At the Aryan Castle, Spencer enters and off-camera we hear Heidi calling out to ask if it's him. I guess you never know, considering the fact that regular bums seem to wander in off the street if the door's open. And by "bums," of course I mean Stephanie. The couple have their joyous reunion, Spencer making subtle jabs about Heidi's mother, Heidi complaining that a couple "in love" shouldn't fight all the goddamn time. Spencer, in classic Pratt fashion, turns all blame onto Heidi for her dinner rendezvous with Colby. But Heidi isn't having it, pointing out that taking shots with a bartender is hardly the same thing. But you know, even though she's right, it would be a lot easier to take Heidi seriously if her voice didn't grow ever shriller as their spat progresses. I know all that lip gloss makes it easy to run one's mouth, but a better mode of argument would be flat iciness. I mean... in my experience, anyway.
After Spencer sighs that three days without Heidi is three days without fighting, she asks him if he saw Stacie again. He scoffs. Ladies, and even gentlemen, if you ask this of your significant other and the immediate answer isn't a horrified "NO!" then the answer is most definitely YES.
At PR, Stephanie toddles in wearing a generic interview outfit and expresses her nervousness. LC assures her by complimenting her outfit.
Stephanie goes up to Kelly's office, and Cutthroat does her best Miranda Priestly impression by first not looking up, then lifting her eyes only to assess Steph's plain jane outfit, then finally standing to begrudgingly shake her hand. She can already smell the fear. Steph takes several deep breaths and giggles, and Cutthroat asks her if she's okay. "I'm nervous," Steph replies, "I haven't done an interview in a REALLY. LONG. TIME." Ummm. Good start? As Kelly reads her resumè, Steph fills the silence by declaring, "My final objective in life is to have a handbag line, so I really wanted to work here, just to... you guys have a lot of really good designers here who... and you do really good PR here... it's just really awesome..." Oh my holy Lord. Where to begin? Firstly, a handbag line is your FINAL objective in life? I think everyone's final objective is to die, whether they like it or not. Nature dictates this objective. Secondly... if you don't know what to say, STOP TALKING. Thirdly, never say "really awesome" in an interview.
"So you basically wanna use MY experience and MY clients to ultimately leave here and go make your handbag line?" Cutthroat snaps, living up to her nickname. "No! No no no no no! Like, this is, like, eventually in, like, a decade," Stephanie covers (and weakly so). Cutthroat snorts. "You should be able to move quicker than that, Honey!"
Kelly continues to condescend to Steph by asking her if she knows how to use a computer, prompting a happily authoritative "YEAH!" from the interviewee. Kelly asks if she knows how to print labels. "Print... labels..." Steph repeats, hoping that by repeating the words she'll perhaps understand them. Cutthroat begins to explain what she means by "print" and "labels" and Steph slowly tries to finish her sentence, concluding with, "Is it, like, stickies?" Kelly openly laughs at the peon before her.
Kelly ups the ante by testing Stephanie's French skills. This is like watching that scene in "Princess Bride" when Wesley is in the Pit of Despair and that albino guy keeps taking the torture device up one notch at a time. Kelly is torturing Stephanie one level at a time.
Cutthroat ends the interview by telling Stephanie that there's no crying in her office. I guess it's a lot like baseball in that way. Stephanie replies that that's good, she "wants a strong backbone." Ack! I am cringing. She and her little sister-in-law have got to learn that a spine is something you're born with, much like a brain. And if you don't have it, honey, you're never gonna get it.
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Comments (13)
I'm so happy you included the pantsless screen shot. I was watching that the other day thinking it was sort of the icing on the recapping cake.
1 of 13 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on April 15, 2009 8:54 AM
i recently watched some episodes of season 1 online, and let me say it is so disturbing to see how much heidi has changed since then! in season 1, she looks and acts like a real human being!
2 of 13 | Posted by fineprint | Posted on April 15, 2009 11:37 AM
I was seriously horrified for Stephanie when Kelly tested out her French skills and it was TOTALLY obvious that Stephanie had exaggerated her French speaking abilities.
I took French for 9 years of my life (required in Canada, being a bilingual nation and all) and I am still not confident enough to put it on my resume and I understood what Kelly said! So Stephanie...yeesh.
3 of 13 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 15, 2009 2:29 PM
What did Kelly say, by the way?
I imagine it's something like the French equivalent of, "Ahookersays quoi?"
4 of 13 | Posted by osnapp | Posted on April 15, 2009 4:00 PM
Haha, not quite.
Actually, the beginning of Kelly's sentence doesn't make any sense at all, or at least she's speaking too fast for me to pick out what she says.
It sounds like "Ce n'est sais" but that means "This is not know" which of course, makes no sense. She also said "parle avec moi dans le francais" which means "speak with me in the French". "Dans" is completely unnecessary. She could just have said "parle francais avec moi".
But the rest of it made much more sense and at the end of the day, she said something to the effect of "That's good. If you know it, speak only French with me."
I'm not sure if she meant that she wanted to speak French for the rest of the interview or if she meant she wanted Stephanie to converse in French in the workplace.
Ah well. Stephanie clearly can only understand the very, very basic, so it doesn't matter much what Kelly meant.
5 of 13 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 15, 2009 6:57 PM
Great recap once again. if only Heidi really meant what she said. I'm sorry but I need to ask a totally unrelated question: WHERE ARE THE GREY'S ANATOMY RECAPS???!!!
What's going on? Two weeks without Greys is like fat free milk...
6 of 13 | Posted by nyla23 | Posted on April 16, 2009 4:38 AM
Kelly Cunt gives me the creeps! She looks like something demonic. When the cunt asked LC if she knew anyone who would wanna work for her.....well, I was able to figure out this plot all by myself!
Steph said she was 'up all night' doing her resume. BS! I can sit here and do a resume in 20 minutes. Since steph has Zero Jobs and no experience and her hobbies include spreading rumors and starting shit, it should have only took her 8 minutes to do a resume.
I have never laughed so hard as when i saw Charlie,who looks like he is 50 yrs old, 'gettin down' with Spencer in the car. That monotone voice that Spencer uses is so psychotic! I sure am glad that Stacie and her pussy, oh i mean Posse,rolled out tonight~ WORD.
Stacies friends looked just like her. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.
I didnt quite understand how Heidi and steph knew that Spencer was at that club. Or,does MTV want us to believe that they just happened to walk into the very same club that Spenc and his hommo charlie were in??
I do hate that Heidi hit that dog on the way to the club. At least Steph had the good sense to make use of the fur and not let it go to waste.
7 of 13 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on April 16, 2009 7:12 AM
LOVED THE RECAP!!! Especially the quote under the screengrab of Stephanie in her interview with Kelly "OMG! I wish you were concerned with me being too skinny right now!" Or something to that effect. Too hilarious!
I thoroughly enjoyed Heidi giving Spencer the 'What for' in the last scene. I watched it twice just to see if it were rehearsed. Seeing her like that reminded me of how proud of her I was when she broke up with Jordan in Season 1 of The Hills. She was firm, coherent, and knew how she wanted to be treated. She USED to have a backbone! D@mn this economy! Was it repossessed?!
Perhaps this "therapy" thing is only for the show. How/why else would Spencer ever apologize to Lauren for all of his errors (and Heidi agree to marry him) unless he were reformed somehow. This angle is lame like the finale of Seinfeld when they all went to prison.
8 of 13 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 16, 2009 8:05 PM
And Charlie is creepy. Where did they find that dude? We haven't seen him in 5 seasons and all of a sudden he's a homie?! Wouldn't he naturally also be a friend of Brody's? What if he is Spencer's older brother? Same flesh colored facial hair. Gross.
9 of 13 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 16, 2009 8:07 PM
So is anybody going to answer my Greys Anatomy question? ThatsWhatSheSaid???!!!
10 of 13 | Posted by nyla23 | Posted on April 17, 2009 12:09 AM
Nyla:
I dont watch G.A., so I dont know. I do wish someone would recap Jon and Kate plus 8 and The Duggars.
11 of 13 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on April 17, 2009 6:03 AM
Nyla I believe that the commenter "thatswhatshesaid" and the recapper are 2 different people...I have read that on the comments board before...the recapper has an ' in the name...so it's that'swhatshesaid...subtle difference but a difference!!
12 of 13 | Posted by Lnnc92 | Posted on April 17, 2009 7:55 AM
greys anatomy has not been new for a couple of weeks
this show is so bad it is good, if it was any longer than 1/2 hour I dont think I would be able to watch, 22 minutes is a lot of bad acting.
13 of 13 | Posted by carol | Posted on April 18, 2009 10:05 AM