On tonight's episode of The Hills, Stephanie gives the worst interview of all time (and yes, that's counting Heidi's interview at Fit'Em), LC proves she actually DOES have the capacity to forgive (or the devilish capacity to set someone up for utter failure), and Heidi does something we never thought she'd do.
At the wrecked home of Heidi and Spencer, Stephanie wafts in wearing what appears to be a threaded interpretation of a "Gilligan's Island" episode: goofy hat and a formless dress that looks like the ocean. If the ocean were hideous.
She explains that the door was open. "That doesn't mean come in if you're not invited," Spencer sneers. He's right, you should at least wait until the director yells "action." He likens her hat to one belonging to a train conductor, and I have to admit, he actually has the better zing. I absolutely detest when Spencer out-zings me!
Stephanie proceeds to inform Spencer that she's spoken with Heidi and that Colby is back in her life. Mmmmyeahhhh, because being set up by your parents to run into each other at the Early Bird Special means the romance is ON. Apparently Spencer knows all about Colby and how much Heidi's mom loves him, which seems odd to me until I tell myself, "Cue cards, O. Snapp, remember the CUE CARDS." Although Spencie doesn't seem too concerned about the reconnection, he does take this as a sign of permission to keep going out with Captain Doucheface and his tequila-swigging hooker friend Stacie.
At People's Revolution, my absolute favorite cuntface, Kelly Cutthroat, is back in action calling Lauren up to her office and complimenting her on her oh-so-20s blouse. (Do people still say blouse? Is that SOOO grandma of me? Well, my grandma was born in the 20s so I'm just gonna go with it.)
Speaking of Whit, Cutthroat is just dying without her blank looks and helpful love advice (or maybe that's LC) so PR is hiring an intern to lend the firm a hand. NOT to be confused with lending a firm hand, not that that would be a problem at all, right LC? Anyway, Cutthroat lists her criteria as honest, committed, supportive. Basically, anybody who's not like everybody else on this show. Some people should BE committed, but really, none of LC's friends seem like they'd be good hard workers under the watchful eye of one Kelly Cutrone. Nevertheless, KC asks LC for some recommendations, with the warning that she should be careful not to refer the wrong people. Like, say, anyone blonde. And bitchy. And kinda trashy.
Naturally, the very next thing we see is LC having lunch with Stephanie. I guess LC is a lot less mad at Stephanie than was previously depicted. Didn't she hate her last week? "I'm SO hungry," says LC, her eyes widening like she canNOT believe it. This hunger is astounding! Stephanie asks her if she always feels like she has to stay in shape. I would think so, given the publicity LC gets from US Magazine whenever she drops 3 pounds by working out constantly and adhering to a delicious diet of steamed fish and veggies. "That's what baggy shirts are for," LC replies. "DRESSES," Stephanie agrees. Ah, is that why they always wear the most slovenly clothes? Because they're afraid to show off the figures they've worked so hard for? Tsk tsk, Hollywood, you're one vicious mistress. LC mentions to Steph that they're looking for an intern, which prompts a reaction both curious and slightly fearful from Ms. Pratt.
Steph expresses her desire to apply for the position, though sighs that "like, a hundred people probably want that job." Uhhhh, low estimate anyone? I'm sure a thousand people want it. PR is located directly next door to Babeland. Oh, and you'd get to work with LC while constantly trying not to look at the camera. LC offers to get her an interview, which is the worst idea since giving Spencer a shot of Patròn.
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Comments (13)
I'm so happy you included the pantsless screen shot. I was watching that the other day thinking it was sort of the icing on the recapping cake.
1 of 13 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on April 15, 2009 8:54 AM
i recently watched some episodes of season 1 online, and let me say it is so disturbing to see how much heidi has changed since then! in season 1, she looks and acts like a real human being!
2 of 13 | Posted by fineprint | Posted on April 15, 2009 11:37 AM
I was seriously horrified for Stephanie when Kelly tested out her French skills and it was TOTALLY obvious that Stephanie had exaggerated her French speaking abilities.
I took French for 9 years of my life (required in Canada, being a bilingual nation and all) and I am still not confident enough to put it on my resume and I understood what Kelly said! So Stephanie...yeesh.
3 of 13 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 15, 2009 2:29 PM
What did Kelly say, by the way?
I imagine it's something like the French equivalent of, "Ahookersays quoi?"
4 of 13 | Posted by osnapp | Posted on April 15, 2009 4:00 PM
Haha, not quite.
Actually, the beginning of Kelly's sentence doesn't make any sense at all, or at least she's speaking too fast for me to pick out what she says.
It sounds like "Ce n'est sais" but that means "This is not know" which of course, makes no sense. She also said "parle avec moi dans le francais" which means "speak with me in the French". "Dans" is completely unnecessary. She could just have said "parle francais avec moi".
But the rest of it made much more sense and at the end of the day, she said something to the effect of "That's good. If you know it, speak only French with me."
I'm not sure if she meant that she wanted to speak French for the rest of the interview or if she meant she wanted Stephanie to converse in French in the workplace.
Ah well. Stephanie clearly can only understand the very, very basic, so it doesn't matter much what Kelly meant.
5 of 13 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 15, 2009 6:57 PM
Great recap once again. if only Heidi really meant what she said. I'm sorry but I need to ask a totally unrelated question: WHERE ARE THE GREY'S ANATOMY RECAPS???!!!
What's going on? Two weeks without Greys is like fat free milk...
6 of 13 | Posted by nyla23 | Posted on April 16, 2009 4:38 AM
Kelly Cunt gives me the creeps! She looks like something demonic. When the cunt asked LC if she knew anyone who would wanna work for her.....well, I was able to figure out this plot all by myself!
Steph said she was 'up all night' doing her resume. BS! I can sit here and do a resume in 20 minutes. Since steph has Zero Jobs and no experience and her hobbies include spreading rumors and starting shit, it should have only took her 8 minutes to do a resume.
I have never laughed so hard as when i saw Charlie,who looks like he is 50 yrs old, 'gettin down' with Spencer in the car. That monotone voice that Spencer uses is so psychotic! I sure am glad that Stacie and her pussy, oh i mean Posse,rolled out tonight~ WORD.
Stacies friends looked just like her. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.
I didnt quite understand how Heidi and steph knew that Spencer was at that club. Or,does MTV want us to believe that they just happened to walk into the very same club that Spenc and his hommo charlie were in??
I do hate that Heidi hit that dog on the way to the club. At least Steph had the good sense to make use of the fur and not let it go to waste.
7 of 13 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on April 16, 2009 7:12 AM
LOVED THE RECAP!!! Especially the quote under the screengrab of Stephanie in her interview with Kelly "OMG! I wish you were concerned with me being too skinny right now!" Or something to that effect. Too hilarious!
I thoroughly enjoyed Heidi giving Spencer the 'What for' in the last scene. I watched it twice just to see if it were rehearsed. Seeing her like that reminded me of how proud of her I was when she broke up with Jordan in Season 1 of The Hills. She was firm, coherent, and knew how she wanted to be treated. She USED to have a backbone! D@mn this economy! Was it repossessed?!
Perhaps this "therapy" thing is only for the show. How/why else would Spencer ever apologize to Lauren for all of his errors (and Heidi agree to marry him) unless he were reformed somehow. This angle is lame like the finale of Seinfeld when they all went to prison.
8 of 13 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 16, 2009 8:05 PM
And Charlie is creepy. Where did they find that dude? We haven't seen him in 5 seasons and all of a sudden he's a homie?! Wouldn't he naturally also be a friend of Brody's? What if he is Spencer's older brother? Same flesh colored facial hair. Gross.
9 of 13 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 16, 2009 8:07 PM
So is anybody going to answer my Greys Anatomy question? ThatsWhatSheSaid???!!!
10 of 13 | Posted by nyla23 | Posted on April 17, 2009 12:09 AM
Nyla:
I dont watch G.A., so I dont know. I do wish someone would recap Jon and Kate plus 8 and The Duggars.
11 of 13 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on April 17, 2009 6:03 AM
Nyla I believe that the commenter "thatswhatshesaid" and the recapper are 2 different people...I have read that on the comments board before...the recapper has an ' in the name...so it's that'swhatshesaid...subtle difference but a difference!!
12 of 13 | Posted by Lnnc92 | Posted on April 17, 2009 7:55 AM
greys anatomy has not been new for a couple of weeks
this show is so bad it is good, if it was any longer than 1/2 hour I dont think I would be able to watch, 22 minutes is a lot of bad acting.
13 of 13 | Posted by carol | Posted on April 18, 2009 10:05 AM