I HAVE TO KNOW - WHAT IS THE NICKNAME THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED?

I've been looking forward to this recap since Monday night. I too loved Whitney's reaction to "jackpot." I can't wait to read the second episode's recap to hear the reactions about the lame engagement (and Heidi's "excited" reaction), the artwork in Speidi's apartment and the return of my favorite Laguna girl, Lo.

Great recap. Love the comment about Jen Bunny's new costume. Keep up the good work.

Great recap. Love the comment about Jen Bunny's new costume. Keep up the good work.

The nickname is beef curtains

Also, what is going on with Spencer's nasty mouth fuzz?

I am the kind of person that isn't offended by anything, and I find that name so repulsive. I can only imagine how offensive it would be to a young lady. Whoever floated it out there is truly classless.

Heidi was so pretty last season. Now she just looks trashy. The overbleached platinum hair does absolutely nothing good for her, the chest is too bid for her small frame, and the nose just doesn't suit her.

As for her whole "innocence" act, she burned that bridge by her snide comment at the very end of the season preview: "Maybe they're back in the movie-making business." That right there told me she was behind the whole thing, and she knows EXACTLY what she did.

She scares me. Compare THIS Heidi to the Heidi who dated Jordan in the first season. They're two completely different people.

Oh, and speaking of Spencer: I remember noting at the end of last season that he was looking incredibly gaunt and unhealthy compared to the beginning of the season. The downward trend has continued. He looks really awful, physically speaking. Is he ill?

"I've never liked Heidi, but there's nothing worse than a group of friends turning on one without explanation."

W T F?

nothing worse? really?
Gee, I can think of a few things worse than how Heidi was treated. One or two. Like, for example, every single thing that Speidi does, every single day.

I see you're concerned that Heidi wasn't given an adequate explanation for why she & Lauren aren't friends anymore. And you know, I'm sure it's all been very confusing for Heidi. Perplexing, even. (Of course, she might have had a little more of a clue if she, say, bothered to call Lauren since she moved out, or after she was smeared over the entire internet, but that's probably asking too much). Hmmm. Why could Lauren possibly be mad? Let's see, let's see. Let me think..... could it be that I said something about a sex tape, but now I've, oh, "forgotten" saying that? No, no, that can't be it. No one could POSSIBLY be upset by a sex tape rumor. Yeah, everyone's happy as a clam when there's a sex tape rumor out there about them. And the nickname was Spencer's idea, not mine. It's just so confusing!

Yeah, Spencer is a real gem. Do you think they are ever going to address the fact that he bought Heidi a CZ ring? Does Spencer have a job or does he just make protein shakes all day?

Man, I sure miss Bside. This recap sucks. Couldn't they get someone who has actually watched the show in the past? I can't believe Ting is appalled that LC and the other girls have turned on poor widdle Heidi. Well, gee, let's see-Heidi has treated LC and Audrina like complete crap in the past. Heidi has also been caught lying through her teeth on several occasions and gave one of the worst denials I've ever seen when LC confronted her about spreading the rumor. Two year olds have given better performances. So, yeah, I'd say that LC and co. have every reason to give Heidi 'the freeze'. What should they do? Hug her and kiss her, for god's sake? Even without the rumor, Heidi deserves the loss of their friendship for all the other things she's done-like blaming Jen for the Brody situation when she, in fact, was the biggest instigator that night. Or, like lying through her teeth to Lauren about what she said to Jen when she came to her work.

Man, I sure miss Bside. This recap sucks. Couldn't they get someone who has actually watched the show in the past? I can't believe Ting is appalled that LC and the other girls have turned on poor widdle Heidi. Well, gee, let's see-Heidi has treated LC and Audrina like complete crap in the past. Heidi has also been caught lying through her teeth on several occasions and gave one of the worst denials I've ever seen when LC confronted her about spreading the rumor. Two year olds have given better performances. So, yeah, I'd say that LC and co. have every reason to give Heidi 'the freeze'. What should they do? Hug her and kiss her, for god's sake? Even without the rumor, Heidi deserves the loss of their friendship for all the other things she's done-like blaming Jen for the Brody situation when she, in fact, was the biggest instigator that night. Or, like lying through her teeth to Lauren about what she said to Jen when she came to her work.

I like LC and I honestly don't even know why MTV is still focusing on Heidi and Spencer if its Lauren's show. I know drama makes for good tv but I really despise those 2 and would be happy if they just took them off of the show, I can guarantee that their relationship would be over as soon as that happens. Spencer is using Heidi because she is a ditz and he can get camera time and slight z-list fame. Hopefully there are no plans for a spin off show for these 2 ever especially with the $700 lab grown diamond enagement ring which MTV may try to spin off into a wedding special and I really hope hell freezes over before these 2 can even procreate.

Man, I sure miss Bside. This recap sucks. Couldn't they get someone who has actually watched the show in the past? I can't believe Ting is appalled that LC and the other girls have turned on poor widdle Heidi. Well, gee, let's see-Heidi has treated LC and Audrina like complete crap in the past. Heidi has also been caught lying through her teeth on several occasions and gave one of the worst denials I've ever seen when LC confronted her about spreading the rumor. Two year olds have given better performances. So, yeah, I'd say that LC and co. have every reason to give Heidi 'the freeze'. What should they do? Hug her and kiss her, for god's sake? Even without the rumor, Heidi deserves the loss of their friendship for all the other things she's done-like blaming Jen for the Brody situation when she, in fact, was the biggest instigator that night. Or, like lying through her teeth to Lauren about what she said to Jen when she came to her work.

What about Aud's new (old) flame comin back?! I think Lauren isn't going to approve because she doesnt want to be a lonely, single girl at home...with the kitten (where did that come from by the way and why the hell does it have a shirt on??)
Ting- add more humor and sly remarks in here! good job for the first one though!

REALLY? That is the nickname? I am NOT quite sure what it means, but I can certainly get an idea. That is awful. Poor girl. And the mouth fuzz? Horrific.

I agree, I miss B-Side. Why is Ting on Team Speidi? I mean, yes, it does seem like Heidi is a bit confused about how this all just fell apart but honestly, there's way too much history being ignored here to assume that LC is just giving her the cold shoulder for no reason.

Furthermore The Hills is neither the time nor the place for maturity: "all these girls need to grow up." Well, thank you Captain Obvious! What did you think the last two seasons were about, the girls discussing world politics while complimenting each other on the polo field?

LC: "Heidi, I disapprove of the way Spencer treats you and you deserve better."
Heidi: "I respect your opinion and chose not to take your advice at this moment."
LC: "I respect that you respect my opinion. Shall we retire to the Pinkberry?"
Heidi: "Indeed."

Hey, so glad everybody's watching and reading. I want to make two things clear: I am a HUGE fan of the show and have been in Lauren's camp since Laguna Beach. I knew some of you would be offended that I had a little sympathy for Heidi this week, but my gut feeling is there's a panic alarm going off in Heidi's pea brain that she's choosing to ignore. This is a totally different girl than the one who left Jordan at the New Year's party to accompany Lauren home. I hope one day she wakes up and can admit that dating Spencer made her a crazy manipulative liar, but today is not that day.

Dear Ting Lee,

Heidi deserves everything she's getting and more. Even if she didn't start those awful rumors, why on earth would Lauren want to be friends with her after watching Season 2 and finding out that Heidi encouraged Jen to hook up with Brody? I hope MTV eventually cuts Speidi out of the series altogether. Two despicable human beings. Really!

Yours,
Julia

DJGROOVYSLUG--you should be the new b-side--I like your writing style. Ting, you did a good job 'recaping' the episode but what makes these reviews worth reading is the hilarious interpretation and whitty comments about the stupidity and irony of the show's situations and characters.

That being said, when can we expect to read a recap of episode #2?

I really hope we hear from LC's mom on here this season, I love getting the inside scoop...

Seriously, what's with Justin-Bobby?? Such a tool...

Ting Lee,

Loved the title of the recap - hilarious

Ting Lee - the recap was great. Keep the "whitty" comments coming ;)

Wow! How could anyone have any sympathy for "poor little Heidi"? This girl has made her bed and can wallow in it with her PIG of a BF. That was, without a doubt, one of the worst, and guiltiest denials I have ever heard!!! This girl knows what she did and is shocked she got caught! Haha...that's why no one likes you and you got a $770 "engagement" ring - without an actual proposal. Speidi has spent the last few weeks saying the show is scripted, but the most scripted parts are the ones they're in...losers!

Love the recap. It's so funny I might have to start watching the program again.

Wow! How could anyone have any sympathy for "poor little Heidi"? This girl has made her bed and can wallow in it with her PIG of a BF. That was, without a doubt, one of the worst, and guiltiest denials I have ever heard!!! This girl knows what she did and is shocked she got caught! Haha...that's why no one likes you and you got a $770 "engagement" ring - without an actual proposal. Speidi has spent the last few weeks saying the show is scripted, but the most scripted parts are the ones they're in...losers!

jumping ahead to episode #2:
I ave to admit, I'm concerned about LC's reactions to the 'Drina's old/new hook up.

Has LC learned nothing in the year?

You don't get between a friend and her man. You can tell her she's making a moronic choice but then you leave it alone.
Be there for her if/when it falls apart. Refrain from telling her "I told you so".

(& for the 'Drina's sake, lets hope that comes sooner rather than later - seriously....Justin/Bobby? WTF?? so many issues, so little time)

Is LC more concerned with being right, than being a supportive friend?

not sure I like this side of her.

and by "side" I mean this edited, MTV construed, reality scripted side.

'"Heidi, I disapprove of the way Spencer treats you and you deserve better."
Heidi: "I respect your opinion and chose not to take your advice at this moment."
LC: "I respect that you respect my opinion. Shall we retire to the Pinkberry?"
Heidi: "Indeed'

ROFL!

'DJGROOVYSLUG--you should be the new b-side'

Absolutely, I second that.

'"Heidi, I disapprove of the way Spencer treats you and you deserve better."
Heidi: "I respect your opinion and chose not to take your advice at this moment."
LC: "I respect that you respect my opinion. Shall we retire to the Pinkberry?"
Heidi: "Indeed'

ROFL!

'DJGROOVYSLUG--you should be the new b-side'

Absolutely, I second that.

Good first recap, Ting! I'm sure you realize you're up against a crowd of rabid Hills-watchers here. I've got faith in you :-)

Where to begin...

1) "the nickname" disgusts me; EVERYONE'S lady parts look different!! As such, that name is just a cruel shot.

2) I agree that Heidi's hair/eyebrows are too light, her whole visage is the color of evaporated milk.

3) Was "the ring" freakishly huge such that it fit Spence-tard's hand, or does he have freakishly wee fingers? Regardless, I'm fairly certain that my grandma picked up a similar item from the Home Shopping Network. Part of the Suzanne Somers line, I believe...

Can't wait for the Episode 2 recap!!

Good first recap, Ting! I'm sure you realize you're up against a crowd of rabid Hills-watchers here. I've got faith in you :-)

Where to begin...

1) "the nickname" disgusts me; EVERYONE'S lady parts look different!! As such, that name is just a cruel shot.

2) I agree that Heidi's hair/eyebrows are too light, her whole visage is the color of evaporated milk.

3) Was "the ring" freakishly huge such that it fit Spence-tard's hand, or does he have freakishly wee fingers? Regardless, I'm fairly certain that my grandma picked up a similar item from the Home Shopping Network. Part of the Suzanne Somers line, I believe...

Can't wait for the Episode 2 recap!!

I know that the episode 2 recap is not up yet, but I can't keep this in any longer.

Did anyone notice how Spencer 'bought' that 'engagement' ring for Heidi? What an arse. First, he talks with Brody about how much he is going to be spend and such. Then he goes to a store OUTSIDE L.A...and its not even a jewelry store! I'm sorry, but when I get engaged, I want my husband to do some research and NOT go to a store that also sells clothing, purses, and random paraphenelia. (P.S. Love the 'they sell a lot of high end stuff here' line that Spencer used when Brody said something about the purses.)

And did anyone else notice how when he went to the 'high end' side of the case that the saleswoman only said that the rings were '18 carat gold' and nothing at all about the actually gems? And then she basically picked out a random one and Spencer stuck with it? Yeah, he really gives a shit.

And let's not even go there about hte 'proposal.' Lamest proposal ever...he didn't even ask her to marry him!

The jackpot scene was by far the best of both episodes. Not only was it funny, but it seemed to be the only part that wasn't scripted..

And how awful is it that im actually looking forward to the return of Jason, and the chance that he might go into one of his drunken rages and beat the shit out of Spencer.

The Ring, The Ring, The Ring!

jla85 - I was wondering if maybe Toothy McDouch ended up outside LA because Ice was the only place that would partake of this self promoting BS:
"Hey, I'm a big time promoter and can get you a spot on The Hills if you give me some free bling"

Ever hear of platinum Spence-tard?

and then when they were leaving the store:
"Oh, you were a very good, er...um... helper"

truly gifted

Love this episode. Is it me or does LC get more gorgeous every season, her and Whitney. I am loving the new LC, she seems to be confident and not taking any crap from heidi. Love the way she told her off. People who believe that Heiho is innocent obviously have not watch the hills since she had that same look on her face when LC confronted her about the jen/brody hook up. She is so guilty. Spencer is a piece of shit... i am not going to waste my time on him.

We need more Whitney and less Audrina. She should not have contributed anything in the fight between LC and Heidi because simply it is none of her business.

As far as speidi less of them would be great for the sure because without the LC drama they are quite boring. I cannot wait to see LC date a bunch of guys and Jason comes back to kick spencer's ass!!!

How the hell is Ting Lee on team Speidi?

How many more times does she have to say "I adore Lauren" or talk about her cute dress?????? Are you all THAT in love with LC that a LITTLE objectivity deserves an angry tirade? Oh yeah, and fuck off with the B-Side comments, HOW OLD IS THAT TIRED COMMENT? Ting and some of the more recent staff are a hell of a lot better than some shitty replacement writers we've had to sit through in the past.

I find everyone on The Hills pretty dislikeable, but the drama is great TV. I don't feel like this show has a protagonist... they're all such whiny brats.

Lauren- I hope to GOD girls (and women that watch the show) do not see this chick as a role model. Yes, let us all hope that, after we (parents) get filthy rich, our daughters barely pass through high school and become (for two seasons) known on a reality tv show as the girl that wants to steal the other girl's boyfriend, before getting her own reality tv show where she becomes known as first, the girl that dates a scumbag, and then the girl that has crappy friends and cries about it a lot. Oh yeahhhh. I also find it hilarious that someone at the age of (what, 21??) still finds it necessary to deem one person as a "best friend". Switching best friends once a year (Lo, Jenn, Heidi, Audrina) is something that most people are done with by junior high.

Whitney- I LOVE how Heidi, who has contributed more two this show in 3 minutes than Whitney in two seasons, gets bumped up in the opening credits due to the fact that Lauren and Heidi are no longer friends. What the hell? I remember Whitney for... falling. Yup. THat's about it.

Audrina- The biggest brown-noser I have ever seen!Wasn't she friends with Heidi before LC? Methinks she saw an opportunity to grab some limelight and closed in. She is the creepiest looking girl EVER. Her eyes are SO DEAD. Honestly, you could lay her down in a casket with her eyes open, I'd bury her. She has the most ghoulish, dead-eyed, soulless (or soul-sucking) gaze on this planet.

Heidi- What is there to say that hasn't been said? Even if SHE didn't leak the sex tape rumors, its more than likely that Spencer did. This girl cannot have more than 2 braincells to rub together, and the staged scenes! Gah! Her acting is so TERRIBLE! Leave it to Speidi to do the most stagign on this "reality" tv show, but jesus, don't make it SO easy to pick out which scenes are fake. Oh yeah, good luck with that music career... BWAHA. Umm, who exactly is going to go out there and buy a CD from "Heidi Pratt". Ain't happenninnnnn!

I said it in another comment... if this season moves away from Heidi and Spencer vs. Lauren and starts going into Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney as a trio of friends, the show is OVER. The Hills season 1 was pretty boring, but season 2 was MADE by Speidi. At least give them credit for that, people. Do you actually want a show following WHITNEY AND AUDRINA around? C'mon.

Love this episode. Is it me or does LC get more gorgeous every season, her and Whitney. I am loving the new LC, she seems to be confident and not taking any crap from heidi. Love the way she told her off. People who believe that Heiho is innocent obviously have not watch the hills since she had that same look on her face when LC confronted her about the jen/brody hook up. She is so guilty. Spencer is a piece of shit... i am not going to waste my time on him.

We need more Whitney and less Audrina. She should not have contributed anything in the fight between LC and Heidi because simply it is none of her business.

As far as speidi less of them would be great for the sure because without the LC drama they are quite boring. I cannot wait to see LC date a bunch of guys and Jason comes back to kick spencer's ass!!!

I have some advice for Ting. Being super mean isn't funny...it just makes you look spiteful. Making fun of plastic surgery gets old, especially when it's not that bad. Granted, Heidi's breasts are too big, but her nosejob is fine. You may have liked her old nose better, but I can't even tell she had surgery, so it certainly isn't bad enough to elicit joke-based laughs. Overall, it's not funny to just be mean. B-Side managed to be lighthearted and witty with a focus on peoples actions and stupidity rather than on the way they look. Just a thought...

I have some advice for Ting. Being super mean isn't funny...it just makes you look spiteful. Making fun of plastic surgery gets old, especially when it's not that bad. Granted, Heidi's breasts are too big, but her nosejob is fine. You may have liked her old nose better, but I can't even tell she had surgery, so it certainly isn't bad enough to elicit joke-based laughs. Overall, it's not funny to just be mean. B-Side managed to be lighthearted and witty with a focus on peoples actions and stupidity rather than on the way they look. Just a thought...

I have some advice for Ting. Being super mean isn't funny...it just makes you look spiteful. Making fun of plastic surgery gets old, especially when it's not that bad. Granted, Heidi's breasts are too big, but her nosejob is fine. You may have liked her old nose better, but I can't even tell she had surgery, so it certainly isn't bad enough to elicit joke-based laughs. Overall, it's not funny to just be mean. B-Side managed to be lighthearted and witty with a focus on peoples actions and stupidity rather than on the way they look. Just a thought...

I have some advice for Ting. Being super mean isn't funny...it just makes you look spiteful. Making fun of plastic surgery gets old, especially when it's not that bad. Granted, Heidi's breasts are too big, but her nosejob is fine. You may have liked her old nose better, but I can't even tell she had surgery, so it certainly isn't bad enough to elicit joke-based laughs. Overall, it's not funny to just be mean. B-Side managed to be lighthearted and witty with a focus on peoples actions and stupidity rather than on the way they look. Just a thought...

I dont see how the comments about Heidis plastic surgery were mean. Bside was not always politically correct either, look at the archives of laguna beach and hills recaps.

I agree Bside cannot be replaced but he has moved on and so should we. Ting Lee is a great recapper IMO

Jesus...I certainly didn't mean to post the same message 4 times. I kept getting error messages but I guess it was successfully posting nevertheless. Sorry all!

Ting:
Great recap.
You are obviously not on team Speidi.

Looks like Lauren and the Drina got another cat.

Also there is some info on the ring on this site:
http://www.leaveumalohan.com/ I' not sure it is the correct one but it looks similar and it's pretty funny.

You know, I feel really stupid for asking this, but if that little nickname means what I think it means, how would Spencer know? I'm guessing he just picked a nickname that would be as hurtful and vulgar and embarassing as possible. Wow, and I thought he was a dick before.

details on the nickname...

http://perezhilton.com/?p=3038

Lesfull- I think what was said was whoever leaked the info about the tape claimed to have seen it and said that she had beef curtains.

I think it's pretty obvious that it was Spencer, and he was just trying to make her look as bad as possible.

I think that this recap was good. Obviously, it could be improved, but give Ting a break. I chuckled a few times, and she can only get better... I think that as we get into the season, there will be far more to comment on, especially the smaller throaway scenes and lines.

As for the show being scripted, we know they definately stage scenes, and tell Lauren and Co. what to discuss. I don't think it is a line by line thing. It makes sense from an editing perspective, because you can't have no exposition... it would be hard to know what is happening.

I DO think that the Heidi and Spencer stuff is completely staged... by them. I think that Hollywood painting was so "out there", that I could only think "Wow. He is doing this on purpose to create drama". Whether Speidi made up the drama from last season or not, they are still tools. I wouldn't want to be friends with a person who created that drama, knowingly or not.

My take on the sex tape rumors and horrible nickname- I think Spencer alone was behind that one, and that Heidi didn't have anything to do with it. And I think at the time that the first episode was aired she didn't think that Spencer had anything to do with it, therefore her reaction to LC in the club was honest. That said, of course she SHOULD have known that Spencer was the one behind it, but since she is brainwashed, she chose not to believe that. And I agree with lesfull (#45) that Spencer just added that nickname in just to make the whole thing more awful for LC. But I really think that Heidi didn't initially have anything to do with it at the time- her card to LC sounded sincere, and she took (a little) stand against Spencer by not letting him read it. However, since then, she has become a total bitch. I've read her interviews and hear her comments about Lauren, and they are all rude, but again let's remember that she is put in a trance everytime she sees Spencer's chicklet pearly whites.
Other thoughts- I, too, cannot wait for JWhal to come back and kick Spency's ass! Can't believe I'm saying that, as I HATED that guy first season.
Also, yay for the return of Lo! Love her! She's throws some good humor into the show, and doesn't take every situation so seriously like LC.
And more Whitney!!! She's the only normal one, and I loved her "No!" comment about Jackpot.
Has Lauren not learned at all? You gotta just let your friends date who they're gonna date and not interfere (unless you find out something about them that your friend doesn't already know). Must be a younger girl thing- I know she's just trying to look out for her friends, but it's an insult to their intelligence when you act as though they should know better that to date who they're dating. To each his own.
And lastly, I'm glad to see that MTV is finally letting them acknowledge the fact that they are (sort of) celebrities, and refer to the internet rumors, etc. Last season they still tried to make it seem like they weren't always being snapped by the paparazzi and stuff.
Whew, a lot to say!

Ting Lee, I think that was a good first re-cap. I completely agree with your comments...I thought you balanced it with slamming LC and Heidi fairly and then seeing both of their sides. I am definitely on team LC, but I think Heidi still has a bit of hope. Heidi seems very insecure, and is so easily influenced by Spencer. I have some hope that she will eventually see how he's affected her life negatively. It is really sad. I don't blame LC for being so direct with Heidi...someone needs to tell her that she is messing up. Generally, I think you shouldn't tell your friend that their boyfriend is awful, but since it is so extreme in this case, there would be no choice. You can't hang out with someone with such a toxic boyfriend.

How did you not mention Justin Bobby??!!