At Coco De Ville, the blondettes and their Blah arrive and meet up with Broday and his new chick, Jayde, who looks exactly like one of those reporter chicks in the first "Batman" movie who were taken over by the Joker and had their faces frozen into a grotesque smile. She and Broday make out furiously in front of the cameras, then Brody shouts to Frankie Delgado about going to Hawaii in a week. Naturally, LC is pissed?
Not sure why she has to be consulted on all vacation plans, but Broday promises her that next time she's invited... this is a dicks-only trip. Across the bar, Pigpen is hanging out with some skinheads and guys who loosely resemble Charlie Captain Doucheface. I guess they all sorta run in the same circles. LC tries to warn Blahdrina, who takes the mature approach and throws things at his head until he notices her. Pigpen, fully restored to his hobo glory, responds in kind by coming over to their table, embracing her and insulting her ability to hug. "Don't pat me. Who pats anymore, you know?" he says. Uh, no. We don't know. I will never defend Blahdrina, but that's somehow both mean and stupid at the same time. But if anybody could pull off that combo, it's Pigpen.
Brody comes over to acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation and to inform Blahdrina that she is beautiful. She isn't, really, she just wears a lot of makeup and has fake boobs, but maybe because she's tried so hard for such an obvious goal that we should tell her that anyway. There is some fake drama created with the use of covered mouths and overdubbed voices to let us know that Jayde should be wary of Blahdrina and her un-Jokered mouth, so that eventually when they make out in front of Blah, even though she looks happy we should think she's just hiding a festering, heartbreaking affection for Brody.
Some other day at the Blahteau, Stephanie has inexplicably come around to raid Blah's fridge, even though they've never actually been friends before. Perhaps they bonded at all of those aftershows. Stephanie says she's not thirsty, just hungry. "Mmmm, PICKLES," she gushes. Yeah, they're totally nutritious and full of nothing but the makings of bad breath! Blahdrina suggests this craving may be due to possible pregnancy.
"So I hear Pigpen's acting weird," Stephanie says. Wow, word really gets around in Hollywood. Blahdrina relays the story of their bizarre encounter and concludes that, like, she loves him, but she doesn't know if she's IN love with him. I love it when people say this because clearly the only thing separating the two states is a hymen. Or at least the space where a hymen used to be.
True to form, Stephanie suggests Blahdrina talk to him one more time because maybe they'll end up friends and then "everything gets worked out." Except for the fact that Blahdrina can't be in the same room with him without wanting to screw him. That's a slight hiccup in a friendship. Sometimes.
At some other club some other night, Broday is tickling Jayde while she squeals like a greased pig that's just been caught. Blahdrina, sitting across the table from them, says hello and Jayde giggles, "He grabbed my boob... so I grabbed his junkhahaha!"
Miffed by her own lack of genital playtime, Blahdrina looks on with supposed envy. Broday greets Stephanie with warmth, a kiss on the cheek even, which is kinda odd since he hates her. I guess hate and love is all the same in Hollywood, right? Since everyone who hates each other can't seem to tear themselves away, and everyone who is supposed to love each other do nothing but fight? What a kooky town.
Speaking of kooky, Broday gets a genius idea to call Spencer. In the quiet hacienda of passive aggression, Heidi pretends to toddle around in the kitchen while Spencer answers the phone and wearily tells Brody he can't come to Hawaii because.... he's in Vegas. Huh? Why would he lie about something so trivial, so stupid, especially when his voice totally betrays his isolation and utter desperation?
With no LC around and Broday pouring his full douchitude onto Jayde, Blahdrina has to choose between talking to Stephanie and one of Bro's bros.
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Comments (13)
So happy your recaps are back!
Remember when Hobo Joe was a member of Broday's crew for, like, a second? What happened to that?
The Brodester's girlfriend is not that cute.
Why was LC so disappointed she couldn't tag along to Hawaii (and -- spoiler alert! --I think she DOES go at some point this season, there were pics in US). Doesn't she remember that sucky trip to Cabo where every 18-23 year old with a C cup within a 200 mile radius was invited to that pool party?
1 of 13 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on April 23, 2009 10:49 AM
I love Kelly Cutrone. I SO do. She's amazing. Wouldn't want her as a boss, but she's hilarious to watch.
I also enjoyed the therapy session (and I'm sad you didn't commen on this) when the therapist just looked at Speidi in disgust and said "This sounds like high school." and then she said (I swear she said this) that they should end it if they can't work it out. I laughed in delight.
Oh, the Hills.
2 of 13 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 23, 2009 10:55 AM
Guess my spoiler alert wasn't so spoil-y. All the stupidity of this episode must caused synapses in my brain to shut down or something cause I totally missed the part where the girls decided to go to Hawaii, sorry!
3 of 13 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on April 23, 2009 10:55 AM
Stephanie is a nincompoop. That phone thing had to have been bad acting. She hung up like she was afraid of who was on the other end and then, wide-eyed, said, "I think I just hung up on somebody!" 8O (Steph's expression). Dingaling. I'd rather Kelly Cutrone fire her. THAT would be a ratings grab! She's so intimidating. I wonder if she enjoys it? We sure do!I'm STILL laughing at last week's screengrab of Stephanie panicking in the interview. "OMG!!" HAHAHAHAA!
And I agree! Why would the girls want to go to Hawaii??? There can't be any good that comes from it! Especially for Lauren.
Very random of Stephanie to come and sit with Brody all chummy like at the club and then he calls SPENCER?! Dude, this show is sooooo written since it's the last season.
I agree, the show would be better if Heidi and Spencer were embittered exes. War of the Roses anyone? Good stuff! Maybe they can do that once Lauren leaves, if they decide to do a season 6 without her.
4 of 13 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 23, 2009 11:12 AM
I love the screen cap about Pigpen being in the box, hilarious :)
5 of 13 | Posted by pixyamiga | Posted on April 23, 2009 12:58 PM
O.M.G. your recaps are hilarious...but that last caption almost made me spill gatorade all over my keyboard!
6 of 13 | Posted by pecosa | Posted on April 23, 2009 1:13 PM
In case anyone is actually interested. Brody's girlfriend is January 2007 Playmate (and PMOY 2008) Jayde Nicole.
7 of 13 | Posted by fluffy | Posted on April 23, 2009 2:39 PM
she (Jayde) looks better in pictures than on camera! she was fug on the show, but a few of the pictures I saw of her on google she was really pretty... hmmm..
and Blah was looking considerably better at the end of this ep! her dead eyes didn't freak me out nearly as much..
8 of 13 | Posted by Lady_Ace | Posted on April 23, 2009 4:00 PM
oh and one more thing..
LC needs to lose the plaid button-ups ... they're cute, but not every day! she wore at least 2 different ones this ep... blech!
9 of 13 | Posted by Lady_Ace | Posted on April 23, 2009 4:01 PM
It really makes me mad that someone who as successful as Kelly Cutrone would hire a dumbass like Stephanie. Does she really need publicity that bad? Why would you try to harm your own company on purpose.
Brody's girlfriend is ugly/scary looking. She reminds me of that girl in the Craft. I wonder what Kim, Kourt and Kloe think of her.
It makes me feel awkward for the girls when they decided to just show up in Hawaii..hopefully that was just for the cameras and the guys know they're coming, otherwise it looks kinda pathetic.
How come it's just okay to say Audrina is going to hook up with Brody even though he has a gf that they all know? So now Lauren is ok with Audrina hooking up with Brody as well as her getting into the middle of a couple?
If I were Heidi and I wanted to speed up therapy to solve my problems, I would hand the therapist Seasons 2, 3 & 4 of the Hills on DVD, and maybe throw in season 1 for some background on heidi's history....the therapist could spend the weekend watching and the next session she'll be well-informed.
10 of 13 | Posted by winks523 | Posted on April 24, 2009 8:16 AM
winks i was just thinking the same thing. don't Lau and Brody have like a "thing"? You know, like Stephen Colleti type thing? I know for a fact that LC won't be impressed. Great recap btw.
11 of 13 | Posted by nyla23 | Posted on April 24, 2009 8:51 AM
I can't believe Brody's girlfriend was Playmate of the Year. Shows what Photoshop and airbrushing can do. Seriously, apparently she's 23 but she looks like she's had so much facial work done that she already appears like a 45-year-old TRYING to be a 23-year-old.
12 of 13 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on April 24, 2009 12:23 PM
Heidi and Spencer are legally married now!
Isn't that just so sweet? Oh, wait... I just want to barf.
I'd post a link to the article but we can't on this forum!!
GOOOGLE!
13 of 13 | Posted by whit-ster | Posted on April 27, 2009 9:17 AM