Testimonials

As we can see from their easy camaraderie, the girls are getting along rather well. Otherwise we wouldn't see such totally mundane shit; we'd be seeing angry glares and silences across the tables of Hollywood nightclubs and hearing drunken declarations of Frankie's love for everyone.

Apparently, Lauren has heard of WHITE TIE AFFAIR, album in stores now!, and Blahdrina sweetly invites her to the show.

"Am I going to have to bob my head awkwardly? Because I thought we went over this."

Blahdrina mentions how she invited Pigpen and how supportive he's been, to which LC notes that he'll always be there for her in that way. Sure, sure, until some slutty redhead in a black wifebeater comes along. Then you get a Dumpster confrontation. But those are fun too.

They gab about Holly and Stephanie, and Blahdrina notes how weird it is that they've both been hanging out with LC. Yeah, hmmm, hangers-on! Beware Lauren! Sometimes they could even be living in your backyard! Upon mention of living with Spencer and Heidi, the girls trade looks of utter disgust.

"There's not enough MAC lipliner in the world..."

At the WTA show, a twitchily enthusiastic, greasy guy reminiscent of Jimmy Fallon's character in "Almost Famous," hereafter known as Charlie Walk, President of Epic Records, gathers the band and his bitches around for a group prayer to the gods of alcohol before the big show. The boys, who look like an emo version of Franz Ferdinand (which completely pains me to say, as I love FF), are fronted by a fey incarnation of Mark McGrath, whose hairstyle must have taken hours to perfectly muss.

"How about you rip this vest off me and I'll show you my four chest hairs?"

If there is anything I hate in this world (and listen, that is a LONG list, which includes unnecessary war, subway farters, cardboard on my fingernails, Sarah Palin and Heidi's plastic surgeon), it is watching people rock out on television. It makes me immeasurably uncomfortable to watch people swing their arms about disinterestedly, as in this case.

It's only okay when the rock-outer in question is holding a guitar or a mic. And even then...

"I... just wanna fly"

Peeves aside, LC shows up with Lo and Stephanie in tow, who looks especially fiendish tonight.

"Where's the drugs!"

The blondies get into the groove and even Lo annoyedly half-shimmies to the music. But as the girls realize Pigpen ain't around (how odd! Once one drama is resolved, another magically appears!), Blahdrina loses her desire to throw her hands in the air. I guess she just don't care.

Nobody does

Back at Jerkface Centrale, Holls is reading the latest Cosmo mag when Heidi bonjours in, donning a black beret and hideous of-the-shoulder rag a la "Flashdance." Honestly, the girl makes me want to vomit just by dressing herself in the morning. Heidi asks where Spencer is and it's all Holly can do to not end her "I don't know" reply with a muttering of, "... and I don't care!" As Holly casually mentions her lunch date with LC amid reports of job hunting, Heidi immediately pounces on her for this wretched betrayal, even though Holly totally told her she was going to hang out with LC.

"Don't pretend to ignore my shoulder, mon cherie. It's there, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Heidi launches into the same old routine about loyalty and actually sighs that now she has to watch what she says around Holls. Ummm why? The only reason I can think of would be in case Holly would (for some reason) go tell LC all of the details of Heidi's boring plastic life. And even then, Heidi's pretty damn cocky to think that LC still gives a fuck about what she's doing. Heidi whines about how hard everything is for her.

Literally biting her tongue.

However, Holly grinds the gears by mentioning that Lauren misses her. "I could tell," she says, just like a good meddling Jewish mother would. Back at the Roosevelt, Stephanie's in full crazy-eyes mode, chatting up a rock star with a little fetish for body modification. Sean, guitarist for the band, discusses his nipple piercings. If I had a shot to be on MTV with a band, I'd probably claim a lot of other things were pierced too.

"Ever heard of a Prince Albert?"

Stephanie leans in and confesses that she once secretly had her tongue pierced. Oooohhh, you wild lady, you! So scandalous. God, I wish this show was on HBO.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

"... but seriously, I give amazing blow jobs."

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Posted in The Hills by O. Snapp at 8:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Last Comment: uglycutie on Sep 21, 2008 09:15 PM.