They have a very politely snippy conversation about whether Stephanie logged in some sample items, Excel vs. FileMaker, and other office bullshit we all got to avoid having to watch when Whitney was around. Who knew LC actually worked? Here I thought she just sat around all day and talked about how she felt or didn't feel about Stephen Colletti coming to visit. Anyway, LC chastises Steph in the most justified, gentle way I've ever seen. Yet Steph cowers and pouts like a puppy who's being hit with a rolled-up newspaper, doodling to avoid LC's eyes - which just makes LC even more frustrated. Did Stephanie count last season on this show as her previous "internship" or what? "If Kelly were having this conversation with you," Lauren warns, "she would be saying. 'Screw up again, and you're fired.'" I'm surprised they never used that as a cutaway in the previews.
Sooooo.... Spencer and Heidi go see Dr. Jordana something something, Therapist. I'm wondering if this woman is a "doctor" in the same way that the woman who presided over the courthouse marriage scene was a "judge." The star-crossed lovers enter her office like a J. Crew-clad couple from Connecticut on the verge of divorce on account of his philandering with his secretary and her games of naughty patty-cake with the pool boy. Just think, all that messiness could be avoided by BREAKING UP. What are they so afraid of? I know, the ratings, blah blah blah, but I think the show would actually be more interesting if they were exes. We could watch Heidi find her soul again at the bottom of some gutter, next to Pigpen's crack pipe. But I digress. They're at the therapist's. Bad news. She's blonde.
She wants to know what their damage is, so Heidi launches into the Stacie The Bartender story like she's at Bolthouse with Kimberly or something. Why is she talking about this one little thing and not three years of emotional abuse, isolation and periodic episodes of breaking up and making up? Nobody goes to therapy because her dude hit on a bartender. Dr. Blondie knows as much too, trying her best to be patient and attentive while the two of them bicker about the technicalities of Mexican marriage and the definition of loyalty. But Dr. Blondie's head twitches with annoyance and soon enough her eyes glaze over with boredom and the realization that this is ten minutes of her life she's never getting back... just like everyone else who listens to these two morons talk.
She insists that the two of them face each other and express how they feel. Spencer, grinning sarcastically from ear to ear, explains that he feels like he's in a nightmare. Heidi flips out and uses this opportunity to rant in that whiny Montag voice about him being there but not THERE there.
She says she feels like he's checked out in an emotional stripper hotel (wait, how is that right? But I am pretty sure that's what she said), to which the therapist asks, "Then what are you doing with him?" Would a real therapist actually say that? Isn't a couples therapist supposed to keep them together?
Moving on. The final scene of the night is at a restaurant where Lo, Lau, and Blah dine and chat about the boys and their upcoming trip to Hawaii. LC speculates that they're going because Broday's been spending so much time with his new chick that he just needs time with the boys, which Lo agrees is kewt. Lau compares Bro to a "ball of love," which perks Blah right up. She enthusiastically seconds that emotion, adding, "Yah he's sooo good-looking and positive and happy and you catch each other's eye and you, like, FEEL that attraction." I'm not sure that's what LC meant by "ball of love."
Yet after that shocker moment, the girls actually giggle about how Blah's gonna hook up with Mr. Jenner. I give this about three seconds before LC flies into a jealous rage and does something crazy, like throwing out all of Blah's eyeliner. Blah suggests that, since they haven't been on a vacation together in, like, four whole weeks, they should just go to Hawaii on their own. At the same time as the boys. Because this will end well.
Tune in next week (naw, just read the recap) to find out who gets lei'd. Oh I couldn't help myself . Until next time... xoxOSnapp
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Comments (13)
So happy your recaps are back!
Remember when Hobo Joe was a member of Broday's crew for, like, a second? What happened to that?
The Brodester's girlfriend is not that cute.
Why was LC so disappointed she couldn't tag along to Hawaii (and -- spoiler alert! --I think she DOES go at some point this season, there were pics in US). Doesn't she remember that sucky trip to Cabo where every 18-23 year old with a C cup within a 200 mile radius was invited to that pool party?
1 of 13 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on April 23, 2009 10:49 AM
I love Kelly Cutrone. I SO do. She's amazing. Wouldn't want her as a boss, but she's hilarious to watch.
I also enjoyed the therapy session (and I'm sad you didn't commen on this) when the therapist just looked at Speidi in disgust and said "This sounds like high school." and then she said (I swear she said this) that they should end it if they can't work it out. I laughed in delight.
Oh, the Hills.
2 of 13 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 23, 2009 10:55 AM
Guess my spoiler alert wasn't so spoil-y. All the stupidity of this episode must caused synapses in my brain to shut down or something cause I totally missed the part where the girls decided to go to Hawaii, sorry!
3 of 13 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on April 23, 2009 10:55 AM
Stephanie is a nincompoop. That phone thing had to have been bad acting. She hung up like she was afraid of who was on the other end and then, wide-eyed, said, "I think I just hung up on somebody!" 8O (Steph's expression). Dingaling. I'd rather Kelly Cutrone fire her. THAT would be a ratings grab! She's so intimidating. I wonder if she enjoys it? We sure do!I'm STILL laughing at last week's screengrab of Stephanie panicking in the interview. "OMG!!" HAHAHAHAA!
And I agree! Why would the girls want to go to Hawaii??? There can't be any good that comes from it! Especially for Lauren.
Very random of Stephanie to come and sit with Brody all chummy like at the club and then he calls SPENCER?! Dude, this show is sooooo written since it's the last season.
I agree, the show would be better if Heidi and Spencer were embittered exes. War of the Roses anyone? Good stuff! Maybe they can do that once Lauren leaves, if they decide to do a season 6 without her.
4 of 13 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 23, 2009 11:12 AM
I love the screen cap about Pigpen being in the box, hilarious :)
5 of 13 | Posted by pixyamiga | Posted on April 23, 2009 12:58 PM
O.M.G. your recaps are hilarious...but that last caption almost made me spill gatorade all over my keyboard!
6 of 13 | Posted by pecosa | Posted on April 23, 2009 1:13 PM
In case anyone is actually interested. Brody's girlfriend is January 2007 Playmate (and PMOY 2008) Jayde Nicole.
7 of 13 | Posted by fluffy | Posted on April 23, 2009 2:39 PM
she (Jayde) looks better in pictures than on camera! she was fug on the show, but a few of the pictures I saw of her on google she was really pretty... hmmm..
and Blah was looking considerably better at the end of this ep! her dead eyes didn't freak me out nearly as much..
8 of 13 | Posted by Lady_Ace | Posted on April 23, 2009 4:00 PM
oh and one more thing..
LC needs to lose the plaid button-ups ... they're cute, but not every day! she wore at least 2 different ones this ep... blech!
9 of 13 | Posted by Lady_Ace | Posted on April 23, 2009 4:01 PM
It really makes me mad that someone who as successful as Kelly Cutrone would hire a dumbass like Stephanie. Does she really need publicity that bad? Why would you try to harm your own company on purpose.
Brody's girlfriend is ugly/scary looking. She reminds me of that girl in the Craft. I wonder what Kim, Kourt and Kloe think of her.
It makes me feel awkward for the girls when they decided to just show up in Hawaii..hopefully that was just for the cameras and the guys know they're coming, otherwise it looks kinda pathetic.
How come it's just okay to say Audrina is going to hook up with Brody even though he has a gf that they all know? So now Lauren is ok with Audrina hooking up with Brody as well as her getting into the middle of a couple?
If I were Heidi and I wanted to speed up therapy to solve my problems, I would hand the therapist Seasons 2, 3 & 4 of the Hills on DVD, and maybe throw in season 1 for some background on heidi's history....the therapist could spend the weekend watching and the next session she'll be well-informed.
10 of 13 | Posted by winks523 | Posted on April 24, 2009 8:16 AM
winks i was just thinking the same thing. don't Lau and Brody have like a "thing"? You know, like Stephen Colleti type thing? I know for a fact that LC won't be impressed. Great recap btw.
11 of 13 | Posted by nyla23 | Posted on April 24, 2009 8:51 AM
I can't believe Brody's girlfriend was Playmate of the Year. Shows what Photoshop and airbrushing can do. Seriously, apparently she's 23 but she looks like she's had so much facial work done that she already appears like a 45-year-old TRYING to be a 23-year-old.
12 of 13 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on April 24, 2009 12:23 PM
Heidi and Spencer are legally married now!
Isn't that just so sweet? Oh, wait... I just want to barf.
I'd post a link to the article but we can't on this forum!!
GOOOGLE!
13 of 13 | Posted by whit-ster | Posted on April 27, 2009 9:17 AM