Back to something important- ME!
This week, the ramifications of the "Boys" Hawaiian vacation erupts in monumental, melodramatic, man-coholic and often melancholic douchebaggery, Heidi and Spence keep seeing the therapist after another run-in with Stace-face, and Blahdrina gets torn a couple more assholes by some very manly playmates. See how it unfolds on another episode of....The Hills!
This week on The Hills, you have me, Monamonzano, taking recapping some serious ass and dochebaggery! Are you ready? I am, after I finish this pork chop sandwich.
Done.
Anyhoo, the show beings with LC (Concerned glance concerned glance) asking Blahdrina McDead eyes if she's going to Frankie Ugliowitz's barbecue (concerned glance concerned glance). Apparently, Jayde and Brohday have been fighting...why? BECAUSE HE FRIGGIN' CHEATED ON HER. Wha? I know, crazy. This is hollywood, people. So, yes, Blahdrina, now, cheating on your significant other- even if they are an ugly drag queen of a playmate- is actually WRONG. And yes, Jayde is probably just a tad pissed at you, Bladrina. Here's another concerned glance just to drive the point home.
Showdown at the H Wood Corral
Blahdrina defends herself by saying she's SINGLE and allowed to date. Since when was crying about pigpen in Broahday's room and then fucking him "dating."
Also, does somebody smell eggs???
As Blahdrina runs the gamut of lame post-coital excuses, the show begins to heat up, complete with sparkle-vision and that lame theme song.
Then, the blow up doll I like to call Heidi Montag is outside of Swingers talkin' to a work buddy, who apparently moonlights as a stewardess.
/Meg White
Apparently, this friend is as good a dresser as she is an advice giver, because she also tells Human Blow-Up doll to go to H Wood, because Human Blow Up Doll found a text from Bartendress on it saying to go. Oh, the Drama!
Meanwhile, the barbecue starts to heat up and let me tell you, burning silicone and singed fake eyelashes do NOT smell pretty.
aka, Jayde was there.
The Blonde Brigade arrives at H Wood to meet up with the Brunette Brigade. Man, it is SO west side story, it's killing me!
OMG, I brought a knife.
We get a rehash of how HBUD read Spencer/Hitler's text and Holly, the dowdy sister, nods in concern and appreciation.
Can we hurry this up? I have a middle school class to teach.
Finally, the Brunette show. Uh, I mean the Kardashians? I'm not sure and I'm confused. Know what I do when I'm confused? I dunno, solve a theorem and like 40 rubix cubes, just to make myself feel better. Anyhoo, seems like there's enough forehead to go around in these two gangs.
Let's head-butt to the death.
Stacie, acting like a semi-non retarded adult who might know another semi-non retarded adult, waves. The blondes appropriately bristle. Then, Stacie and the Kardashi-crew come on by for some more awkward ridicule. HBUD says how "nice it is" that they came over, and then asks where Spencer is. Stacie replies, "he's your boyfriend." Well, sort of, if boyfriends yell at you, isolate you from your friends and family and treat you like children. Then, yes, they are happily dating.
So Stacie emphasizes the fact that Spencer/hitler is HBUD's BOYFRIEND, not hers. HBUD starts throwing some concerned glances, now, a la LC. HBUD wonders why Stacie has such an interest in Spencer/Hitler, too, and Stacie puts the blame where it should be- on Spencer/Hitler. Now, I'm not saying that Stacie is in any way not trying to shamelessly flirt or get with Spencer, but for real- HBUD should be more mad with Spencer/Hitler than with some bartender who wants to bone.
Oh, wait, I forgot, HBUD can't really get mad at Spencer, or he'll ground her or take away her car or kill her cat or something. Oh, Spencer/Hitler, you so silly!
Back at the party, Jayde's friend wants to fight Blahdrina and Jayde doesn't want Broahday to pet her. What? Is your weave falling out or are you just having a poopy day?
C. All of the above.
Frankie McUglyOgreowitz butts in and this show is STILL skirting around that fact that Broahday's PENIS was in Blahdrina's COOCHIE.
So THATS How babies are made....
Broahday still doesn't want to be "put in the middle" of the situation. Um, remember, it was YOUR penis, Broahday. I know you like to leave the dumb catfighting to the women, but your nails are so perfectly manicured....
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Comments (5)
This was a great recap. Okay...I must admit as far as a recap actually goes, I didn't watch the epi so who knows how acurrate it was but it was FUNNAY!
Jayde and Blah are really the same hole so I don't blame Brody at all. He should be blame-free. But in that case what was the friggin point. Oh, Brody.
Loved Lauren's concerned glances. Never actually counted them before but now I'll be obsessed.
Heidi and Spencer are not even worth making fun of anymore. I am no longer offended by Spencer. Like I am no longer offended by the crazy bum who hangs out by the 7-11 constantly masturbating. Just as long as his manly nectar doesn't get on me. Maybe if Spencer started to publicly masterbate in every episode...hmmm. Heidi just looks constipated. She needs a good enema...or a Brody-ma.
Lauren seems like Alice in Wonderland. All the crazyness and she's outside looking in (I don't know what Im typing. Muscle spasms. Muscle relaxers). All of LC's real life is going on outside this stupid show so they can't even make one up now that fools anyone.
Well, I want to be fooled. FOOL ME!
1 of 5 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on May 9, 2009 10:18 AM
"..seems like there's enough forehead to go around in these two gangs."
AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
2 of 5 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on May 9, 2009 10:21 AM
Wow, this particular show seems so manufactured.
A) The "hookup" was not even shown, not one kiss.
B) Audrina is an awful actress.
C) Brody wasn't blamed once for cheating on his girlfriend.
D) Lauren phoned it in.
E) Also, Jayduh, is the worst playmate evuh.
This show is just riduculous nowadays.
There's no reality.
3 of 5 | Posted by whatever | Posted on May 9, 2009 10:06 PM
ease up on the nicknames though... maybe it's just me but i found the nicknames you gave all of them were over the top.
4 of 5 | Posted by nyla | Posted on May 11, 2009 5:02 AM
hahah i gotta say i LOVED the westside story reference=]
the show sucks now i only watch it still so i know what you all are talkin about on the recaps lol
5 of 5 | Posted by sassycassc08 | Posted on May 14, 2009 1:30 AM