Stacie, I never knew you felt that way...
This week on the Hills, we take it to the streets...the streets of Vegas, so that Kristin can get Justin out of her heart and...back into her bed? WHA? Crazytown. But even better, Paul Bunyan gives his expert advice on knowing if a girl is or isn't preggers. Without one of those pesky, expensive sticks you pee on!
hey Bitches and the rest-
Man, my turkey day was busy, so I didn't have much time to recap the boredom, gouge my eyes out half-hour that is this ridiculous show. Right? I had tons of turkey to kill, cook and eat for my friends and family. Did I mention that I made my own cranberry sauce, by scaring the cranberries off the bush with a show of my ample pectorals? Well, I guess I just did. Consider yourself a lucky listener.
Oh, okay- so here's the snatch sitch so far....Kristin and Stacie McSkank are en route to vegas, after Kristin gets a slap in her face by the big, douchey hands of Broahday and Justin Gross-a-lot.
Everyone knows all the QUALITY guys live in vegas.
Stacie is happy because she gets more airtime.
And I'm also not the ugliest cast member on the show! Wohoo!
Kirstin asks what the chances are that both her and Stacie hook up with someone. Kristin, master mathematician and statistical fellow, says Stacie, 90%. What? have you seen your friend stacy lately? She's more cro-magnon than troll, and is always eating away at your fat-free yogurt. Nobody likes a yogurt-eater hanger-on, not even vegas skanks. Am I right?
Still, she must really boost Kristin's self esteem, being ugly while at the same time being supportive.
So, I guess the whole plan is to be ultra-skanky. Man, listening to Stacie is like listening to a really slow-talking, raspy-voiced retard. WE'RE IN VEGAS! (if you don't know what to say, just shout that shit OUT!)
After a heartburn commercial....
Back in the shithole, rotting heart of hollywood.
Man or Woman? You decide.
Douches Spencer and Paul Bunyon watching a Mexican dude wash their vintage cars. And, talking about clubbing. And, Spencer's best day married, where his wife is the ultimate subservient and thanks god for her outfit. Remember that? Yeah, that was funny.
Paul Bunyon, genious douchenozzle, clues Spencer into the hamfisted fact that what...she just might be wanting to carry his seed to gestation.
WHA? That's almost as disgusting as a vast-vasss-vasetectomy. Or whatever that shit was!
Paul Bunyon, or should I say, DOCTOR PAUL BUNYON, clues spencer into ways he can tell if his bitch be wanting kidz. I only assume he knows this because, you know, girls do this ALL THE TIME. God, this show is terrible.
PAUL BUNYON'S RULES TO SEE IF A BITCH IS PREGNANT:
1. Put some wine in front of that cunt. Then, she if she drinks it. If she doesn't, she is probably pregnant.
2. Take that bitch out for SUSH (SHORT FOR SUSHI, and much simpler to say) and see if that bitch be eatin' shellfish. If she isn't, she's fucking gonna have your motherfucking baby.
Oh wait, Paul Bunyon doesn't have first hand experience, per say, but he did jack off to a couple post-coitus birth-increasing youtube videos. What the fuck is with these people?
3. If your bitch cunt does acrobatics (you know, ballerina shit) she's definitely pregnant.
OH Paul Bunyon, I know you miss the good old days where you just worry about your car and giving that hideous mustache a good trim. But, of course, life is complex.
4. Oh yeah, also, Paul Bunyan doesn't do seat belts. Why? Seat belts also get bitches pregnant. No, that wasn't information from a Youtube video, it was like, something someone's mom said to me in middle school. Yeah, cunt.
Thanks for the help, Dr. B. Now go fuck yourself.
In Vegassholeville...
Stacie and Kristin share some champagne and talk about clothes. And YES, Stacie, everything you wear does look like baby clothes, if that baby had 12 STDs and was a checkout girl at forever 21 while waiting for her boyfriend to get out of jail.
Kristin just looks like a straight-up hooker.
No, anal sex is OFF the menu. But everyone has their price...
They bitch more about wearing similar, ugly-ass shit to go tramp around in, and then giggle a lot.
Back in LA, it's date night at a SUSH restaurant/Paul Bunyan's crucial checkpoint-to-see-if-a-bitch-be-preggo night.
At the restaurant....
1. THAT BITCH DON'T DRINK. PREGNANT.
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Comments (2)
I can't believe I was actually excited once upon a time for this season to begin - and even for the first few episodes. But alas, things never improved and this season/show has been a HUGE disappointment. Just end arleady! AND NO MORE SEASONS!
1 of 2 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 30, 2009 10:36 AM
Oh and I was very remiss in not saying how much I enjoyed the recap. It's the ONLY enjoyment I get from this show. Thanks for another great week! :)
2 of 2 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 30, 2009 12:06 PM