They look around nervously, like someone might catch them and capture evidence of their rendezvous to show to an audience of millions. Huh. Just before she answers, Stephanie's face twists, then falls in a manner common to criminals who see police in the distance.
And then.... Um, Brody's mom shows up?
I'm not really sure how to handle this, except to say "WHAT?!?!" I'm so confused. How...? But where...? Who did....? Wha-HUH? Yes, Brody's mom, a tightly pulled blonde Emmy of a trophy wife strolls over with an equally formaldehyded friend to say bon jour. To Stephanie. This is a most completely unexpected turn of events. Well done, MTV, my great and worthy opponent. Well done.
"I would frown in confusion too, but I can't. My face is stuck like this."
I am reeeeeeeally not sure how Stephanie knows her and Duhg doesn't (maybe it's a Princes Of Malibu thing?), but evidently this is what we're supposed to believe. Linda (that's Mom) giggles and teases them about being on a date before hobbling off with her own Lo in tow. Duhg anxiously stammers and shifts from one foot to another during the whole exchange. I guess it kind of killed the mood, because Stephanie hides her face ashamedly. Guess Steph knows that even old hoes gab. Except at that stage we call them yentas.
"So.... I guess the fucking is off then?"
At Epic, I am totally loving Chiara. I don't know why. Usually her schlubby style pisses me off, because I figure she could at least TRY to look decent for the cameras. Yet today, even with her all-black outfit consisting of baggy pants and an ill-fitting shirt, I sort of admire her fuck-it attitude. I don't know what it is. Oh wait! I know!
Amazing what a comb can do, isn't it?
They talk about how it's been having to be alone with Lo all the time (a-Lo-ne? heheh. heh.) and about Goa, blah blah blah. Before long, Blahdrina excitedly exclaims, "Oh my God! AND Stephanie blah blah Duhg blah blah blah!"
DO NOT TRUST THIS WOMAN!
Blahdrina! Jesus! Can't you keep your goddamn mouth shut?
Back at the LauLoBlahteau, a relaxed and happy LC has arrived back home to a welcoming embrace by Lo.
Looks like when you turn around, wrap your arms around yourself and pretend to make out.
LC says she left Italy two days early. Say what?! Why on earth would you do that? Perhaps she got an emergency page from a P.A.: "COME BACK NOW. U R BEING PLAYED LIKE A CELLO."
LC scrunches up her face and remarks that Italy is like one big construction site, as the men all just hoot and holler at you as you walk past. That may be true, but I'm 100% sure it's the only construction site on earth that's chock-full of fuckable men. She asks what she's missed while she's been gone, and Lo and Blahdrina just look at each other and hesitate. This is the part where we should cut to a really fast montage of wild parties, dozens of couples hooking up and possibly an arrest for public indecency.
The girls tell her about their night out at Goa and Spencer and Heidi being there, and I can't decide whether this look says, "I can't believe you bitches left the house without me," or "I can't believe I left ITALY two days early for this."
"I should have stayed at the construction site."
"...So... we said hi..." Blahdrina mutters. Lo looks to LC for the appropriate betch slap.
"Ooh! Oooh! Can I do it this time?"
Then Blah breaks the news that she and her homeless boy toy met up with the Aryans the night before. "Surpriiiiiise," she sings, JUST LIKE HEIDI DOES. Lauren looks at Lo wordlessly. "Very shocking," Lo whispers. I take back everything I said about Lo. I know she's a bitch inside, but at least she's a perky, entertaining bitch. LC says nothing, looking down with a smile plastered to her face. "So.... What else did I miss?" Isn't that enough? Fine. If you keep asking, we'll keep telling. Blahdrina?
"This is not easy for me to say, but..."
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Comments (14)
I loved it!! Great job O.Snapp!
This episode was actual more chock full of activity - unlike other episodes. Or maybe it was just chock full of Blahdrina retelling the same story to whoever would listen.
Did anyone else think it was odd that we never found out who Lauren went to Italy with?! All of her friends stayed behind! Surely it wasn't work-related or Whitney would have gone. Would her friend have agreed to come back 2 days early?! Weird!
1 of 14 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on September 24, 2008 11:11 AM
I think I read many moons ago that she went with her family. This still does not explain the early return.
Also, did you guys notice that the picture in Heidi's camera looks nothing like what's in front of the lens? Weeeeiiiirddd.
XO-snapp
2 of 14 | Posted by osnapp | Posted on September 24, 2008 11:41 AM
Even the word "Jesus" sounds fake in Heidi's mouth.
3 of 14 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 24, 2008 12:00 PM
hahhaaa!
great recap O.snapp!
think italy was a "family vacay" but doubt she ever left LA at all...
and who really cares about doug anyway? why does lauren care? didn't she break it off with him? doubt highly he would ever even look at steph, but in this scenario he gets more screen time, more drama. and lay off the gloss doug, gross...
heard that brody's mom linda was the one dating elvis when he died...though its hard to tell who she is with all the surgeries. (scary! catwoman?)
recaps are consistently better than the show. explain to me why i am still watching...?!
: 0
4 of 14 | Posted by rightgrrl | Posted on September 24, 2008 12:05 PM
Fabulous JOB, O.Snapp! I swear, the way you described this episode... it was actually kind of interesting (in a way that actually watching this dreck is not). Thank you for taking yet another MTV bullet for the rest of us!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. I hear ya about the fuckability of Italians... and don't get me started on the Portuguesos, either, ay!
5 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 24, 2008 6:38 PM
Ah, so THAT is how you spell neener! I have always wondered, because na na na na boo boo just looks stupid. Erm, so does neener. Scratch that.
Great recap!
Good to hear about Italy - I am heading over there (by myself, no less) next April for 2 months. I'm currently single...
6 of 14 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on September 24, 2008 11:21 PM
I stopped watching The Hills after Heidi's old co-worker at Bolt (I can't remember her name, but she said she'd work for Heidi when in reality she had quit the company) gave her the old what-for. That was awesome. After that, I just couldn't take it anymore.
Glad to see I'm not the only one who hates Lo. I hated her even when she was just on the show once a year, for pete's sakes!
Add me to the list of people who say, "I don't watch the show, but I enjoy the recaps." This, my friend, is a phrase I have become all too familiar with (just read any comments of Million Dollar Listing). Kudos to you!
7 of 14 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 25, 2008 1:01 PM
Elodie! That's her name.
8 of 14 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 25, 2008 3:43 PM
O. Snapp,
NO!! I didn't even notice that about the camera! I was going to take a look at it when I was reading the recap, but I just got lost in reading the recap and forgot! That IS strange!!
9 of 14 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on September 25, 2008 4:04 PM
Painful episode, awesome recap.
Given Stephanie's history of substance abuse, it would make sense for Spencer to have the same problem...maybe that's why he behaves so erratically. And why he bugged out when Heidi's sister stayed with them....where was he going to use?? He does have a lot of behaviors and attitudes that point to drug abuse.
Just saying!
10 of 14 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on September 25, 2008 6:07 PM
ok O.snapp
i thought the screen cap where heidi took the pic of her and spencer looked weird at first too, until i noticed that it actually WAS a pic of them, only she's holding the camera at a weird angle and that it mostly shows him and not her...
he is dead center and she is cut off at the side of the pic, check it out again and you'll see.
of course the only camera that heidi would actually pose for would be MTVs (or maybe the US weekly paps) so the digital pic she was taking really doesn't matter anyway...
11 of 14 | Posted by rightgrrl | Posted on September 25, 2008 11:43 PM
Also, LOL at the "crazy bitch" picture.
If I'm not mistaken, that is Svetlana Khorkina, the former Russian queen of gymnastics who retired after Athens.
But lol anyway.
12 of 14 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on September 26, 2008 11:51 AM
Lo must have been really thirsty; she had THREE drinks with her when she and Blah had lunch.
13 of 14 | Posted by blairwaldorf | Posted on September 28, 2008 9:53 AM
"Perhaps he, Bro, Wahler, Coletti and that French dude all get together for poker Mondays while they sit around, drink beer and talk about LC's well-advertised lady parts."
THAT was just WRONG!!! Funnny as hell, but WRONG!!!!
14 of 14 | Posted by purplepixie | Posted on September 28, 2008 9:57 PM