Testimonials

She asks Blah if she's ever heard of the White Tie Affair. No? Us neither, but something tells me their album's about to drop! Bosslady drones on about an event they're putting together for the lads while Blahdrina twirls her hair and lets her eyes glaze over (more) during a few subtle audio dissolves that splice together an actual sentence. Young ladies of the future business world, just so you know, this is NOT the image you want to project for success.

"Oh. Sorry, were you still talking?"

She asks Blahdrina to be her li'l slave at the event and to bring all of her rich, famous friends (and those cameras) with her. Additionally, she uses both ballet and nautical metaphors to stress the importance of Blahdrina's (impossible) focus for that night. Hooray for Blah! Another one of our young bucks gets a shot to really make it in this crazy world!

At a patisserie somewhere in the sunshine-soaked land of vapidity, Holly greets LC with fervor and pleads LC to help free her from the evil chains of the Pratt dynasty. No, no, actually she just squeals about how wonderful LC is through a plastered smile of unmoving lips and teeth. I wonder whether "I miss you, what's up?!" is code for something she doesn't want spies across the street to know about. I was going to say perhaps she's already become a Los Angeles marionette, but I guess that title already belongs to her sister and her vaudevillian-level devil of a boyfriend.

While LC does her best "Texas Housewife" impression.

When LC asks where Holls is living, she replies stammeringly about living with the jerk twins, beginning many sentences but finishing very few, presumably because all of them would end with "DEAR GOD HELP ME!" LC reacts with an appropriate amount of silent, judgmental disgust.

"I DO smell the eggs. Maybe it's me?"

Holls expresses her desire to keep their friendship intact because, like Stephanie, there's no reason her sibling's feud with her should affect THEIR friendship. Not when there's so much money and national exposure (and jobs with Joe Francis) to be gained.

Holly claims that Heidi was just talking about how sad she is about how bad everything turned out between them. Yeah, tough break, kid. LC doesn't answer. Instead, she gazes into nothingness and daydreams about her next Ralph Lauren purchase. Holly ends the lunch by saying how happy she is to be in the city and have LC's number now. Which seems funny considering that, supposedly, they're totally best friends and Holly texted LC on her PHONE to invite her to lunch. Good one, continuity.

"Perhaps Ralph would collaborate with me. We could call it... Ralph LC."

Blahdrina and Pigpen, sittin' in a tree. Eff You Cee Kay Eye Enn Gee. Pigpen's been promoted to "Blahdrina's Boyfriend" and to celebrate the occasion, he's decided to take a shower and comb his hair. Splendid! Don Juan plays all of his romance cards in one hand and compliments Blah on her dress.

"OMG he loves me! I AM GOING TO MARRY HIM!"

Instead of thanking him, she corrects him, as it is a skirt, silly. To Pigpen's credit, he doesn't even make an "easy access" joke. He may be classing up after all! Blahdrina tells him things are going really well with her roommates and that they're making an effort. "And I am too!" she laughs with an air of disbelief that perturbs me. "That's good..." Pigpen nods somewhat disappointedly.

"Damn, there go my chances at a spinoff."

He compliments her (wow, he's on a roll!) on her ability to accept people after they've fucked her over royally. "Like you?" she asks. Oooh sassy! I like this side of her. Unfortunately it only lasts so long. She asks him if he wants to come see the White Tie Affair. "The band?" he asks. No, dumbass, the event that's the evil twin of a black tie party. YES THE BAND. Some very poor voice dubs emphasize how important it would be to her if he came, which only serves to show us that he will never, in fact, come. His response is what I'd affectionately call "squirming hesitance," covered well by the manipulative line that if it's important to her, he'll be there. Which really just means that he doesn't want to go, but she's guilting him into it. Then he twitches, or perhaps winks, at her with adoration.

Later, at the LauLoBlahteau minus one Lo, Lauren debates whether to have teabags with or without caffeine.

"I don't really care, as long as it's Ballsweat-Free."

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Posted in The Hills by O. Snapp at 8:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Last Comment: uglycutie on Sep 21, 2008 09:15 PM.