Heidi mentions that Spencer is the first boyfriend her father's ever met. Pssst, Heidi - you're supposed to give Daddy your first few bonehead boyfriends to rip apart, not the one you claim to want to marry. That's just throwing a steak to a shark. The four of them sit silently at the table, nodding awkwardly at each other while Cowdaddy waits for Spencer to break. Note: do not play poker with this man. He will crush you.
Bill, in his no-more-than-three-syllables eloquence, brings up the elopement, to which Spencer puts on his best shit-eating grin and blames it on the tequila. I thought there were only three rules to talking to your girlfriend's father: Don't talk about getting her drunk, getting her high, or fucking her. I could be making this up but I'm pretty sure it's written out somewhere. Meanwhile, Terri (who looks an awful lot like Darlene) sits and smiles placidly in silence. Perhaps Darlene was too chatty for Bill?
He asks when the two plan on getting hitched, which Spencer brushes off by saying he had to get Cowdaddy's permission first. "Yeeeeaaap. My baby," Bill says wistfully, which is actually really cute for a dad. It's kind of like he's accepting with a heavy heart that he'll have to let his little girl go sometime. Until he adds, "I did bring my shotgun," which kind of kills the cuteness.
Spencer gulps and goes for the only chance he has left, which is to identify himself with his opponent and highlight a common element they both despise. Ergo: he emphasizes the fact that he and Darlene don't get along. Because (according to Holly) he reminds Darlene too much of Bill. Hmmm. This tactic seems crazy... just crazy enough to work! Then he brings up a completely unrelated story about punching out some guy (which Spencer lovingly refers to as "massaging his face"). Can anybody help me? Exactly what situation is Spencer referring to? The only fight I remember was with Cameron, but he's making it sound like it was because he was hitting on Heidi. Have I just been watching so long that I can't remember basic boring plotlines?
Anyway, this definitely resonates with Cowdaddy and his ultra-macho sensibilities, and he agrees that sometimes you have to do what's best for your family. And ratings. "That's the code of the West," he twangs. Wow, they really pulled this guy off the set of "Legend of Curly's Gold," didn't they? Spencer laughs heartily and says that in that case, "I've gotta move to the West!" Ummmmm, where exactly do you think California is? The only place more Western would be in the Pacific Ocean. (For the record, I have no objections to Spencer's decision to move there.)
Later, Broday and LC meet for one of their famous candlelit platonic dinners to gossip and complain, and Lauren tells Broday about how she has to fire Stephanie at some point during that week. Dude, Kelly Cuntface told you THINK GUILLOTINE! Not years of asbestos poisoning! Just get it over with! This news delights Bro to no end, because now he's had an official spinoff while Stephanie can't even hold on to an internship. Brody warns her that this very well may end their friendship. "I know," LC replies without a trace of emotion.
Blahdrina and Stephanie meet the band boys at a hokey lodge-themed dive bar, complete with taxidermied heads hanging from the wall. The boys say they've been enjoying their time in L.A. and ask where the girls live. "In Hollywood," Stephanie answers with a grimace. Yeah, I wouldn't admit that either. "Up in the Hills!" Blahdrina adds. Yeah, you know. THE HILLS. Remember the title on your cameo contract?
"We're gonna come stay at your place," says Sean, the guitarist on whom Stephanie is crushing. "Yah THERE'S ROOM!" Steph practically shouts, and I wonder if she's talking about her apartment or her vagina. Blahdrina, who has been uncharacteristically collected and un-clingy all episode, and Chris the Singer get up to go fetch more drinks, leaving hyper Steph and Sean alone together.
Sean starts asking questions about Blahdrina, and I start to worry that he's going to ditch Steph for Blah. Never fear, he also asks what Steph's story is. She gets all nervous and begins peppering her sentences with 60% more "like"s than usual. "I'm not, like, I'm, like, dating, but that's it," she's barely able to reply. As a good conversationalist might, she asks him the same.
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Comments (7)
stephanie pratt...wow...just wow
1 of 7 | Posted by efk2020 | Posted on May 20, 2009 2:10 PM
So, as usual your recaps made me laugh quite hard. :o)
The part about the movie fear was one of my most favorites.
Heidi's real dad was ridiculous but it was great because for once Spencer looked like he might actually piss himself.
The proposal was sweet in it's sick kind of material way and the pecking that the two of them did made me want to barf.
Lauren did an excellent job firing stephanie and the look that Lauren's co worker shot her cracked me up.
Though I am not proud of steph's work ethic I admired the way she told that band dude to "zip his flirtatious lips" because honestly, what kind of douche explains his relationship as a "situation"
I love how Lauren and Brody have platonic romantic dinners. As most other viewers feel I wish that the two of them would just date again already. He is yummy and I hope that he stays on the hills even though Lauren is leaving.
Yes, Lauren has made a few people cry. Audrina, jenbunny, heidi, and oh, yeah stephanie! I am sure they are not the only ones!
2 of 7 | Posted by whit-ster | Posted on May 20, 2009 2:46 PM
Heidi's daddy reminds me of the man that did the Quacker Oatmeal commercials. Funny though...Heidi actually looks just like her Step-Dad. Hmmmm..sounds a little fishy to me.
Did Audrina actually call someone else 'Promiscious"?? Wow, talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
When Spence pulled out that ring I said "Yep, somebody has been to Claire's"
3 of 7 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on May 20, 2009 8:28 PM
OOOppppssss, I forgot to say this: What the hell was Steph wearing when she met Heidi for lunch??? It looked like a tater sack being held in place by some duct tape.
I cant believe that heidis dad asked spence what his 'intentions' were with his daughter. Lets see, been shacking up for awhile, getting the milk for free........
Is the word Narly really spelled Gnarly??
4 of 7 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on May 20, 2009 8:40 PM
Love the Fear reference! Maybe Spencer can tattoo his chest with
Heidi
4
Eva
5 of 7 | Posted by totallydifferenthead | Posted on May 21, 2009 10:51 AM
HIGH-LARIOUS! Great job O.Snapp! This was a good episode! I liked watching Spencer squirm at the thought of Heidi's (real) dad coming. I wish her dad had really tortured him more though. He seemed to win over the dad so easily. I guess teaming up against Darlene must have been a stroke of genius. I, too, thought it was a risky move. The interesting thing is that Darlene thinks Spencer reminds her of Bill, and she DIVORCED Bill. If Heidi is anything like Darlene, she could eventually be following in the same footsteps....They certainly don't SEEM that similar, but I'm sure eventually she will see the light.
6 of 7 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on May 21, 2009 10:52 AM
Osnapp, I have to tell you how much I love your recaps. You're totally one of the writers I go to when I need to 'get in the mood': the writing mood that is. Sorry, didn't mean to make you too uncomfortable. Hee-hee.
Hugs,
Yenta
7 of 7 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on May 24, 2009 6:07 AM