"God, I'm exhausted of this nonsense."
This week's episode of The Hills seemed like it should have aired two episodes ago, was fraught with truly awful vocal overdubs and even more plot-driving reaction shots than usual. A blonde trifecta is finally wedged into place at Casa deLC and some bullshit happens between the Aryan twins. Oh, and Blahdrina's back. And no, I still don't give a shit about whatever she's yappin' about.
We begin at PR, where LC asks Whitney whether she's talked to Jay, aka Hot Aussie, lately. Whitney, her hair in week 2 of post-sex messiness, confirms that, indeed, they have been "keeping in touch." OSnapp translation: phone sex. LC smiles meekly and remarks that she's so jealous of Whitney's "fairy tale." Say huh? What kind of fairy tale is that? The beautiful princess was supposed to go out with the sweet, shy prince one night but instead got fucked up and went home with a wanna-be (albeit unbearably hot) rock star? Bunk! And where exactly do Munchkins fit into this scenario? Although we all think we know the Wicked Witch is Kelly Cutrone, she's really just a fairy godmother in a tremendously ugly carpenter's uniform... after all, she IS the one who tries to get everyone laid. Speaking of which, where the hell is MY fairy godmother?
"You should see HIS sex hair."
LC suddenly remembers (ha! That's a cute way of saying a p.a. was off-camera waving signs that say "MENTION HOLLY") that Holly is now crashing at her Blah-less chateau since she got kicked out of the Aryan Compound. What I'm wondering is why Holly doesn't... I dunno... get an apartment of her own, like a big girl? Whitney tries to warn her that things could get complicated, but does note that Holly is like Heidi without the Spencer. So... a not-yet-detestable moron? Thus begins our night of too many reaction shots and not enough actual dialogue. Natasha?
FEEL
THE RAIN
ON YOUR
SKINNNN!
At Venice Beach, Blahdrina is allowing herself to be romanced by the salty ocean air and the au natural odor of her sweet Pigpen, who has taken this opportunity to wear an ill-fitting deep V-neck shirt to show off his chest pubes. Paired with his baggy jeans and patented DoucheSwagger ™, he is downright Federline-esque. She wears an odd, strapless black top that not only highlights her tan lines, but also makes her look like she's wearing a censorship box across her tits. It's all very classy.
He talks about how she needs to make the effort to come see him more often in his neck of the woods, then suggests they take a Mexican vacation together. What, because Cabo went so well? "What, to make up for Cabo?" Blahdrina says just as I'm thinking it. I shudder to think Blah and I share the same thoughts. You know what else makes me shudder?
This tattoo. And the thought of intimacy between these two.
They chill for a sec on the beach, which Pigpen affectionately calls "Zenful." I would like to kick his Zen in the balls. They describe Blah's living situation as "tense" and "weird" and I wonder why, if she just moved out of Lo/LC's house. As Pigpen begins to explain to Blahdrina what "it's all about," I stop listening to save my own sanity and just enjoy the pretty visuals... and all the good screencaps that go with them.
FACT: Blahdrina is a fucking ZOMBIE.
Am I the only one who notices this gigantic sun is about to swallow the entire earth?
The Hunchback of Notre Dumbass.
Aww, don't they look just like Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil?
At Spence 'n' Heidi's, the lovebirds have yet another passive-aggressive fight that stems from Spencer's offer to go out to the movies. Heidi doesn't want to, she has far too much in her life to make pinker, seeing as she's wearing a pink tank, pink sweater and sunburned/overblushed face. And don't forget the Malibu Barbie lip gloss!
"I can't wait until we're 40 and having this exact same fight, but about our kids."
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Comments (8)
O.Snapp, you have done it again! The re-cap was the best part of this weeks episode.
Why were Heidi and Spencer so mad about Holli moving in with LC??? They kicked her out, why should they care who she lives with.
And everytime I look at Heidi's face, I want to go grocery shopping. Of course I want plastic instead of paper! duh!!
I do hope that Whitney finds her comb and flat iron before its to late.
And last, but not least....What kind of present is a white tee from the GAP??
1 of 8 | Posted by FatGirlsRule | Posted on November 19, 2008 6:34 AM
how long is this show going to go on? it has no substance and nothing interesting happens on it at all. oh what most of america enjoys shows that fit that description.
all the people on this show are vapid, ignorant, mean and about as interesting as tan paint, drying. that pretty much fits the description of anyone under the age of 25.
i no longer can watch the show, but i still get a kick out of the snarky recaps. so o-snapp you are none of the above, thanks for bringing a little happy to my day.
2 of 8 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on November 19, 2008 9:04 AM
I'm not buying it either. Someone get counseling for this lady stat!Audrina nooooooooooooo are you crazy?
The recap was very entertaining very much unlike the show; horrible editing, vioce overs, silence.
Your exactly right, Men show themselves right away and women can take it or leave it. Women, be choosey! Dear Lord Amen
3 of 8 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on November 19, 2008 9:55 AM
O.Snapp...you rock! I laughed out loud at this recap. My fiance watched this show for the first time with me this past episode and he made two astute observations...1) He said "Why does that guy (Justin Bobby) dress like a homeless person?" and 2) How much of this is actual show and how much is commercials with those two annoying people (the aftershow)? Both of which are unfortunately true seeing as how JB does dress like a bum and the "show" is about 12 minutes long with 22 minutes of commercials. Needless, to say he wasn't a huge fan. My favorite part of the night was when there was a knock on the Speidi's door and Heidi-ho looked up like "I wonder who is here, I don't have any friends so...?"
4 of 8 | Posted by Yanksfan24 | Posted on November 19, 2008 12:15 PM
The fact that you were able to work Vigo the Carpathian into a Hills recap makes you my television recap GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 of 8 | Posted by heathie66 | Posted on November 19, 2008 1:44 PM
Heidi got her job back. I wonder if she spit or swallowed.....hmmmmmm.
6 of 8 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on November 19, 2008 6:26 PM
I enjoyed the recap. Thanks.
I agree with Reckless that nothing interesting is happening on "The Hills". Lauren has let her show be taken over by Heidi and Spencer and their fake relationship and Audrina and Justin Bobby and their fake relationship. It's kind of sad becaue Lauren and Lo are likable enough but I guess they are kind of bland and the show's producers want drama and gossip first and foremost. I have tired of Heidi and Spencer and Audrina and Justin Bobby and their famewhore ways which has worked out perfectly for them. This show needs some new blood and scriptwriting.
7 of 8 | Posted by Skylar | Posted on November 23, 2008 9:00 AM
Heidi got her fake job back? I am so over this show!
8 of 8 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on November 25, 2008 6:46 AM