For just 5 cents a day, you could take care of a Hill's member's costly feeding fee.
This week on the hills, Brody has his 26th surprise party and I'm wasted for the occasionI Jayde gets pissed that Kristin is there, but then laughs when she gets beaned by a water balloon and by Justin Bobby's fickle, fickle nature. Blah dead goes on a date with justin's friend but nothing happens and Stacie? Well, she's around.
Hey dudes and dudettes-
I'm drunk, which means I'm ready to recap another hills episode! OH JOY!
After more banal voice-over, we see Kristin and fucking Stacie (again, no explanation on this) going out to lunch or shopping or both together! Oh, goody goody gumdrops- two bitches doing what they do best-bitching.
They say it's CRAZY Brody is turning 26...I know, like, so old, right? Totally. Hey, nice jean skirt. Thanks.
Oh wait, they're at a sex shop, shopping for sex toys for Brody's bday. Really? man, that's totally what I do when I go to an ex's birthday, buy some dom gear.
Stacie tries it out.
Seems familiar to her.
And they laugh and laugh and laugh...
Really, I'll laugh myself to planned parenthood if I'm not careful !
Kristin confides in Stacie saying that their sex was very...vanilla. Wow, uh, maybe it was because you guys were like, FOURTEEN.
LIke, I mean, no orgies until my fifteenth birthday. Totes unfair.
More rattling of sex toys, enter theme song. Lots of dim lighting. Searchlights. Straight hair. Ah, the hills.
Some other same day in Malibu, Justin Bobby and Kristin surf.
Nice Tat. Hey, you spelled "Italy" wrong.
Kristin hands J Bobby a glass of wine, in true college style. Nothing like douche wine on a douchey day at the douche swatch.
Mmm, a crisp douche-white.
Then some talk about Emmanuel Kant. Uh, I mean, star tattoos on Kristin's body. She wants two more, she has one. Blah blah blah blah somebody fucking shoot me already.
If I giggle maybe you won't understand all the feces coming out of my mouth.
Kristin mocks Jayde and Brody's relationship and then suggest Justin BObby and her should travel together to the suprise party. What does J Bobby say? Sure. The ramifications of that would shake European history for the next two decades.
But for now, let's hose the STD off and make sweet love.
In another totally douchey part of L.A., Blah Dead and Bulimia go out for organic Mani Pedis.
Jobs?
Blah needs more time to get over Justin, so she's going to go on a date with his best friend. Hey, sounds good to me. Bulimia?
CONCEEERRRRNNNNEEED.
God, I want to hunt Bulimia in a forest with a rifle. She will be my deadliest game; mark my words.
Then Blah Dead said J Bobby always got made at her for hanging with this dude because he had a thing for Blah. Bulimia calls him "so hot," which doesn't mean much, because she calls lip gloss "so hot."
No, for shiz, it's hot.
Oh, Justin Bobby's friend's name is Derek. He's nice but too nice, smart but not smart at all. Yeah, sure, why not?
Cut to Brody's fifth birthday party.
Yes, the personal pan pizzas are on their way.
Oh, the pre-pubescents are here to shoot some hoops. Gnarly.
Ugh, Fetal Alcohol syndrome looks extra fetal alcoholy and Brody's mom looks....uh, just like the rest of the hills gang. Only it's sadder when she drinks alone at night.
Couldn't find a good pic of Brody's raggedy mom, but man, the editors really like to show Troll and Bulimia gossiping.
Let's just not even talk and say a bunch of names. Go!
Troll wants to know if Kristin and J Bobby are dating. Did I mention troll wants to know if Kristin and Justin Bobby are dating? Oh, she wants to know.
Brody comes home to his suprise party looking less surprised and mostly like a living, breathing, walking anus.
Nice checkered cap. Can I kick you in the face?
After Brody goes upstairs to change into some clothes that are probably exponentially douchier, Troll finally gets her chance.
I have no life. I mean....are you dating Justin Bobby?
Bulimia, ever the synchophant, wants to know why Justin Bobby and Kristin didn't come together if they're dating. And uh, we're friends, right? God, I'm unpopular. Will anyone be my friend?
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Comments (7)
Again I ask...wtf is Stacie doing on this show? Someone needs to punch her in the overies.
1 of 7 | Posted by realitt | Posted on October 15, 2009 12:57 PM
ack...ovaries. Violence really messes with my spelling.
2 of 7 | Posted by realitee | Posted on October 15, 2009 1:04 PM
Not watching this season, only reading the WONDERFUL recaps, but WTF happened to Stephanie's face?! Girl looks totally different in a not-so-good, post-op Ashley Simpson Wentz kinda way.
BTW Mona...did you know Brody's mom dated Elvis?
Great recap!!
3 of 7 | Posted by Marijai | Posted on October 15, 2009 1:19 PM
Great recap!! It's too bad they casted Kristen on this show since she has no friends of her own...why not?! So boooring. If they ever made any attempts to hide that this was non-reality, they've certainly thrown it out the window this season!
And why does everyone act as though Lauren is dead? No mention of an invite to the party, no talk of anyone calling her or hanging out with her...
4 of 7 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on October 15, 2009 1:37 PM
Did anyone else notice that Steph looked so boney and skinny when getting the pedicure, but at other times she didnt look that way. Weird.
5 of 7 | Posted by rpressley@hotmail.com | Posted on October 15, 2009 8:42 PM
Dani I so agree with you. Lauren would have been all over that Brody party in any other season of The Hills. It's like she never even existed. Just something else to glaringly point out this is so not reality!
6 of 7 | Posted by ohionancy | Posted on October 16, 2009 8:46 AM
"Nice checkered cap. Can I kick you in the face?"
HAHAHAHA, I had to stifle my lolz because I didn't feel like explaining what I was reading to my mom. But good work, drunk is probably the best way to write these recaps.
7 of 7 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on October 16, 2009 8:17 PM