NAAS asks for confirmation that this is, in fact, good music, and is met with a tepid response from the blondies, who start joking around about fucking with the equipment and get their own crickets and silence in return. I guess A. Trio's manager must have only turned some lukewarm tricks for this gig, because although they're on the show, they were chosen to be the Band That Bores Lo. She doesn't pay attention to what's going on at all, busying herself with her Blackberry instead, until she finally nudges Lauren and whimpers, "I'm hungry!" like a five-year-old who just doesn't feel like being at the library anymore.
Meanwhile, Blah looks at them with a broken heart and Chiara glares, all, "Don't you know how fucking cool this is (supposed to be)???" Lauren, as if possessed, asks Lo if she wants to leaves. "YEAH." Lo's sudden demon eyes seem to make LC do her bidding. What a little string-puller she's become. She goes from butterfly to bumblebee with one sharp look, staring straight into Lauren's soul until LC rescinds and agrees to leave.
"AND THEN YOU WILL BUY ME ANIMAL CRACKERS"
To her credit, LC asks Blah to come with them, but obviously she's working. Ner! Lo doesn't even wait for Blahdrina to finish her "no thank you" before chirping, "Okay! Thanksbye!" They bid a fond farewell to Blah, NAAS, Chiara, and the band that may or may not actually be playing in the studio at that moment and head to a sushi factory, complete with sushi conveyor belt, which seems like it was created solely for Lo's avian glee and attention span.
"Wheee! I wanna be a sushi!"
Lauren admits that she knows they should have stayed longer, but Lo protests that she's "just not cool enough to hang out with bands." Ummmm, from her behavior before it seems like she meant to say "too cool." If it weren't for her thinly veiled amiability, she'd be the embodiment of "too cool for school." Lauren, feeling guilty, suggests that they buy their token brunette a "Chateau Blahdrina" sign for her little house, you know, to make it up to her (not to mention play up the fact that she's totally separated from the both of them). You know it's bad when you have to buy your own roommate a housewarming gift.
"But I want a ChatLauLo sign! Buy me mine first!"
Time for our weekly Stephanie/Heidi fucked-up therapy session! Steph enters Heidi's pad with an exchange of "Helllooooo!"s reminiscent of that "Seinfeld" episode where... well, you know, the one where they're all "Hellooo! Lahhh Lahh Lahhhhh..." Anyone? Well anyway, today Steph is one half Mom-in-the-Catskills and one half Alaskan slut. Seriously, this ski boots-and-skirt combo? Oh California, you so crazy!
"Who's up for tanning on the iceberg?"
Stephanie eagerly complains about her nightmare of a roommate, to an unsympathetic ear (obviously). She exclaims that he must move out sometime! "Guess he's gonna be homeless," Heidi mutters. Heid tries to tell Steph about her big new job opportunity (which includes traveling! did you hear?) but all she gets are oddly enthusiastic responses from Steph, such as "YOU'RE. LYING!" and "who's Sam? Is he hot?" No, Cokie McGee, he's her fucking boss. Settle down.
"HEHEH... DUDE I'M SOOOOO HIGH..."
Steph can't believe what she's hearing (what do the Pratts ever believe in?) and agrees with Kimberly that this is going to piss off Spencer. I don't see what the big f-ing deal is about this business trip. She's not moving. She's not going to be gone for months and months. It's just a business trip. It's what we in the working world call a step up. If every female stopped herself from moving up in this way because of a boy, as LC and now Heidi seem to do, then we'd end up with a world run by men! Oh, wait...
But I digress. As I was saying, Stephanie moans this as another distancing move in the relationship, whining, "but you're PERFECT for each other!" Well, that's for goddamn sure. They're like the Brangelina of the insipid reality TV world. Heidi warns her not to tell Spencer. Sure, yeah, don't tell your brother-slash-roommate that his girlfriend's leaving town. That's like telling Blahdrina not to wear mascara.
Back at the LoLauBlahteau, a delightful little bitch is following the every move of a squeaky plaything. No, it's not Lo and her newest pool toy, it's LC and Lo's new puppy dog! She IS totes adorable, I've gotta say. Just look at that face!
Awwwwwww!
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Comments (20)
Great recap! I am embarrassingly addicted to this stupid show...I mean lauren is so boring...blah is, well blah. And Lo is such a bitch...but I love it! And Justin Bobby is looking good...especially since the only other guys on the cast are Heidis bosses and pubey faced Spencer. Looking forwward to the season finale recap...
1 of 20 | Posted by bmo1126 | Posted on May 7, 2008 12:54 PM
How can you even compare Alkaline Trio to the pop punk of today? Fall Out Boy? Yeesh. I mean, I'll grant you the similarities of Chicago bands, and the fact that Alkaline Trio basically laid the groundwork for a shitton of punk music. But they are NOT the same. Much darker, much better, much less poppy.
Also, they just signed on to a major record label this year and had an LP release, so this is the record company's bullshit. Don't hold it against them that they're forced to do this. Blame the fatcats in the industry.
You have offended me O. Snapp. Musically, which is the worst to me.
In conclusion, "fuck, even Bella" is a great name for a dog.
2 of 20 | Posted by Treadingonme | Posted on May 7, 2008 1:24 PM
I agree with you about the Vegas trip not being a big deal. They tried to make a big deal with Lauren and Brody when she went to Paris too. I don't know when it became a relationship deal-breaker to go out of town for business for a couple days. Oh wait, yes I do...I somehow forgot how fake the Hills is. They have to make big deals about stupid stuff that normal people wouldn't care about so they can make storylines! I better tell my boyfriend I'm going out of town for the weekend, do you think he'll freak? He might break up with me though!!!
Lo sucks.
3 of 20 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on May 7, 2008 1:41 PM
Lo is a stupid spoiled bitch that seriously didnt even need to be on this show.
4 of 20 | Posted by loves2play05 | Posted on May 7, 2008 3:15 PM
I find it funny that people keep calling Lo a bitch.
She just seems like the kind of person who gets tired of women who keep going back to their jerkwad exs. Maybe she just doesn't want to be around blah. She knows she be crying again in 2 or 3 weeks when JB craps all over her again. It can get tiresome.
Didn't see her around much when LC went back to Jason...just saying.
5 of 20 | Posted by kuddlez | Posted on May 7, 2008 3:38 PM
Well, Lo actually is a bitch... "in real life" so despite what you see on camera... at least ya know what she's like when she's not "acting." wait now im even confused as to who the real Lo is. Maybe being a bitch in real life was her just practicing for the show... ah, what "laguna beach fame" can do for you.
6 of 20 | Posted by hollagirl2 | Posted on May 7, 2008 6:53 PM
Awesome recap again, O. Snapp! I loved all the captions (the NAAS one might have been my favorite, though) and all the different names for abodes. Nice work.
And, yeah, Lo is a total bitch, but I've been saying that since the LB days. I wish she would own it, though, instead of pretending she's perky and sweet. Nothing's more annoying than that kind of fake.
7 of 20 | Posted by kristin_d_l | Posted on May 7, 2008 7:23 PM
I just wanted to say that Chloe is indeed a pet name. My cat is named Chloe =). Also, maybe Spencer was wondering where the hell Heidi could have been because she doesn't have any friends to go out with besides his sister.
8 of 20 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on May 7, 2008 11:39 PM
I never heard the title "project manager" come out of Brent's mouth but then again I was paying too much attention to that chick formally known as Heidi. Between staring at her over-injected mouth and her constant moving of hair, I couldn't stay focused on the convo.
9 of 20 | Posted by BBFanatic | Posted on May 8, 2008 8:31 AM
"I'm boooorrrred! Talk to meeeee!" I still think the oil bladder is a good idea....
10 of 20 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on May 8, 2008 10:10 AM
wait, when did Heidi's brother die? I didn't hear about this.
I agree with everyone whos says that Lo is a bitch. Yeah Lo and Lauren have been friends for a long time, but they actually didn't start out that way. I guess when they were in elementary school or junior high....Lo was kind of one of the 'popular' girls and Lauren and her weren't friends. Eventually they did become friends. I have the 'Laguna Beach, Life inside the bubble' book. What? Am I the only one?
Why do people hate Justin Bobby so much? He's hot! He's always been hot. I'm team JB. Here's to hoping Audrina or even Lauren will put Lo in her place.
I can't wait for Lo to get sprung on some guy and then get her heart stomped on so she knows what it feels like and actually have some sympathy for these girls instead of being so cold hearted. I swear, I hate friends like these.
11 of 20 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on May 8, 2008 10:24 AM
Very, very funny recap O. Snapp. Thank you very much for the good read.
Lo is really turning out to be quite the bitch, huh? I can't believe Lauren is that unaware. It seems like every season she has a new best friend, someone new to "greet her" in the opening credits sequence.
Oh, and did anyone else notice Spencer's shoes changed from when he got out of his car (white sneakers) to when he walked into Heidi's apartment (black sneakers)? Hmmmmm! Suspicious! (Or does he change his shoes for each activity: "These are my driving shoes, and these are my barging-into-my-exgirlfriend's-apartment-shoes!")
12 of 20 | Posted by amyeditor | Posted on May 8, 2008 10:53 AM
^^ Amyeditor- Actually, Perez Hilton had a post about that yesterday. Spencer's shoes were one color when he was at the door of the apartment, and another color when he was walking through it.
Also, loved the message he left for Stephanie, forget how it went, but ripe with bad slang, ending with "lates", for later? Loser.
13 of 20 | Posted by mo knows | Posted on May 8, 2008 12:47 PM
i love your re-caps. u are so frickin funny, and clever. :)
amyeditor- i didnt notice that at all, now i will have to watch the damn thing again. but in O.Snapps last screen-cap, spence is in white shoes, inside heidi's apt. so i dont thin k he changed them when getting out of the car, walking through the door, and back again. this show bothers me becasue we see all of the photos of heidi and spence(unfortunalty) all over US mag and celeb gossip sites, so we know they are still together, amnd basically always have been. The staged their "breakup" and reuntited-ness to sell mags and make cash. besides that i never really seen them break up, there is a new pick every fuckin day of them being total jackoffs and posing for the camera. and i cannot stop looking at heidis face. she has the wierdest and most annoying facial expressions, and she tries to act all sophisticated and professional and it comes off looking like she has some kind of disease or something. she looks and acts so FAKE FAKE FAKE. The old heidi of LB and season 1, was fun loving and normal. now she is a freak. and i hate LC's clothing line. im sorry that is not fashion. the clothes are as boring as she is.
14 of 20 | Posted by partysunflower | Posted on May 8, 2008 12:49 PM
Awesome recap!! Laughed out loud many, many times. I'm a bit disappointed about Lo's behavior on the show...I thought she would be a nice addition to the show...instead she seems to bring an uncomfortable tension. Hopefully things will change!
15 of 20 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on May 8, 2008 2:15 PM
jozeyg - I completely agree...JustinBobby has always been hot! I actually liked him scruffy as well, but I also like him clean shaven....he seems to have shaped up some too and had some good advice.
as far as Heidi...I can't stand the girl. Who says "that's brilliant" to their boss...mine would probably look at me like I had 5 heads if I said that...
Lo is a b*tch and I almost dislike Lauren just as much for letting it happen...the girl needs to take some of her own advice...Lo is not a nice girl!
16 of 20 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on May 9, 2008 6:52 AM
Hahaha loved that the dog bit LC on the boob, but there is nothing to bite. She and Lo have the exact same bodies (except lo is a little bigger) but no curves whatsoever.
17 of 20 | Posted by Scorpio23 | Posted on May 10, 2008 10:04 PM
"Brilliant" recap!
You're so right about JB looking kinda cute in this episode. What some hygiene will do for a guy, huh. Lo is obviously jealous of Blahdrina's relationship with LC and is trying to edge her out. She's hoping that all of the tension will make Blah just leave on her own. Passive-aggressive to the nth degree.
I'm starting to think Lo has a problem with brunettes (except for Stephen, of course). She's making comments that are purposely making Audrina feel left out. "Blue eyes like us!" "TWO mommies!" Audrina is nicer than me, because I would've hurt Lo's feelings by now. She really is an ugly girl with an ugly attitude.
18 of 20 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on May 11, 2008 10:29 PM
I liked you until you insulted Alkaline Trio. Granted, everyone's taste in music is different but they are a credible band that's been around long before Fall Out Boy. Lame.
19 of 20 | Posted by missk | Posted on May 12, 2008 12:30 PM
Yeah, partysunflower, I messed up and switched the order: when he gets out of the car, his sneakers are black, and inside they are white. But watch it again! Really obvious once you notice.
20 of 20 | Posted by amyeditor | Posted on May 14, 2008 1:13 PM