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It is here that Heidi breaks the news to Stephanie that she has chosen Holly as her maid of honor, since "she's been my sister for my whole life and stuff." Exactly what are you saying, that she didn't approach you on the playground in second grade and ask you to be her blood relative? Weird. Stephanie is miffed to say the least, and if she starts spouting some shit about loyalty to Heidi like a typical Pratt would, I will absolutely barf on my MTV.com.

Elsewhere in town, Spencer is having lunch with Darlene, outrageously appropriate and reasonable mother of the bride, who rests her chin on her fist and stares sternly at Spencer as he apologizes for being out of line with her. First with LC, now with Darlene... he's like an alcoholic going through a 12-step program and making amends with the people he's hurt. Except instead of alcohol, he's been addicted to sucking souls and then shitting them out of his life like a bad case of diarrhea.

She's a little wary of his sudden change, but he assures her it's just because he's grown up very fast. 18 years of maturity in two weeks, to be exact. He says that he realizes he's not 22 anymore. No, now he's 25 and a real man and he knows better. He's making the effort not to be sleazy simply "because that's what I've been doing my whole life." I couldn't have put it better myself. Not saying I believe him, though.

Spencer asks her for her blessing, to which Darlene is at first silent, then begins to nod, then looks in several different directions before saying, "I give..." (swallow) "...you my... blessing." Boy that's harder to swallow than a horse pill full of jizz, isn't it Darlene?

At the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, Heidi is having her Princess Shower. It's kind of like a Golden Shower except you are sprayed with actual liquefied gold. Some extras hired to look like Heidi's friends mill about and stare at a bucket of champagne, as Blahdrina remarks, "You're GLOWING!"

For God's sake, Blah, she's not pregnant, she's marrying the ruler of the underworld. Blah and Stephanie talk about how rude it is that Holly, primary attendant to the Queen-to-be, is not even at the shower. How f-ing dare she?! Does she have her own life or something? Steph looks pretty satisfied at the maid of honor's utter failure.

Before long, however, Holly bounces in looking like Denise Austin on safari and apologizes for her tardiness. Her Highness commands that the most expensive bottle of champagne be drunk, and finally the games begin... the games being questions about how well people know Heidi. Couldn't this party be held on Facebook? Stephanie correctly guesses that as for children, Heidi wants four. Her mother agrees, elaborating that she wants all boys. UGH. That is absolutely the LAST thing this weary world needs. Can you imagine four mini-pubestaches running around L.A.? Heidi confirms this, laughing that she wants to be "the queen of the throne, I don't want any little girls coming up and riding with me!" Wow. It astounds me that her jealousy over all other females somehow outweighs her desire to play dress-up. You'd think she'd want a bunch of little princesses to treat like Barbie dolls, but I guess that's why she built herself this way.

The girls laugh about how Kristen Cavallari introduced Spencer and Heidi (evil does beget evil) and Heidi quickly moves on to asking for presents, which she describes as "honeymoonalicious." Stephanie gripes to Blahdrina about how crappy of a maid of honor Holly is because she's not writing down who brought which gifts (cut to a shot of Holly boozin' it up with one glass of champagne), but I honestly can't get through this scene after I see this.

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Posted in The Hills by O. Snapp at 3:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)
Last Comment: winks523 on Jun 11, 2009 02:28 PM.