Blah explains that today, instead of fun in the sun, she's going to hover around Alkaline Trio's studio session and make sure they have all the Perrier and crudités they can stuff their faces with. "So you're working?" Lau confirms. Blahdrina's response seems unsure, but I guess when every step you take is one you get paid to show the world, then yeah, everything's work, technically. She invites her roomies to come check it out, but is met with less than blaring enthusiasm. Lauren at least smiles politely and fakes excitement at being "groupies for the day"; Lo, on the other hand, remains silent but for the screaming look of displeasure at the prospect of hanging out with mezzo-rock stars. I'm not sure what her fucking problem is, but the least she could do is say, "Um yeah, we'll see. Thanks!" or something. I mean, I'm a total bitch and I at least give people that kind of courtesy.
"Do I have to wear cow for that?"
The moment Blahdrina walks away, the girls look at each other knowingly. Every pair of girlfriends does this. It just happens. You stay silent and don't say what you're really thinking until that person walks away, then you look at each other and say pretty much the same thing at the same time, accomplishing two things: you insult the other girl behind her back and reinforce your own friendship. Two birds with one shot. Why, oh why are girls like this? Anyway, this is exactly what LC and Lo do, and I'll give you a multiple-choice guess as to what Lo and Lauren are both thinking, and what Lo says aloud.
"All I wanna do is ___"
a) go see Alkaline Trio.
b) solve the remaining mysteries of quantum physics.
c) shop.
d) put a zoom-zoom-zoom in your boom-boom.
Don't cheat and look at your partner's quiz! Next we arrive back at Bolthouse, where we see our long-lost semi-friend Kimberly! Oh Kimmy I've missed you so. It's only unfortunate you've fallen victim to that Bangs Virus going around.
I just don't know where her eyelashes end and her bangs begin.
It's like her face is a stage, and the curtain is ever-so-slowly rising, revealing a wannabe starlet. I think Stephanie had a case of that a few weeks ago. Heidi brags to her about how Brent wants to make her project manager (what is this, "The Apprentice"??) of the Vegas thing. Kimberly uses the slight pauses in Heidi's spiel to show her true disdain with a few unbelieving "really?!"s and "oh. huh."s. Heidi takes no notice, instead continuing her ramble about how exciting it's all going to be, including the upcoming traveling opportunities. In her final attempt at a passive-aggressive dig (and really, who does Kimberly think she's up against in that department!), ol' Kimmy innocently asks, "What's Spencer gonna say?" Heidi replies that she doesn't care (or so we can tell from the dialogue laid over a series of reaction shots)... so why does she barely stop short of making the throat-slitting motion?
"How long do I have to pretend to listen to you?"
Quick! What band's frontman has a slew of tattoos, a guitar with a ca-ray-zee sticker on it and wears a black shirt?
Ummm, every band.
Okay, I'll give you a harder question: what band has the best manager ever, who snagged them a spot integrated within the one television show that has obtained, and kept, the hearts and TiVOs of every human within their demographic? Alkaline Trio. Their manager must have done some serious sexual favors for this one. I think I remember these guys from a few years ago (like when I was in high school) but I don't remember what throwaway hit they had. It doesn't matter. Real rockers never age.
Like good girls, Blahdrina and Chiara nod and say, "They're so good. I love his voice." Honestly, this dude's voice sounds like every other pop-punk singer's voice ever. Good Charlotte, Fall Out Boy, all the way back to Sum 41. Pick your poison. They all sound alike: sort of earnest, a touch rockin', but mostly pussy. (In fact, that might be the very definition of pop punk itself.) Lauren strolls in, dragging Lo in behind her like the dog she tricked into going to the vet.
"Wait a second! This doesn't look like Nordstrom!"
We now interrupt this program for a special message brought to you by the Native American Adam Sandler.
"Have you seen my hit movie, 'Reign-dance Over Me?'"
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Comments (20)
Great recap! I am embarrassingly addicted to this stupid show...I mean lauren is so boring...blah is, well blah. And Lo is such a bitch...but I love it! And Justin Bobby is looking good...especially since the only other guys on the cast are Heidis bosses and pubey faced Spencer. Looking forwward to the season finale recap...
1 of 20 | Posted by bmo1126 | Posted on May 7, 2008 12:54 PM
How can you even compare Alkaline Trio to the pop punk of today? Fall Out Boy? Yeesh. I mean, I'll grant you the similarities of Chicago bands, and the fact that Alkaline Trio basically laid the groundwork for a shitton of punk music. But they are NOT the same. Much darker, much better, much less poppy.
Also, they just signed on to a major record label this year and had an LP release, so this is the record company's bullshit. Don't hold it against them that they're forced to do this. Blame the fatcats in the industry.
You have offended me O. Snapp. Musically, which is the worst to me.
In conclusion, "fuck, even Bella" is a great name for a dog.
2 of 20 | Posted by Treadingonme | Posted on May 7, 2008 1:24 PM
I agree with you about the Vegas trip not being a big deal. They tried to make a big deal with Lauren and Brody when she went to Paris too. I don't know when it became a relationship deal-breaker to go out of town for business for a couple days. Oh wait, yes I do...I somehow forgot how fake the Hills is. They have to make big deals about stupid stuff that normal people wouldn't care about so they can make storylines! I better tell my boyfriend I'm going out of town for the weekend, do you think he'll freak? He might break up with me though!!!
Lo sucks.
3 of 20 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on May 7, 2008 1:41 PM
Lo is a stupid spoiled bitch that seriously didnt even need to be on this show.
4 of 20 | Posted by loves2play05 | Posted on May 7, 2008 3:15 PM
I find it funny that people keep calling Lo a bitch.
She just seems like the kind of person who gets tired of women who keep going back to their jerkwad exs. Maybe she just doesn't want to be around blah. She knows she be crying again in 2 or 3 weeks when JB craps all over her again. It can get tiresome.
Didn't see her around much when LC went back to Jason...just saying.
5 of 20 | Posted by kuddlez | Posted on May 7, 2008 3:38 PM
Well, Lo actually is a bitch... "in real life" so despite what you see on camera... at least ya know what she's like when she's not "acting." wait now im even confused as to who the real Lo is. Maybe being a bitch in real life was her just practicing for the show... ah, what "laguna beach fame" can do for you.
6 of 20 | Posted by hollagirl2 | Posted on May 7, 2008 6:53 PM
Awesome recap again, O. Snapp! I loved all the captions (the NAAS one might have been my favorite, though) and all the different names for abodes. Nice work.
And, yeah, Lo is a total bitch, but I've been saying that since the LB days. I wish she would own it, though, instead of pretending she's perky and sweet. Nothing's more annoying than that kind of fake.
7 of 20 | Posted by kristin_d_l | Posted on May 7, 2008 7:23 PM
I just wanted to say that Chloe is indeed a pet name. My cat is named Chloe =). Also, maybe Spencer was wondering where the hell Heidi could have been because she doesn't have any friends to go out with besides his sister.
8 of 20 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on May 7, 2008 11:39 PM
I never heard the title "project manager" come out of Brent's mouth but then again I was paying too much attention to that chick formally known as Heidi. Between staring at her over-injected mouth and her constant moving of hair, I couldn't stay focused on the convo.
9 of 20 | Posted by BBFanatic | Posted on May 8, 2008 8:31 AM
"I'm boooorrrred! Talk to meeeee!" I still think the oil bladder is a good idea....
10 of 20 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on May 8, 2008 10:10 AM
wait, when did Heidi's brother die? I didn't hear about this.
I agree with everyone whos says that Lo is a bitch. Yeah Lo and Lauren have been friends for a long time, but they actually didn't start out that way. I guess when they were in elementary school or junior high....Lo was kind of one of the 'popular' girls and Lauren and her weren't friends. Eventually they did become friends. I have the 'Laguna Beach, Life inside the bubble' book. What? Am I the only one?
Why do people hate Justin Bobby so much? He's hot! He's always been hot. I'm team JB. Here's to hoping Audrina or even Lauren will put Lo in her place.
I can't wait for Lo to get sprung on some guy and then get her heart stomped on so she knows what it feels like and actually have some sympathy for these girls instead of being so cold hearted. I swear, I hate friends like these.
11 of 20 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on May 8, 2008 10:24 AM
Very, very funny recap O. Snapp. Thank you very much for the good read.
Lo is really turning out to be quite the bitch, huh? I can't believe Lauren is that unaware. It seems like every season she has a new best friend, someone new to "greet her" in the opening credits sequence.
Oh, and did anyone else notice Spencer's shoes changed from when he got out of his car (white sneakers) to when he walked into Heidi's apartment (black sneakers)? Hmmmmm! Suspicious! (Or does he change his shoes for each activity: "These are my driving shoes, and these are my barging-into-my-exgirlfriend's-apartment-shoes!")
12 of 20 | Posted by amyeditor | Posted on May 8, 2008 10:53 AM
^^ Amyeditor- Actually, Perez Hilton had a post about that yesterday. Spencer's shoes were one color when he was at the door of the apartment, and another color when he was walking through it.
Also, loved the message he left for Stephanie, forget how it went, but ripe with bad slang, ending with "lates", for later? Loser.
13 of 20 | Posted by mo knows | Posted on May 8, 2008 12:47 PM
i love your re-caps. u are so frickin funny, and clever. :)
amyeditor- i didnt notice that at all, now i will have to watch the damn thing again. but in O.Snapps last screen-cap, spence is in white shoes, inside heidi's apt. so i dont thin k he changed them when getting out of the car, walking through the door, and back again. this show bothers me becasue we see all of the photos of heidi and spence(unfortunalty) all over US mag and celeb gossip sites, so we know they are still together, amnd basically always have been. The staged their "breakup" and reuntited-ness to sell mags and make cash. besides that i never really seen them break up, there is a new pick every fuckin day of them being total jackoffs and posing for the camera. and i cannot stop looking at heidis face. she has the wierdest and most annoying facial expressions, and she tries to act all sophisticated and professional and it comes off looking like she has some kind of disease or something. she looks and acts so FAKE FAKE FAKE. The old heidi of LB and season 1, was fun loving and normal. now she is a freak. and i hate LC's clothing line. im sorry that is not fashion. the clothes are as boring as she is.
14 of 20 | Posted by partysunflower | Posted on May 8, 2008 12:49 PM
Awesome recap!! Laughed out loud many, many times. I'm a bit disappointed about Lo's behavior on the show...I thought she would be a nice addition to the show...instead she seems to bring an uncomfortable tension. Hopefully things will change!
15 of 20 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on May 8, 2008 2:15 PM
jozeyg - I completely agree...JustinBobby has always been hot! I actually liked him scruffy as well, but I also like him clean shaven....he seems to have shaped up some too and had some good advice.
as far as Heidi...I can't stand the girl. Who says "that's brilliant" to their boss...mine would probably look at me like I had 5 heads if I said that...
Lo is a b*tch and I almost dislike Lauren just as much for letting it happen...the girl needs to take some of her own advice...Lo is not a nice girl!
16 of 20 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on May 9, 2008 6:52 AM
Hahaha loved that the dog bit LC on the boob, but there is nothing to bite. She and Lo have the exact same bodies (except lo is a little bigger) but no curves whatsoever.
17 of 20 | Posted by Scorpio23 | Posted on May 10, 2008 10:04 PM
"Brilliant" recap!
You're so right about JB looking kinda cute in this episode. What some hygiene will do for a guy, huh. Lo is obviously jealous of Blahdrina's relationship with LC and is trying to edge her out. She's hoping that all of the tension will make Blah just leave on her own. Passive-aggressive to the nth degree.
I'm starting to think Lo has a problem with brunettes (except for Stephen, of course). She's making comments that are purposely making Audrina feel left out. "Blue eyes like us!" "TWO mommies!" Audrina is nicer than me, because I would've hurt Lo's feelings by now. She really is an ugly girl with an ugly attitude.
18 of 20 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on May 11, 2008 10:29 PM
I liked you until you insulted Alkaline Trio. Granted, everyone's taste in music is different but they are a credible band that's been around long before Fall Out Boy. Lame.
19 of 20 | Posted by missk | Posted on May 12, 2008 12:30 PM
Yeah, partysunflower, I messed up and switched the order: when he gets out of the car, his sneakers are black, and inside they are white. But watch it again! Really obvious once you notice.
20 of 20 | Posted by amyeditor | Posted on May 14, 2008 1:13 PM