One of the worst things about lovey-dovey wedding episodes of reality shows is the music. I swear to Christ, it's just one Fray song after another. So Lauren and Broday are on a friendship date and it occurs to me exactly how little of LC's life we've seen this season - she must have been dying to get off this Reality-Go-Round. She reveals so little about herself that we spend a good minute or so on her and the Bro-face talking about their respective ear sizes.
But ooh, what's this I spy with my recapper's eye? A coquette in waiting?
Naw, she just goes on to talk about Heidi and her stupid wedding, going so far as to sing "Making a big mistake" to the tune of "Here Comes The Bride." It's only a few seconds long, but it's enough to make me hope I never see LC do karaoke. Unless it's to a Journey song. I believe she's partial to "Any Way You Want It."
Brody agrees that it's all a big mistake, but it's theirs to make, not hers. He does, however, suggest (with multiple demonstrations) that when Heidi walks down the aisle, he make some farting noises. That is classy. I would kind of love to visit a parallel reality where that actually happens, just to witness the ridiculous level of tantrum that Heidi would throw in response. LC and Broday giggle about farts, and I realize she's kind of like his fag hag. Except he's not a fag. Gag hag?
In the next scene, in the daytime, Broday meets up with Spencer wearing THE SAME SHIRT as the previous scene, but now each bro has a lot more facial hair. Reality time isn't all that it seems, eh? Spencer tells Brody he'd love it if he would come to the wedding, to witness the change in this man. He speaks with the proud piety of a born-again Christian talking to a stripper. Spencer spews some of the psychobabble that Heidi and Ms. Therapist have been feeding him, about his insecurities and immaturities, to which Broday just laughs in his face. As he well deserves. Nobody changes after three weeks of therapy.
Brody tells Spencer he's lost his damn mind (um... lost?). I mean, just look at Broday! "I have a great relationship with a beautiful girl, and we don't need therapy!"
And also, they haven't been dating (see synonym: isolating) (see synonym: whining at) each other for three years. I'm putting money down with a booker right now that Joker mouth gets aggravating after Month Two. This shit's gonna pay dividends.
Spencer replies that he had a lot of anger and that while it was funny to everyone else in the world, it wasn't funny to the people he was hurting.
Spencer goes on about how remorseful he is about how he treated Lauren, and ends by saying, "I'm not just cold stone with no heart." Brody takes a good long look at him and replies coolly, "Yeah, you are." This causes Spencer to hunch down into his Cro-Magnon Man stance, which I don't believe is approved by therapy.
Brody conveys that once a bro, always a bro. And that means asshole.
I'm so going to miss looking the gratuitious ass shots on this show every week.
At an incredibly quiet People's Revolution, phones are being successfully answered and neutrals are being sorted and there is not one peep of gossip from any bottle blond on the premises. It's kind of eerie.
« Fall Preview: Glee: Best. Show. Ever! | Main | New York Goes To Work: Lions and Tigers. No Bears. Oh My! »
Comments (15)
You had me at "Swiffer Ballroom Blitz."
1 of 15 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on June 4, 2009 4:44 AM
You will be missed OSnapp! I have enjoyed your recaps, but hope you are on to bigger & better things!
2 of 15 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on June 4, 2009 8:27 AM
Good for Lauren...go live your life, girl!
Heidi and Spencer are ridiculous. I wish I had a snarkier comment but I'll leave that up to the recappers. And yes, I will be watching next season (sigh)
O.Snapp, thanks so much for the laughs...good luck to you.
3 of 15 | Posted by Yanksfan24 | Posted on June 4, 2009 9:17 AM
thanks o. snapp, for recapping this every week so i didn't have to watch it.
i was always on team kristin. i like that she realizes she's only on the show to bring drama and doesn't want to make friends. is it bad that i somehow think she's above all this petty nonsense that happens on this show?
4 of 15 | Posted by kmh5125 | Posted on June 4, 2009 9:36 AM
We'll miss you, O. Snapp!
kmh5125, you are not the only one on Team Kristin. I always liked Lauren, but Kristin's snarkiness rocks. And she will definitely bring the drama. I'm not ashamed to say that I'll still be watching because of Kristin.
5 of 15 | Posted by maybeimamazed02 | Posted on June 4, 2009 11:12 AM
Nooo Osnapp, you cannot leave.:( More seasons are coming!
6 of 15 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on June 4, 2009 11:20 AM
I love lauren too....but next season looks awesome! Kristin knows how to bring the drama. I love how she said in the previews..'you're messing with the wrong girl!' Oh please someone mess with her......i would looove to see what she would do to them. watch your backs audrina and jayde.
welcome back kristen cavallari. =)
7 of 15 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on June 4, 2009 12:27 PM
Thanks for a Great season O snapp. I dont even bother to watch the show anymore (we are way behind)- I just read the recaps. Good luck.
8 of 15 | Posted by flodence | Posted on June 4, 2009 1:16 PM
Was I the only one who heard the scary music from The Omen when Heidi was marching down the aisle toward her vile excuse for a human being Spencer?
I thought it was appropriate. Must just be in the soundtrack of my mind.
Great recap.
9 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on June 4, 2009 6:04 PM
OH NO! You're leaving us O.Snapp?! I was HOPING you meant you were only leaving us for the season, but would be back next season. :( I will truly miss your recaps! Next season is going to be AWESOME too! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. You are very talented and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your recaps. Take care!
10 of 15 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on June 4, 2009 9:15 PM
I loved your recaps this season O.Snapp. Please reconsider coming back for the next one!
11 of 15 | Posted by oranges | Posted on June 5, 2009 9:26 AM
And O.Snapp even rhymes w/ recap. Come on!
12 of 15 | Posted by oranges | Posted on June 5, 2009 9:28 AM
I have to echo the sentiments of my fellow posters and say thanks for the excellent recaps! I don't plan to watch next season (I cannot stand Kristen Cavallari) but I will probably read the recaps and I will miss you!
Also, am I the only one who thought that Spencer was in the right at the rehearsal dinner? I mean, I love Holly, but I also would have been furious if my sister was throwing food at my rehearsal dinner and making a drunken, rather embarassing speech.
13 of 15 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on June 5, 2009 2:34 PM
You will be missed O. Snapp! this was hands down the BEST RECAP of the year! I could not stop laughing the whole way through (awkward for the people in my office, but whatevs!)
Thanks and much love!
14 of 15 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on June 8, 2009 3:30 AM
First of all, I was seriously dying of laughter at the Charlie sleeping with his eyes open comments. Hilarious! I was surprised at myself while watching this episode. First of all, I thought Charlie's comment about apologizing to LC was pretty mature coming from one of Spencer's friends. I am embarrassed to admit I teared up at Stephanies speech! I also teared up when LC came into the bridal room. I am also shocked to say that I sort of believe Spencer might really want to settle down..at least he FINALLY admitted to the sex tape rumors, he's been denying that for a few seasons now. I think that's a big step. I know I teared up when LC came into the bridal room, but I would have been proud of her if she didn't go to the wedding. Spencer publicly humiliated her! She was right that heidi only wanted her there to validate heidi's decision...at least she didn't go to the reception, how come we didn't get to see the reception?
Also, why did Lauren and Lo move out? Didn't Lauren own the house?
15 of 15 | Posted by winks523 | Posted on June 11, 2009 2:28 PM